Chapter 14
Present Day
After a morning of house calls, Rod took a moment to himself by the sea. He sat on the back edge of his truck with his legs dangling down, watching as the water surged over the sand and rocks and turned to foam. Overhead, clouds billowed into tight white curls, and sailboats tossed and tipped out at sea, threatening to flip over. It was one of those July days that reminded you that autumn was just around the corner. That time always had its way with you when it wanted to.
Rod drove back home to find Felix asleep on the couch and Renee in a heap on the floor. Her cheeks were blotchy. “He’s too tired to do anything today,” she explained, forcing herself up and over to the kitchen to pour herself and Rod another cup of coffee. Rod knew that neither of them was sleeping well. “The doctor wants to schedule another consultation for next week. Surgery the week after.” Her eyes looked hollow.
Rod collapsed at the kitchen counter and sipped his burnt coffee, which tasted old after so long in the pot. He didn’t care.
“How was work?” Renee asked.
Rod wanted to say it was fulfilling to help so many people, but it felt empty when compared to his grandson’s ill health. Nothing he did was enough anymore. It was as though his skin didn’t fit on his body or the sun didn’t hang in the sky the same way. Only when Felix had a clean bill of health could things return to normal. And even then, Rod knew he would always live in fear.
There was a knock on the door. Renee flinched as Rod stood.
“Are you expecting anyone?” Rod asked, wondering if Vinny had finally come around.
Renee shook her head.
“If it’s him,” Rod asked tentatively, “do you want me to let him in?”
Renee shook her head again, unable to look up at him.
Rod walked gingerly through the hallway to the foyer. He imagined what he would say to Vinny if he was on the other side of the door. “What kind of person do you think you are? Are you really so weak? Are you really such a waste of space?”
But Vinny wasn’t standing on the other side when Rod opened the door.
It was someone else entirely.
It was a ghost.
Bethany Sutton Waterstone was the same age as Rod was now. Forty-three. She was slender yet strong-looking, with beautiful curls that framed her face and large, sad eyes. For a moment, Rod gazed at her as dread filled his stomach and throat. He imagined dropping back into his house and slamming the door in her face. He imagined telling her to go back to where she came from. His heart couldn’t take it.
But of course, he’d been the one to text her. He’d been the one to break the twenty-five-year silence.
“Bethany,” Rod said, unable to believe he was actually speaking her name.
“Rod.” Her eyes sparkled with tears.
Rod had imagined this moment hundreds, if not thousands, of times over the years. He’d imagined lifting her into his arms and swinging her around as she laughed with joy. He’d imagined covering her face with kisses.
Instead, they held each other’s gaze wordlessly as a plane buzzed overhead, charting a course through the clouds.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” Rod said.
Bethany raised her shoulders and chin. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your text.”
“I know it was out of the blue.”
“I didn’t know what to think of it,” Bethany admitted. “But I was just driving around, thinking about you. And somebody told me you’d taken over your parents’ place.”
“Crazy, isn’t it?” Rod said. “The more things change, the more things stay the same.”
Bethany raised her lips into a near smile. Rod chuckled. “I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to say.”
“It wasn’t. I don’t know what to say either.”
Rod took a small step back. His mind had returned to Felix. “Why don’t you come in?”
“I’m not intruding?”
“Never,” Rod said, then cursed himself for being so forthright. He didn’t want to scare her away. As she stepped in, she brought with her a wonderful perfume, one of sandalwood and jasmine. His heart fluttered.
To the right of the foyer was the living room, where Felix had fallen asleep. He croaked and sputtered, stretching his arms over his head and blinking through the shadows at Bethany and Rod. Bethany watched him, taking stock of his bruises and his little face, then turned to give Rod a look of panic. There was a moment of understanding that reminded Rod of being a teenager. All he and Bethany had to do back then was glance at one another. It had always lent so much emotion and understanding. They’d always had a unique bond.
“What is it?” Bethany asked.
“Cancer. It’s in his spine,” Rod explained. “It’s part of the reason I wanted to talk to you.” Only part, he thought to himself.
Bethany dropped her chin to her chest and filled her lungs. Rod thought for a moment she would break down. But in a flash, Bethany was on her knees in the living room. “Hi,” she said quietly. “My name is Bethany. What is your name?”
Felix rubbed his eyes. “My name is Felix.”
Bethany blinked and reached out her hand to shake his. It was clear she had a wonderful camaraderie with her child-aged patients. They trusted her immediately.
“Felix, do you mind if I look at your arm?” Bethany asked.
Felix extended one arm first and then the other, then opened his mouth so Bethany could see his damaged gums. Her eyes swam with understanding. As she worked, Renee stepped into the doorway to oversee them, glancing at Rod with curiosity in her eyes. When Renee was a teenager, Rod first mentioned who Bethany had been to him and why it hadn’t worked out. Renee, wise for her age, even at fifteen, had crossed her arms over her chest and said, “So that’s why you’re so weird?”
