This is Me Trying (Evergreen Ridge)

Chapter 35

Riley

I wake up the next morning with a pounding headache and an overwhelming sense of dread. What the hell was that last night? The greatest man I’ve ever known professed his love for me, and I bolted. I still can’t get the crushed look on his face out of my head. It might be burned there permanently, and that’s exactly what I deserve.

I have no idea how long Chloe stayed last night, but when I woke up this morning, there was a glass of water and some Advil, like I went out and got plastered. It does kind of feel that way, the way my brain feels all jumbled with the events of last night. How can I have experienced some of the best and some of the worst moments of my life?

There’s also a note that says, “Sorry I couldn’t stay. I have to be at Pore Over. I’ll come over or stop by the hardware store after my shift. It’s going to be okay. I love you. Chloe.”

I check my phone in hopes that I have some sort of message from Finn, but of course, I don’t. He is probably so angry with me, and I probably lost the best thing that has ever happened to me. I let out a loud sigh and get dressed because, even though I’m absolutely not in the mood, I still have to live life today. I still have to go to work, yes, on a Sunday, but I’m still training my replacement.

I throw on a comfortable pair of clothes, but can’t be bothered to do my hair and makeup. I just need to get through the next few hours of this shift, then I can come back home and climb into bed and shut out the rest of the world. Pretend that last night never happened. Although, that won’t be possible because I already feel the absence of him.

I park in front of the store and make my way in. The bell chimes over the door and who looks back to see who it is? None other than Mr. Brady, the bane of my existence, and I can tell by the look on Janet’s face that he’s being an absolute douche bag to her, the same way he is with me. This is not the day to mess with me, or the new employee I’m training. If I don’t put my foot down now, he’s going to be a jerk to her for all of eternity. He needs to know that we are no longer going to accept that kind of treatment from him. Especially if it’s what I suspect, because we’re women.

“Good morning, Mr. Brady. Is there anything I can help you with this morning?”

“I highly doubt YOU will be able to help.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, why is that?” Tell me, douche. Tell me the real reason you’ve been a creep to me all these years.

He looks taken aback that I called him on it. “Because you can never help. Is Craig here?”

I know Craig is in the back, but I’m not calling for his help this time. This ends now. “I’m very sorry, Mr. Brady, but he’s not here. Janet or myself would be happy to help you, though.”

“Like I said, I don’t think that you can help me. Anytime I order from you, something is screwed up.”

“Now, Mr. Brady, I just don’t think that’s true. Yes, I made a mistake a month ago, which I apologized for and fixed. You also got quite the discount, if I recall. But all these years you have worked with us, I have never messed up an order before. I don’t know what it is that you have against me, but Janet here is my replacement, and I know you are going to treat her with the utmost respect. Otherwise, you can drive to the next hardware store, which is, I believe, about an hour’s drive from here. I’m sure they have the kind of employees you would prefer, but you’re not going to come in here and be rude and disrespectful to Janet or myself. Do you understand?”

“Well, I have never been to an establishment and had an employee speak to me this way.”

“Well, now you have, and it’s your choice, Mr. Brady. Balls in your court. Respect or an hour’s drive. Which is it?”

He grabs his wallet off of the counter and grumbles under his breath as he pushes past me and exits the store.

I look at Janet, who is looking at me with wide eyes. “Thank you. I have no idea what I did wrong. I didn’t even understand what he was asking me to do. I was so confused. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize, Janet. That guy has been a thorn in my side for years. He will either come to his senses and be kind or we won’t see him anymore. Please, if you have any more issues with him, let Craig or me know. I’m not going to allow him to act that way anymore here.”

“Okay, thank you again.”

“Sure, you’re doing a great job. Don’t let him get to you. Do you think you’ll be okay up here for a few more minutes so I can go fill Craig in on everything?”

“Of course.”

I make my way to the back and think about the fact that I told two people off in a matter of two days, but I couldn’t manage to open my mouth and tell Finn I love him. I open the door to the back room, and Craig takes one look at me and his expression softens.

“So, I gave Mr. Brady an ultimatum today. He will either act like a nice human or he can kick rocks.”

Craig gives me a sad smile. “Okay, Riley. I’ll keep an eye on the situation, but what’s really going on?”

I can feel the dam breaking, and this time, I let it. Craig opens his arms and I fall into them. As soon as his arms wrap around me, I break into a full sob. I cry for what happened last night. I cry for the fact Craig’s arms feel like a father’s should. I cry for myself, growing up the way that I did. All the while, he just holds me and strokes my hair soothingly. Once I calm down a bit, I’m able to speak.

“Finn told me he loved me last night.”

“Riley, that’s great.”

I break out into even more sobs and my body trembles. “Okay, no, that’s not great. It’s very terrible that that lovely man is in love with you. Awful.”

I let out a small laugh. “Very funny, Craig. He told me he loves me and I ran. I bolted. I said I can’t do this right now, I have to go, and I ran.”

“Oh, Riley. Why do you think you did that?”

“I was scared.”

“Of…”

“I’m not even entirely sure. My mind started racing and all my thoughts were jumbled. I started trying to figure out what love really is and how I’ve never experienced someone truly loving me unconditionally, and that I don’t deserve his love.”

“Do you love him? After you’ve calmed down a bit and you really think about it, do you love him, Finn Hart?”

“Yes.”

“Then that’s all you really need to know.”

“What do you mean, that’s it? Did you not hear all of my other concerns?”

“Riley, listen. I know that your childhood really did a number on you. It would anyone who has been through what you have at such a young age, but you can’t live there forever. You say you’ve never experienced true love before, but you have. Maybe not from the person you wanted it from most, but you have other people in your life who love you something fierce. Me for one, Chloe is like a sister to you and she loves you like you’re hers. Now you have this wonderful man to add to the mix. Your family might not look like everyone else’s, but you have made yourself quite the family on your own, you just have to open your eyes and see it.”

Now I’m crying even more because he’s right, he is so right and how could I have not seen it before? This family that I have made for myself.

“Riles, I’m telling you right now, I would do anything in the world to have just a bit more time with my sweet Beth. She was the love of my life and we had a long, beautiful life together, but she was still taken from me too soon. I wouldn’t want a day to go by without her knowing that I love her. Do you want Finn to go on thinking you don’t love him?”

“No, of course not.” I sniffle.

“Then go get your man, honey.”

“Okay,” I say, flinging my arms around his neck and squeezing him probably a bit too hard. “Thank you, Craig. For this talk and for being the father figure that I never had. I’m sorry I didn’t acknowledge it until now, but it’s true. I’m so thankful for you.”

Now his eyes are glassy. “Aw, kiddo, it’s nothing. You know I love you, or if you didn’t, I hope you know it, Riley. I love you.”

“Love you, too. Now I’m going to go get my man and pray he still wants me after what I did last night.”

I walk out the double doors to the front and run right into a very tall person. I look up and realize it’s Mason.

“Mason, just the person I wanted to see. Well, Finn is actually the person I want to see, but now that I have literally just run into you, do you happen to know where he is today?”

Mason peers down at me with a sympathetic look on his face. “Riley, I’m sorry, but Finn went back to Seattle this morning.”

My heart sinks and I’m thinking the worst. “Did he say when he would be back?”

“No, he didn’t say much, besides he can’t be here right now and he needed to clear his head.”

I walk away in a daze, without saying anything to Mason. I think I hear him calling after me, but I’m not sure.

He left. Just like everyone else. He left.