This is Me Trying (Evergreen Ridge)

Chapter 12

Riley

I kissed Finn Hart. I’m absolutely mortified, but I also didn’t hate it. Oh, who am I kidding? On my short list of kisses, his was definitely the best. The way a fire lit in my whole body is something I have never experienced before, and it totally freaked me out. Which is why, mid makeout, I bolted. I slammed the door in his face and tried to close the door on my racing heart. It didn’t work. I ended up just sitting up against the door for a half an hour, staring at nothing and running through the different scenarios of what it would be like to see him again. Hence why I’m avoiding him.

I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking. What could be more of a turn-off than a woman running away from you while you have your tongue in her mouth? He probably went home thinking that he dodged a bullet, and I don’t even blame him.

The cool, crisp air hits my cheeks as I stroll down Main Street, lost in my thoughts. I must be really lost because, before I know it, I’m slamming into a brick wall. Then I must be hallucinating because the wall puts its hands on my shoulders to steady me. Nope, not a wall—Finn. I just literally walked into the one person I’ve been dreading seeing and actively daydreaming about.

We stare at each other for a moment before he finally speaks. Thank goodness he is the first to speak.

“Hey, Riles,” the bastard says with a smirk.

“Hi,” I manage to croak out.

My mind is spinning with what to say. I can feel beads of cold sweat drip down my back. Maybe I should just run again, but who am I kidding? With those long muscular legs of his, he will catch me in no time at all. Oh, great, now I’m rambling in my head. I suppose it’s good it’s not out loud.

He saves me again by speaking first. I could kiss him again, but I won’t.

“Look, we really don’t have to talk about the other night if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, thank God.”

He looks a little disappointed, but he continues, “There is something I want to talk to you about, though. Can we head to your office at the store?”

I stare at him for a minute, unsure, and my heart is still beating out of my chest. “Sure. I was actually just heading there right now, so why don’t we go on over?”

He extends his arm in front of me. “Lead the way.”

I can feel his eyes on me as we walk the rest of the way down Main, in complete silence. It’s so quiet I feel like I can almost hear the petals from the cherry blossoms hitting the ground after the breeze separates them from their home on the trees.

We finally reach our destination, and we both reach for the door at the same time, and our hands collide. Gooseflesh covers my arm at the touch, and I feel a slight buzzing on my skin where there was contact. No one’s touch has ever done this to me before, so of course, I snap at him, “I can get my own door, you know.”

He leans down and whispers in my ear. “Oh, I know, Riles, and no one would ever think otherwise.”

I roll my eyes at him and begin to walk away toward my office when he grabs my arm to stop me and all the same sensations are there. He looks me dead in the eye and says, “I know you can do it yourself, Riley, but that doesn’t mean you always have to.”

My breath catches, and I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything at all and continue walking on. This time, he follows silently behind me, and I attempt to process what he just said to me. I know I don’t have to do it all myself. Or at least, I’m starting to realize that, little by little.

Isn’t that part of the problem I’ve been having? Doesn’t that go right along with not leaning on Chloe when I need her or just need someone to talk to? I’ve had it so ingrained in my head that I have to do it all on my own because my so-called father didn’t do anything after my mom died. I can’t think about that right now, because Finn is at my back, following me to my office so we can talk about God knows what. So, I shut down my thoughts just as I reach the door.

This time, Finn doesn’t attempt to open it for me, and I can’t decide how that makes me feel. But once again, I don’t have the time to process that thought. I usher him into my office and close the door. I instantly feel claustrophobic being in such a small space with him. I really need to get it together.

“Have a seat,” I tell him, motioning to the chair on the other side of my desk.

Once we’re both seated, he begins, “Okay, so…”

Why is he so nervous? He’s looking down and rubbing the back of his neck. He said we didn’t have to talk about the other night, but maybe that was just so I wouldn’t bolt down the street. He wanted to get me in a confined room where I couldn’t run. Now he’s here to let me down gently.

“Just tell me, Finn. I can handle it.” May as well rip the Band-Aid off now.

“Okay, sure. So, you remember how I saw you working on your mood boards a couple of weeks ago?” I nod, not interrupting him, because he is already struggling to get this out. “Well, it really got me thinking that you really are very talented, Riley, and you have a real eye for design. The project Mason and I are working on is something different from what either of us is used to. We normally just pick a few things out of a catalog and call it a day.” I look at him in horror, but he puts his hand up to stop me from interrupting.

