9. Noah
Chapter 9
Noah
H oly. Shit.
I pant, my forehead pressed into Lilly’s back. Both of our skin is slick with sweat. I can’t help myself. I swipe my tongue up her spine, reveling in the salty taste of her skin.
She mewls underneath me, her pussy fluttering around my sensitive cock.
Goddamn.
I slowly pull out of her with a shiver and deal with the condom. Lilly flops onto her stomach, her back lifting with her heavy breaths. I pause next to her bed, taking in her naked body as she lies there. How can she still have this big of an effect on me?
I step across the hall to Lilly’s bathroom to clean up as a small voice in the back of my head tries to tell me this was a mistake. I refuse to let it take hold, though. This felt too good to ruin it with regrets.
With a washcloth in hand, I step back into Lilly’s bedroom. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, a large T-shirt covering her body. The look in her eyes makes my stomach drop. I knew this wouldn’t lead to any confessions of love or anything, but I’d hoped we could spend a little more time in our bubble of pretend.
“I was going to help you clean up, but I feel like you’re ready for me to leave instead.”
A soft smile lifts the corner of her mouth. “You always were good at taking care of me afterward.”
I slide my boxers on and then sit next to Lilly. I don’t want to leave with this weird boulder sitting between us. Things feel unfinished right now, and even though I promised I wouldn’t try to talk to her, I’m not sure I can walk away without attempting to get the closure I’ve always wanted.
“What happened between us, Lills? Why did you leave the way you did?” It’s the one question I always wanted an answer to.
She scoffs. “We’re not talking about this. You agreed to the terms.” Lilly stands and starts to pick up her room, even though there’s nothing to clean.
“Like we’d ever be able to have sex without the rest of it coming into play. Just tell me what happened.”
“You seriously have to ask? It’s rather obvious to me.”
The venom in her voice makes my own anger rise. “Not where I’m standing. You left without a word. No explanation, no reasoning, nothing. I had to find out from your mom that you were even gone.”
“Of course, I left!” She stands, throwing her hands in the air. “You turned your back on me. You had a million different ways to contact me, yet I heard nothing from you.”
“What are you talking about? I called you hundreds of times, sent so many text messages I looked like a stalker, and it took me way too long to figure out that you blocked me on everything.”
She frowns at me. “I never blocked you. I waited by the phone for weeks, hoping you’d change your mind.”
“Changed my mind? About staying together after graduation?” Exasperation is starting to get the better of me. It’s as if we’re having two different conversations.
She looks at me like I’m stupid. “No. About your daughter! I prayed night after night that you’d come around to wanting her, but I went to bed disappointed for months. It finally sank in that you never would, so I did my best to move on.”
Static is ringing in my ears as I stare at Lilly.
“I… We have a daughter?” I croak. I can barely hear her response over how hard my heart is beating.
“Right, you weren’t around to find out if it was a boy or girl.”
“Hold on a goddamn minute.” I run my hands through my hair. “We have a kid? Like an honest-to-God child together?”
“Oh, stop acting surprised. You’ve known since the very beginning.”
“I didn’t know shit , Lilly. You think that if I’d have known you were pregnant, I’d have let you leave?”
My tone must finally get her attention because she looks at me with furrowed eyebrows. “Of course, you knew. My parents talked to you and your parents. They told you everything.”
“Your parents never told me a fucking thing. I came to your house the weekend after graduation and found out you left early for your internship.”
“I don’t understand. My parents went to your house after the graduation ceremony to tell you. When they came back, they said you didn’t want anything to do with the baby. They told me you wanted to focus on going into the fire academy, and having a kid at eighteen wasn’t in your plan.”
“That never happened, Lilly. Never . I had a graduation party in Westlake with my aunts and uncles the night of graduation. Why didn’t you just tell me yourself?”
“My parents told me not to. They said it would be better to talk about it with everyone at the same time. I was supposed to come with them to talk to you, but I got super nauseous after the ceremony, so they went without me.”
I start shaking my head. “They never came over. That conversation never happened.”
“I don’t… You’re sure?”
“Lilly, if I’d known you were pregnant, I would’ve married you that day. It’s what I wanted from the very beginning. I even told your parents the week before graduation. I wanted to ask you before you left for your internship.”
