This is Me Trying (Evergreen Ridge)

Chapter 25

Finn

I ’ve never been to prison, but today, I’m willing to go for murder as I see Riley huddled on the floor with her eyes squeezed tightly shut and her hands over her ears. A grown man is pointing his finger at her and yelling, “It would have been better if you were never born.” My feet move faster than my head as I storm right up to this tool. Who on earth could this possibly be, and what happened? I don’t have time to find out all the details. All I’m thinking about is protecting the woman on the floor. The woman who has worked all these weeks to open up and come out of her shell. Now she looks like a wilted flower, when she should be in full bloom. The woman who is taking root in the very center of my chest.

Before I fully know what I’m doing, I’m grabbing this loser by the front of his shirt and storming to the front, dragging him with me. The older gentleman who works with Riley looks startled at first, but then he rushes to the front of the store and opens the door for me. Good man. I knew I liked him.

I know my eyes are smoldering as I stare down at this man who has Riley’s eyes. It clicks into place who this is, and my anger rises even more, if that’s possible. I can smell the alcohol on his breath and the effects of it make him stumble even more as I let go of his shirt and shove him in the chest. He takes a few steps backward and loses his balance and falls on his back. Now I’m the one towering over him. Good.

There’s a genuine flash of fear in his eyes as I lean over and point my finger in his face like he did to my Riley. My Riley? I don’t have time to dissect that thought right now, so I shake my head, and the thought along with it.

“I don’t care that you’re drunk out of your mind and are a miserable human being. If you ever go near her again, I will end you.”

“And how will you do that?” he sneers with a slight slur to his speech.

I take a step toward him, and this time, his flinch is a lot more noticeable. “I don’t think you want to test that. I have a way of making things happen. Now go back to your miserable, lonely little life and leave her alone. You see her, you turn the other way, or your life as you know it is over.”

“I don’t wanna see that bitch’s face again, anyway,” he spits.

Annd that’s it. I crank my fist back and land it square in the middle of his nose. He grabs his face and starts howling. “You son of a bitch. I’m pressing charges.”

“Hmm, too bad no one saw anything happen. You’re pissed drunk. I’m pretty sure you stumbled out and tripped. Your reflexes were so slow that you couldn’t brace your fall, and your face stopped you. I have a feeling that, even if there were witnesses, they would have seen what I just explained happened. Now get off your sorry ass and get out of here.”

He scrambles on unsteady feet and walks off to God knows where. Then, once again, my feet are moving. I left Riley huddled on the floor when I grabbed her deadbeat father by the shirt. She was terrified, and I left her there all alone.

When I walk back in, she’s in the same place I left her, except now, she’s shaking uncontrollably. At least she’s not alone. Craig is sitting next to her. I kneel in front of her and try to pry her hands from her ears, but they won’t budge.

Craig looks at me with pain in his eyes. “I’ve tried talking her down, but she’s not hearing me.”

I grab her face gently in my hands, and she doesn’t pull away. I try one more time. “Riley, baby, it’s me. Can I get you out of here and take you home?” She gives the slightest nod of her head, and that’s all I need to sweep her into my arms. The second I pick her up, her hands drop from her ears, and she wraps them around my neck and buries her face in my chest. That’s a really good sign, but she’s still trembling the whole way to my truck. I’m almost too nervous to put her down in the passenger seat, but it’s the only way for us to get home.

As I try to set her down, her grip on me tightens. “Riles, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe, but I have to put you down so I can get in and drive us home.” She still won’t let go of my neck, and I have another idea. “Okay, Riles, I won’t get out of this car. just let go so I can climb into the driver’s seat. I’ll lock the doors and stay with you.”

She hesitates, but then she lets go. I slide her off of me and immediately miss the heat of her body, the comfort of knowing she was safe in my arms. I climb over the center console and reach over as far as I can so I can put her seatbelt on her. After she’s secure, I put on my own and place my palm on her leg, so she knows she’s not alone and she’s still safe. As much as I hope it is a reassurance for her, it is for me, too.

I know that she’s safe, but she’s definitely not unscathed. I sincerely hope that these weeks of progress with her aren’t derailed because of that douchebag. I hope she sees she is strong and worthy, no matter what he said to her. Most of all, I hope she recognizes how, in this short time, she has become the most important person in my life. If she isn’t aware of that, it’s my job to make sure that she knows and doesn’t even question it.

