Chapter 14
Riley
O n the way here, I was staring out the window, absolutely freaking out, and on the way back, I’m staring out the window smiling to myself, and actually taking the time to enjoy the scenery of this small town that I live in. The cherry blossoms have almost all fallen off the trees and new greenery is beginning to sprout. It feels like a new beginning, just like this new endeavor feels for me.
I was so nervous walking into that trailer turned office. I almost turned around and ran back to Finn’s truck, demanding he take me back to the store immediately. It helped that Mason was so nice and welcoming. He basically told me he trusted Finn’s judgment and he just wanted to see my designs to make sure it was a fit for this specific project. To make sure that their vision would be authentic for my work. It all made sense and made me feel like he respected me as a designer. Which is weird to call myself because I’ve never worked professionally before.
We sat down, and he looked through my designs, nodding along the whole time. He asked appropriate questions, then he asked why I wanted to do this, and I was a bit taken aback. I didn’t really know how to answer, because about forty-eight hours ago, I didn’t think that my designs would truly ever see the light of day.
When I really thought about it, besides the obvious of wanting to do this professionally, I really do love this small town. I’ve spent a lot of time isolating from this town, but this is where I have lived my whole life. The good and the bad have happened here, and this town has been there for all of it. So many memories are tied to the charm. The exposed brick, the vintage fixtures. I don’t want some developer coming in and building a plain square building with plain furniture and modern fixtures. I want to keep the old school charm. If I can contribute to that, even better.
After I articulated all that to Mason, he smiled wide and told me I had the job. We spent the rest of the time discussing the position, what it would entail, pay, and the fact that I was still going to be working full time at the hardware store. So, I would be doing a lot of this after hours and on weekends, and he was actually impressed that I was willing to put that kind of work into it.
After all was said and done, it stunned me a bit, or a lot, that I couldn’t wait to go outside and tell Finn. After being excited about getting the job, what I was most excited about was telling him how it went and how none of this would have happened without him. It scares me how much my feelings are growing for him in such a short period, but I don’t feel as scared as I did in the beginning.
These steps I’ve been taking to come out of my hole have been, in part, because of him. There’s no one else in my life, besides Chloe, who has been with me since childhood, who I can say that about. He has only known me for a short while, and he’s taking his time to help me be a better me, whether he realizes it or not. He also hasn’t pushed for more since our conversation about keeping it professional. He has been open about how he feels, and even when I was the one who kissed him, he didn’t push to talk about it, even though I can tell he wanted to.
So, when all was said and done, I couldn’t get the words out, and I just flung myself at him. What is it about this guy that has me throwing myself at him all the time? Once again, I withdrew after the fact. I didn’t run, because let’s be honest, I didn’t have my car and I needed him to drive me back, but here I am, staring out the window quietly thinking to myself until I hear my name being said by a voice that I’m starting to love hearing.
“Riley.”
“Hmm.”
“What’s going on in that head of yours? I called your name three times before you responded.”
“Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about the job and this town and how all this is happening so fast. It's a little overwhelming.”
He’s driving, so he’s looking ahead at the road, but he reaches over and places his hand on mine. Not to hold it, but to show a sign of understanding and comfort.
“Well, do you want to just tell me how the interview went? Obviously, it went great, ‘cause you got the job like I knew you would, but you guys were in there for forty minutes. What did you talk about?”
I raise a brow at him. “Timing us, were you?”
“I was nervous.”
“Why were you nervous? I was the one interviewing.”
“I didn’t want to let you down.”
I look at him, confused. “Let me down? How could you possibly let me down? If it didn’t go well, I would only have myself to blame. It wouldn’t have been your fault.”
He removes his hand and grips the steering wheel til his knuckles are white, and I instantly miss the comfort of his touch. “Yes, it would have, Riley. I’m the one who pushed you to do this. I invaded your privacy by looking at your work the first time. I invaded it again when I went to talk to Mason about your designs, when I knew you didn’t really want other people to see them. I was afraid that I pushed you too far and it would all blow up in my face, and you really wouldn’t want to talk to me then.”
There are so many things to unpack there, but I start with, “What makes you say I wouldn’t want to talk to you?”
“Come on, Riles. We both know you barely tolerate me, let alone want to talk to me.”
My heart sinks to my butt, and I feel like the worst person in the world. In my effort to protect myself, I’ve hurt him. I can see it in the tensing of his jaw and hands. I might not have cared a couple of weeks ago, when I thought he was just some random coming to hit on me, but now I know he’s so much more than that.
“Finn, that’s not true. Okay, it may have been true when I first met you and I thought you were just trying to get in my pants.”
He smirks. “I was.”
