The Un-Apparent Heir: A Royal Family Saga Romance (Spare Change Book 4)

13. Moving On

Sanne lost her mother five weeks to the day after her son was born, but that wasn’t her greatest challenge. She never said goodbye to her mother. Instead, she held her hand as she slipped away. A drunk driver took a beloved mother, a grandmother, and a wife far too soon. And there was nothing Sanne could do but watch her mother scream, her sister sob, and her niece try to grapple with death for the first time. She could only hold her baby and hope things got better.

While Robbie and Natalie could not attend the celebration of life that Sanne and her sister planned for Hannah, the rest of the family did. George and Patrick were as present as ever. They helped with the children while Linnea and Sanne made arrangements. Vanna held Elisabeth’s hand. Ed did whatever he could to assist. Kiersten and Olav flew in from Norway. They entertained Sanne’s mother, giving her yet another set of people to translate. Elisabeth faded into her mother tongue off and on, as if unable to cope or keep things straight. Kiersten and her Norwegian fiancé became invaluable in translation.

A week later, everyone left. Again, the silence was deafening. Sanne was left with a new baby in her home country. Paul was on borrowed time. And all Sanne wanted to do—needed to do—was take care of her mother, sister, and niece. The pull to return to London wore on her. No one asked for this—yet, she knew it was implicit they should not remain in the U.S. Still, it was hard to believe Robbie would ask them to return knowing what it was like to lose a parent at a similar age and with a young child.

When the call came, Paul had to return.

For the longest time since he was born, Sanne left Keir with her mother to drive Paul to the airport. Driving home, she cried the entire way. Paul would be gone for a few days. He needed to arrange for them to stay in the U.S. long enough to wrap things up. Sanne didn’t want to return.

When she returned from dropping him, she attached Keir to her body like a barnacle. She was unwilling to let him go. This continued for a day. Paul met with his father, said very little, and planned to head back to his wife and child.

“You cannot just stay like this all day, Sanne,” Elisabeth said.

Sanne sat on the family room couch, holding Keir close as ever.

“I must leave him again to get Paul?—”

“No. I called George. He and Patrick are getting him home.”

“He’s supposed to call me with arrival instructions. I don’t even know what that means. We cannot?—“

“Come. Put the baby in the sling. Let’s go,” Elisabeth said in her mother tongue.

“Where?”

“To the beach. Let’s walk.”

Sanne groaned.

“Sanne, come on. The baby needs some sunshine. The day is almost gone. Let’s go.”

They walked down to the beach, baby strapped to Sanne in his carrier. He slept as they walked through the sand in the late-day sun.

“Sanne, you must go back eventually. You cannot stay here forever,” Elisabeth said.

“I just… I miss home like crazy when I go over there. I miss you. And I feel like if I leave, I will just… forget…”

“Your mom?”

Sanne felt tears bubbling.

“You hate to cry. Mom would want you to cry. Let it out. Who are you worried about? Me? I have cried more than ever in my life, Sanne.”

“I did cry when I dropped Paul at the airport. And… I want to cry, but I am struggling to. I keep holding the baby and praying I will wake up and everything will be fine.”

“Oh, Sanne, min skat, you will be fine. Mom wants you to live. She needs you to live—you and Linny are the best thing we ever did. You have so much of your mom’s determination in you. She’d hate to see you hiding in the house like this. It’s not normal. It’s not you. Last I heard, you loved your new job.”

“It’s good, but I don’t feel like being on right now.”

“I don’t think anyone is asking that last I checked.”

“We just… we spread her ashes and… I feel like we now must move on like it never happened. But every day, Mamma, I look out across the kitchen after making coffee and wish she was there, coming to bother me or complain about something. Oh, I miss her. Life just is not the same.”

Elisabeth wrapped her arm around Sanne’s shoulders. “It never will be. But we must move on. Grieve the loss and move on.”

“How?”

“Sanne, you just had a baby. He is so precious. Go out, show him the world, and live. His mother cannot be a recluse. She never was. Your mother loved this little boy so much. She’d want him to be shared with the world, not hidden away.”

“She barely knew him.”

