Chapter 15
Bethany returned to Esme’s place shell-shocked. She sat in the driver’s seat of her car with her hands gripping the steering wheel, staring straight ahead for five, then ten, then fifteen minutes, her head thrumming. It was only when Rebecca swept past the front door and noticed her that Bethany forced herself to step out of the car. She nearly collapsed on the driveway.
“You’re back!” Rebecca hurried to wrap her arms around her and guide her inside. “And you’re shaking! My goodness, Bethy. What happened?”
Bethany hadn’t told anyone where she was going. As she’d explained to Rod, she’d been driving around, thinking hard about him, about their past, about his text message, and then found herself drifting down his road. By the time she’d cut the engine in the driveway, she’d been filled with so much adrenaline that she hadn’t been able to turn back. And when she’d knocked on the door, she’d known she was on a path that could lead her to yet another heartbreak.
Esme burst from the kitchen, drying a large platter and frowning. “What’s up, Bethany?” She dropped the plate on the couch and joined them in the foyer, where she hugged Bethany tightly and swept her hand over her hair. From upstairs came the sound of Bethany and Rebecca’s six children, who’d spent much of the day at the beach and returned home to shower and get ready for dinner. Bethany’s heart warmed, imagining little Phoebe’s sea-bleached hair.
“I went to Rod’s,” Bethany said finally, her voice low.
“You went to Rod’s!” Esme repeated.
“It’s so much worse than I thought,” Bethany muttered, unable to meet her mother’s gaze.
Rebecca laced her arm through Bethany’s and half dragged her to the back porch, where she poured her a glass of iced tea and handed her a peanut butter oatmeal cookie. Bethany laughed through tears.
“I feel like a child,” she said.
Rebecca and Esme sat opposite her and peered at her curiously.
“I didn’t think you wanted to talk to him,” Rebecca said finally as Bethany chewed through a large morsel of peanut butter and oatmeal. “What made you change your mind?”
“They’ve been through everything together!” Esme said, her shoulders jumping to her ears. “That wasn’t the kind of relationship you could turn your back on. Don’t you remember how they were, Rebecca?”
It was bizarre to hear her mother speak about her high school relationship as though she weren’t across the table. But in many ways, Bethany felt as though she drifted overhead, lost in her memories.
Rebecca waved her hand. “Plenty of people have high school romances. Not everyone gets back in touch.”
“In this day and age? With Facebook?” Esme insisted. “I’m sure many people do!”
Rebecca grimaced. “It’s not always for the best. I know I was the one to give him your number, but I’ve gone back and forth about that. I’m so sorry if I overstepped.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Bethany said. “He didn’t reach out because he wanted to see me, necessarily. It’s not some romantic thing. His grandson is very sick.” She rubbed her eyes, smearing her makeup over the tips of her fingers. It was a habit she’d thought she’d abandoned by age fifteen. “And he wanted my opinion.”
Esme’s spine was stick-straight. “Little Felix is sick?”
Rebecca’s face looked like it was melting.
“It’s a very rare and aggressive form of cancer that requires a rather immediate surgical procedure,” Bethany said, her tone formal. “I’ve already arranged for an appointment for surgery. I can’t imagine giving the task to another doctor.”
Esme’s eyes widened. Over the table, she gripped Rebecca’s hand so hard that Rebecca winced.
“You’re going to save his grandson,” Esme breathed.
“After the summer I’ve had,” Bethany said tentatively, “I feel this is finally something to live for. Saving that little boy might save me.”
The front door screamed open, and Victor Sutton called through the house. “Is anyone home?”
It was exactly how he’d entered years ago, back when Bethany had been a child and eager for Victor to return. Sometimes she, Rebecca, Valerie, and Joel would scamper from upstairs, bouncing all over one another to try to get to Victor first. The warmth of his first hug after a long day was one of the most nourishing things Bethany knew.
Guided by the strength of this memory, Bethany stood, brushed the tears from her cheeks, and waded down the hallway to meet Victor. She hadn’t yet seen him since he’d arrived, as she, Rebecca, and Esme had hunkered down and kept things low-key. But Victor and Esme were incredibly close friends these days. Bethany had known this was coming.
At the first sight of her father since their tumultuous June, Bethany’s knees gave way. He looked healthy and tan, his gray hair tossed from an afternoon of sailing. Probably because Esme had told him what was going on—that Bethany was leaving Nick—he set down his bag and opened his arms. Bethany hurried toward him, and he enveloped her, just the way he had when she’d been little and frightened.
“It’s okay, Bethy,” her father murmured, as though it were a part of a song she’d always heard. “It’s going to be all right.”