I smack him in the arm. “I’m being serious. I may have thought that at first, but I don’t now. I was actually sitting here thinking about the fact that today would have never happened if it weren’t for you. I would have never taken this leap of faith if it wasn’t for you believing in me, and I didn’t say thank you for that specifically, so thank you. It means more than you know.”
His jaw and knuckles seem to relax at that, and I continue on, telling him all about the interview while we drive the rest of the way back to the store so I can finish my shift.
He pulls up to the front of the store, and I’m about to thank him and hop out when he stops me.
“Hey, Riles?”
“Yes, Finn?” I mock him because he sounds like he’s actually nervous for some reason. I hope I didn’t permanently scar him for being such an ice queen when we first met.
“Well, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go get ice cream, you know, to celebrate your new gig.”
My breath catches in my throat at the mention of ice cream.
“You want to take me to ice cream?”
He has a look of panic on his face. “I’m sorry, we just had a really nice conversation, and I’m so proud of you. I just wanted to treat you to ice cream, but it was probably a dumb idea. Never mind, forget I mentioned it.”
I’m not used to seeing this flustered side of the charming Finn Hart, and its kind of endearing, but I don’t want to torture him. “No, it sounds great, but I can’t right now. I have to work. I took the morning off, so I’m sure there’s lots that I have to catch up on. How about after my shift is over at six o’clock?”
He lets out a long sigh of relief. “Yeah, that sounds perfect. I’ll meet you here at six and we can walk over together.”
“Sure, sounds great.”
“See ya then, Riles.”
I give him a small wave. “See ya.”
Now I’m not going to be able to concentrate, counting down to six o’clock so I can get ice cream with Finn. If only he knew what that meant, and if only I had the courage to tell him.
My day dragged on and on as I waited for the clock to turn six, and now that time is here and I actually have nervous butterflies. It’s nothing like the nerves of this morning, when I felt like I would have lost my breakfast—had I eaten any—but it’s still there. Maybe this is what excitement feels like, and how sad it is that it’s been so long since I’ve felt this way, it’s hard for me to discern.
I stop in the employee bathroom and put on some lip gloss and mascara and fix my hair. Then I head out front to wait for Finn and stop dead in my tracks. Holy cow, he looks hot. He trimmed his beard down close to his face, put on dark jeans that hug his thick muscular thighs, and a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, showing off those forearms of his. He catches me staring and smirks. I regain my bearings and walk over to him, giving him a small wave.
“Hey, Riles.”
“Hey, Finn.” Great, now I suddenly can’t speak around him. Get it together, Riley. Thankfully, he’s the one to get us out of our two-word sentences.
“How was the rest of your workday? Were you swamped like you thought you’d be?”
“No, it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought, but it does make me nervous to be working full time and designing.”
Finn stops in his tracks and looks at me. “What do you mean, working here and designing? Is that cheap bastard not paying you an amazing salary? I’ll call him right now and give him a piece of my mind for trying to shortchange you.”
“Whoa, slow your roll, mister. My salary is more than generous. It’s actually more than I’m making here. I just don’t want to burn my bridge here. For one, they have always been good to me here, and two, what if I do want to design here after this project?”
I can’t quite decipher the way he is looking at me when he says, “You really are incredible, Riles.”
I look down because I can’t handle the way that he’s looking at me anymore, and it’s hard for me to take the compliment, so I just reply, “Uh huh, so shall we go get that ice cream now?”
“Oh yeah, of course. Sorry.”
When we reach the ice cream store, he reaches for the door to open it for me, and this time, I let him. See, I’m making progress and all that. We get up to the counter, and I order my usual half pralines and cream and half mint chip. Then the worker turns to Finn, waiting for his order.
“I’ll have vanilla, please.”
I gasp, and his eyes shoot over to me in question. “You really are a serial killer,” I whisper. He barks out a laugh as he hands the young gentleman some cash for our order. After that, we head to a table and sit down.
“So, why am I a serial killer now? Because I like vanilla ice cream?”
“Obviously. No sane person comes to an ice cream shop, where they have a pick of about twenty flavors, and picks vanilla.”
“What can I say? I’m an easy-going guy. You should know that by now, Riley, and besides, there’s so many different kinds of vanilla. I like to see how each place does it.”
Now I’m staring at him with wide eyes. “You’ve studied different kinds of vanilla?”
“I don’t know if studied is the right word, but I’ve had enough vanilla ice cream. I consider myself a bit of an expert.”
“Hopefully the only thing you like vanilla is your ice cream,” I murmur to myself, thinking he can’t hear me until he responds.
The timbre of his voice drops even more than normal. “Yes, Riley, the only thing I like vanilla is my ice cream.” Is he staring at my mouth again? I think he is, and why do I feel tingles all over my body?
