These Wicked Desires (Fates #3)

3. Ellis

Ellis

I wish I could repeat that night over and over again. Everything about it was perfect. Being able to finally be with all three of my guys was beyond my wildest dreams. I know we have so much to deal with, but I can’t wait for it to all be over so we can repeat everything that happened last night.

Unfortunately, the next day the guys return to battle mode. I’ve spent the past two days manifesting my wings and making them disappear. Sterling wants me to be able to do it in the blink of an eye. Right now, it takes me about five seconds of closing my eyes and imaging it in my mind. It’s mentally exhausting, and by the end of each practice session, my brain is mush.

“Can we take a break?” I ask, shoulders sagging. Sweat coats my skin, and my tank top clings to me uncomfortably. When Sterling nods, I heave a sigh of relief.

“You’re doing better,” he says, unsticking a curl from my neck. “You just have to keep practicing. And once you have it down, I want you to practice shifting while fighting or under high stress situations.”

I stare at him and blink. Just thinking about that makes me want to cry. I’ve never been so exhausted in my life. Even with the boxing Allie and I used to do, I never experienced this bone deep weariness. It goes further than just muscle. My brain is just as worn out.

He wraps me in his arms, and I let myself collapse against him, not even caring about my sweatiness. “I’m proud of you, by the way,” he murmurs.

When was the last time someone said they were proud of me? His words make my throat burn with unshed tears. “Not a lot to be proud of,” I mumble.

He scoffs. “Seriously? You know pups take forever to get the shifting thing down. Many of them end up stuck in their wolf form for months at a time until they can shift back. You learned really quickly. Granted, you're not a full shifter, but that's impressive nonetheless.”

He kisses the top of my head and I melt a little bit inside. “Sterling?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think it would be easier to deal with Sam if Noah was out of the picture?”

He stiffens but doesn’t pull away. “Why do you ask?”

“If Sam knows we’re coming back for Gracie, don’t you think he’ll be prepared by getting Noah involved? If we have to go against Sam and Noah at the same time …” I leave the rest unsaid. He’ll understand the threat that presents.

Sterling sighs and rubs my back. “It’s a possibility. But …”

“But you don’t know if you want to challenge him?” I pull away enough to glance at him. His blue eyes are shadowed and he won’t quite meet my gaze. “Sterling.”

He drops his arms and I immediately miss his closeness. “I do,” he says quietly. “I want to take my place as alpha. I want to save my family. But I can’t.” His stubble scratches as he rubs a hand down his face.

“Why not? We’ve accepted the bond, so that’s not an issue anymore. I know Cade and Kai would be okay with it. All any of us want is for you to be happy. So why can’t you?”

He turns away, and I know I shouldn’t push him. Cade’s words come back to me, that Sterling tends to handle his personal stuff alone, but I won’t let him do that. Not now that we’re mates. If he doesn’t take his place as alpha, there will always be a part of him that will regret it. And I don’t want that to happen.

I grab his hand and force him to stop. “Sterling, talk to me. Please.”

His shoulders sag and when I walk around to face him, his eyes are squeezed shut. “I can’t become alpha without my brother. As soon as Cole was born, my wolf knew he was going to be my beta. There is no one else I’d want at my side helping me lead the pack. Without him, I can’t do it.”

Oh. I bite my lip, hesitating. This is a delicate situation, and I don’t want to do or say anything to upset Sterling. “Have you tried to talk to him?” I ask quietly, gently squeezing his hand.

“No.” His silver hair glints in the setting sun as he shakes his head. “And he won’t talk to me even if I tried.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Ellis, but it’s just not going to happen.” The defeated tone of his voice cracks me open. I open my mouth to argue but he cuts me off. “I’m going to go for a run. It’s been awhile and my wolf is getting antsy.”

I step back, letting my hand drop to my side. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t upset me, kitten.” He cups my cheek and leans in for a quick kiss. “It’s just a lot to think about.” He scans my face and must see something he doesn’t like, because he pulls me in for a hug. “Hey, I mean it. You did nothing wrong. Now, I’m going to let my wolf out for a bit. Cade and Kai are in town still, but should be back soon. I’ll be on the mountain, and the wards will keep you safe. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

He kisses my forehead before stepping away and stripping out of his sweats. I take a moment to admire him, because who the hell wouldn’t? Naked Sterling is impressive. He winks at me before shifting. It’s so seamless and smooth. One second he’s human, the next he’s a wolf.

