2
The truth was, I had handed over my own father to the black cloaks. I had to make sure he could never lay hands on either of them again, and so I sealed his fate with my decision to turn him in and let him answer to the Gods for his crimes. But first, he would answer to the hands of the Fae. Fae whose viciousness was the only thing to match his own. Cloaked males whose arms were covered in the exact same markings as Trace.
The sting of Trace’s blows was ever present as I cupped the water to my sore cheek, letting the healing do its work. Did she really not remember him attacking me before she hit the ground? I wondered, if she had been conscious, would she have found his actions admirable or out of line? Her mental shields were getting stronger with each day, which meant opportunities to know her true feelings were less frequent.
The accusations I’d been considering and that I’d already been hinting at in so many ways were sitting on the tip of my tongue. I don’t know whether it was the exhaustion of being stuck in Basdie with my mate seemingly unaware of my affections, or the frustration from us all playing along like we didn’t know something was going on with her and Trace. But I let my self-control recede—if only for a moment—and accused her of lying. All she could offer me in return was a cold, knowing remark.
“It won’t happen again.”
It became obvious when Cress began to take things too far with the Vespers. If her mental state was anything like her physical state, then I feared what kind of irreparable damage she was doing to herself. Part of me wanted her to be strong, prepared for whatever horrible things might lay ahead for us. But the other part of me longed to hold her, to shield her from the madness those sessions could inflict.
Luckily, the others were also aware of her withering in front of us. Her cheeks, once rose-kissed and full, were now withdrawn and white as chalk. Dark circles encompassed her eyes and her gaze was unfocused, exhausted. I knew we needed an intervention, but choosing the right person was key to its success. Cress was stubborn and, despite her weary state, her emotional walls were strong. We decided Nori was our best chance of bypassing those defenses and reaching her with our message.
Expecting her to stop would have been against Saryn’s wishes. We just wanted her to pace herself, to get some rest, and for Gods’ sakes, protect her mind from crumbling due to whatever relentless torture she’d been putting herself through in those rooms. I understood the Vespers and the purpose they served, but in the wrong hands they were a trap, one that could pull any soul into its darkest depths and never let go. Saryn and Theory had warned us. But their warning was one of caution, that hanging onto your past was not recommended; a warning I did not heed.
I had only done it a few times. The Vesper looked identical to my sister in every way. Pulling from my memories and imagination, it brought me some small happiness to know I hadn’t forgotten her. I missed her dearly. She was my best friend, and watching my father’s horrific treatment of her and my mother had been enough to make me wish death’s cold hand would take me on more than one occasion. All those times I couldn’t protect them, all the regret that I’d never overcome. At least now they were free of him…and of me and my guilt-stricken face.
I did it because I needed someone to talk to, or else I was going to come apart at the seams. It was impossible to trust anyone here with the information that I was almost certain Cress was my mate. Even with Gia, who could possibly find some way to relate, in spite of her broken heart, I wouldn’t risk it. I knew the conversations weren’t real, and every response was just one I had imagined, allowing myself to hear what I wanted. But I granted myself those small comforts, otherwise my heart or head was going to explode. Which would happen first, I did not know.
There were times when I wasn’t sure if Saryn actually wanted us to be a team or if he just enjoyed pitting us against one another for his own amusement. When he asked us to practice manipulating one another through mind reading and illusion exercises, I already knew we were in trouble. I watched with jealousy as Trace and Cress were paired up first. That jealousy quickly boiled over into rage when I heard her whisper his name. I chewed on my bottom lip while I focused on calming my breathing.
Even as I meddled through the thoughts Gia was projecting, I felt myself distracted by the intrusive nature of those two. Each person’s manipulation was unique and personal, but hearing Trace recount Cress’s vision might as well have been a confession. My stomach churned.
When we finally shifted partners, I could see the embarrassment plastered across every one of Cress’s features. Her eyes begged me for reprieve, but I could offer none. I needed her to know how I felt. How I’d felt since I first saw her and discovered she belonged to another, that she longed for him all the while I pined for her.
