Chapter 16
Riley
M y doorbell rings, so I drop the clothes I’m folding and sprint to the front door and fling it open. Chloe’s standing there with a smile and a bottle of wine. Thank the Lord for best friends. I grab her by the wrist and drag her inside.
“What took you so long? I’ve been waiting all night.”
“Riles, take a breath. I’m like five minutes late.”
“Feels like an hour.”
She places her hands on my shoulders, which is what she typically does when she’s trying to calm me down.
“Riley, it’s going to be okay. We just have to get you packed for a work trip. You can’t be this stressed over what to bring on a work trip.”
I let out an exasperated breath. “Of course it’s not because of a work trip. It’s a work trip with Finn Hart!”
Now she’s grinning like an idiot. I knew this was coming. I haven’t told her about the kiss, or any of the other interactions that we’ve had. I’ve been so busy with everything, it’s completely slipped my mind. Also, I just really didn’t want to talk about it because I’m not really ready to dissect it myself.
I’ve thrown myself so far into work that I haven’t been able to think about anything else. In some aspects, it’s been a good thing because my mind is always busy. On the other hand, I may or may not be avoiding something really big with me and Finn. Now that this weekend has arrived, I know I can’t really avoid it any longer.
“Well, Chloe, why don’t you have a seat and I’ll get us some glasses? There’s some stuff I haven’t filled you in on yet, and you may need both the seat and the booze.” I walk into the kitchen and grab two stemless wine glasses and an old box of Valentines chocolates I was saving for an emergency. This very much feels like an emergency.
I hand Chloe her glass and she’s staring at me warily. “Okay, Riles, you’re scaring me. What is going on?”
“I kissed Finn,” I blurt out.
Her eyes widen, then one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen blooms on her face. “Riley, when did this happen?”
“Two weeks ago,” I murmur.
“Two weeks!” she screeches. “Riley Fields, you kissed that amazing hunk of a man, Finn Hart, two weeks ago, and you’re just telling me now?! And wait, you’re telling me now because you’re forced into this weekend trip with him? Would you have even told me if it wasn’t for that?”
She looks genuinely hurt, and I feel horrendous for that. I know I’ve been working on opening up more to her, and I feel like I was doing a pretty good job. I even put on a mini dress and went out to a bar with her. Which is the night in question, so I would say that’s good progress, but I should have told her. She put a lot of effort into helping me get out that night, and she also put a lot of effort into saving my hide when we thought Finn was there on a date with that supermodel.
I put my hand on hers and try to show her the genuineness in my eyes. “I’m really sorry, Chloe. I really should have told you. You’re my best friend, and you’ve been so amazing and going above and beyond to help me get out of this hole that I’ve been in. I should have opened up to you about it. It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. Please know that. It really had more to do with me not wanting to know it.”
She gives me a puzzled look and I continue, “I’m terrified, Chloe, like genuinely scared of Finn Hart.”
She gives my hand an understanding squeeze and replies, “I know it’s scary. Heck, I’m still sitting here single because I’m too scared to let anyone in before I show everyone that I can make something of myself. I don’t want anyone to ever think I need a man to support me, so I want to make my own living before I merge my life with someone else. So, I understand, I really do, but that doesn’t mean you have to shut me out. Hell, see how fun it is to commiserate together over a bottle of wine?”
I give her a sad smile and avert my eyes. “Well, now that we’re all out in the open, there’s more.”
“Go on.”
“I told him about my mom, Chlo, and my childhood.”
“Sperm donor, too?”
“Sperm donor, too.”
She comes over to my side and gives me a big hug, and I miss the connection when it’s gone. “Riles, this is what’s really freaked you out, huh? Not the kiss. It’s this.”
All I can do is nod my head.
So, she continues, “Are you afraid you’re going to let him in emotionally and he’s going to hurt you?”
“God, yes, and what could a guy like Finn Hart possibly see in me? I was so cold to him in the beginning. He probably just thinks I’m a bitch and has to tolerate me now that we’re working together.”