“She knew him very well. She talked about him nonstop after we got back. Sanne, the grandkids were her world. That includes Keir. She thought everything of him—and you and Paul. She was always so proud of you. Be the woman she wanted you to be able to be. Be the mother who stands up for what’s right. Do that and your mother will rest easy.”

“What will you do?” Sanne asked.

“I haven’t decided yet. I will sometime. I’m not ready to make any plans.”

Sanne nodded. They listened to the waves lapping, their toes in the sand. It felt good. It felt like home. Sanne looked back over her shoulder towards the walk to her parents’ house.

“It’s almost like she’s gonna come down here any time.”

“I know,” Elisabeth chuckled. “I hear her laugh sometimes. I swear I can. I expect to look up and see her. And then? I miss her. But I luxuriate in the memory of her laugh. I worry someday I might not.”

Sanne teared up. “Me, too.”

They walked down the beach a bit. The baby fussed. Sanne did her best to latch him in the sling. That was a new skill she hadn’t quite nailed.

“Here,” Elisabeth held the baby’s head, gently positioning him. “There you are. He knows what to do now.”

And he did.

“You must trust he will grow up as he needs to, Sanne. And that you will, too. The thing about being a parent is, you are progressively teaching them to live by themselves. It sometimes hurts as they grow because you feel like you lose a little bit of them. Then, someday, you wake up and look at the grown-up they have become, and you can only swell with pride. Life goes fast. Each stage is challenging. Today, it’s just getting him to latch. I swear tomorrow he will be off to school. Don’t waste it by sheltering here. You have a husband and a life to live. Make the best of it.”

Sanne wiped tears and nodded. “I just want him to stay this little and precious forever.”

“You will but he won’t. No matter what you do. And if you spend your life worrying about a stage ending, you’ll never enjoy the one you’re in, min skat.”

Sanne looked towards the house to see a face. Paul stood waving.

“Well, Pappa has returned!” Elisabeth patted the baby’s head. “That was fast.”

“He hasn’t slept at all,” Sanne said. “God, why did he do this?”

“I think because he’d rather sleep here with you two than alone back in London. Sanne, he only wants to support you as best he can. Of course, he turned right around.”

They returned. Paul’s face wasn’t happy. He was in shock and putting on a brave face. He gave Sanne a quick kiss and exchanged small talk with Elisabeth.

“Why don’t you two catch up? Take a walk. I’ll change the barnebarn,” Elisabeth doted.

“Oh… okay,” Sanne handed the baby and his sling over.

Elisabeth took him inside and Paul stared, unsure what to say.

“Let’s walk. The fresh air will do me good.”

“How did you get home?” Sanne asked, taking his hand and following him down the way.

“Security escort with George. And they’re going to continue following us.”

Sanne turned back to see PPOs.

“But we don’t get them. Why now? Is there a threat?”

“I didn’t ask for them. I didn’t want them. I didn’t have a choice.”

Confused, Sanne followed Paul to shore. Paul sat, toes in the water. Sanne joined. They sat, looking over the waves. The sun continued to dip below the clouds. Paul squeezed Sanne’s hand.

“Sanne, I love you. And I’m so sorry. I am broken up over Hannah. I know you want to stay here. I know you need to be back here and you hate London?—”

“I don’t hate it.”

“It’s not your place. It’s not mine. I was hoping, selfishly, that we could move here, stay here. And… we can momentarily, but… this is not a long-term thing. And life is forever changed.”

“Well, yes. Loss and a baby?—”

“Loss like you would not believe,” Paul’s voice was spacey.

Sanne looked at him, waiting for what he said next on pins and needles.

“Sanne, my love, I have dreadful news. And I can only blame myself for how you will feel.”

“What? Paul, just fucking say it.”

“Natalie and Ed will never have children. They all wanted to wait to tell us this until Keir was older. They didn’t want to give this news now—not like this—but it was why travelling with Keir was forbidden and why if I’m here, Natalie cannot be.”

“What do you mean? How does that?—”

“I’m now Natalie’s heir.”

Sanne was confused. “Okay, so what does that have to do with Keir?”

