This Is Love (Evermore University #2)

14. Jaxon

14

JAXON

It’s late by the time we get back to the dorm, and we go our separate ways, Logan and Rya to their wing of the building and me in the opposite direction. The ride home had been awkward at best. I could tell from the looks both were giving me that they expected me to say something but were also treading carefully.

What was I supposed to say? The dire reality of my life isn’t a fucking fun thing to discuss. After making sure Rya was okay, her retelling of what’d happened out there in the middle of fucking nowhere hadn’t made me feel any better. Instead, it’d made me want to commit murder. Whoever that fucknut was is going down as soon as I figure out who he is. My jaw sets grimly. Add him to the goddamn growing list.

With a groaned sigh, I strip down, then wrap a towel around my waist and grab a clean pair of joggers from my dresser. On the way out of my room, I take my shower caddy from the hook near the door and head for the showers. I do wish RAs had full baths in their suites so I didn’t have to chance seeing another soul tonight, but I guess having a sink and toilet to myself is a whole lot better than everyone else has.

I’m midway through soaping my body when someone else enters. Not unusual. It’s a communal bathroom for all the guys on the floor. But it is late—late enough, I kinda wonder who it is.

“Jax?”

My brows pull sharply together. The gravelly baritone hits me square in the chest. It’s Logan. I’d recognize the voice anywhere. I unlock my jaw long enough to mutter, “Yeah?”

His voice filters to me through the shower curtain. “I think Rya needs to talk to you. I don’t know about what, exactly, but I think there was too much left unsaid after this morning.”

“She didn’t want to discuss it.”

He huffs out a laugh. “Well, she does now. I guess she changed her mind. Or maybe she’d rather focus on that than what happened to her tonight? I don’t know. But now… she needs to talk about it.”

I don’t know if I have anything to give right now. I drag in several unsteady breaths as I stand there, letting the water sluice over my body. “I would have thought her best friend would be there for her.”

“I have been. And I was honest with her, Jaxon. And the guy she’s seeing… I would have thought he’d be there for her, too.”

Something about the tone of his voice gives me a moment’s pause. I whip the shower curtain back, the metal rings holding it to the bar above grating noisily. Letting my eyes bore into his startled ones, I arch a brow. “Honest about what?”

“About everything.”

I run a hand over my wet face, then steer it into the spray, letting the hot water beat on my skin. He means the shit with the two of us. Finally, I pull back, letting the droplets stream down my face as I stare at him. “I don’t know what you want me to say about it.”

There’s a definite pause as he narrows his eyes on me—eyes that wander for a split second down my naked body. “I don’t know. That’s up to you. Maybe she needs to hear the truth. Your truth, anyway. Maybe you could explain what’s in your messed-up head—to her, at least. There’s shit I’d love to tackle, but it’ll wait.”

When I continue my stare down, he shrugs and grumbles, “Whatever. Do what you want. You always do, anyway. Just know I won’t let you hurt her. You don’t want to, wouldn’t even mean to, but you might. As far as the two of us go, keep right on lying to yourself. Go ahead and hate me for everything, Jax. It’s fine. I’m used to your shit. But she’s not, and you’re going to lose her if you keep acting like this.” With that, he pivots on his heel and a moment later disappears around the corner.

Fuck . As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right. I yank the towel from the hook outside my stall and hurriedly dry off, then tug on my joggers. There’s a second where I consider going back to my room and shutting out the world, but apparently my body has a different path in mind because I end up outside Rya’s door, still half-damp from the shower with the towel draped over my shoulder. I knock and a moment later, the door swings open. Hazel’s lips quirk into a smile before she loudly proclaims, “Rya, another one of your boyfriends is here.”

I roll my eyes at her, and she does some little dance step away from me, turns, and climbs onto her bed as Rya comes into view. My heart clenches. She’s so fucking beautiful. For once, her hair is loose, softly cascading around her shoulders. She’s already in a baggy sweatshirt and pajama pants, ready for bed.

“Do you have a few minutes?” The muscle in my jaw twitches, unsure why I’m even listening to Logan and his fucking sage advice, but here I am. Hell, maybe it’s because I have a begrudging respect for his tight bond with Rya. He must be doing something right to have earned her affection and trust.

