These Wicked Desires (Fates #3)

11. Ellis

Ellis

Cade and Kai have made themselves scarce today. And I know why they did it. Three days ago Sterling officially challenged Noah. Tomorrow they fight. I haven’t been able to sleep. Everything I eat comes back up. And I’ve chewed my nails to the point I almost don’t have any. I’m a nervous wreck.

Sterling’s hand in mine is big and warm. I would usually find that comforting. His presence has always calmed me, even when we were fighting. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I’m safe with him. But right now? Right now all I feel is a sense of dread. It’s hanging over me like a heavy cloak, pressing me into the ground, making every step I take that much harder.

He leads me through the forest and I take no comfort from the scent of pine that smells so similar to him. The snap of twigs under my feet sounds too much like breaking bones. This walk is having the opposite effect Sterling wanted. Instead of being able to take a deep breath, my lungs have constricted. The forest floor blurs as tears swim in my eyes.

Sterling leads me to a large pine tree. He brushes the limbs aside and pulls me into the shelter they create. Sitting on the ground against the massive trunk, Sterling tugs me into his lap. I can’t see anything past the branches. It’s just me and Sterling, cocooned in the green needles.

He digs in his pocket, pulling out something shiny. “This is for you,” he says, holding up the necklace his mom gave him. The opal dangles from the silver chain, the dim lighting preventing it from showing its facet of colors. “I wanted to wait until we were mated to give it to you, then I decided to ask Cade to put a protection charm on it.” He clasps it around my neck, letting the opal settle right above my breasts. “It will get warm anytime there is danger around. And it will provide a bit of protection against someone trying to harm you.”

I place my hand over the opal, pressing it against my chest while fighting the anxiety that continues to build inside me.

“I’ve never not seen my mom wear it.” His gaze settles on my hand hiding the gemstone. “My dad gave it to her when I was born.”

I want to thank him. I want to tell him how much this means to me, and how much I love it. But I can’t form the words. My lips tremble and I press them together, swallowing the lump of emotion obstructing my voice.

“Please don’t cry, kitten,” he whispers to the top of my head. “I hate when you cry.”

“I’m scared, Sterling,” I breathe.

He tightens his arms around me and I let his warmth soak through my clothing. “You’re going to be fine. Cade and Kai won’t let anything happen to you. And with Co?—”

“Not for me.” My words are strangled, the lump in my throat constricting not just my breath, but my voice. “I’m terrified for you.” The first tears slip down my cheeks and soak into his t-shirt.

Sterling says nothing for a moment. He rubs soothing circles on my back that do nothing to calm me. If anything, it only makes me cry harder. What if it’s the last time he comforts me? What if this is the last time his arms are wrapped around me? I choke on the sobs that crawl up my throat. My entire body shakes with the force of them, and Sterling holds me tighter, trying to keep me together.

“It’s not fair,” I gasp. “We just accepted … accepted the bond. I … I can’t lose you.”

“Shh. Ellis, don’t say that. You’re not going to lose me.” He rocks me gently back and forth until my tears slow.

I wipe my face on the sleeve of my shirt. Tears and snot streaking the dark fabric. “You can’t promise that.”

“I can promise it.” He shifts me so I’m straddling his waist, and he grabs my face in his hands. The usual brightness of his eyes is dimmed. “Even if I don’t win tomorrow, you will still have me.”

He places his hand over my heart. My heart that stops beating entirely at his words. I shake my head, unable to hear or accept what he said, but he doesn’t give me a chance to say anything.

“I will always be with you, Ellis. Even if that's just in spirit. Nothing will ever take me away from you. You will always have my love. Always .”

My lips tremble and my eyes burn again. No. No! That’s not what he’s supposed to say. My heart is breaking. A crack has formed and is slowly spreading, jagged and uneven. Pieces of it are falling and crumbling to dust.

“No matter what happens tomorrow, you’ll be okay,” he says gently. I shake my head, because I will never be okay, but he smiles sadly. “Cade and Kai will take care of you, Ellis. At the end of the day, you’ll be loved and protected. And that’s all I could ever ask for.”

I can’t speak. My lungs, my mouth, my blood won’t allow it. It’s like my body is rejecting the very thought of Sterling not walking off that field tomorrow. I won’t survive that. I know, deep inside, I would never recover from losing him. From losing any of my Shields.

“Ellis,” he breathes, wiping my tears with his thumbs. “I love you.”

I sob. The tears flow freely down my cheeks and there is nothing I can do to stop them. My chest aches, and not just from the force of my crying. I’m already hurting where Sterling’s bond sits warm and content inside of me, like I can already feel it missing.

