Twin Flames (Twin Flames #1)

Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Y ork, present day

George missed Cara. The days were long and dull without her. Ever since she’d dashed off to Daniel, they’d barely talked. He wanted to be understanding, but as far as he could tell, she’d been at Daniel’s bedside all week. It rattled him.

He paced around the manuscript, phone in hand. It went to voicemail. Again. The more he tried to stop thinking about what she was up to, the more he worried she was slipping away. Perhaps he’d already lost her.

What if she decides to go back to him?

He didn’t know what to do. He was damned whatever he did. If he left Joanna, he’d be the guy who turned his back on his wife and daughter. But if he didn’t, he’d lose the love of his life. There was little to hold Cara as things stood. She wouldn’t wait around forever.

He made a cup of tea, took a sip, and swore as the hot liquid burned his tongue. His head hurt. He hadn’t slept well in days.

Joanna was away on a business trip, and his daughter was in and out with friends at all hours. He wished he’d stayed in London out of the way. The previous night he’d laid his head on the pillow, exhausted and ready to sleep, only to find his mind raced. He couldn’t settle. He worried about Cara, was nervous about his work, and in the dark, silent hours of the night, he dreaded the future. The incessant noise in his head whirred like a fan which gave him no respite. He finally managed a restless sleep at dawn where he dreamed he was a member of Henry VIII’s court.

For the first time, he almost wished Cara hadn’t come into his life. It would be less painful than this constant tug on his emotions. You didn’t miss what you’d never tasted. He tried to recall what life was like before she appeared in the bookshop. He couldn’t visualise it.

His phone rang, rousing him from his groggy state.

‘Morning. How are you?’

‘Ah, morning. There you are. Where did you go? I’ve been calling and calling.’ He tried to make light of it but was tired and on edge. His voice sounded sullen even to his own ears.

‘I’m sorry. I was talking to Daniel’s doctor. They’re in the process of deciding whether to go ahead and do the surgery or whether to wait and see how he does without it for a while. It’s complicated. It’s tricky to know what would be best.’

‘Okay,’ he said, polite but bordering on cold. He was fed up of hearing about Daniel but didn’t wish to seem uncaring.

‘What do his children say? They’re his next of kin, so I suppose it’s up to them to decide, isn’t it?’

‘Well, yes but. . .’

A heavy silence hung between them until George prompted Cara in a gentler tone, ‘But?’

‘It’s odd, but now he’s in this condition, they’re being really lovely to me and keep asking for my input and wanting me to make the decisions.’

‘Okay, but it’s not your decision to make, is it? Unless you want it to be, of course.’ He checked himself. He’d said enough.

He felt exposed; more vulnerable than he’d ever been. He detested feeling insecure like this. Logically he knew that what she did regarding Daniel wasn’t any of his business. Given his position, he didn’t think he had the right to question her relationship with him. But it didn’t stop him feeling jealous. Alarm bells were ringing, and he didn’t want to be caught with his trousers down when he should be making a quick exit. He took a deep breath and consciously drew back from the fire.

‘No, you’re right. It’s for them to decide, but I suppose I feel a bit guilty,’ Cara said.

‘It’s not your fault. It could have happened any time. You weren’t to know.’ He wanted to be supportive, but he was in a panic. None of this was in his control. He wanted her too much. The urge to protect his heart and pull up his emotional drawbridge kicked in.

Tears welled in her eyes, and her throat constricted as the love she felt for him threatened to overwhelm her. She wasn’t prepared for the emotion in his voice. She knew he studiously kept up his bravado and took care not to lower his barriers, so in the odd moments he was vulnerable, it was all the more touching.

She yearned to go to him. She wished he would wrap his arms around her and she could sink into him as they shut out the world.

How could it be wrong for them to be together when they loved each other like this?

It was one of life’s cruellest tricks; send you someone who is your perfect counterpart and who fulfils you in ways you never imagined. But make them unavailable. Push you to the limits of your own good character so that you doubt your integrity and everything you thought you stood for. Their relationship pushed buttons neither of them had known they had.

‘I’m in town if you want to stop by the workshop for a coffee.’