Felix went back to sleep a half hour later. Renee gathered Bethany and Rod in the kitchen for a fresh pot of coffee and all the snacks she’d been able to find in the pantry—crackers, cookies, gummies. They told Bethany everything they could about Felix’s diagnosis, and Bethany took diligent notes on her phone and didn’t touch the snacks at all. When she’d finished, she stepped into the foyer and made a phone call to her hospital down in Savannah. Of this, she said, “I need a team I can trust around me. It’s one of the best hospitals in the entire world. I need Felix to have the very best. And I don’t trust anyone else but myself to do it.”
As Rod and Renee listened to Bethany talk to her colleagues in Savannah, they remained wordless, clasping their hands beneath their chins. It all felt so surreal. But Rod couldn’t help but feel as though the sun shining through the kitchen window was twice as bright. The smartest woman he’d ever known was going to operate on his grandson. All the pieces of his life were finally coming together.
Bethany got off the phone and returned to the kitchen. “I have an appointment for him in a week and a half,” she said. “I’ll need to look at your current doctor’s records, and we’ll need to go down to Savannah early to prep. But it’s all going to come into place.”
Bethany sat down and touched Rod’s hand gently. “I’m so glad you reached out.”
Rod shook his head. “I’m so glad you came!”
Renee burst into tears and pressed her hands over her mouth. Her eyes bulged. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I thought I could keep it together, but I can’t.” She flew to her feet and wrapped her arms around Bethany as she shook. “I’m so happy to meet you! I’m so happy you’re here!”
Bethany laughed nervously, eyeing Rod. “Felix is going to be okay,” she assured her. “It’s all going to be okay.”
Renee sniffled and stepped back, her hand still on Bethany’s shoulder. “I mean, come on,” she said, smiling through tears, “you’re the perfect person to do this. To help us. You were almost my mom, you know?” She laughed.
Although she maintained a smile, Bethany’s face stiffened ever so slightly. Rod’s heart sank. Why had Renee said that? Why had she dragged them back into the shadows of the past?
“I’ve been through many, many surgeries like this,” Bethany explained instead of answering. “There is a good rate of success.” She reached for her coffee, sipped, and smiled nervously at Rod, unable to look him in the eye anymore. “I hate to run off, but I told my sister I’d do the grocery shopping today. Our kids are all living under one roof, and it’s like we can’t keep the fridge stocked.”
“How many of them are boys?” Renee asked.
“Two boys, four girls,” Bethany said. “But the girls eat just as much as the boys. Maybe more.” She laughed and stood.
Rod followed her to the door. He ached to hug her but held himself back.
“I’ll be in touch,” Bethany assured him, squeezing his elbow. “It’s going to be all right.”
Just as soon as Bethany disappeared around the corner in her little blue car, Renee whispered, “I’m so sorry I said that!” Her cheeks were pale, and she’d wrinkled a notepad beyond recognition at the kitchen table. “‘You were almost my mom?’ What was I thinking!”
Rod ached with sorrow. He wished she hadn’t said that, too. But what could be done?
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, sitting beside her.
“It’s just that I”ve been so curious ever since you told me about her. You told me she was so smart, beautiful, and courageous. And even as a late teenager, I imagined she’d come into our lives and be my new mom and…” Renee shook her head and smiled. “I just got carried away.”
“It’s okay,” Rod assured her. “I don’t think she took offense to it at all.”
That was a lie, of course. He’d seen right through Bethany, all the way to the core of her emotions. Despite births and marriages, career changes, and so many seasons of life, they were still the same people they”d always been. People were consistent like that, he thought. He wondered if she’d felt the same about him.
“I cannot wait to get down to Savannah,” Renee breathed. “I cannot wait to have this chapter of our lives behind us. Felix is going to be the happiest, healthiest little boy in his kindergarten. Mark my words.” She folded her hands across the table and stared ahead as though she were focusing on the future as hard as she could.
Rod prayed, beyond anything, that she was right. That Bethany was up to the task of changing his life all over again.
But that night, as Rod lay in the darkness of his bedroom, his mind’s eye echoed with images of Bethany from that afternoon. He’d seen the devastation across her face when Renee said, “Almost my mom.” And he’d remembered his and Bethany’s hundreds, if not thousands, of conversations about their future. They dreamed of having three children, teaching them to sail, and celebrating Christmas, Easter, and Fourth of July together. Rod had promised not to be the sort of father Victor Sutton had been. He’d promised to stick around. “That’s what fathers are supposed to do,” he’d told her simply. Bethany had wholly believed in him.
Rod’s heart was heavy with guilt from the past. He couldn’t believe Bethany had returned to him and was willing to help him. After all he’d done, he definitely didn’t deserve it.