Chapter 26
Riley
T he morning light shines through the window, and there’s this weird juxtaposition inside of me. Yesterday was simultaneously one of the worst—the absolute worst being the day my mom died—and one of the best days of my life. It was the first time I thought the person who calls himself my father would actually physically strike me. It was also the first time someone has whole-heartedly stood up for me in that way. Made me feel protected and safe. Took care of me when I was at my absolute weakest.
I have only ever felt that panicked one other time in my life. When my mom got her diagnosis. I was only ten, but I still understood the weight of what it meant. That she could be gone and I would be left with only my father in my life to take care of me, and I knew that couldn’t happen, but it would.
My vision started to tunnel, my hands started to simultaneously shake and feel numb and tingly. My face went numb, as well, and I couldn’t get in full breaths. My chest tightened, and I was convinced that I was having a heart attack and I was going to die. That was the only other time I’ve had a full-blown anxiety attack.
I don’t think I really even understood that Finn had gotten me out of there until we were halfway to my house. The rest is something that I will cherish for the rest of my life, no matter what may happen between me and Finn. The way he took care of me, the way he knew exactly what I needed, but still took my lead at the same time.
I stretch out like a cat and look next to me, where the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen is still asleep and breathing softly. Is it okay to say that a man is beautiful? Well, he is. Years of doing manual labor have turned his body into something that rivals the statues of the Greeks.
I reach over and twine my fingers into his chestnut colored hair. He stirs slightly, and his eyes flutter open and a glowing smile spreads across his face.
“Morning, baby,” he says while he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me into him, where I seem to fit perfectly.
“Hi.” I can feel my cheeks heating, still slightly embarrassed about what happened yesterday.
“Hey, don’t get shy on me. It’s still me, it’s still you, it’s just us.”
“Just us? I think I might like the sound of that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, and about yesterday…” I’m thoroughly embarrassed now that it’s all coming back to me.
“Riles, it was nothing.”
I give him a sharp look.
“Well, it wasn’t nothing. It was obviously a very big something, but I don’t want you to be in your head about it. All things considered, you did amazing.”
Once again, I say nothing. I just give him a look.
“Your body and your mind did what they needed to do to protect themselves in the moment. There’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. I won’t have any of that. After seeing your dad in action myself, I’m surprised it took that long for him to be punched in the face.”
My eyes widen and he winces.
“What do you mean, punched in the face?”
I can tell he’s panicking internally, and I’m trying to keep in my laughter.
“Well, you see, that was actually the first time I’ve punched someone in the face, believe it or not. I don’t want you to think I go around solving conflict with my fists. But yesterday, I learned that when the conflict deals with you, and someone opens their mouth and disparages you, I kind of reacted and punched him in the nose.”
Now I’m really laughing, and he’s scowling. “So, what you’re saying is, you really are a mob boss, a mafioso, a crime lord.”
“Riley,” he growls.
“No, this is great. So, can I add people to your hit list, or are you the only one allowed to do that since you’re the boss?”
He grabs me by my waist and flips us so he’s hovering over me. “I’ll show you who’s boss.”
I’m pretty sure I like where this is going until he starts tickling me incessantly, and I squeal and playfully try to get him off me. He finally relents and kisses me on the nose.
“What do you want for breakfast, Riles?”
“Oh, no, it’s okay. I’ll just grab a coffee on my way into work.” I hate feeling like people are going out of their way for me, so even though I’m starving, I try to pass on breakfast.
“You need something to eat, especially after yesterday. We didn’t eat dinner last night.” He smirks at me and I know where his dirty mind is going, and I’d be lying if I said mine wasn’t following right along with it. “Either you tell me what you want or I’m just going to go rummaging through your fridge and make something up.”
“Toast?” That shouldn’t be too much of a burden for him to make, right?
“Bacon and eggs it is!”
“Finn!”
“Riles, please let me do this for you. I know you’re not used to people taking care of you. I know you are fully capable of feeding yourself, but I want to do this. It brings me joy to do things for you, and if you want to even the score, you can make me dinner another night this week?”
I brush my lips against his, and his hands tighten on my hips. “Fine, I’ll let you make me breakfast, but I’m paying you back.”
“In sexual favors?”
I smack him playfully on the arm. “With dinner. I will make you dinner one night this week.”
He stares at me and grins. “Tonight?”
“You won’t be tired of seeing me after all this time we’ve spent together?”