Rya glances at Hazel, then grabs the lanyard with her keys from her desk. As she exits, she murmurs, “Not here.”

With the door firmly shut behind us, I eye her carefully. “Something wrong?”

“Oh, she’s just— I dunno. I gave her the rundown on everything that’s been going on… and ever since it’s been a little awkward around here.” She frowns, looking me over as we walk. “Did you just come from the shower?”

“Uh.” I scrub my hand through my wet hair. “Yeah.” I jerk my thumb over my shoulder as we pass Logan’s door. “He cornered me while I was in there.”

She frowns, questions clear in her eyes.

I shrug in response, unsure why I feel the need to say anything, but the words tumble out anyway. “I think you’re already aware of this, but he really cares a lot about you.”

She cocks her head to the side, considering my words. “I know he does.” After a careful nod, she raises a brow, as if she’s waiting for me to finish.

My lips quirk up on one side. “Yes, I do, too.”

“So, you do have feelings for me.” The confusion in Rya’s voice only confirms that Logan might be right. I will lose her if I can’t pull myself free of the anger I have toward him.

I hook an arm around her shoulders, drawing her against my side. “Don’t sound so surprised, pretty girl.”

Her shoulders roll inward, and she chews on her lip as she studies me. “I guess I’m a little lost. I don’t always understand your actions.”

Shit. In my head, I turn over her words. I’m going to have to talk to her, and soon. Cupping her head between my hands, I bring her within inches of my face and stare into her luminous eyes for several long seconds as we breathe together. “If you’re lost … let me show you the way home.” I press a kiss to her lips, then gesture toward my door.

She nods as I let us into my room, shutting the door firmly behind us, then sling my towel toward the laundry basket and flip the light on in the bathroom. I haven’t decided how much to say yet, but some of what I could potentially admit to her, shouldn’t be done under the harsh glow of overhead fluorescent lighting.

I stop at the side of my bed, sitting on the edge, and hold out a hand to her. She closes the distance immediately, and I draw her over to stand between my legs. I feel something stir deep within me as she clamps her teeth down on her plump lower lip. My whole truth—that’s what I want to tell her. All the humiliating, awful, gut-wrenching details. But I can’t. I’m not ready.

When she lets a soft moan escape, I can no longer stop myself from taking what I want. I tug her body closer, tilting my head up to seek solace in the softness of her lips. With every beat of my heart thumping against my rib cage, my tongue plunges and plunders, disturbing the dark quiet of this moment between us.

Rya leans into me, her fingers digging into my skin. Teasing at the back of my mind is the fact that she’s already been with Logan. That he was her first. And that has me riled up and needing to put my brand on her, too. It’s intense, the way the idea of it has lightning racing through my body, jolting through my blood in unsteady pumps. There’s an excited flutter in her breath that makes me want to fucking devour the innocence left in her.

We tumble onto the mattress, our bodies tangled together. Her legs part as she straddles my hips, bringing the heat between her legs into direct contact with my dick. Groaning, I grasp her ass, pulling her tightly to me as I grind against her from below. My cock is mostly unrestrained, the joggers I’d thrown on after my shower the only thing I’m wearing. I know she feels it, and even better, she likes it, if the gasps and panted breath between kisses means anything. We’ve fooled around plenty, but mostly over-the-clothes stuff. And maybe that’s because I was getting my dick hard on the side for Logan. I don’t fucking know. Thinking about it only makes me hot all the fuck over.

I slip my hand under the waistband of her loose pajama pants, delving inside them. I explore the toned muscle of her ass cheek. Her skin is bare until I slip my fingers closer to center, where I encounter the lacy strip of material that runs between her legs. “Fuck, pretty girl. You’re killing me.”

Her breath hitches, chest jerking when my fingertips follow the path of the delicate fabric. “Jaxon,” she says on a sigh before subtly rocking her hips over my erection.

“Do you want me to keep touching you?” I lightly drag my fingers over her center. The dampness I discover has my jaw tightening as I drink in her moan.

“Y-yes.”

I don’t wait for more assurance than that, quickly tugging the barrier of her thong out of the way. Lusty thoughts spin through my head on overdrive as her slick heat calls out to me, urging me on. On a strangled groan, I push a digit inside her trembling body, and she cries out. The sound of it feeds my soul. And the feel of her? It’s got my brain on fucking fire. My dick rock hard from wanting more of her.