That evening, after they dined outside on burgers, salad, and a berry salad, the children played soccer in the yard, whacking the ball this way and scurrying to catch up with one another. Phoebe was always last, her hair flowing wildly behind her. Bethany sipped her iced tea and listened to the soft rhythm of her parents and sister’s conversation. They were talking about Nantucket schools and what to expect.
“Have you already enrolled them?” Bethany asked.
Rebecca’s eyes brightened. “Last week.”
“And it was an easy process?”
“The easiest,” Rebecca said, clasping her hands together. Quietly, she added, “Are you considering it?”
Victor, Esme, and Rebecca watched her intently as though her answer would make or break the reunion of this family. Now that she’d brought Maddie, Tommy, and Phoebe into their lives, they weren’t apt to give them up.
“I am,” Bethany said with a smile.
But even as they spoke more about the logistics of the coming weeks—the hospitalization of Felix, her children’s start at school—Bethany thought back to Savannah and wondered about Nick. Was he still locked away in his office, drinking himself blue? Had his parents stepped in and demanded something more of him? Was he still able to outrun his legal problems at the hospital?
It felt as though Bethany had left a heaping dumpster fire back in Savannah. And now that she was taking Felix back there for surgery, she knew she would have to face it. She wasn’t sure how she would manage. But the fate of a little boy’s health was in the mix—and she had to be strong.
As Bethany and Rebecca did the dishes that night, they gazed out the window at Victor and Esme, who’d opened a bottle of wine as night fell around them, spackled with stars. They couldn’t hear what they said, but now and then, Esme burst into giggles that reminded Bethany of her own childhood.
“I forgot that Mom could be so silly,” Bethany said quietly, sweeping suds over a big plate.
“She’s been like that the past few weeks,” Rebecca affirmed. “Ever since Dad came back into her life.”
“Do you think Larry made her laugh that much?” Bethany asked, thinking of her mother’s second husband.
“I hope so. Thinking about Esme Sutton without laughter is like thinking about the world without sunshine,” Rebecca said.
“She didn’t laugh when we were teenagers. Not often,” Bethany remembered.
Rebecca eyed the floor. “There’s so much about that time that I don’t remember very well.”
Bethany still remembered the last day of Rebecca’s teenage life in Nantucket. She’d had a big science test the next day, something she thought would make or break her career in the medical field, and she’d hardly popped her head out of her bedroom to say goodbye. She’d regretted that down to her bones later when she realized Rebecca was no longer a part of her life. She hadn’t imagined she ever would be again.
“Can I ask you something?”
Bethany sniffed. “Sure.”
“What did it actually feel like to see Rod again?” Rebecca asked, stacking the plates beside the sink.
“For a brief second there, it was like I dropped through time,” Bethany said tentatively. “Like I was seventeen years old. Like he was still the only man I’d ever loved. And then, when I saw his grandson on the sofa, time crunched in on itself. Everything came rushing back. And I remembered our final conversations and the horrible things we said to one another. They echoed between us.”
Rebecca shook her head. “I can’t even imagine.”
“I wonder how often he’s thought about it,” Bethany continued.
“Probably every single day of his life.”
Bethany tried to laugh. “No. There’s no way. Not when there are bills to pay and dinners to cook. Not when his daughter was sick, or he had to repaint the front door or…” She sighed. “What I mean is, life gets in the way of nostalgia.”
“But you’re inherent to his story,” Rebecca reminded her. “You’re the very reason he has that daughter.”
Bethany’s blood pressure spiked. She turned on her heel, ready to correct Rebecca sharply. But Rebecca already had her hands in the air. “It’s not your fault. I misspoke,” she corrected. “It was all just a messy time.”
Bethany swallowed as her anger dissipated. “And it’s because I left. I know.”
Rebecca squeezed her shoulder. “No. He just loved you so much. He didn’t know what to do about it. And like so many men we know, he made a mistake that altered the course of your lives forever.”
“It was fate,” Bethany insisted. “That’s what I told myself during undergrad medical school and residency. That’s what I told myself on my wedding day to Nick. Fate brought me away from Rod, and it took me to Savannah. Fate brought me into the Waterstone family.”
“I thought you were a scientist,” Rebecca said with a smile. “Fate isn’t real. We make it ourselves. And the fact that you and Rod have found your way back to one another—despite the tragedy at its core—doesn’t surprise me. Like Mom said, you always had a special connection. A beautiful bond. You always needed to check back in with each other. I’m just surprised it’s taken so long.”
Bethany’s head thrummed. As the air intensified around her, she stuck out her tongue. “You sound so much like a big sister right now. Like you know best.”
Rebecca laughed and flicked suds across Bethany’s arms. “Maybe I do know best. I know I’m not a brainiac like you, but I do have two years of life experience over you. Doesn’t that count for something?”