‘I’d love to, but I’m not sure what time I’ll be able to leave the hospital because they’re running tests. I promised Sally I’d be here this afternoon. She was hinting for me to stay the night so she can go home, but I hope I won’t have to.’

‘Remind me who Sally is?’ George had switched into sounding disconnected and business-like.

‘Daniel’s eldest daughter. She met me at the station, remember? Her husband brought the kids into town today. It’s tough with them all living in Manchester. She hasn’t seen them all week.’

‘Ah, yes. I knew that.’ He laughed, but the sound was hollow.

Cara knew he was annoyed. There was a steely edge to his voice which others may not recognise. She could sense his moods and often guessed what he thought before he could put it into words. This was how it had been between them since the beginning. It was the same for him. He could pick up on her thoughts and feelings. It was as though they were tuned into the same antenna. It was unnerving at times to be so finely attuned to one another. Sometimes Cara feigned ignorance and let it be. It was simpler than trying to constantly analyse the intense frequency which connected them like an electric current.

‘Are you going back to work soon?’ George asked.

‘I’ve got my laptop and been doing a bit of work here.’ Cara sounded defensive.

‘Sounds like you’ve moved in there!’ He immediately wished the words hadn’t slipped out.

There was an awkward pause.

You idiot.

He cursed himself.

‘Try to understand. He doesn’t have anyone but his kids, and they’ve fallen apart. I feel responsible. He’s not been awake for more than short periods since I arrived.’

‘Yes, I get it. Oh, Cara, Jane’s trying to call. Let me speak to her. I’ll catch you back in a bit.’

‘Yes, of course. Okay. Bye. Have a good day.’ Cara was still talking, but he’d gone.

She looked out of the window at the sunless landscape. The sky was as bleak as her heart. He was angry, and now she was wretched. She hated when he was angry with her. It was endearing that he was a bit jealous of Daniel, but she couldn’t bear him being upset. Her heart throbbed, and a dark veil of gloom descended upon her.

In the brief time since they met in this life, they’d only had awkward exchanges about the elephant in the room: his marriage. Or more to the point, his limited availability. Now Daniel was back in the mix, George was getting a taste of what it was like to not have her waiting by the phone for when he could fit her in. He didn’t like it any more than she did. That much was obvious. But what could she do? She couldn’t abandon Daniel in this state.

Well, now he knows what it’s like. Maybe he’ll be more understanding when she was waiting for him for hours, sometimes days, whilst he disappeared into his life in which she had no place.

‘Are you ok?’ she messaged him, then stared into space as she tried to steady herself. She wanted to cry, but that wouldn’t do here. She’d wait until she got home later. Sometimes black despair took hold and threatened to break her spirit. On those days, she had to give way to it and allow herself to sob it out.

She waited for a few minutes and then checked her phone. No response yet. Who knew how long he’d make her wait? He would sometimes go silent for hours when she had angered him in some way.

She noticed her message was sent at 11:11. Of course. Sylvia had explained to her that there were many numeric indicators and signs of a Twin Flame connection. 11:11 was a significant number. It cropped up repeatedly in their communication.

It’s easy to behave well when the person you’re in love with isn’t with someone else. Only a fool would sign up for this.

She sighed and then shoved her phone into the pocket of her jeans as she went to greet Daniel’s children with a bright, fake smile. Cara wished she was meeting George for coffee.

Three hours later and still nothing. She stared at her phone, willing him to respond. No message came. Her heart was heavy, and her eyes ached from holding back the unshed tears.

Cara, who was usually kind and compassionate, was shocked by the violent feelings provoked by the intensity of her relationship with George. Had she hurt him too much by going to Daniel? Was he gone forever?

Nice, present day

‘Jo. Jojo!’

‘Over here,’ an olive-skinned, athletic-looking man in his mid-thirties waved to attract Joanna’s attention.

‘Ah, hi! Great timing, I almost missed you,’ she said.

There was something about Alex which made her feel carefree and young. She laughed a lot when she was with him.

‘I feel better already, just seeing you,’ she said.