“Sanne, Keir will be king someday. You will be queen someday. I will be king someday depending on how it works. I don’t want this—more than anything—but Keir will be king. And, thus, everything changes—for him and us.”

Sanne stared off into the waves, his words falling on her like another grief bomb. She was trapped and lonelier than ever. How would they make this work? This was not how she saw her life.

“When I fell in love with you,” Sanne said. “I never?—”

“I know. And I never wanted this. Dad and Natalie never wanted this.”

“Fuck. No children. Never?”

Paul shook his head.

“How is that possible?”

“Ed can’t have children. And Natalie is going to stick by him. I feel terrible for them. We have so much joy with the baby. He makes me so happy. To never feel that… is awful. It makes my whinging feel small. I’m angry. I’m so fucking angry—for everyone.”

“But especially Keir.”

“Yes.”

Sanne squeezed Paul’s hand. “Thank you for trying to fight for us, Paul. I know you will always have our best interest in mind. I… I don’t know what to do. I need time to process this, but… your family is trying.”

“They are. It is the inflexible trying you loathe most.”

“Paul, I just want us to all be happy. And right now, dealing with loss in the biggest way… I cannot be upset. Natalie and Ed cannot have a baby. Your father is dealing with giving you the worst possible news. It sucks for all of us.”

Paul nodded. “I wouldn’t mind if you needed to take some time to think about?—”

“Think about what?”

Paul shrugged.

“Paul, you and Keir are the best things in my life right now. Leaving you at the airport killed me. I may not feel at home in London, but… I will learn to love it given time. I don’t want to be apart from you. I haven’t since the day you called me and told me to move to London on a lark. I haven’t since we sat on this beach and promised one another we’d always try. And… Paul, I love you more than words. I cannot leave you. Never say that!”

Sanne sobbed. Tears poured. The floodgates opened.

“I want to stand by you because Keir needs us both. And it’s not the life I imagined, but… this isn’t the life Mamma imagined—or Linny. We will learn to love our new life eventually.”

“I am not fit to be a monarch.”

“Who is? Natalie said the same thing, didn’t she? But could you imagine anyone more perfect?”

“Not really.”

“We will learn to love one another even in the face of this uncertainty because I’ve never wanted to share my life with anyone else. I have never loved anyone else. Anyone apart from my flesh and blood, Paul. I want to grow old with you—to get what Mamma didn’t have and what Mom was robbed of. Please don’t talk like that.”

Paul wrapped his arm around her. “I promise you I will do everything within my power then. Everything. I was so worried this was the end.”

“Paul, I love you. The end will be when we are old, grey, and tired. Until then, I am yours and you are mine,” Sanne said.

From the Desk of the Princess of Wales-

It with great sadness we announce we end our year having survived great loss. While we lost those near and dear to us this year, we also ended a journey we never saw coming. At the beginning of the year, we embarked on something many couples do. After facing fertility challenges, we sought the help of a physician to help us realise the dream of parenthood.

Unfortunately, after complications and failed treatments, we were unable to conceive. The family we envisioned for ourselves included children and a loud house. Unfortunately, that will not be the case for us. Many couples end their journey with a baby or two. However, many couples do not reach that milestone. That is the unfortunate end of our story. While it is painful and feels uncomfortable to talk about it, not acknowledging our loss feels wrong.

We are open on this topic, but we ask that people stop asking when the Princess will conceive. We will not be having children. Instead, we have been blessed with a nephew and two wonderful nieces. We have godsons. Our legacy will live on in our public service and the children who light up our lives—even if they are not our own.

As such, we will continue to do the work and provide service to Britons. The Princess will return to her job as a flight trainer at RAF Valley at the request of Air Marshall Staver due to the extreme training shortage. There, she will continue to help men and women learn to fly the F-35 alongside some American aviators. She will also continue to travel to engagements. The Duke will continue to work hard at engagements, staying with her in their cottage near the air station.

With the support and love of our families and our shared passion for service, we will find the meaning next year that we struggled with this year. There has been loss, but also light for the future. As we wrap up our year, we give thanks for new family members, like Prince Keir, and stay grateful that we have one another.

-Their Royal Highnesses The Princess of Wales and the Duke of Cornwall