Chapter Thirty-Eight
It’s been almost two weeks since Grey carried me out of that basement.
“I miss him. I know he’s right there; he’s not going anywhere. But I miss him all the same,” I admit to Amy who is sitting across from me in a large chair with her legs crossed under her.
“Have you shared any details with him yet?” The way she gets down to the point is something I will never tire of.
“I know he’s not leaving me, but what if it’s too much for him?” I stare down as I wring my hands in my lap.
“Have you shared any details with your friends?” she challenges. She already knows how close Hadley, Kat and I are from Hadley’s sessions and from the visit we had at Hadley’s old house.
“They know that it was a client. I mean they all know it was a client, that’s how Grey found me.” I sigh.
“How about a compromise to get your feet wet, so to speak?” She raises a brow at me. “Tell them something. Anything that you want to eventually tell Greyson.”
“I’ll try.” I sigh
I leave our session determined to make some sort of progress. Knowing if I don’t share with someone soon I’m going to become a shell of the person I once was and I refuse to let them win. I refuse to not survive this. Reaching for the pocket on my leg, I slide my phone out and unlock it, looking for the group chat.
Ryan
Can we meet somewhere? I’m not sure if Mud House is the right place but I need to talk to you both.
Pickle
Hadley and Connor’s? I’ve been dying to sit around the fire pit.
Hadley
I’m home, come on over. Do we want drinks?
A smile pulls at my lips as I type out the words.
Ryan
A bottle of wine, but what will you two have?
I pull up to Hadley and Connor’s place and grin when I see Pickle and Hadley waiting for me on the front steps. Stepping out of the car, I face them, thankful that they’re still willing to drop everything for me even though I haven’t been up for anything since I got home.
“Hi,” is all I manage before the tears start streaming down my face.
“Baby girl, it’s ok. We’re here.” I hear Pickle’s voice growing near and I freeze. “I’m not going to touch you. It’s ok.” Her voice is so gentle it nearly breaks me.
“Let’s go into the back yard. I decided to be fancy and threw together a charcuterie board.” Hadley sounds giddy.
I laugh through the tears and step toward the house.
Once we are seated in the backyard around a fire pit that Hadley had way too much fun lighting, I take a sip of my wine and look between my two friends.
“I haven’t been able to talk to Grey about this.” I take a deep breath before continuing, “Amy suggested I talk to you two first to break the ice.”
“You can talk to us about anything.” Pickle’s genuine smile warms my heart.
Hadley nods next to her in agreement.
“I don’t know how much I’ll be able to share at once, but I’ll start from the beginning.” I bring the glass of wine to my lips and take a long pull. “I didn’t recognize her when she came to my car window. I thought I was just in the way of the road. I didn”t realize I was being targeted.” I spend the next hour going over as many details of the events that happened to me that I can handle.
Once I’ve finished what I can stand to share, I look up at them realizing I haven’t made eye contact during the entire time I”ve been speaking.
“I’m proud of you.” Hadley smiles at me, her face streaked with tears.
“I love you, Ry.” Pickle’s voice cuts through my inner thoughts.
“I love you both,” I say on an exhale.
We sit in silence for a while before Connor comes out to check on us. I raise my brow at him in question.
“OK, yes. He texted me. He thought you were going to the studio after you left therapy and your phone pinged you here.” Connor shakes his head. “You scared the shite out of him, kid.”
I nod, knowing that Grey is probably panicking. I stand and say my goodbyes before excusing myself and racing out the front door to my car. I pull out my phone before I start the engine.
Ryan
I’m sorry, Amy had me do homework. If I didn’t do it right away, I would have chickened out. I’m heading your way now.
Before he has time to respond I send another message.
Ryan
I love you, Grey.
The drive to the shop doesn’t take long at all with traffic being light. When I park in front, Grey steps out to greet me before I even open the car door. I giggle, shaking my head as I exit the car.
“Kitten,” he greets me with the pet name. He takes a step forward, pausing to avoid startling me. I step closer to him, closer than I have since he brought me home. I inhale his scent, but as much as I want to feel his warmth on me, I can’t.
“I’m sorry, I needed to do it before I lost my nerve.” I pause looking up at him from under my dark lashes. “Can we talk when we get home?”
“Whatever you need, beautiful. You don’t need to be sorry, as long as you’re ok.” His lips turn down.
“I can’t tell you everything yet, but I want to try.” I gingerly raise my hand to his chest, placing just my fingertips against him. His breath hitches as I continue. “I want to be ok, I need us to be ok.”
“Baby, we’re ok. We’ll get through anything.” His breathing is still ragged, “I really want to kiss you, so before I move too quickly, I’m gonna go back inside. Come on.”
I pause for a moment to watch him. I whimper softly to myself, enjoying the sight of him.
Fuck me, I need to figure my shit out.