‘Then I’ve fulfilled my reason for being,’ he said, taking a mock bow. His smile revealed a cheeky dimple in his chiselled chin and a set of perfect Hollywood style, white teeth.

Joanna touched his boyish face and ran her glossy pink nails through his dark hair before she leaned in to kiss him.

This is my prize for being a well behaved, loyal wife and mother for so long. At last, it’s my turn to have some fun.

Joanna could taste her new-found freedom. She was giddy and exhilarated and surprised to not feel guilty. She’d felt cold and dead inside for so long; she thought that anything must be preferable to chugging along in the depressing fog of her empty marriage. To feel alive again was worth taking any risk.

‘Where are we going?’

‘Let me surprise you,’ said Alex, flashing her a mischievous grin.

‘Great! It’s nice not to have to plan everything for a change. You do remember I have important meetings tomorrow in St. Tropez?’

‘Sure, no problem. I’ll drive you there in the morning. But today I’ve got you all to myself. . .’

‘Yes, I’m all yours!’

Alex slid his arm around her waist, and they sauntered off to his car. They looked like two lovers without a care. And that’s what they were for today. Until Joanna returned to York. Until her soul draining routine resumed. She decided she wouldn’t think about that now.

George was a good man. She’d loved him since she was a teenager. But gradually, over the years, he withdrew his tenderness, and the deep feelings she’d had for him slowly shrivelled. It was painful to want someone who didn’t want you. In the end, she’d closed her heart in an effort to protect herself from his wordless rejection. A sense of obligation replaced the love she used to feel for him, and it saddened her that she could barely recall the happiness they must have shared in the early days. She knew she had loved him, but now, looking back on their youth, she realised George hadn't adored her in the way she’d dreamed of when imagining her future husband. He was a catch: handsome, charming, intelligent and funny, and so she’d let herself believe he felt the same. And he had loved her. Just not enough; not enough to last a lifetime. He was a devoted father and a kind, dutiful husband, but she was stifled by his lack of passion. She didn’t want kindness; she wanted him to take her in his arms and make love to her as if he couldn’t live without her. But they hadn’t had sex for several years, and even then, it had usually been initiated by her. They hadn’t made love and meant it for longer than she could remember. She accepted that he only stayed with her out of duty.

Joanna knew him well after twenty years of living together. He didn’t want to have to deal with the unpleasantness of ending their marriage. He didn’t want to be that guy who might be judged as selfish and uncaring. He loved to be admired and respected. They both paid a high price to retain the romantic couple image they’d projected for so many years. Even their closest friends and family had no idea they weren’t the ideal couple they pretended to be.

But Joanna knew something had changed recently. It was sudden. They’d been distant with each other before, but now he was distracted and especially impatient. He was always popping out. It wasn’t just the long business trips anymore. She’d also observed he’d begun guarding his phone as if he would be court marshalled if anyone got their hands on it.

Was he having an affair?

She didn’t feel anything. She’d stopped feeling years ago. It was time to stop acting out this charade. She’d come to the conclusion she’d rather be alone than feel lonely in this sham of a marriage.

‘Jo? Jo? A penny for your thoughts. Where have you gone?’ Alex waved one hand in front of her face, laughing, as he drove.

‘Oh sorry, I was thinking about my meetings tomorrow.’ She touched his arm and tried to pay attention.

The hire car rolled along the winding roads, and she peered around the bends over the steep cliff edge at the choppy blue waves below. It reminded her of her life; she was liable to crash at any moment.

Alex steered the car into the circular drive of a sumptuous chateau-style hotel, typical of the French Riviera. Palm trees rustled in the light sea breeze as if to welcome them.

‘Here we are. Like it?’

‘Oh, I love it!’ And she did. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. She was determined to make the most of her brief window of freedom. She was grateful for Alex.

‘Let’s get changed and order cocktails by the pool. The weather’s perfect for it,’ said Joanna.

They entered the hotel and went to check-in.

‘Mr and Mrs Andrews?’

‘Yes, thank you, that’s us,’ said Alex.

He took the key card, and they stepped into the elevator. Outside their room, he picked her up effortlessly and swept her inside, over the threshold. The door closed with a loud thud behind them.