These Wicked Desires (Fates #3)

9. Ellis

Ellis

I’m getting stronger, and faster. Cade’s magic is easier for me to use than it ever has been. Kai and Sterling—when he isn’t meeting with his brother—have been teaching me all kinds of defense and attack moves to use in combination with Cade’s magic. I can shift into and out of my wings smoothly, however it still takes a second for me to clear my mind to make it happen. As much as I hate the training, I can’t deny it’s been incredibly helpful.

But the longer we train, the more antsy I become. My sister has been in Sam’s clutches for two more weeks now. I can imagine all too well what he’s doing to her. After spending years living with his abuse, and seeing what he did to Sterling, the pictures I conjure in my head keep me up at night.

“Shit,” I mutter, as I jump out of the way of a blast of purple magic. It just barely misses me.

Cade stops his magical attack and frowns. “What’s going on, love? You’ve been distracted today.”

He’s not wrong. That's the third time I’ve almost not moved fast enough. I shrug. “I don’t know.”

“That’s a lie,” Kai says, crossing his arms. “You’re stuck in your head today.” He taps my temple as he speaks. “What’s bothering you?”

“I feel like we’re not doing anything. Time keeps moving forward and we’re just sitting here. And Gracie is still captured. When are we going to rescue her?” My eyes burn as unshed tears build on my lashes.

“You said you thought it would be best to wait until Sterling has dealt with Noah,” Cade says, walking closer. “And we all agree. The risk of him showing up to help defend Sam is too great.”

“Well, when is that going to happen?” My hands drop to my sides and I have to fight the urge to crumple to the ground. I’ve kept a positive attitude for so long, but it’s starting to fray. My nerves with it.

“It takes time, love.” Cade squeezes my shoulder. “He has to make sure he has the right people on his side. And he has to ensure none of Noah’s followers cause problems after he becomes alpha. There are a lot of things he has to put into place before he can act.”

I sigh, and even I can see myself deflating with the action. “We can’t wait much longer,” I whisper, looking at the ground and rubbing my sternum. “There’s this … urgency in my chest. We need to act soon. I can feel it.”

Kai and Cade glance at each other, the worry in their eyes is palpable. Kai gently grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. “We’ll talk to Sterling when he gets back today and see where he’s at in this whole process.”

Cade tucks a stray curl behind my ear. “We understand now that we need to listen to your gut. So we’ll get things moving. I promise.”

Just them listening to me and taking me seriously eases some of my anxiety. “Tha?—”

Kai’s phone rings, interrupting me, and he fishes it out of his pocket. “My dad.” He grimaces as he walks away, sliding his thumb across the screen to answer.

“Do you want to try practicing with your magic instead of mine? We haven’t done that yet.” Cade turns me to face him, but as soon as he sees my expression, he changes his mind. “Okay,” he sighs. “Come on.”

We head toward the porch steps and Cade tugs me down to sit next to him. I lean my head on his shoulder and watch Kai pace back and forth as he talks on the phone.

“This isn’t going to last forever,” Cade says, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. “We’re going to save Gracie. We’re going to deal with Sam and Noah. And we’ll figure out our new normal after that. Things won’t be like this forever.”

“Thanks, Cade.” Sometimes I need these reminders when my thoughts get heavy. “I know I can do this,” I say quietly. “I’ve dealt with worse and survived.”

“You have. You’re incredibly strong. But that doesn’t mean this will be easy. You can still be upset, scared, sad. You can still lean on other people and let them help you. That doesn’t mean you aren’t strong.”

I let Cade’s voice wash over me, tucking his words close to my heart. “It’s hard to remember that sometimes. I lived alone for so long, with no one to rely on. I mean, I had Allie, but there was only so much she could do.”

“We’ll remind you as often as you need us to.” He kisses the top of my head.

We lapse into silence, both of us watching Kai pace back and forth. When he hangs up, he heads over to us with a small frown.

“What’s up?” Cade asks.

“My dad seems to be playing nice, and it’s making me uneasy.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, scooting over to give Kai room to sit next to me.

He sighs as he takes a seat, running his hand through his black hair. “He called to tell me they haven’t been able to find any proof Sam was behind the attack on the estate. They did catch three vamps who were clearly working for someone, because they helped get the attackers through the gate, but they wouldn’t give any names. And believe me, my dad tried to get it out of them.”

I shudder because I can only imagine the kind of torture King Salvatore would inflict on someone he wanted information from.

“He also asked when we would be back because I’ve been slacking on my duties. Which is much nicer than what he actually said. But I told him we were helping Sterling prepare for challenging Noah, and he relented. He said to give Sterling whatever help he needed, and that I could let him know the vamps stand behind him.”

“That makes sense,” Cade says quietly. “Especially if Noah is working with Sam and the mages. Having the wolves as allies against the mages would be a huge bonus. Besides, when Sterling’s dad was alpha, the vamps and wolves were always pretty tight.”

