This is Me Trying (Evergreen Ridge)

Chapter 19

Finn

C rap, that meeting went better than I anticipated. Don’t get me wrong, it wouldn’t normally be a bad thing, but this job would keep me in Seattle for a bit over a year. I’ve had this meeting on the books since before I started the project in Evergreen Ridge. I definitely wasn’t anticipating someone like Riley coming into my life. I’ve always gone where the wind blew and I only had to worry about myself. Now, here I am thinking about whether I’m going to take this job or not, and I’m still in the friend zone with Riley.

I keep feeling like I get little hints she might want more, but if she’s not willing to let herself have it, then I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I need to make sure I have something to fall back on. I only have a couple of weeks before I have to decide if I’m going to sign a contract. I’m really hoping I can turn things around for us this weekend.

She wasn’t here when I got back and I really hope it means she had a great time exploring the city and seeing the stores I suggested. I thought the car would be a nice touch, but knowing her, I have a feeling she’s going to make fun of me for it. I just wanted to know she was safe and comfortable and didn’t have to use up any of her mental load navigating around the city.

I don’t like to talk about how much money I make, especially since my parents think I make close to nothing. They act like I’m going to be homeless at any second, but with the amount of projects in the city I’ve taken on over the years, I have quite the nest egg for myself, and I don’t want to spend it on just me. I know Riley doesn’t care about that kind of stuff, but I want to spoil her wherever I can.

I shoot her a text that I’m downstairs waiting for her, and she lets me know she’ll be down in a minute. I have no clue if it’s a girl minute or an actual minute, but who am I kidding? I would wait forever for that woman. That’s the kind of spell she has me under.

I look up and freeze when I see her. Apparently, she meant an actual minute because here she comes, and she looks so hot I almost swallow my own tongue. She’s wearing a form-fitting tank top that just barely shows off the swells of her breasts. Her jeans are so tight I can see every luscious curve, and her legs look even longer with those spike heeled boots she’s wearing. It’s cold out so she paired everything with a leather jacket. Without makeup, she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, but today, she put on some light makeup that just accentuates the features I already love.

She looks at me and smiles like she knows what she’s doing to me, and I love it, because I’m ecstatic to see that she’s showing off some new found confidence.

She comes right up to me, so close she has to tilt her head to look into my eyes and says, “Hey.”

“Hey,” I croak out, losing my words like a teenage boy talking to his crush for the first time. It takes me a couple of seconds to gain my bearings. I grab her hand, bring it to my mouth, and give it a light kiss. “You look amazing. Are you ready to go?”

Her eyes flare and her cheeks flush. “Yeah, I'm ready.”

There have been moments when I can tell that Riley wants this, and this is one of those moments. I need to find the balance of respecting what she said about staying professional, and being able to express my feelings because I feel like we both owe it to ourselves to try this.

I open the door for her and usher her inside. As she steps in, I have an amazing view of her backside, and I know I’m in trouble tonight. I follow behind her and get situated in the car. She’s fidgeting with her hands, and I can tell she’s nervous. Her confidence comes in waves, and I want to make sure that I help her keep it going.

To get her out of her head, I know it’s always best for me to break the silence. “How was your day, Riles? You seemed to get back pretty close to four-thirty, so does that mean you got to see most of the places on the list?”

Her eyes light up, and I’m excited to hear about her day and get her out of her head. “Oh my gosh, Finn, it was the best day ever. I can’t believe all the different stores and showrooms that are here in the city. It was overwhelming, but in the best way possible. I’ll definitely be shopping at the local antique stores in Evergreen, but the showrooms here are amazing for all the fixtures. Some things I’ve never even considered for the project, I think will work really well.”

“Good. I’m glad you had a good time, and it seems like it was productive.”

Now she’s looking at me like she’s thinking so hard her brain might break. “I also figured out that you’re not a serial killer.”

“Oh yeah? Nice to hear you don’t think so anymore. What changed your mind all of a sudden?”

“You’re in the mafia, mid to high level.”

I burst out laughing. This girl and her brain. “Where on earth do you come up with this stuff?”

“Hear me out. I’m here thinking that when you say there’s a car to take me around, it’s going to be an Uber, because you know, that’s what any normal person would think. Then some guy in a coat opens the door for me to a nice blacked-out SUV, and I’m either waiting for a bag to be thrown over my head because I’m being kidnapped, or you’re going to force me into some mafia marriage agreement. It’s not normal for a construction contractor to be ordering blacked-out SUVs for work purposes.”