“I hate how easy you make that look,” I mutter. Kneeling down I run my hands through his thick fur. “Hey Fluffy. What’s up?”

Fluffy gives me a tail wag and licks the side of my face. I swear I can hear Sterling grumbling about me calling his wolf Fluffy.

“Go run,” I say, pressing a kiss to the top of his nose before standing.

I watch the wolf disappear into the trees, worrying my bottom lip. Sterling really needs to make amends with his brother. I know I shouldn’t get involved, but something in me tells me if I don’t, nothing will ever get better between them. I know what it’s like to lose a sibling, and I don’t want that for him. Decision made, I grab his sweats from the ground and fish out his phone. Drew’s number is saved, and I hit dial without giving myself a chance to change my mind.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Drew asks after the third ring.

“Actually, it’s Ellis, not Sterling.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. No? Maybe. I need your help with something.”

The sound of a door closing and footsteps up a set of stairs echo from the phone. “What do you need?”

“Can you take me to see Sterling’s brother?”

A pause on the other end, then, “What the hell for?”

“I need to talk to him. Both of them need to get their heads out of their asses and have a conversation like the adults they are.”

“I’m guessing Sterling doesn’t know you’re calling me about this,” Drew drawls.

“You guess correctly.”

“Annnd I’m also guessing Cade and Kai don’t know?”

“Um, also correct.”

“No. Not a chance in hell I’m taking you from that cabin without them knowing. Ellis, they would murder me and there would be nothing left of my body for anyone to find. Not happening.”

“Drew, please. This is important. Sterling said he won’t challenge Noah unless Cole is his beta.” Silence on the other end gives me a slight bit of hope. “I know you agree with me that Sterling needs to take back control of the pack.”

“Of course I agree with you on that. I just don’t agree with how you’re going about making it happen. Why can’t Sterling do this on his own? He’s a big boy.”

“But he’s really not,” I grouse. “I tried to talk to him and he shut me down. He’s stubborn, and he won’t do this because he thinks what Cole believes is right. In Sterling’s eyes, he’ll never be able to make things up to earn Cole’s trust and forgiveness.”

“But me taking you to see him without any of the guys knowing is not the way to do this.”

I’m silent because I don’t know what else to say. He’s right. I know he is. But I also know that I need to do this. It’s something in my gut. Something screaming at me that this needs to happen.

Drew sighs. “If I don’t take you you’ll go on your own, won’t you.”

My response is silence, because yes. Yes, I will go on my own if he doesn’t take me.

“Fuck me,” Drew mutters. “When?”

My heart lurches. “Now?”

Another heavy sigh. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

“I hope you realize by doing this, I have officially signed my own death warrant,” Drew says as he drives his small SUV down the mountain.

“I’d like to say quit being so dramatic, but knowing those guys, you’re probably right.”

Drew snorts. “Gee, you’re really making me feel like I made the right decision here.” Sarcasm laces his words heavily, and I roll my eyes.

The ride is bumpy until we turn off onto the road, and then I distract myself with the view out the window. From the moment I hung up with Drew, my stomach has been tumbling. Nervous energy courses through my body and I can’t sit still. I have no idea if we will be back before the guys get home, and if we’re not, I’m going to be in serious trouble.

“Can I trust Cole?” I ask, forcing my thoughts away from the inevitable consequences of my actions. “Like, can I tell him we’re staying at the cabin? He won’t run off to Noah will he?”

Drew shakes his head. “You can trust him. He may be angry and hotheaded, but he’s a wolf. Family always comes first. No matter what. Besides, if something happened to Sterling, it would destroy their mom and Cole would never do that to her.”

“Where is Noah tonight? How much time will I be able to talk with Cole?” I ask, fidgeting with the hem of my tank top.

“Noah’s not on pack lands tonight, luckily. And since no one on pack lands will know who you are, we can park in Shari’s driveway. Everyone knows I visit them occasionally, so it won’t be out of the ordinary to see me there.”

“Fate,” I mutter. The surety in my gut intensifies knowing Noah will be gone tonight. This is what I’m supposed to do. Maybe this is part of my job as a harpy. Maybe getting Sterling back in the pack as alpha is one of the ways I’m supposed to help balance things. It sure would be nice if this harpy shit came with a manual, but my gut feelings will have to do.