In need of a way to quench my thirst, I roll her to her back and quickly tug her pajama bottoms down her slim legs, taking the underwear with them. Bare from the waist down, she burrows her face into my neck as I slide my hand over her abdomen, returning to her pussy. I stroke her, dipping a deft finger inside, then out to circle her clit until she’s a whimpering, shuddering mess.

“Jaxon,” she gasps, clutching at me, her back bowing off the bed. “Wait. I?—”

It’s like a cold bucket of sober dumping over me. And considering how drunk I was getting on her, I feel like that’s an apt comparison. I inhale through clenched teeth as we both sit up. Tipping my head to the side, I try to focus on her face and the sudden worry that has appeared there instead of the fact that she’s naked from the waist down.

“Um. I’m sorry—” Her eyes crash shut, and she covers her face with both hands. From behind them, she mumbles, “I know this is the last thing you were thinking was about to happen, but… I think we should talk. Get some things out in the open.”

Here we go. I work my jaw to the side, then clear my throat, sitting completely upright now. At the tremble of her lip, my brows crash together. Oh shit . Rubbing a hand over my face, I take a deep breath, pinning my gaze on her. “Did I freak you out? Like after everything that went down at Tri-Beta? Or even the shit from earlier today?” Gently, I reach out, tugging one of her hands from her face.

She dampens her lower lip, drawing in a breath as she shakes her head. “No, actually. I-I’m okay. I can’t remember what happened last night, so there’s no sense—in my mind, anyway—of making it into something if it wasn’t. To be perfectly honest, I’d prefer to move past it… the same way I don’t really want to dwell on what happened today, either. Maybe that’s dumb. I dunno.”

“It’s not.” I frown, surprised by her straightforward way of looking at the shit that’s been raining down on her since yesterday. Fuck, if I’m being real, it’s been longer than that. I don’t like it one bit, because it’s only been getting worse. “Okay. But you’ll say something if that changes? Or if I do something wrong?”

Rya nods, but her lip trembles before her eyes shift away from me, then crash shut. “I feel like I need my clothes on for this, because what I’m going to say will make me feel entirely too vulnerable—naked in a completely different way—and I don’t need to add to that.” One corner of her mouth hitches into a small smile.

I chuckle, hoping to ease her mind. Reaching for her pajama pants, I hand them over, then wait as she slips them up her legs and on. With that done, she lets out a sigh, turning toward me and crisscrossing her legs.

I arch a brow. “Okay. Now what?”

“I need you to be honest with me. Can you do that?”

From under hooded eyes, I lock my gaze with hers. “Maybe.” I shrug. “Depends.”

Her lips twitch. “I think I’ll know if you’re lying, anyway.”

“Okay,” I acknowledge, not sure what to make of that, but almost certain she’s right. “What’s on your mind, pretty girl?”

“First, before we get into some of this, I want to reiterate that I’m glad your mom is being cared for. Hopefully, she’ll be back to herself soon.”

The weight of that very thing, though, threatens to take me out. We can’t afford more hospitalizations. It’s a punch to the gut, realizing I’m going to have to figure that out… or ask Dad for help. And he won’t fucking do that. Not without me begging, which I won’t do. Nodding, I draw in a breath, feeling the urge to share this broken piece of myself with this girl, but not quite knowing how to make her understand. I murmur, “Thank you. She’ll be fine. It’s scary for me when shit happens and I’m not around. Sometimes she never says anything, and I find out after the fact—especially when I’m away at school.” The idea that I might have to move back home, quit the baseball team and my dream to play pro, guts me. But I’ll do it if it comes to that. All those thoughts rampage through my head while Rya patiently waits me out. “Worse, sometimes she does this shit to herself because of the circumstances she’s found herself in.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Wrenching the words from where I keep them tucked deep inside, I murmur, “She’s a sad woman, Rya. Drinks too much. Paired with her other health issues? It’s not good for her, and everything ends up going to hell. Not to mention, we don’t have the goddamn money for her to be drinking it away.” My jaw snaps shut for a second before I’m able to finish. “Is that enough of an explanation for now?”

“It is.” She blinks. “I think I get it.”