Kai nods. “Yeah, you’re right. They were. And my dad knows Sterling. He honestly probably thinks he’ll be able to control him.”

I snort. “Good luck. That boy is more stubborn than both of you combined.”

“Yeah, my dad will be sorely disappointed when he realizes Sterling will not be easily manipulated.”

“So this is a good thing?” I ask, looking at Kai.

He nods. “Yeah, I think it is. It will help give Sterling a bit of a confidence boost too. Knowing he has the support of the vampires will be huge. And my dad said to let him know when the challenge takes place and he’ll send some guys to provide backup if things go to shit.”

I swallow. I don’t like to think of things going to shit, because there are so many ways in which they can. And each one gives me so much anxiety it’s almost impossible to function.

Instead, I focus on another aspect of Kai’s dad’s offer. “Can we trust him, though? What if he plans some kind of coup or something?”

Kai shrugs. “We can’t. But, I highly doubt he will. Cade’s right. An alliance between the wolves and vamps is too much for my dad to pass up. With the attack on the estate, and the almost certainty it was Sam, my dad will never side with the mages.”

It doesn’t ease my anxiety.

Kai, of course, can sense this. He kisses my forehead before he stands up. “It’s going to be fine, baby girl. Have faith in Sterling. He’s strong and he wants this. He’ll come out on top.” He tosses his phone in the air and catches it. “I’m going to call him and let him know what my dad said.”

We watch as Kai calls Sterling. He resumes his pacing and I can’t help but smile as his free hand waves through the air as he talks. Even at this distance I can see his smile. His laugh reaches us on the wind and Cade takes a deep breath, releasing it loudly.

I glance at him and frown. Cade’s brows are drawn down over his violet eyes and he’s chewing on his lower lip. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Hmm?” He doesn’t take his eyes off Kai.

I nudge him with my shoulder until he looks at me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he says a little too quickly. I give him a knowing look until he cracks. With a heavy sigh, he turns his gaze back to Kai. “I just … things between us … I don’t know,” he finishes as he deflates.

“You should tell him,” I say quietly, not needing to know what he’s thinking. It’s obvious by the way he looks at Kai. It’s been obvious for a while now.

Cade shakes his head. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It’s just better this way.” By the tone of his voice I can tell he doesn’t mean that.

“What do you mean? Cade, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.”

Cade whips his head in my direction, disbelief raising his brows to his hairline.

“Look, I don’t like thinking of this because the thought makes me want to scream, and cry, and vomit. But our future is so uncertain.” I swallow the lump that makes my voice wobble. The words I say next taste like ash on my tongue. “Anything could happen, and there is no guarantee we’ll come out of it alive.”

Cade opens his mouth, no doubt to argue with me, but I know it’s true. The guys will do everything they can to protect me, even if that means one of them might not survive. There is no promise they can make that would ensure all of our safety.

I shake my head and continue on, not giving him a chance to speak. “You need to tell him how you feel, Cade. If something were to happen,” I clear my throat as my voice cracks. “If something were to happen, wouldn’t you feel better knowing he knows how you feel?”

“He probably already does. He’s an empath.”

“It's not the same as hearing it. I can feel how much all of you love me in your actions and your touch. But when I hear you say it, it makes me soar. It soothes every broken part of me. The reminder of someone’s love is something we all need.”

Cade says nothing for a while, watching Kai continue his conversation. But when he finally says something, it completely throws me off. “Does it bother you?”

“What?” I ask, rearing back so fast I get a crick in my neck. “Does it bother me that you love Kai?”

Cade studies me closely, eyes traveling over my features as he tries to read me. “Well, yeah. I’m your Shield, Ellis. My entire purpose is you. My focus and attention should all be on you. I shouldn’t love someone else.”

“I take it back,” I mutter. “ That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” I shift so I’m facing him more fully. “Cade, seeing how much you two love each other makes me so happy. I can’t even begin to describe what it does to my heart. Besides, I love three guys. Why can’t you love more than one person? There is enough room in your heart for both me and Kai.”

He shakes his head and glances at his hands in his lap. “What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

I’ve never heard Cade so unsure before, and it makes me sad to see him this way, but at the same time, I want to laugh. “It doesn’t take an empath to know he does. He looks at you the same way he looks at me. And I swear, if neither of you admit your feelings, I’ll refuse to sleep with either of you until you do. You’re both being incredibly stupid.”

“Gee, Ellis. Tell me how you really feel,” Cade says wryly.

I grab his face in both of my hands and force him to look at me. “Pull your head out of your ass, Cade.”

“What’s he doing now?” Kai asks.

I turn to find him swaggering over, a crooked smile leaving one fang on display. I shove down my desire for him, and push to my feet. “I desperately need to go wash my hair for the next couple of hours.” I shoot Cade a pointed look and turn for the door. “Have fun,” I call over my shoulder, letting the door shut behind me.