10. Lilly
Chapter 10
Lilly
M y head falls to my chest as I lean against the bathroom sink.
Betrayal. Anger. Devastation. Pick a negative emotion and I’ve likely felt it in abundance these past four days.
The revelation that Noah never knew about Noelle was more than I could bear. I cried so hard that night, I threw up. He stayed with me until I passed out, and I woke up the next morning to a note saying he had to be on shift that day. He left his phone number to call when I was ready to talk again, but I haven’t had the courage. I can’t imagine how he’s feeling right now. If I were him, I’d be irate. Hell, I am irate, and I’m not the one finding out I’ve had a kid living in the world for eight years.
I’m being a coward. There’s no doubt about that. I should’ve called him by now. Or sent a text at the very least. The excuse I’ve been using is that I’m trying to finalize the funeral. After finding out what my mother did, I decided doing the bare minimum was all she was owed. I met the requirements of her will and called it good.
Aunt Christine and Noelle should be getting here any minute. The funeral is tomorrow, and I have no idea what we’ll do afterward. My entire world has flipped upside down in a matter of days. Everything I thought I knew was a lie. How do I handle that?
“Moooooom!”
A genuine smile pulls at my cheeks for the first time in days. My ray of sunshine is finally here.
“Neeeeeelllllieeeeee!” I shout back. I leave my bathroom and walk out to the living room, where Noelle is walking through the front door. She barrels into me with an oomph, and I laugh. I squeeze her tight, breathing in her strawberry-scented shampoo. It brings me more comfort than anything else ever could. “I missed you so much, baby.”
“I missed you, too! Can I see my bed?”
I grin. “Sure. Did you leave Aunt Christine outside?”
“Yep. She said she was getting the suitcases, but I’m pretty sure she’s smoking. I don’t know why she pretends not to smoke.”
Shaking my head, I take Nellie back to my room so she can see her bed. I pulled it out already and made sure I got her favorite brand of sheets on it before she got here. “I think it makes her feel like she’s being a better influence on you.”
“But she’s lying to me. Isn’t that bad, too?”
“Yes, my love. That’s also bad. Let’s let her get away with it for today, and then we can get on to her another time.” She accepts my offer and heads into my bedroom. I lean against the door jamb while Nellie pulls her stuff from her backpack. Each stuffie has a special spot, and her favorite blanket needs to be laid out just so. It takes her about fifteen minutes to get everything the way she wants it before she’s ready to check out the rest of the house.
Christine comes inside with two suitcases in her hands while Nellie is flipping through the channels on the TV. She drops them by the door and heads straight over to hug me. Tears spring to my eyes as I hold on to her as if my life depended on it.
“Oh, my darling girl,” Christine murmurs. “All will be just fine with time and distance.”
“Just wait until I tell you the latest. I don’t think I’ll be getting over this one for a while.”
Christine frowns at me. “Shall we sit on the back patio?”
I glance at Nellie, who has settled onto the couch to watch a documentary about ancient Egypt. “Nellie, Aunt Christine and I are going to sit outside for a bit and talk. Please come grab us if you would like a snack or something.”
“Okay,” she responds distractedly.
Christine and I walk out to the back patio. The little oasis Mom and Dad created back here is phenomenal. The screened-in area boasts a comfortable sectional and chairs with colorful pillows, a glass coffee table, and an outdoor rug. We sit on the sectional, and Christine hands over her vape. I take a grateful puff from it before handing it back.
Then I spill every sordid detail Noah and I had worked out the other night. All of the ugly emotions I’ve been feeling these past couple of days come spewing out of me in angry sentences until I’m wrung out and blowing my nose in the tissue Christine pulled from her pocket.
“My God,” Christine says into the silence. “I knew they didn’t approve of you keeping the baby, nor of Noah, but I never imagined they’d stoop to a level so low. No wonder they never wanted you to come back to Sonoma.”
The revelation makes me gasp. “I never even put that together. I just assumed they used their visits as excuses to see their friends.”
“I’m sure they did, but it seems they had ulterior motives.”
I put my head into my hands. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“What does Noah have to say about it?”
I cringe. “I haven’t talked to him since that night.”
“Lillian Gallagher!”
“I knowww!”
Christine tsks. “You need to talk to him. He’s been in the dark for eight years. It’s long past time.”
I nod, sighing in resignation. “After the funeral. I need to get through tomorrow without wanting to scream about how shitty my mother was, and then I’ll talk to him.”
“Text him right now so he’s not sitting in limbo.”
“Do I gottaaa?” I whine. Christine smacks me in the arm. “Okay, okay. I’m doing it now.”
“Thank you for coming,” I say for what feels like the thousandth time today.
“We’ll miss your parents terribly,” the woman responds, her floral perfume threatening to make me sneeze. She’s yet another sixty-something woman I don’t know who has been Botoxed within an inch of her life.
I’ve been standing up here for two hours now while all the people from my parents’ country club go through the visitation line to offer their condolences. I have no idea why Mom wanted their funeral to be in Sonoma. It would’ve made way more sense for us to have it in Greensboro, but I’m not going to complain.
If I hadn’t come here, I never would have found out the truth.
I guess that’s the silver lining in all of this. My eyes have officially been opened, and there’s no going back now.
