Chapter Twelve
Dallas
My mind and my feelings were at odds with each other and had been since the moment I saw Colter.
So, becoming his friend and letting nature take its course was enough for now.
My days off and Colter’s coincided this week and after what happened to Scottie a few days ago, most of us littles were choosing to stay home, in our home, where we were safe.
Safe to be who we were without fear.
Colter liked to play with the bigger Legos, the ones in pastel colors. The tinier ones hurt the pads of his fingers. Fine by me as long as I got to play with my new friend.
Still, as we played, there was more. We shared looks. Longing glances that lasted more than a few seconds. When we touched, we would both suck in a quick breath. I lived for his smiles and his laugh. They caressed parts of me that had gone dormant without a daddy for so long.
We’d built a small castle and left it on display. Colter was so proud of that little castle. We moved to the table where I colored a picture of a beach scene while Colter put together a wooden puzzle. I noticed he put every piece in slowly, taking his time. Some of the other littles were in the playroom, too, but Colter stuck close to me.
“What cartoons do you like?” I asked, breaking the silence. The quiet between us was comfortable, but I wanted to get to know him better.
“I haven’t watched cartoons in a long time. I like movies. Ponyo is my favorite. What kind do you like?”
He always seemed eager to learn more about me. His eagerness didn’t help me not cross this line in the sand between playmate and more. Since he’d moved in, we shared meals. Playtimes. We were learning more about each other, and a connection was there. What it was, I was still investigating.
“I like Trash Truck and Little Bear ,” I told him. “I’m not a fan of the new cartoons. They are too fast moving. Makes me anxious. I like the old movies better than the new ones, too. I know that’s weird.”
“Don’t say that. Everyone has their preferences. I’ve never seen Trash Truck . Is it about a trash truck?”
We talked for a while about my love for cartoons and his for movies. We agreed that one day we would watch each other’s favorites. Spending more time with Colter was a win for me.
“Do you ever want to go to Chained again?” Colter asked while we were putting away our playthings for the night. We’d decided on grilled cheese triangles and sweet potato tots for dinner. I was the best at making the little grilled cheese, if I did say so myself. “Do you think about going?”
“I do. But after what happened to Scottie, I’m not sure. What about you? Are you thinking about going?”
Colter nodded. “I am. I…I really want to try and see that daddy again.”
“Which one?” I asked. I already knew which one. Ari. The daddy who now joined Colter in my fantasies and even my dreams.
“Ari. The one who helped Scottie.”
A streak of jealousy shot through me. I wanted Colter and I to be together. It didn’t make any sense in my head. We were littles. Littles needed daddies.
Didn’t change my feelings.
Somehow, Colter and I were destined for something different.
“Right.” I got hold of myself. “He was cute.”
“He was. And nice. He was at Chained, so I was hoping I might see him again.” Colter’s cheeks flushed, and mine did in return. We finished cleaning and went to the kitchen together. I took out the makings for the sandwiches while he put the tots in the air fryer.
Colter was trying to find Ari. A daddy who called to him. No little could fault him for that. We all wanted to find our daddy—our partner for at least the little side of our life, or maybe, if we were lucky, all of it.
If I cared for Colter, and I did, then I would help him. “What if I went with you?”
“You want to go with me to Chained? I wanted to ask you, but I don’t know. I got all in my head.”
Shoot. I hope I hadn’t overstepped. I felt so guilty being jealous and wondering why he was pursuing someone else when I was right there in front of him. Wanting him. Waiting for him to choose me.
“I thought with what has happened with Scottie, you might want a wingman? A buffer? Safety in numbers and all that?”
Everything I said came out as a question. Trying to make it all make sense.
“You know, that’s a great idea. The daddy said he’d like to see us again. Did you want to go tonight? It’s Thursday, and he said he likes it there on Thursdays? We have time to get dressed after we eat and get over there.”
He was eager. So cute. So damned cute.
“Sure. That sounds good.”
If I couldn’t have Colter as a love interest, then I would help him find his own. He was a good person. Hardworking. Smart. Kind. Sweet. He deserved someone who treated him well and made his chest warm the way he made mine warm.
We dressed for the club and packed a bag in case we wanted to change into our little-wear. When he came out of his room, his smell took me by surprise. Gods, he smelled like a blanket I wanted to wallow in.
His lips beckoned me, and I wondered what just one kiss would feel like.
I would never know.
“You look great,” I said. Friends said things like that. Playmates complimented each other, right?
“Thanks. You look good too. Shall we go?”