On the drive over to her house, I keep sneaking glances at her to see if she still seems to be in the same sense of shock. Her eyes are at least open now as she gazes out the window, but she is still shivering. It’s almost as if she’s feeling, whatever it is she’s feeling, down to the very bone. Hopefully, she will recognize that feeling that deeply means that she is alive, and maybe not well, but trying.

We finally pull up to her house, and this time, I’m not sure I can physically maneuver climbing over to her again, so I hope she’s doing better and ask, “Do you think it would be okay if I got out of the car this time and came around to your side to help you out?” All she gives me is a slight nod of her head, but it’s enough right now. So, I exit the car and go around to her side and open the door. She’s staring off into space, but when I bend down to pick her up, she doesn’t flinch. Just like before, she wraps her arms around me and buries her face in my chest. I walk up to the front door and freeze. She didn’t have a purse or anything with her, so I doubt she has a key.

“Riles, do you have a key to get in?”

“Plant,” is all she can muster.

I see the plant in question and bend down to tip it over and look underneath. Sitting right there is a key to her house, right next to the front door. We will have to have a word about safety later, but that’s not what’s on my mind right now. Right now, I need to get her to stop shivering. I know she’s not shivering so much from being cold, as it is anxiety and shock and trauma, but I feel like I need to do something tangible to help.

Her place is warm and inviting, but rather small and quaint. It should be easy to find her bedroom, and sure enough, I find it on the first try. I carry her to the bathroom and place her on the counter where, once again, she doesn’t want to let go.

“I need to get you warmed up. I’m going to turn on a warm shower for you. I’ll be right here the whole time.”

Another slight nod of her head has me moving to the shower and turning on the handle for the hot water. I turn around to her and look into her hollow eyes. I’m not leaving her for a second, but I also can’t take a shower with her. This is not that kind of situation, and we’re not at that stage where she would feel safe doing that. So, I shrug my shoulders and decide that we’re going to take a hot shower together—fully clothed.

I scoop her into my arms again, and she assumes the position we have become accustomed to in the last hour or so. I enter the hot, steamy shower and sit on the floor with her in my lap. I try to angle us the best I can so the water is hitting her back, but not getting in her face. I smooth her hair back and out of her face and try to rub soothing circles on her back. It takes a while, but little by little, she stops shivering. It takes a while more for her to look up at me, and I am stunned.

The empty lost eyes of before are gone, and in their place is sadness, but also a bit of hope, if that’s possible. She looks at me like she’s looking into my very being and stripping me bare. She places a chaste kiss on my cheek and whispers, “Thank you,” against my skin. I let out a sigh of relief because it feels like she’s going to get through this. I guess I knew she would, but I thought it may be a ten steps back sort of situation, and now I’m holding out hope that maybe it’s more like two steps.

I go still as she moves her lips to my jaw and kisses me again. She moves to my neck and begins kissing me there. I’m lost in the moment for a matter of two seconds before my brain registers what’s happening and I snap out of it.

I lean back and look down at her. “Hey, Riles, this isn’t what that’s about. You don’t have to thank me in that way. I’m in here with you because you didn’t want to be alone, but if you’re a bit better now, I can go so you can take a shower. I’ll wait right outside the door if you want.”

She looks a little ashamed, and my gut twists as I continue, “Hey, none of that. Wherever your head just went. I’m here. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

She looks me in the eye, gaze searching. “You, Finn. I need you.”

“Are you sure, Riley? You know I would like nothing more, but what you just went through, I’m sure you have a lot going on in your head right now. I don’t want you to regret—”

The next thing I know, her mouth is on mine. This time, though, it’s not hard and demanding, it is soft and pleading. Like she needs this. Needs this connection to know that she’s okay and she can still feel in a way that is good and healthy and safe. So, I give her everything I have in this kiss. Earlier today, I wanted her to know that she was taking root inside of me, so I do my very best to tell her without words.

Her tongue teases my lips, and I open for her. Our tongues dancing together in a silent declaration of love. Yes, it is at this moment that I realize I really and truly love Riley Fields. I’m aware it hasn’t been very long, but I know enough to know that I will never feel this way for someone else as long as I live. She’s it for me. Now I just need to show her that and pray she doesn’t run away.