Aunt Christine has bounced between keeping Nellie occupied in another room and standing by my side. After the first hour of sitting in the front pew, Nellie began to get overwhelmed by the sensory input. Between the noises, smells, and sights, I can’t blame her. Nellie wanted to say goodbye to her grandparents. Otherwise, I would have had her stay home with Christine.
“You’re Lilly, correct? Greg and Linda’s daughter?” a man’s voice pulls me from my thoughts.
“Yes, I am.”
“My condolences.” He reaches out to grab my hand and bows over it in dramatic fashion.
I raise my eyebrows. What am supposed to do with that? “Uh, thank you.”
When he straightens, he adjusts his black suit coat. “I’ve been curious about you. We should get dinner soon and talk.”
I shake my head. Who the hell hits on someone at a funeral? “I’m flattered, but no, thank you.” I don’t even have any guilt for saying no this time.
“I insist. Your parents would’ve wanted us to spend time together.”
I yank the hand he’s still holding back to my side. “Even if that’s true, I’m not one to let others tell me what to do.” At least, not anymore. “Thank you for coming by.”
I turn to the next person in line, dismissing the creepy guy, and gasp in surprise. “Mrs. Halpert! How are you?”
My favorite high school English teacher smiles softly at me. “Hi, darling girl. I’m doing just fine. Retirement has suited me quite well. How are you holding up?”
“I’m hanging in there.” From the corner of my eye, I watch the creepy man’s suit-covered back walk out the doors. What a weird interaction. I can only assume he’s one of the many men from my parents’ country club they attempted to set me up with. I never accepted those dinner invitations. Why he would think I would now that my parents were gone is a mystery.
Mrs. Halpert rubs my arm. “I don’t want to take up too much of your time. I just wanted to check on you. When I saw the funeral was today, I had a feeling you might need a little bolstering.” Then she slyly places a small plastic shot of vodka in my hands, and I curl my lips into my teeth to keep from busting out laughing. She glances around the room, where my parents’ friends are still mingling. “Hang in there, sweetheart.”
“You are a godsend. Thank you.” Tears sting behind my eyes for the first time all day. How horrible is it that the kindness of someone who only knew me as a teen is the thing that’s threatening to undo me instead of the funeral of my parents? I feel like an awful daughter today. The anger inside me is still simmering just as hot as it was yesterday, and while grief isn’t far behind, I’m too mad to focus on it right now.
My eyes catch on the large canvas print of Mom and Dad, and my heart aches. I take a deep breath to push through the emotions until I can get a moment alone.
Mrs. Halpert leaves me with a final squeeze of my hand. The next hour goes by in a blur of fake smiles and handshakes until I’m ready to collapse into a heap on the floor. The line of visitors has finally slowed to a few stragglers, and I decide it’s time to sit in one of the pews I’ve been dying to plop down on. Anyone offended by that can take a long hike off a short bridge.
Someone sits next to me, their thigh pressing against mine, and I start to ask for space when I find myself staring into bright blue eyes holding more sympathy than all the people who came to say their goodbyes combined.
Noah doesn’t say a word as he wraps his suit-clad arm around my shoulders. I melt into his side, letting the tension of the day drain away. It’s then my emotions finally get the better of me, and tears begin to flow freely.
I cry for all the moments my parents were the best grandparents to Noelle. I cry for the injustice of them being taken away from me too soon. I cry over all the times I wished they would’ve seen who I truly am and not who they wanted me to be. Every emotion I’ve been suppressing comes flowing out of me until I’m a mess of snot and salty tears.
Noah hands me a wad of tissues, and I gratefully clean my face. “I’m sorry. I’ve used you as my personal Kleenex twice now.”
He smirks. “I can’t say I mind too much if it means I get to hold you in my arms again. Although, I’d rather you not be sad anymore.”
“What are you even doing here? I figured you’d want to be as far from them as possible after what we found out.”
“You think I’d let you go through today alone? I wanted to come earlier, but I was worried it would be more stressful than helpful having to explain who I am.”
A long exhale escapes me as the thoughtfulness of this man hits me square in the chest. I would’ve loved to have him by my side, but he’s right. I’d have stressed over trying to explain him to Noelle and anyone else who came to the visitation.
As it is, I’m worried she’s going to come out of the back room while he’s here. I haven’t even attempted to tell her about Noah yet. I’ve been so consumed by my own feelings that it never occurred to me that I’d need to tell her about her father.
“Noah…”
He shakes his head. “It’s okay, Lills. Now isn’t the time to get into things. I just wanted you to know you weren’t alone.”
My shoulders relax. “Thank you.”
The look in his eyes is so full of longing that I struggle to maintain eye contact with him. He presses a kiss to my forehead before he pulls back and stands. “I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
I stand next to him and press my palm into his chest. He looks gorgeous in his black suit. His dark blond hair has been styled back off his forehead, and his black-rimmed glasses frame his blue eyes, making them shine.
“Tomorrow. We’ll talk tomorrow. I promise.”
Noah places his big hand over mine and squeezes. Then he’s walking away, and it takes everything inside of me to keep from calling out for him to stop. I want him to meet Noelle right now. I want him to get to know the amazing little girl who has become my entire world. But my rational mind reminds me that it’s not that simple. There’s more to this than him just meeting the daughter he never knew he had.
I have to protect Noelle at all costs, even if it’s from the only man I’ve ever loved.