Through the Flames (The Lost Letters #1)

13. Noah

Chapter 13

Noah

“ Q uick, babe! Look out the window! I think pigs are flying,” Cody shouts from my open bedroom door.

“Ha. Ha.” I mock laugh.

Rachel pokes her head around the corner. “What’s going on?”

“Somebody’s going on a daaaateeee,” Cody singsongs.

“Oooooo.” Rachel grins. “Does she happen to be a certain adorable brunette who can kick your ass in pool?”

I roll my eyes at both of them. “It’s none of your business, but yes. I’m taking Lilly out tonight.”

Rachel squeals.

“Stop. It’s not like that. We’re just going to talk.” I blow out a deep breath and smooth my hands across the blue button-down tucked into my dark jeans. I’m fucking nervous. Lilly and I agreed to go to dinner tonight to talk about Noelle. God, even just saying her name makes my stomach flutter. I have a daughter. An eight-year-old daughter. I can’t even comprehend that.

I have more questions running through my head than I know what to do with. There won’t be enough time to ask them all tonight, but I’m going to fucking try.

“I happen to remember a night not so long ago when you didn’t come home until the wee hours of the morning.” Cody raises an eyebrow. “And you’re going to tell us it’s not like that?”

I bite the inside of my cheek. I haven’t told them about Noelle yet. I haven’t told anyone about her. There are too many unanswered questions to even attempt it. Maybe after Lilly and I talk, I’ll be ready to tell my family. For now, Noelle will continue to be a secret.

I fucking hate that thought.

I don’t bother responding to Cody’s probing. “I’ll be home later tonight,” I tell them as I make my way to the front door. My best friends stand in our living room with smirks on their faces. They don’t believe I’ll be home tonight, which is fine.

There won’t be a repeat of what happened the night we went to Donna’s. Having sex would only further complicate an already overwhelmingly complicated situation.

I get into my truck and drive straight to La Mensa. Lilly asked to meet there instead of having me pick her up. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I wanted her to be comfortable. We have more important things to discuss besides me trying to be a gentleman.

The smell of pasta and garlic hits me hard as I walk into the restaurant. My stomach grumbles loud enough to make the man in front of me turn around and smirk.

Once the hostess seats me at our table, I shoot a text over to Lilly to tell her I’m here. The dining room of La Mensa isn’t huge by any standard, but brick archways separate the front of the restaurant from the back, where a gleaming wooden bar stretches across the room. Add in the dim lighting from the industrial-style chandeliers, and finding our table could become a difficult task.

My fingers tap on the white linen tablecloth while I wait. If it were socially acceptable, I’d be pacing around the dining room to release this restless energy.

Then I see her. It’s as if we’re in a movie scene when the heroine walks into the room and everything slows down. The spotlight shines down so the only thing I can see is her. In black jeans and the lacy tank she wore to Donna’s, she’s the epitome of my dream girl. I’ve never known a woman who could bring me to my knees without trying the way she can.

I stand from my chair when she gets close to the table. Her smile is shy, but her eyes are sparkling in the way I love. How many times did I take her out to the movies or dinner when we were teens? There were too many dates to count, yet this moment feels like the first time all over again.

I guess it is, to some degree. We’re different people now than we were back then. Things have changed in such drastic ways, we’re basically starting over.

“You look beautiful,” I say when she reaches the table. I lightly grab her elbow and lean in to kiss her cheek.

A blush creeps across her face. “Thank you. I didn’t pack any date-type outfits, so this is the best I could do.”

I pull her chair out and help her sit. “You could wear a trash bag, and I’d still think you were the most beautiful woman here.”

Lilly rolls her eyes with a giggle. “You always were smooth with the lines.”

“They might be cheesy, but I mean every word.” I wink.

She shakes her head as she picks up her menu. “Are their breadsticks still as good as they were when we were in high school?”

“Of course. I think people would riot if they changed their recipe.”

Lilly laughs. “You’re probably right. God, I craved their breadsticks like you wouldn’t believe while I was pregnant. It took months to find a place in Greensboro that came close enough to fulfill the craving.”

The mention of Lilly’s pregnancy sends a bolt of grief through me. I missed everything. I didn’t get to watch her bloom with our baby. I wasn’t there when Noelle was born, nor did I get to experience the sleepless nights of having a newborn. It was all taken from me with a cruelty I’m struggling to comprehend.

Lilly must see the torment on my face because she reaches out a hand to touch my arm. “I’m so sorry, Noah. I was brokenhearted and hurting, but I was lucky to have Noelle to get me through. You were left alone without any answers. It’s beyond unfair, and I wish I could take it all back, to start over and do it right.”

I turn my arm over to grip her hand. I’m grateful she understands where my thoughts are without me needing to explain them. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to discuss my emotions with anyone. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever openly talked about how I feel with anyone except Lilly. Cody got partial truths from me, but I could never verbalize exactly how hurt I’d been when she left.

I clear the emotions from my throat. “I just wish I could’ve been there for you, for all of it. I would’ve loved nothing more than to have taken care of your every need. I missed everything, and I have to find a way to be okay with that.”