Drew pulls up to the house and my nerves intensify. Golden light spills from the windows onto the porch. As welcoming as it looks, I know my reception will not be that warm. At least not from Cole.

“Do you want me to come in?” Drew asks as he cuts the engine.

“Umm …” I hesitate. I don’t really want him there for the conversation with Cole, but his presence would be comforting.

“How about I hang out on the roof and keep watch,” he offers.

“That would be great. Thanks.”

I climb out of the car and head for the front porch. I hear the flap of wings before talons scrape along the shingles. Taking a deep breath, I knock on the door. Here we go.

The door opens and Shari gasps. “Ellis! What are you doing here? Is Sterling okay?”

“He’s fine,” I assure her. “I’m actually here to talk to Cole.”

She frowns but ushers me inside. “Have a seat. Would you like something to eat or drink?”

“I’m good, thank you.” Before I can take a seat she grabs my hand.

“Is he doing okay?” Her eyes shine with unshed tears and my heart aches for her.

“He is. I promise. He misses you, though.”

A tear spills over and her lips wobble. “Luna, I miss him too.” She shakes herself, quickly wiping away the tear. “Sit, Ellis. I’ll get Cole down here.”

I perch on the edge of the couch and pull out my phone, checking the time. No new messages or calls. Still good.

Shari returns with a tray of cookies, their delicious scent wafting ahead of her. She sets them on the coffee table and studies me. “He’ll be right down. Is this something I need to leave the room for?”

“You don’t have to, but it might be hard for you to hear some of the things I need to say.” I don’t plan on telling Cole the entirety of Sterling’s story. But I will tell him my story, and Sterling’s role in my story hasn’t been sunshine and roses.

She nods and straightens her spine before taking a seat next to me on the couch. Sterling wasn’t lying when he said his mom was a strong woman. Footsteps sound on the stairs and I take a page from Shari’s book. I straighten my shoulders and raise my chin. I can be just as stubborn as Sterling, and I won’t walk away until Cole has at least heard what I have to say.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Cole growls as he walks into the living room.

“Cole!” Shari admonishes. “Sit down. Ellis says she wants to talk to you.”

“What could she possibly have to say that I’ll want to hear?” He crosses his arms over his broad chest. He has the same physical structure as his older brother, but instead of silver hair, his is black, like his mom’s. A full beard covers the lower half of his face, and makes his blue eyes even more startling.

“Cole, so help me, if you don’t sit your ass down and listen to Ellis …” Shari gives Cole a look that I store away for use later. It may come in handy with three stubborn guys.

Cole sighs and sits on the chair, crossing his arms again and staring at me with such hate I almost change my mind. He raises one brow impatiently and I quickly gather my thoughts.

“Here’s the deal,” I begin, clasping my hands in my lap to hide their shaking. “I want to tell you to take the fucking stick out of your ass and talk to your brother, but I know better than to do that.” Indeed, he’s already stiffening, gaze shuttering as he prepares to stand and walk away. “Instead, since neither you nor Sterling will put on your big girl panties, I’m going to tell you my story in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, it will make you realize your brother is not the enemy.”

He snorts, but he relaxes in the chair. I almost wished he would have gotten up and left. Then I wouldn’t have had to do this. I wouldn’t have had to open myself up and tell these people about my life and the horrors I’ve endured. I swallow down my fear and push forward.

“When I was sixteen, my entire life came to an end. My mom and sister were murdered in my home. I hid, and somehow survived, only to find out years later it was Sterling who kept me safe that night. He was there with Noah Martin to carry out Noah’s orders to kill me, my mom, and sister. But Sterling smelled me as soon as he walked into the house and knew I was his mate.”

Shari gasps, but I ignore her. I can’t look at her reaction. I can’t see her sympathy or sadness. It will crumple me.

“I was raised by Thomas Kennedy and when I turned twenty-three, I started dating Sam Morris, a prominent mage in Thomas’s company.” My throat tries to close so I swallow and shut my eyes so I don’t have to see anyone while I admit this darkest secret of mine. “After two years with Sam, I found out he was only dating me to get into Thomas’s good graces. When I tried to leave, he turned into a monster. I spent the next two years being raped and beaten by the man I was supposed to marry.”