She had no idea the number of times I had held my breath in her presence, every time she passed me in the hallway. How I had longed to reach out and grab her hand, to pull her to me. She had to know she had been suffocating me since the moment I felt our bond calling, and for this brief, selfish illusion I would take her into the undertow with me. All the way to the bottom.
It was a mere heartbeat to transition from illusion to the reality of her gasping for breath and gripping her chair, all while believing the dark, cold terror of the water engulfed her. I let my Siren Song weave its way down her beautiful mouth and steal all the air from her lungs. Lungs next to a heart that I feared would never beat in rhythm with mine. I relinquished her once the smell of her fear pierced my nostrils.
I should have expected her to lash out. I’d have done the same if someone used Siren Song on me with no warning. I wasn’t proud of my words, but I couldn’t let the real reason be known for why I was at my breaking point with her.
I was spiraling out of control. Between what had happened in the sparring room, and then in the exercises with Saryn, I wasn’t doing myself any favors to win hers. Trace tried to provoke me during dinner, but his threats didn’t faze me. I had to hold back a small laugh of amusement. I quite enjoyed getting under his skin like this. Tensions were at an all-time high, and not even Cairis’ water-to-wine was enough to cool me down. I was tired of the charade we were all playing on their behalf. Family, right? It was time to get the secret out on the table.
Pointing my finger between the two of them, I asked accusatively what was going on. I wanted the answer, and at the same time, I didn’t. Unsure if I was prepared to hear if there was still something between them or if this was just the past unwilling to relinquish its claws. Trace confirmed everything and did so in a way that showed her no honor, but I’d expect nothing less. Before I could react, Cress had jumped in with a rage-filled diatribe, chiding us both. She wasn’t wrong, but I pressed my luck anyway.
I had secrets—we probably all did—but they felt like liars and I wasn’t entirely sure who had dragged who into the lie. If they had just been honest when we got here instead of forcing us all to dance around the truth, then I wouldn’t have been so bothered. I hated my own words. I was just so frustrated. When she angrily replied, “The past is in the past. Trust that,” and stormed out of the room, I breathed a sigh of relief—even after I watched him chase after her.
I was exhausted and embarrassed by my words and actions. I could have fallen into a deep sleep, but I needed to see my sister. Or, at least, pretend to. I told her about everything I’d done and said. How badly I’d messed up, but that I’d gotten the confirmation I needed. I wanted to believe that Trace and Cress were over and nothing more than a fading part of our pasts, washed away like everything else that had once mattered. I knew I was being unfair, even to both of them, but I was being eaten alive by this thing inside of me.
Why had the Gods done this to me? Was this punishment for how I had handled the rebellion at Erisas? Was it for all my mother and sister had endured while I stood by idle, reasoning to myself that there was nothing I could have done, just to make it through the day?
Why would the Gods bring her into my life now? Why would they bring with her a past lover who I was supposed to embrace as a brother? There is a reason that most plays of the Gods are comedies. Tragic comedies…
I dropped to my knees and placed my head in my sister’s lap, letting her run her fingers through the curls of my hair while she hummed one of our favorite childhood songs. I embraced this selfish comfort, because I felt so utterly lost. I was burying my chances of Cress ever feeling any semblance of affection for me, and I’d sealed that with how I’d acted earlier. I didn’t know exactly what I’d do if Cress did return my feelings. What could we even become in these circumstances? “I will never be given a fair chance. It hurts in my ribs; my heart feels caged. I feel it in the marrow of my being… My Moirai,” I whispered to my sister. I took in the silence of the Vesper, and the chill, stale air of the stone room.
Cress had every right to be furious with me about using Siren Song. Nothing I was doing was working. I had to find a way to render her defenseless so she’d calm down. It was a risky move, one that could have resulted in her kicking me in the groin again—and maybe I deserved that. I reached for her foot under the water, grabbing it tightly.
Slowly, I began kneading my fist into it, massaging firmly, and she quickly relented her protests—though continued her interrogation. I became excited with the thought that this was the first time I’d been allowed to touch her with any sort of affection. I answered all of her questions truthfully, recollecting how I’d won my gift of song.