Lilly bites her lips as tears pool in her eyes. She looks down at the table, hiding her heartbreak from me.

The waiter interrupts the moment, which is probably for the best. We have to find a way forward. Dwelling on things we can’t change is a pointless endeavor.

I get us a bottle of wine to share and a couple of orders of breadsticks. After he leaves us, Lilly pulls out a photo album from her bag. “I brought this for you. Most of the photos I have of Noelle are on my phone, but you know how my mom was about technology. She printed everything and put them in here. Now, I’m grateful she did.”

I take the red leather album and open the cover. A grin stretches across my face immediately. The first photo is of Lilly, heavily pregnant and laughing. She looks gorgeous.

“That was at my baby shower. It was some uppity affair my mom hosted with her friends. Aunt Christine had just made a joke about something I can’t remember anymore. It was the first time I’d laughed all afternoon.”

As I flip through the rest of the photos from the shower, I see what she was hinting at. Lilly’s face has the same generic smile in all of them. It doesn’t reach her eyes like her normal smile does.

The next set of photos is of her lying in a hospital bed. She looks terrified and elated in the first few, then exhausted and in love with the tiny bundle in her arms.

Lilly’s quiet voice tells me about the day. “Mom was pissed at me because I wanted Aunt Christine in the room instead of her. I labored for two days before Noelle made her appearance. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

I stroke my finger down the plastic covering Noelle’s newborn face. When my eyes blur her image, I decide it’s best to do this later. Clearing my throat, I close the album. There’s no way I can continue to look at those and keep my composure. “Where did her name come from?”

Lilly’s face flames, adding to my curiosity. “I wanted her to have something of her father’s since she’d have my last name, so I combined your name with mine. If she’d been a boy, I probably would’ve named her Noah.”

“Thank you. I can’t imagine how hard this has been on you. The fact that you were willing to give our daughter a piece of me despite how things ended means the world.”

For the second time, the waiter interrupts the heavily emotional moment. He places the breadsticks in the middle of the table and then takes our dinner orders before he leaves us again.

I reach out for my glass of wine while Lilly scarfs down a breadstick in record time. Her brown eyes dance with humor over her bread-stuffed cheeks. A grin stretches across my face at how ridiculous she looks.

She shrugs unapologetically as she swallows. “Talk to me when you haven’t had La Mensa’s breadsticks in eight years. Then you can judge me for my desperation.”

I bark out a laugh. “Fair enough, you dork.” I grab one for myself and put it on my appetizer plate. “Tell me what you’ve been up to since you left.”

Talking with her hands as she always used to do, Lilly laments about being in college with a baby. “The campus had a daycare facility, which was a godsend, but I don’t think I slept for the three years it took me to get my degree.”

“I’m not surprised you graduated early.”

“There was no way I was attending a fourth year while Noelle was still little. I figured having two semesters with an overwhelming course load was better than being overwhelmed for two more years. Aunt Christine helped me start freelancing as a web designer. She pimped me out to her business associates, and my company was built from there.”

“I know I’ve said this before, but I’m grateful you had her. Is Noelle on a break from school right now while you deal with the funeral stuff?”

Before she can answer, the waiter brings our dinner to the table. The garlic fills my senses, making my mouth water. We dig into our meals as Lilly answers my question.

“I started homeschooling Noelle last year. She was getting bullied at school for being different, and the administration refused to do anything about it. Their suggestion was to pull her out of class completely, which seemed asinine. I figured if they were going to punish her instead of the culprits, she’d be better off at home with me. She’s flourished more than I ever thought possible. I’ll likely have to hire someone to teach her the more advanced stuff. She’s already learning topics two and three grades above where she should be.”

Pride and anger mix in equal measures. “Why wouldn’t the school do something? That seems completely backward to what most would do in a similar situation.”

“She was in a private school my parents insisted on. I didn’t mind too much because they had a great special education program, but the kids who were being assholes were the children of a couple of major donors.”

I roll my eyes. “Of course. It always comes down to money, doesn’t it?”

“God, Mom and Dad were so mad at me for deciding to homeschool her. It kind of added to the appeal.” Lilly laughs.

“They couldn’t have expected you to keep her in that school.”

“No, they were willing to find another private school in a nearby town, but I asked them to put the money they would’ve spent on Noelle’s school into an account for college instead.”

“Does that mean you’d be willing to stay in town for a while? I’d really like to spend some time with you both,” I cautiously ask.

Lilly’s small smile makes the nerves dissipate. “That’s the plan. I’m not sure what this will look like going forward, but for now, I want Noelle to get to know you.”

“How did it go telling her about me?”

Lilly breathes out a laugh. “About as I expected. I sat her down and explained how, because of a miscommunication, you never knew about her, and now that you do, you want to meet her. I showed her some old pictures of you and me when we were together and what you look like now. She had some questions, but not as many as I expected. All in all, it went well.”

I exhale a breath of relief. “Good. Now, tell me everything about her. Start from when she was born. Was she an easy baby?”

“The best. I got incredibly lucky.” As Lilly continues to tell me about Noelle, I find myself hanging on to every word she says. I’ve missed so much, but I make a vow to myself and Nellie to never miss another thing.