“I could never get tired of spending time with you, and I know I said I don’t solve conflict with my fists, but I lied. I wish I could deck every person who ever made you feel like spending time with you is some sort of chore. Being around you and being with you is the best part of my day, and I’m going to work to replace those thoughts in your head.”
“Okay,” I whisper, because I really don’t know what else to say, but I’m grateful all the same.
***
Even though Finn made me breakfast and coffee to go, I still have to stop at the Pore Over because this is a small town and word travels fast. Chloe has been blowing up my phone since yesterday evening, when she heard about what happened. She laid off a bit when she found out that I was still with Finn and he was taking care of me. He eventually took my phone from me and messaged her so she would leave us alone. I genuinely love that best friend of mine.
The bell chimes on the top of the door when I enter, and Chloe sees me and squeals. Leaving the customer she is currently helping, she runs around the counter and straight for me. She envelops me in her arms and I let out an “oof.”
“Riley, oh my God, how are you, are you okay? What do you need? What can I do?” She’s running her hands over my arms and searching for physical wounds. I almost wish they were physical because it would heal so much quicker, and people would be able to see where the damage is, so they could avoid it. Instead, I feel like they avoid me as a whole.
I let out a laugh, even though it doesn’t reflect how I’m feeling at the moment. “Really, Chloe, I’m fine. I promise.” I look around to see if anyone is paying attention. The customer she was helping at the register has already gotten his coffee and is sitting down, and everyone else is either working on their laptops or deep in their own conversations. “Finn ended up staying the night with me, so I wasn’t alone or anything.”
She lets out another loud squeal, and there are definitely heads that turn their attention toward us, so I grab her by the hand and march her toward the back room that’s for employees only. “Chloe, please, I don’t want the whole town to know all of my business. It’s bad enough that everyone knows about what happened yesterday. I don’t need them knowing about something I haven’t even figured out myself yet.”
She puts up her hands like she’s taming a frightened animal. “Alright, sorry.” Then she smiles. “So, you’re saying that there is something to figure out between Finn and you?”
I can’t quite meet her eyes when I say, “He really took care of me yesterday, Chloe.”
“In what way?”
“I had this chill in my body from all the trauma, and he may have showered with me to warm me up.”
“WHAT?!” she squeals, and I throw my hand over her mouth to silence her.
“Okay, sorry, cool as a cucumber, promise. You showered together?”
“Chloe,” I whine while pinching the bridge of my nose to stave off the headache that my best friend is inevitably inflicting on me. “It’s now what you think; we were fully clothed. He sat in the shower with me until my body regulated, and we shared a really sweet moment.”
She’s giving me that mischievous smile of hers. “I know I’ve said it once, but I’ll say it again: you really like him.”
“I do, yeah.” I look down at my shoes again, weighing whether or not I’m going to share this next part with her or not, but I need to continue to try, so I do. “I’m scared, though, Chlo.”
Her face softens. “What are you so afraid of? You’re like the strongest person I know.”
“Everyone always leaves. You know that, whether they mean to or not, everyone always leaves. You’re the one person who hasn’t, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sometimes afraid you’d leave, too.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know, I know, but like I said, it doesn’t have to be intentional. Look at my mom.”
Her eyes widen. “I’m not dying.”
“Chloe, I know. I’m just trying to tell you how my brain works.”
“I understand, Riles, but are you just never going to be in a long term happy relationship with this mindset?”
“No, I know you’re right, and I want it to be different. I’m terrified, but I’ll really try with him because I do care for him a whole lot.”
“All you can do is try.”
She gives me another squeeze, and we make our way out to the front of the cafe. Chloe opens the door and freezes, then stutters, actually stutters. “Hey, M-Mason.”
“Hey, Chloe.” He smirks at her, then notices me, and his face changes. “Hey, Riley, how are you doing?”
I’m going to pretend that he has no clue what happened yesterday because that would be mortifying. “Hey, Mason. I’m doing great, just working a lot on all the design elements and scouring antique shops for some of the finer details.”
“That’s great. You have no clue how much that means to me that you are such an efficient worker. We really have to stay on track with our time line so it’s complete before Finn has to go back to Seattle to start on his new job.”
My chest tightens and I look over at Chloe, whose eyes have widened, and she’s shaking her head at me slightly because she knows exactly what I’m thinking and exactly where my head is going. See, everyone always leaves.