Sterling kisses me deeply and slowly. I cry through the entire thing, unable to stop. I cling to him, never wanting to let go, because if I do, he’ll disappear and I’ll never see him again. His hands slide under my shirt, his skin warm against my chilled body.

“Ellis, make love to me. Be with me right now.” The words he doesn’t say echo between us. Let me give you one last memory, just in case.

I nod and let him tug off my leggings, then my shirt. He lifts his hips and pulls his sweats down while I remove his shirt, because for once he’s actually wearing one. With our skin touching, something in me calms enough to stop crying. Something that tells me to be in the moment and not let my fear and anxiety pull me away.

I rock my hips against his cock, working myself until I can feel my wetness slicking him. When I raise onto my knees, he stops me with his hands on my hips.

“Look at me, Ellis,” he says, his voice rough and deep. “Let me watch you.”

I fall into his blue eyes, tumbling into their depths and getting lost. If only I could stay there forever and not have to face tomorrow. Slowly, I lower myself onto his cock, really letting myself feel every inch of him as he fills me.

When I start to move, Sterling grasps my face again and he kisses me. Every movement of our bodies, every brush of our tongues, is slow and purposeful. I fight back the intrusive thoughts that try to worm their way into my mind, stealing this moment from me. This could be the last time I sleep with my mate. Tears burn my eyelids and I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. I break the kiss and bury my face in his neck, pulling his scent into my lungs where I hope it never goes away.

Sterling’s arms wrap around me tighter, a cage holding me against him, making us one. He runs his nose up my neck, inhaling my scent and his movements turn a bit more sharp. “I love you, Ellis,” he breathes against my skin, a moment before he closes his teeth around my mark.

His name leaves me in a soft cry as my orgasm rolls through me in waves. It’s not earth shattering. It’s not spine tingling. But it’s more powerful for the way he holds me closer, like he’s never going to let me go. Even as his body gently shakes under me, he holds me. Even as our breathing calms, and our hearts settle, he holds me. And I hope he never, never lets me go.

The drive to the field where the challenge will take place is quiet. I’m plastered to Sterling’s side in the back of the Hummer, trying to take deep breaths to quell the nerves that make my stomach unsettled. It’s not working. Allie and Connor are following behind us, and knowing my bestie will be there with me makes this a little more bearable.

Cade pulls the Hummer off the road and we bounce over the terrain until he comes to a stop. None of us move. None of us say anything. We all stare out of the windshield at the open field in front of us. The open field where so much could go wrong. Sterling is the first to move. He kisses the top of my head then opens the car door, letting in a chill morning breeze. I want to grab him. Cling to him. Keep him in the car with me. Anything to prevent him from leaving. But I don’t. I let him go and I slide out of the car after him.

Cade and Kai immediately surround me, and we make our way to the field. Already, people mill about the open space, some in their human forms, others as wolves. Sterling’s mom and brother stand together and we make our way toward them.

Shari pulls Sterling into a hug and I notice the tears glimmering in her eyes. “I’m so proud of you, Sterling,” she says when she pulls away.

“Thanks, mom.”

He turns to his brother, and I hold my breath as Cole hesitates. Then he grasps the back of Sterling’s neck and brings their foreheads together.

“You got this, bro. I know you do.”

Sterling swallows and nods, closing his eyes to hide the emotion his brother’s support gives him.

A commotion draws all of our attention to the opposite side of the field. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know it’s Noah. A group of men follow behind him looking menacing and threatening. I shrink back against Cade as Noah gets closer, and Sterling steps in front of me. The pearl necklace resting just above my breasts warms slightly as Noah approaches. If I hadn’t already known he was a threat, the necklace would have warned me.

“I’ll give you one last chance to change your mind, boy.” Noah’s thick, wavy hair is the same color as mine. His light brown eyes are the same color as Gracie’s. While we definitely look like our mom, I can see some similarities that make it obvious he is our father. He’s tall and broad shouldered, and he screams wolf energy. Not alpha energy like Sterling does, but it’s clear he’s a powerful wolf.

Sterling doesn’t straighten his shoulders. He doesn’t try to stand taller or posture. Yet he still radiates strength, a clear indication of the power resting inside of him, waiting to be unleashed. “I’m not changing my mind. It’s time for the wolves to return to their former glory. It’s time for the wolves to once again be respected among the magicals like we were when my dad was alpha. Your time running us into the ground and dirtying our name is over. It’s time we become the powerhouse we once were.”

Noah growls, his upper lip curling to reveal lengthening canines. “Insolent fool. You are going to be destroyed.”