“Okay, first of all, your imagination, impressive. Second of all, I actually think I like this whole mafioso theory more than the serial killer. It’s at least sexier.” She opens her mouth to object, and I put up my hand and shake my head. This girl. Once she got going, she didn’t give up on the bit, and I love playing with her. “Third of all, I didn’t do it for a work trip. I did it for you. I wanted you to enjoy yourself today. I wanted you to see what your career could look like. You’re taking a big risk switching careers, and I recognize that. But you’re killing it, and I want you to believe in yourself even more than you already are. You can do this, Riley. You already are.”

She can’t seem to meet my gaze, so I grip her chin with my thumb and forefinger. She raises her eyes to me slowly and just says, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, let’s have a nice dinner, and I’ll show you how a mafia boss wines and dines.”

I can tell she can’t help the smile that blooms on her face. I definitely think I’m working my way out of the friend zone, but I’ll be patient, because I know how hard this is for her, and I can tell she’s trying. I just really hope she’s trying to be more than friends.

***

It doesn’t take very long for us to get to the restaurant. I know I went all out with the car earlier, but I know Riley isn’t the type of girl to like an expensive, stuffy dinner, so I brought her to my favorite Italian place. It’s casual, with jerseys hanging on the wall, but it’s authentic Italian where they make the pasta from scratch and the wine selection is amazing.

We’re seated at our table, and the lighting in here makes her look even more beautiful. We’ve put in our order, so we’re sipping our wine in comfortable silence. It’s so nice that I don’t feel like I have to work hard to keep the conversation going. Sometimes, we’re talking and bantering non stop, and others, we’re just enjoying each other’s company in the quiet. I have a feeling that Riley’s brain is pretty loud, so I think she appreciates the moments of silence as well.

Tonight, however, is about getting out of the friend zone, and I’m so close I can taste it. Just like I can still taste her on my lips if I close my eyes. But the farther away we get from that kiss a month ago, the more it fades. I want that back, and I want her, so I start a conversation.

“I’m really glad you had such a good day today. I don’t think I’ve ever asked you: what got you into designing in the first place? I know you were doing it for fun, but where did that passion come from?”

She looks down with a faint smile of remembrance on her lips. “My mom.”

“Geez, Riley, here I am, bringing her up again. I’m sorry.”

“No, really, it’s great actually. After we got ice cream, I thought about how much I haven’t been talking about her, and I miss that. I want to keep her memory alive, and it doesn’t hurt so much now. It’s more nostalgia.”

“That’s really great, but as long as you’re sure, tell me to piss off at any time.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I will,” she says with a wink.

Holy crap, she just winked at me. Maybe she really is starting to open up to the idea of this, of us. So, I keep the conversation going.

“So, it had to do with your mom. Was she a designer?”

“No, she wanted to be, but because my dad couldn’t hold down a job, she never had the stability to step out and start her own business, when she had me to take care of. So, she worked a stable nine-to-five. We didn’t have much money, but rent was always paid and there was always food on the table.

“With whatever extra cash we had after buying things I needed, and taking me for ice cream, we would go to second-hand stores together and she would buy home decor. Sometimes, there was a sale and we left with a cart full. Sometimes, we had a dollar to spend and she would go straight for the knickknacks and buy something to put on our shelves. Everything always had a vintage feel because that was what we could afford, so I really fell in love with the aesthetic.”

“That’s why you’re the perfect person for this job, Riley. Your style fits it perfectly. Not to say you couldn’t ever design something more modern, but for this project, I think yours and Mason’s visions really meld well together.”

“Thanks. I think it does, too, and it feels like I’m paying tribute to my mom in some weird way.”

“I don’t think it’s weird at all. I think you’re paying tribute to her by going out on a limb and taking this leap of faith into designing. Also, with the style, that’s going to come through with the project. She would be so proud of you. I hope you know that.”

She stares at me for a beat. “Thanks, Finn. I really think I’m starting to, and you played a big part in that. So, thank you.”

“No way. This is all you.”

She just scowls at me, and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, but I continue, “What was her name?”

She’s smiling again, the real genuine smile that I love so much. “Lilly.”

“That’s a beautiful name. Lilly and Riley, fits so well together.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“It really does. Again, you can tell me to piss off, but do you mind if I ask how she passed? You said you were only ten, right?”