I clear my throat and nod my head. “Well, that’s good to know.”
We spend a couple of minutes in comfortable silence, eating our ice cream, and my thoughts drift to my mother and our trips to this very ice cream shop. He must sense the change in my demeanor because he asks, “What just happened there?”
“Hmm?” I respond, half distracted.
“I can tell your head went somewhere else. What happened? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I was just thinking about the fact that my mom and I used to come here when I was little.”
“Well, that’s really sweet. Are you guys close?”
I give him a sad smile. “She passed when I was about ten.”
His eyes widen. “Oh, shoot, Riles. I’m so sorry I said anything, and I’m sorry I suggested we come somewhere you used to come with her. I’m such an idiot.”
“Don’t do that,” I say, brow furrowed. “Don’t talk down about yourself like that. You did it earlier when you asked me to ice cream. Your ideas aren’t dumb, and you’re not an idiot, so don’t say that.”
“Sorry. I guess I didn’t realize I was doing it.”
“It’s okay, and about being here, it’s fine. Great, actually. I haven’t been here in so long, and it’s a good memory with her. I should come here more often. Man, I should remember her more often. She really was the best. It’s just hard sometimes.”
He smiles at me with sympathy in his eyes, but not pity. Which is good, because I don’t think I could stand it if Finn pitied me. “Will you tell me about her?”
“Hmm, let’s see. Well, she kept her hair short like I do, and it just now occurred to me that maybe that’s why I keep mine short. I didn’t cut it because of her, but maybe in the back of my mind the thought was there.”
“That’s really great, Riles. I love your hair.”
“Really? Cause I always thought I looked like a little boy, or Professor Snape from Harry Potter.”
He barks out a laugh, and when he gains control of it after a few seconds, he stares right into my eyes. “No, Riley, you don’t look like Snape. You look hot.”
Once again, I look down, because I don’t know how to take any compliment, let alone something like that. I can feel my face flush all the way to the tips of my ears, and thankfully, Finn cuts in.
“Tell me more about her, Riley. Beautiful short hair, what else?”
“She always wore dresses. She hated wearing pants because she said they felt too constrictive, which is wild to me, but that was her. She was the kindest person I’ve ever met, but she also took no crap from anyone.”
“Hmm, I know someone like that.”
I smirk at him. “Shush. I’m trying to tell you about my mom.” He raises both hands in placation and I continue, “She really was the kindest person, always helping those in the community. You had a death in the family? She was there with a casserole and a bottle of wine. Just had a baby? Same, except she would also offer to stay and hold the baby so the new mama could run and take a shower, or more importantly, take a nap.
“On good days and bad, she would bring me here to this very ice cream shop, and she would order half pralines and cream, half mint chip. She really tried to make my childhood fun, even when he was having one of his days.”
His eyes narrow. “When who was having what kind of day?”
“My father, or my sperm donor, as I like to call him. Because all he did to raise me was contribute his sperm. He was a pathological liar who couldn’t hold down a job and then had the audacity to yell at my mom when she would come home from a long day at work about why dinner wasn’t done. He always wanted us to look like the perfect put together family, but he really couldn’t tell you any of my interests or what grade I was even in.
“His love, if you could even call it that, was very conditional. If you weren’t doing exactly what he wanted, when he wanted, he would take that love away. He wanted everyone around us to think we were close, but as soon as we walked in the door, he didn’t care about me. I wasn’t good enough for him. I spent most of my childhood in my room because I didn’t know what kind of mood he would be in.
“So, on the bad days, my mom would come up with some kind of excuse as to why she and I had to go somewhere, and we would come here and escape, even if it was just for a bit. She always said ice cream can cure anything, and I don’t think she understood how true that was for me. Her bringing me here healed bits of my heart that my dad tried to chip away at. It wasn’t the ice cream, though, it was her. It was the quality time with her.”
When I finish talking, Finn reaches over and wipes away a tear from my face, and I didn’t even realize I was crying. I so rarely think about my mom in this kind of detail because I don’t want to feel sad, but once again, I should. She was everything, and she deserves to be remembered to the fullest.
After a moment, he speaks. “That was really beautiful, Riley. She sounds like an amazing woman, and I can see that she raised an amazing woman. She gave you that foundation until you were ten, but you carried it on and became what you are today in spite of your father, or sperm donor, sorry, and you should be really proud of that.”
“Thanks, Finn,” I say as I wipe another tear from my eye. Why is he being so sweet? This is just who Finn is. He’s real, and he’s honest, and he’s encouraging, and I think I could easily fall for him.
Especially after he waits a couple of beats and says, “Riles, your mom sounds amazing, but your dad… screw that guy.”
Yup, I can definitely see myself falling for Finn Hart.