The room is so quiet I can hear my heart pounding in my chest. The couch dips slightly, like Shari wants to reach out to me, but she doesn’t. And I’m glad. I can’t handle anyone’s touch while I tell this story.

“Thomas creating the contest was the best thing that ever happened to me. Malakai, Cade, and Sterling saved me from a fate I can’t even contemplate.” I open my eyes and my gaze lands on Cole. His expression is unreadable as he studies me. “There is a lot that has happened since then, but the part I want you to know about is Sterling’s role in my story.”

I take a deep breath and relax. This is easier. Talking about my mate, even though it started out rough, is as easy as breathing. “Sterling knew if he took me the night my mom and sister were killed, I’d never forgive him. So he left me. He kept an eye on me, making sure I was safe, but he knew if he ever told anyone he had a mate, Noah would have me killed. There was no way he’d let me live after having escaped him once, and the added threat I would create to his rule.”

From the corner of my eye I see Shari nod, and I know Cole understands as well.

“He had to decide between his family and his mate, and it tore him apart. If he tried to fight Noah, if he tried to reclaim his title, Noah would have killed you. So Sterling gave all of it up. He lived all of those years without his family and without his mate.”

Cole’s jaw tenses and he looks down to his lap.

“When he joined Kai during the contest, he didn’t tell me I was his mate. He fought the connection we both felt until Thomas blew his cover. Thomas found out Sterling had been there the night my mom and sister were killed, and Sterling finally came clean.”

Shari sighs and shakes her head. I swear I hear her mutter something about idiotic boys.

“It hurt a lot to find out he’d lied to me and kept that secret from me. I didn’t make it easy on him to get back in my good graces. In fact, when we visited you guys the night I first met you, I hadn’t accepted the bond yet. It wasn’t until recently, thanks to something you said, Shari, that I realized it didn’t matter what happened in the past. All that mattered was that I accept the bond. So I did.” I meet Shari’s gaze and see unwavering love and acceptance in her eyes. It hits me right in the chest, to know this woman has already decided to welcome me in with open arms.

My phone vibrates on the coffee table and my stomach clenches. I check the screen and see Kai’s name. Shit.

I swallow thickly and continue. “I wanted you to know that Sterling’s choices were not made lightly. He struggled a lot. He had a lot of decisions to make, and he did the best he could. Now, we have more on our plate than you could ever imagine. My ex has been hunting me. He has a warehouse where he’s been experimenting on magicals and non-magicals alike. He wants me for … well, he wants me. And all this time, I thought my sister had been murdered but he has her. She’s alive, and she needs us to rescue her.” My voice breaks. Gracie. I can’t imagine what she’s been through. “And to top it all off, I found out Thomas isn’t my dad. Noah is.” I huff a humorless laugh. “Gods. Saying it all out loud sounds insane.”

Cole rears back, gaze snapping to mine.

“Yeah. He tried to have me killed. Father of the year right there. Right along with Thomas Kennedy.” I snort, but there is no humor to it. “Sterling wants to be alpha. He wants to challenge Noah, but there is so much on our plate and he’s scared. He needs you, Cole. He needs your approval and support. He needs his family behind him.”

My phone buzzes again, this time Cade’s picture pops up. Fuck. I’m going to be in so much trouble.

I clench my phone and prepare to stand. “All I want you to do is talk to him. Hear him out. Listen to his side of the story. Then you can make up your mind as to whether you still blame him for everything.” A text comes through, followed quickly by three more. “I really have to go, but we’re staying at the cabin if you want to talk to Sterling. And I really hope you do.”

I stand from the couch as my phone rings once more. Kai again. Shari jumps up and stops me.

“Ellis.” She pulls me in for a hug, and I have to hold back the tears. “I am so sorry for everything. But I’m happy you found your mate.” She lowers her voice and whispers in my ear. “I hope your story convinces Cole to talk to Sterling. They need each other.”

I nod in agreement. “They really do.” Another string of texts come through. “I really have to go. I’m going to be in big trouble for doing this.”

She walks me to the door and hugs me one last time. “Tell Sterling I love him.”

I nod and walk toward the car. Drew flies down and shifts, quickly slipping into his pants before getting behind the wheel.

“How’d it go?” he asks as he turns the car on.

I hold up my phone, buzzing again. “They’re looking for me.”