When I released her foot, I could see a hint of disappointment in her expression. She wanted more and it pleased me. I quickly resumed my efforts on her other foot and watched as her shoulders slackened once more. Although I couldn’t say I enjoyed telling her I had kissed a siren, I think it was pretty obvious that it was all on a dare.
She pointed at my gills, questioning why obtaining such a gift was considered a feat when I could already breathe underwater. I hoped she did not find them displeasing. I mentally noted the three crescent moons of Demir tattooed behind her ear. Whether she realized it or not, they resembled my gills, and the thought warmed my cheeks.
When I rolled my thumb down the arch of her foot, I watched as her eyes fluttered, and I could tell she was fighting back a whimper or a moan. I had to focus on controlling myself from finding too much excitement in that.
Our conversation carried on as I shared more about the lore of my people and the vast misunderstandings of our lifestyle. I enjoyed that she was intrigued. This was the first time I had noticed just how many questions Cress asked. Was this a sign she was finally opening up to me? I’d entertain her curiosity if it kept her talking.
She tried to pull her foot away during another barrage of questions, but I wouldn’t allow it. I continued to hold it tightly, acknowledging internally how tiny her foot felt between my large hands. Occasionally, I’d get bolder and move my hands up and down her lower calves, rubbing them with dedication. It felt a bit like I had been performing parlor tricks for her, showing the various ways Siren Song worked, but she walked right into my quip requesting that I try something nicer.
Even just mentioning love and lust in front of her made my bond tingle, but she quickly diverted the conversation to more self-deprecation about her abilities, or lack thereof. I’d gathered enough information to deduce that before the Order, Cress had rarely used magic, and the fact that she was playing catch up with the rest of us ate away at her confidence.
I couldn’t explain why I knew it, but I felt so strongly that Cress was going to mean more to this team than she realized. I argued with myself that my judgment might be biased, but this wasn’t the bond; I just had faith in her, even if she didn’t have it in herself.
By now I was riding high on our time together and feeling a bit too confident, but I reasoned that if I had this window of vulnerability, I was going to take it. I gently grabbed her chin and tilted her face up toward mine, forcing her to look at me with those eyes.
“Keep your chin up, Moirai. All that matters is who we become, not who we were.”
It’s everything I’d wanted to say to her since we’d arrived. As I made my way out of the room, secretly wishing the night hadn’t ended there, I smiled to myself knowingly as she continued to pry about the nickname.
Thank the Gods I was left to ride alone in a carriage on the way to the party where we’d carry out our mission. The thought of riding in a pair with Trace or with Cress was an intimidating prospect. Alone with Trace, I don’t think I would have been able to bite my tongue the entire ride. And with Cress…well, I had ideas and none of them were in service of the mission.
We had planned well, and I had confidence in us if we worked as a team. Gia being the bait instead of Cress brought me much needed relief, as I knew I’d already be distracted with thoughts of her whereabouts and safety.
The mission had been going according to plan by my account. My Siren Song was successfully keeping the real nanny subdued in a slumber while Nori glamoured the children to lure them away from the room. When Cress arrived, I almost didn’t recognize her. My breathing came to a halt and I checked to ensure my mouth wasn’t agape. What in the three moons of Demir was she wearing? Was she trying to seduce every male and female here? I tried to keep my focus on the sleeping nanny while Trace and I began to search the room for the box, but I was more than distracted with thoughts of the yellow feathers outlining the curves of her breasts. If I took notice, there was no way Trace hadn’t.
Cress left the room to continue her duties of patrolling the hallways and keeping watch, along with Cairis. Only a few moments passed before I heard her yelp in the hallway. I poked my head out of the room to ensure everything was okay, when I discovered she was being escorted into a private room by someone. Her eyes were a warning long before I saw the hand signal at her side as she entered the threshold of the nearby bedroom. Something was awry.
I turned to Trace and told him we needed to hurry, and that I thought Cress was in trouble. He continued to tear apart the nursery, searching and becoming more flustered. I warned him again, thinking we should split up so I could keep an eye on her.
“I know!” he growled back at me. “You heard Saryn, failure is not an option. We have to find this thing, whatever it is, or we might as well not come back alive.”