Thank fuck I don’t see pity there, only understanding, or I might go off the deep end. “Okay. What else?”

“Well”—she sucks in air through clenched teeth, bringing a few fingers to the delicate skin under one eye and wiping a rogue tear away—“the way you dislike Logan so much really bothers me.” Wiping her palms on her thighs, she gives me a tight smile. “I wish it wasn’t like that between you, but I’m also confused.” She pauses, her eyes piercing right into my soul, searching out my truth. I wish I knew exactly what to say. But I’m at a loss. She winces. “You know what I mean. He helped you today. And you let him take your car so he could help me . Things are going fine, then you do this weird one-eighty and everything goes haywire.” She wrings her hands together. “Maybe it’s dumb, but I thought I could help.” When I don’t say a word, she rushes on. “I know Logan better than anyone. He doesn’t have it in him to be unkind for no reason at all. Whatever is going on really upsets him. But he’s also not a pushover, so he’s not just going to stand by and let you use him as a punching bag. I kinda hate that the two of you are in such a bad place. And I don’t get why .”

“Was there a question in there?” I squint at her, my palms growing clammy. “Because I didn’t hear one.”

“Come on, Jaxon. It’s me.” The plea in her eyes just about does me in.

My heart thunders as I search for the words I need. “Can you come here?” I hold my arms out, becoming strangely choked up when she understands exactly what I need.

She climbs onto my lap and tucks her head under my chin. And then, she simply waits, one arm around my back and a hand resting on my shuddering chest. “It’s okay, Jaxon. I promise.”

And, like I’m having to scrape and claw each word from my chest, I raggedly whisper, “I’m afraid if I tell you certain things, I won’t be able to handle your reaction. You’re going to walk out of here and never speak to me again.”

The tremor that runs through her should terrify me, but it doesn’t, especially when it’s immediately followed by her quiet, “Try me?”

“I’ll just say this—” I try to breathe and find myself gasping for air instead. It takes a moment before I’m able to share the thoughts that’ve been in my head for two years now. “He took over my life. His mother showed up and ruined my family. I don’t know how to forgive it. Don’t know that he or his mother deserve to be let off the hook for what they’ve done.”

“But Jaxon… then please explain what you’re doing with him. With me.”

“I—” My eyes slam shut as if it will help me close off my heart to what’s happening. “It started as revenge, and now… I don’t know. I still get so angry.” I let out a heavy breath, turning my face into her hair. “I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. Everything is so twisted up inside me. It’s like a disease. A sickness. And I don’t know if I’ll ever pull free of it.”

She swallows, then edges back, peering up at me. “I’m worried, Jaxon. I think what your gut is telling you might be the truth. And maybe you should let your heart lead the way.”

The muscle she’s referring to jerks in my chest. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“And how do you feel about Logan?” At my swift intake of breath, she tilts her head so she can kiss my jawline. “I want you to think about what I saw earlier. Is fucking around with him truly some sort of twisted vengeance? Or is that what you’re telling yourself because it feels good and that scares you?” She’s gazing up at me, and while I can’t actually see the beautiful green of her eyes in the dim room, I know how they must look, shining at me with concern and… I think it must be hope.

My voice comes out rough. “I’m not sure.”

“Maybe we should find out. Because I think it’s so much more than trying to mess with his head. And I think even if being with me was meant to hurt him… well, your original intentions disappeared pretty fucking fast, whether you want to admit that or not.”

She’s not wrong about the last bit, but I choose to fixate on the first part. “‘We’? Do you mean…?” My brows draw slowly together as I search her features, because she can’t be fucking suggesting what I think she is.

The straightening of her back and the hard swallow she manages as she nods leave me reeling. The idea of Logan, Rya, and me sets in motion a carousel of dirty images that spin through my mind until I’m dizzy. “I mean the three of us. Together.”

Her lip trembles as she studies me, and I know saying those words aloud must have been really fucking scary for her, especially with all the trouble between Logan and me. My breath catches before I can grit out, “Is that what you want?”

“Maybe.” The word practically gets stuck in her throat, but then she continues, “I think I’d like to find out what it’d be like.”

Her chest rises and falls fast, and I wonder if revealing this previously unspoken desire is making her feel exposed, because holy fucking hell. What the shit am I supposed to do with this newfound knowledge?