She’s giving me the saddest look. “Riley, I really wish I could crawl inside your head and cut off the oxygen from all those voices. I know it’s truly not how your brain works, but you’re out of your mind to not see how that man is a complete goner for you. I wish you could see what everyone else sees, and I bet if you let him in, he would show you. If you truly looked and could see the way he looks at you, you would feel it.”
“Okay, first, too soon to tell me I’m out of my mind.” She lets out an exasperated sigh, but I hold up my hand. “Second, thanks, Chloe. You’re truly the only person in this world who understands me. Most of the time, I feel like you understand me better than I understand me. You’re right, though. I know, when I really sit down and think about it, he likes me. I’m the one that told him it had to be strictly professional, and now it may have to be, since we technically work together. I don’t know. I’m just so confused by all of this.”
“You don’t have to have all of this figured out right now. Why don’t you just go this weekend and try to keep your mind and your heart open? I bet you anything you’ll be able to tell how much he truly cares about you if you let your guard down just a little bit. Get to know him better and let him get to know you. I know how funny and easy going you are when you’re comfortable with someone. So, show him that side of you.”
“We already do kind of banter back and forth. It’s about serial killers, but you know, it’s still banter.”
She just blinks at me before responding, “Okay, well, let’s work on the banter. Can we transition to something a little hotter than serial killers? Like crypto or something?” I punch her playfully in the arm and she continues, “I’m kidding about the crypto, but in all seriousness, just be yourself. Anyone would be beyond lucky to land you, and if he’s not the one, he’s not the one. It’s all about putting yourself out there and trying.”
“Does that mean you’re going to put yourself out there and try, too?”
Her eyes narrow. “We’re talking about you here. We don’t have enough time to unpack both of our traumas. Yours is enough for tonight. Now, let’s get you packed!”
“Okay, great, because I kind of tried to start and became paralyzed by overwhelm, so I need your help. I don’t know where we’re going, or what exactly we’re doing. I don’t know if I’m just going to be flying solo or if we’re doing anything together.”
“Well, I can almost guarantee you there’s no way Finn is going to take you all the way to Seattle and abandon you. I’m sure you’ll have dinner or something together. The good part is, you’re only going for one night and two days. So, you can pack two of everything and just pick once you figure out where you’re going and what you’re doing.”
I throw my arms around her. “I know I keep you around for a reason.”
She shoves me off and heads for my bedroom, where she starts making piles of different outfits. Some of these things I would’ve never thought to put together. That’s another great thing about Chloe: she keeps me stylish.
I’m mostly all packed, except for toiletries and intimates. I’m about to tell her thanks and I’ll handle the rest when she asks, “Where’s your lingerie?”
“My what?!” I croak out.
“Your lingerie, Riley. You can’t go on an overnight with Finn and not bring lingerie.”
“It’s a work trip!”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that. So, where is it?!”
“I don’t have any.”
“Riley, what kind of respectable woman doesn’t have lingerie?”
I raise my hand and point my finger in my own face. “This one. I have no use for it. I like to be comfy.”
“Okay, Plan B. Do you have any pajamas that aren’t leggings and a holey t-shirt?”
I think to myself for a minute, then sprint to my dresser and pull out the only nice pair of pajamas I have. It’s a pair of satin shorts with lace trim and a matching camisole. I hesitate, about to put it back, but Chloe prances over and squeals.
“Yes, exactly what I had in mind. Oh my God, Riles, this is hot.”
“Well, I can’t take this on a work trip.”
“Once again, I really don’t think this is as much of a work trip as you think it is. There’s also nothing wrong with dressing a little sexy just to make yourself feel good. Maybe he’ll see it, maybe he won’t. Bring your leggings and t-shirts, but bring this, too, just in case you’re feeling brave. No pressure.”
I give her a skeptical look. “Okay, it probably won’t even come out of my suitcase, but I’ll bring it. Happy?”
“Very,” she replies with a smug grin, and I hope she hasn’t put any ideas in my head about what this weekend is supposed to be.
I like Finn. I like Finn a lot, and I think he likes me, too. It’s my own doing that we’re in this position of dancing around each other. I hope I can get out of my shell this weekend and take that next step with him. Once that happens, though, there will be no going back.