I’d never seen Trace so intense, and though his reminder of Saryn’s words made sense, I just couldn’t find myself able to take them more seriously than protecting Cress, or any of the others for that matter—even him. We continued to search frantically, but I had a terrible gut feeling something bad was happening to Cress. The thrum of the bond was faint but erratic, unlike anything I’d felt thus far.
I grew impatient. “Keep searching; I’m going to check on her!”
I stood by the locked door trying to listen in for any sounds of distress, but over the noisy crowds outside it was difficult to hear anything with clarity. The bond now beat under my skin with a pounding force, a sensation which made me dread its meaning. That’s when I smelled it; her fear. It wafted out from under the doorway and up through my nostrils causing my eyes to widen in panic. If the fear I’d felt when I used Siren Song on her was any indication of how bad things were in there, this was ten-fold worse. I wasted no time kicking down the door.
When I saw her there, pinned on the bed under some stranger, his hands aggressively pressed against her, my vision turned red. I scanned the scene intensely, then witnessed Cress jam a knife into the side of her assaulter. Angry and wounded, he pulled the bells, alerting his guards. We were now in an unplanned chain of events where we’d need to improvise.
As we exited, Cress at my side, two guards came running up on us with swords raised. I did not hesitate before I sent them to their knees gasping and clutching at their throats for air. I stood behind them, yanking their necks back and focused all my rage from witnessing her in peril mere moments ago. I ran my dagger across their throats and felt the warmth of their blood coat my hands as I ushered her to follow me.
The ballroom was quickly descending into chaos. The nanny, now awake, ran screaming from the bedroom. I was about to put her down too, but Cress interjected, knocking her out with one swift strike to the face. All I could think about was getting her to safety, and yet she had the mind to ask me if we had found what we came for. I confirmed for her that Trace had it in hand and walked in the same defensive stance we’d practiced many times in the sparring room. I saw a small window of opportunity for Cairis to make an exit and yelled at him to go ahead.
Unsure of where Gia or Nori were, I remained solely focused on getting Cress out of here. More guards ran in to flank Cress and I on both sides, and I assessed the situation nervously, knowing they outnumbered us. Almost as if our minds were in sync, we both ran down the steps to the center of the room where Trace had just been, thinking he’d join us and we’d stand a better chance together.
When I glanced up at Trace, holding the box tightly in one arm and a sword in the other, his expression was unreadable. I shot Cress a concerned look, acknowledging that we were both wrong in assuming he’d aid us. However, there was no more time for thinking, only action.
“We need to fly, it’s our only way out,” I whispered to her, and she unfurled her wings ready to take flight.
We had barely been airborne, just a few feet off the ground, when I heard Cress’s shrill cry and saw the arrow embedded in her shoulder, blood already streaming down the green iridescence of her wing. I winced at the sight of it and her slamming back into the marble ground as she began to writhe in pain.
I saw her glance over to the top of the staircase, and together we witnessed Trace leaving to make his own escape with the box. The sound of more guards’ footsteps grew louder as they encircled us and leaned over the balcony surrounding the ballroom.
"Go…go now!" She croaked in pain, looking up at me as I hovered above her, flapping my wings in desperation.
Absolutely not; I wasn’t going to leave her. I landed by her and wrapped my wings around us, trying to shield her from any more incoming arrows. She screeched for me to remove the one from her shoulder, but I knew she’d lose too much blood. I was terrified, watching her already bleeding profusely from the wound. There was silence, and then I heard the most awful sound.
Click after click of crossbows echoed all around us. Instinctively, I leaned in closer, trying to shield both our bodies with my wings splayed as wide as they’d go, preparing mentally for the onslaught of pain. Then, suddenly, everything went quiet and still, as if time had frozen. I felt the ground quake, then the sound returned with the loud crashes of mirrors and windows shattering throughout the room. Next came the screams of injured and dying guards, followed by the sound of guests scattering about and yelling in terror.
I had no idea how it had happened, but I looked down at Cress who was quickly losing consciousness and I tucked her into my arms. I used what remained of my strength to fly us both out of there to the rendezvous point to get her help as quickly as possible.