“However, this project, we’re really trying to give it an old time feel. We want more than just some office chairs in the lobby. We want a fully furnished lobby that tenants want to hang out in together. We want it to be a space people love to be in, and we want the finishes on the main floor of the building to coincide with the finishes, fixtures, and flooring in each apartment.

“We also don’t want each apartment to be the same. We don’t want cookie cutter, we want eclectic. All that to say, we want to hire you as the interior designer for this new apartment project that we are working on.”

I know I’m staring at him in shock because I can’t quite believe what I’m hearing. Before I can respond, he starts speaking again.

“There is one tiny catch though, and this is the part that I need you to not freak out over.”

“What?” I manage to croak out.

“See, Mason is the money behind the operation, so before he hires you fully, he wants to see your mood boards.”

Of course that would be the catch. I’m not actually hired. I’m invited for an interview. Something that I haven’t done since I got this job five years ago. I wasn’t nervous about this interview because I knew it was a formality. It wasn’t like it was my dream job by any means, and I was fresh out of college and had the whole world ahead of me. I had other options.

This. This was acceptance or rejection of the thing that I’m most passionate about. A rejection from this and I’m not sure I would recover. I had just started to wrap my head around the idea of turning my design into a job. If I was rejected now, I may never get the confidence to actually turn it into something down the line.

However, I have a feeling that if I don’t take this opportunity, down the line would never come. Would there really ever be some outside factor forcing me to follow my dreams? Why did it even have to take some outside factor to give me a kick in the butt to go for what I really want? If I’m being completely honest with myself, I didn’t even know that I wanted this until Finn put the idea in my head. Now that it’s there, it’s been hard to get the dreaming to stop.

So, despite what I’m feeling inside and the way my palms are sweating, I look Finn dead in the eye and say, “Okay.”

Now his mouth is hanging open, and I can’t stop staring.

“What?” he asks after he gets his bearings again.

“I said, ‘Okay.’ I will meet with him and show him my mood board. I’ve actually been thinking a lot about what you said, doing something with my designing, and I think I’m ready to do something finally. Maybe this is the push that I need.”

He’s staring again, and I try not to let my cheeks heat, but I’m losing that battle.

“Okay, great. Well, let’s go,” he says as soon as he snaps out of it.

“What do you mean? Go where?”

“To meet Mason. Grab your stuff and let’s go.”

Now I’m staring. “Hold your horses, cowboy. I can’t go right now.”

“Why not?”

“Well, for one, when you caught me on the street, I was just coming in here to work, so I have to do that. Second, I’m not ready to show him my stuff yet. I need to clean some stuff up a bit with my designs and put together a portfolio of sorts. I know what you said you’re looking for, so I’ll show him things that lean in that direction. I don’t want him seeing things I’m not proud of.”

His gaze softens. “Sure thing, Riles. That makes sense. How does Friday sound?”

“Sure, that works.”

“Perfect. I’ll pick you up at nine. Does that sound okay?”

“Oh, that’s okay. I can drive myself. I don’t need you to pick me up.”

He looks at me thoughtfully. “I know you can, Riley. I’ve never questioned how capable you are. You can do anything—that I believe wholeheartedly—but what did we just talk about with the door?”

“That I don’t have to,” I murmur.

“Right, and besides, the real reason is because it’s off the beaten path and your car will never make it down the unfinished roads, so you’ll need my truck.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” I say as my cheeks turn crimson for the hundredth time today.

Finn stands up to leave, and I follow him to the door. He stops abruptly and turns to face me. I gasp at the closeness. We’re almost chest to chest, and my head is feeling fuzzy.

“Bye, Riles. I’ll see you Friday.” He isn’t looking me in the eye as he speaks; he’s staring at my mouth. Is he going to kiss me? Am I going to let him? He almost seems like he’s in a daze as he slowly leans down. I clear my throat, and his eyes snap back up to mine.

“I’ll see you Friday, Finn.” He nods and turns and really does leave this time. I immediately miss the heat of his body and chastise myself for breaking the moment. Before I close the door to my office, I take the opportunity to stare at his butt again as he walks away. I’m so screwed.