Sterling just shakes his head and turns his back to Noah, an insult that screams Sterling is unafraid of the shifter he’s about to fight. But this also brings me into Noah’s line of sight. His nostrils flare as he scents me, clearly picking up on the fact that I’m his daughter, and his eyes widen. His entire body stiffens and a low growl rumbles from his chest.

Sterling whips back around, stepping in front of me, while Kai and Cade tighten ranks on either side. I notice Cole working his way around toward my back where Connor and Allie are standing.

“Well, this is certainly interesting,” Noah drawls, craning his head to the side to see me. “The daughter that got away.”

“Walk away, Noah,” Sterling growls. “This doesn’t involve her.”

“It doesn’t? Are you sure about that?” He sneers and crosses his arms over his chest. His nostrils flare again and his gaze bounces between me and Sterling, likely scenting our mating bond. “You wouldn’t be challenging me if she wasn’t here. Is this why you insisted on letting her live all those years ago?”

Sterling says nothing, but his body is tense, practically vibrating with restrained rage.

“You know the rules of a challenge, Noah,” Cole says behind me. His hand on my shoulder squeezes slightly, and I relax a bit. “This is between you and Sterling. If anything happens to Ellis, you forfeit the challenge.”

Noah narrows his gaze on me and mutters something I choose not to hear before he stalks away. Sterling doesn’t relax until Noah is across the field with his cronies. Before he can turn around to look at me, an ancient-looking woman hobbles to the middle of the field.

“That’s Agatha,” Cade whispers in my ear. “She’s the one who gave us the mixture to break your fever so you could mate with Sterling.”

Her white hair blows around her shoulders, the red ribbon tying it back not doing anything to keep it contained. Even at this distance I can see her wrinkles. As she comes to a stop, everyone gathered for the challenge falls quiet. It’s obvious she’s respected in the wolf community, revered even.

“We are gathered today to witness Sterling Harrison challenge Noah Martin for the position of Alpha of the Iron Shadows pack. You all know the rules,” she says in a low, gravelly voice. Somehow it carries across the clearing, almost like she’s using magic. “No one may interfere with the fight. No weapons may be used during the challenge. Once it begins, only the death of one of the challengers will end it. The surviving wolf will claim the title of Alpha.”

My breath catches at her words. She doesn’t mince them, and they cut right through me. Sterling turns to me, taking my face in his palms. I stare into those icy blue eyes, hating the way everything blurs as tears build on my lashes. I furiously blink them away so I can see my mate clearly.

“Remember what I said last night,” he says quietly so only I can hear. “No matter what happens, I want you to remain strong. You keep going. Keep fighting. No matter what.”

I shake my head and press my wobbling lips together. “Sterling,” I whisper brokenly.

“I love you, kitten.”

He leans forward to kiss me and I throw my arms around his neck. This will not be the last time I kiss him. I refuse to even let that thought take root. Sterling slides his hands down my back and over my ass, gripping it tightly to lift me off the ground. I wrap my legs around him and kiss him even harder. This feels too similar to the time he left and got captured by Sam.

“Sterling and Noah.” Agatha’s crackling voice echoes through the clearing. “Shift now, and approach.”

“Come back to me,” I pull away and whisper, just like the last time.

Sterling reluctantly sets me on my feet and kisses my forehead. He steps away, tugging his shirt over his head and tossing it to Kai, never breaking eye contact with me. My heart thunders in my chest, almost painfully. He doesn’t look away until he tosses his pants to Kai, and then turns his gaze to my beloved. Kai nods. Sterling glances at Cade. Cade nods. A silent promise that they’ll protect me. They’ll care for me. If he doesn’t make it through this, I’ll be okay. At least physically.

In the blink of an eye, a giant silver wolf stands before me, it’s head almost reaching my chest. I drop to my knees and wrap my arms around its neck, burying my face in the soft fur. The wolf drops his head to my shoulder, a hug in the only way a wolf can.

“I love you both,” I say, pressing a kiss to the top of the wolf’s nose. A soft whine from the wolf, a lick of it’s tongue on my cheek, and it’s gone, running across the field to Agatha.

A dark brown wolf watches him approach. No. It’s not watching Sterling. Its beady black gaze is trained on me. Noah is smaller than Sterling, just barely. His dark brown coat doesn’t look as soft, either.

I shakily push to my feet and take a deep breath. Cade and Kai both grab my hands, and I practically break their bones as I squeeze them.

Agatha looks at both of the wolves, gaze sharp and full of authority. “Make this a fair fight,” she says, looking at Noah in particular. “May the strongest wolf win.” With that, she backs away.

They wait until she is clear of the field, and then they begin circling.