“Oh, my God.” Lilly flops down onto her bed, her palms pressing into her face. “This is unbelievable. And you tried to call me after you found out I left?”
“Hundreds of times. It took longer than it should’ve to realize you’d blocked me, and I was never going to get through to you.”
“But I didn’t. I swear I didn’t. Unless…” Lilly leaves her bedroom, and I follow behind her. She grabs her purse from the floor where she dropped it. Her phone is in her hand the next second, and she starts messing around on it. “She did this. She orchestrated the whole thing without me even knowing. How could she be this devious?”
“What are you talking about?”
Lilly looks up at me, devastation in her eyes. “My mom did this. God, I can’t believe she’d be this horrible. She must’ve felt so proud. Every single piece fell exactly where she wanted them. The only thing she never could achieve was marrying me off to one of her wealthy country club friends’ sons.”
“I’m going to need a little more information here. Connect the dots for me because I’m not getting it.”
Lilly sighs. “I need a drink, and then I’ll start from the beginning.” She walks into the dining room where her parents kept their liquor. With a bottle of her dad’s good whiskey and two high-ball glasses pinched between her fingers, Lilly comes back to the living room and sits on the couch. I follow behind her and take the glass she hands to me.
She takes a sip and then begins the full story.
“I’d felt like shit for weeks. I had no idea what was causing it, and Mom had begun to worry something was seriously wrong with me. The week of graduation, I went to the doctor, and that’s when I found out I was pregnant. Mom was pissed when the doctor told us. I was so stunned I barely knew what was happening around me. Mom started talking, making plans as we drove home, which I only half listened to. It wasn’t until we told my dad that it finally started to register that Mom wanted me to get rid of the baby. I refused right then and there. I told her I would never give up our child, and she could either support me or get out of my life forever.”
I sit in shocked silence while she continues.
“Mom and Dad realized I was serious, so they came around to the idea of me keeping the baby by coming up with a new plan to send me to Greensboro. It was maddening. All I wanted to do was talk to you, but they wouldn’t let me leave until they’d settled on the next steps. It didn’t matter how many times I told them you needed to be a part of these conversations, they wouldn’t listen. If I think back now, I’m pretty sure my mom blocked you from contacting me that week. She’d taken my phone as a punishment for the pregnancy. She said I wasn’t responsible enough to handle this situation on my own.”
Lilly runs her hand over her face, and I can’t stand the distance any longer. I wrap my arm around her shoulders to pull her into my side. A sense of rightness fills me when she snuggles deeper into me.
“God, I was so na?ve. Not to mention sick as a dog. I thought I’d have all the time in the world to talk to you about what I wanted. I believed we could stand up to my parents together because I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. I never was very good at standing up for myself when it came to them. When they asked me to keep the pregnancy to myself during the ceremony, I thought it was a good idea. It wasn’t the place I wanted to tell you anyway. I mean, we were eighteen. I was pretty sure I knew how you’d react, but there was a small part of me—a part I’m realizing my parents encouraged—that worried you’d reject me. I did not want that to happen in front of our friends, so I waited until after to tell you. But then Mom and Dad distracted me with pictures, and you’d left before I could find you.
“Oh, my God. Mom made her egg salad that afternoon despite knowing the smell made me sick. She did it on purpose. She didn’t want me to demand to see you, so she ensured I felt too shitty to go with them to talk to you. But they never actually went to talk to you.”
Lilly lifts her head, tears pooling in her eyes. “How could I have believed them without question? Why didn’t I just go see you myself? Eight years, Noah! You missed out on eight years of your daughter’s life because I was a stupid, hormonal teenager who believed her parents.”
I swallow down my emotions, my heart breaking as I watch the only woman I’ve ever loved fall apart at the betrayal of the people who should’ve been her supporters. I want to rage and cry and demand justice be brought to us both, but it won’t do any good. The damage has already been done.
Instead, I pull Lilly onto my lap and hold her close to me as she breaks down in my arms. I don’t know where we’ll go from here, but one thing I know with utter certainty is I won’t let her go without a fight.
Not this time.