She gets this sad, far-off look in her eyes, and I’m kicking myself for asking the question, but I’m so enamored by her and her story, I can’t help but know everything I can about her. Thankfully, she doesn’t stay quiet for long and responds.

“She passed away from brain cancer.”

Oh no, I definitely should have shied away from this topic.

“I’m so sorry, Riles. I can’t even imagine how difficult that must have been at all, let alone when you were so young.”

“It’s okay. It was hard, but at least I was old enough to help her.”

My brow furrows in confusion. “What do you mean, old enough to help her?”

She bites her lip nervously and looks down. I put my hand on hers, just like she did in the car when I was telling her about my conversation with Jackson. It was comforting for me, so I hope it has the same effect for her. She takes a deep breath and continues.

“Well, I know I told you how my dad was kind of a douche.”

“Kind of,” I murmur, because her dad, or sperm donor as she calls him, seems like a real piece of work.

She gives me a small smile of appreciation before continuing.

“So, my dad was not involved at all when my mom got her diagnosis. He was never checked in unless we had some sort of audience, but since we were homebound when my mom was sick, he didn’t do a damn thing to help her. The extent of his help was driving her to and from, because if someone noticed that she took public transit to a chemotherapy appointment, that would make him look bad.

“But once we were home, it was just me and her. I’d help her get to and from the bathroom when she was sick. Tried to make sure she stayed hydrated and always had crackers on her nightstand. I would wrap her head in her pretty scarves that we’d pick from the second-hand stores that she got her home decor from.

“When it got to the end, I was the one by her bedside. We couldn’t afford a home nurse or long stays in the hospital. She knew my dad would never be able to pay those bills, so she chose to go home in her last days. I would make sure she was as comfortable as possible and curl up next to her in bed and read some of my favorite books to her. I still do that now when I really miss her. I’ll curl up in my bed and read some of those books out loud to myself.”

All I can do is squeeze her hand. I’m speechless for a moment, processing all of this. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a hundred times: Riley Fields is the strongest woman I know.

“Wow, Riles, I don’t even know what to say. I want to punch your dad in the face for making you go through all of that alone, but I’m also in awe of you, of your strength. The fact that you get out of bed every day and work your butt off is inspiring. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

I look down and notice that my hand is still on top of hers, and so does she. She intertwines her fingers with mine. My heart stutters because this is definitely not me reading into signs. You don’t do that with someone you want to be just friends with, right? I lift her hand to my lips and lightly kiss her fingers and savor the blush that blooms from her cheeks all the way down her beautiful neck.

She clears her throat and snaps me out of my stupor. “Thanks, Finn, for your words and for letting me get all of that out. I feel lighter somehow.”

“Any time. Are you ready to get out of here?”

“Sure, sounds great. Thanks for dinner. It was amazing.”

I give her a wink and put my hand on her lower back to guide her out of the restaurant and to the car. I open the door for her and instead of sliding all the way in, she stops in the middle seat. I climb in next to her and close the door. As I turn toward her, she grabs my face and slams her lips to mine.

I’m an absolute goner. I’ve missed this taste, this feel. I’ve missed her. I didn’t think I would ever experience this again, and yet here we are.

Her arms wrap around my neck as I deepen the kiss, and she lets out a little moan that I swallow whole, and I’m hungry for more. I slide my tongue into her mouth and she sucks on it, and now it’s me moaning. I grab her hips and pull her closer to me. I wish we were anywhere right now except the back of this car with a driver up front. At least there’s a privacy visor between us and him.

She tugs on my hair, and I give her hips a squeeze. We are both moaning and panting in the back of this car like a couple of teenagers. Unfortunately, the car comes to a stop, and I have to slow down the kiss. Which is probably a good thing, because it was getting way too heated. I pull away only slightly and rest my forehead against hers, and our heavy breaths intermingle, and so do the wild beats of our hearts.

Thankfully, there’s nowhere for her to bolt this time; we’re sharing a room at this hotel. Unless she freaks and asks me to go stay at my apartment. Which I will if it makes her more comfortable, but gosh, I hope she doesn’t ask for that. We have taken so many steps forward tonight, I don’t want to take a step back.

“Riley, we’re here.”

“I know.”

“How’s your head? Are you gonna bolt again?” I try to make light.

She smiles sheepishly. “No, Finn, no intention of bolting, but we’re still using a pillow wall on the bed.”

I grab her chin and give her a quick kiss. “I can work with that.”