15. Pregnancy Confirmed
PREGNANCY CONFIRMED
SARAH
W e return to the cottage in high spirits, and for a brief moment it almost feels normal. Like this could really be our life. Traveling and exploring and playing and loving one another with tender caresses and passionate words. But you know what they say about things that sound too good to be true...
I wake to the sound of my communicator tablet buzzing. Ulfar’s still asleep next to me, which is odd. Usually he’s up before sunrise, but I smile to myself when I think I must have really tired him out.
My heart sings at the sight of him lying there, defenseless in sleep. During the day, he’s a fierce and intimidating alien alpha. But here, with just the two of us? I get to see a side of him that no one else does.
Still riding the happy high from our mini vacation, I yawn and roll over to check the notification on my tablet. When my eyes register the words, all the joy and lightness I felt winks out like an extinguished match.
Your time is nearly up. You know the right thing to do. Do not disappoint us.
The reality of the situation comes crashing in all over again, hitting me deep in the chest. Of course. It was foolish to think I could ever have a life with someone like him. I made a deal with some of the most dangerous people in the galaxy. I lied to the ISA. I lied to Ulfar.
And if I go through with this, I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.
My stomach cramps, seizing in on itself, and I press a hand to my gut with a wince. I let out a hiss at the sudden pain, and apparently it wasn’t quiet enough because Ulfar shoots up in bed, concern immediately crossing his face.
“What’s wrong?”
My head spins and I take a deep breath to try to hold it together. He’s so kind. Always watching out for me. Always willing to lend a hand.
And this is how I repay him.
“I’m fine.” I try to brush him off. I hastily clear the screen on the tablet and set it on the nightstand face down before turning back to him. “Maybe it was something I ate.”
He frowns. “Do you need to see the nurse? I can take you.”
“No, don’t worry about it.”
My tablet pings again and my panic intensifies for a brief second until I realize his comm did the same thing. So it’s a message for both of us.
“You gonna get that?” I say shakily, hoping that whatever it is will change the subject.
When he pulls up the message, a coy smile flicks across his face. “Looks like you’re going to the doctor after all.”
“What?” I snatch the tablet from him.
This is an automated reminder that routine physicals will take place today at the central facility. All surrogates are required to attend. Thank you for your service!
Fuck! I almost throw the damn thing. So much for getting out of a doctor trip today.
“You were saying?” Ulfar says sweetly. I know he only wants the best for me, and I know I need to get this appointment taken care of, but what he doesn’t know is that if they confirm my pregnancy, I’ll be one step closer to the Syndicate. To leaving him.
I grumble and slide out of bed. Guess I’ll have to put clothes on after all.
* * *
Doesn’t matter if it’s on Earth or an alien world, the medical gowns they make you wear are never comfortable. I shift on the examination table, nervously checking my tablet while I wait for my lab results. I already know what they’re going to be. We all do.
But hearing that one simple word ‘pregnant’ in black and white will be the final nail in the coffin.
I hug my knees to my chest, willing away the fearful thoughts and trying to focus on my plan instead. When Ulfar and I left the clearing, I hid the book he gave me under a pile of leaves and rocks. Enough to where it was still visible, but easy to miss. Even though I felt terrible covering his gift with dirt like that, it was for a reason.
When Ulfar comes back to the cottage this afternoon after his meeting with Soren and the others, I’ll tell him I accidentally left my book behind. I’ll ask him to go look for it. It’s at least a half day’s trek back to the campsite, and with him gone it will give me the time I need to get off the planet.
I can’t say I feel great about it, but at this point it’s the best I’ve got. Having him here would only make it that much harder to leave. I may be strong, but even I don’t think I could watch his heart shatter before me.
“Miss Khan?” The nurse’s voice catches my attention and I look up, startled.
“Yes?”
She’s beaming at me and holding a tablet in her hand, which can only mean one thing...
“Congratulations, my dear. You’re pregnant.”
And there it is. The finishing blow to my happily ever after. I try to give her a smile, but inside, my heart and my hope are melting.
I should be happy. As a child I always liked the idea of becoming a mother, but I never thought it would be...like this. Can I really go through with this, knowing that the baby will be Syndicate property? Can I really turn over my own flesh and blood to those scoundrels?
It doesn’t matter. They never gave me a choice. I suck back a sob and hope it looks like tears of happiness.
“I know, isn’t it exciting?” The nurse chitters on, and I’m only half listening. She pushes the tablet into my hands where it has a variety of forms and disclosures. It’s probably better if I don’t read the fine print in this case, so I gulp and swipe my finger dutifully across every dotted line.
“You’ve done the people of Aesirheim a great service. I’ve beamed information on next steps to your device, where you’ll be able to track your baby’s progress and growth. You’ll also receive reminders on follow-up appointments as well as your standing with the ISA. You will receive your stipend through the instructions in the app. Do you have any questions?”
I have a million of them, but none I can ask. Especially not to her. She’s just doing her job. So I choke out a “no,” and she leaves me to get dressed to leave.
* * *
I return home to an empty cottage. Ulfar must still be at his meeting, but all the better. That gives me some time to myself to strategize what to do next.
And to soak in the emotional impact of the news. I knew I was pregnant. Like Vi said, there was hardly any way I couldn’t be.
But seeing it verified by the doctors reminds me that yes, this is all too real. This isn’t a game or a fairy tale. This isn’t one of my favorite stories where the good guys win and the couple finds a happily ever after. No. This is life. My life. And like it or not, I’ve been called to deal with it.
All of a sudden, the lights dim and then go out completely. I freeze, listening for any sounds, but all I hear is the eerie quietness. Maybe it was just a power failure. But these cottages are reinforced with multiple backup systems.
So what could it—
Just as soon as it started, the interruption disappears, the lights flickering back on like nothing ever happened. But on the viewing screen we use for movies, there’s something else now. A notification that fills my veins with ice.
‘One incoming call from Areo Khan. Do you accept?’
“Y-yes,” I stammer, eyes wide. My father. What is my father doing calling me here? And how did he bypass the network?
‘Call connecting... please stand by. For your privacy, this is a secure and encrypted feed. This call will end automatically in five minutes. Connecting now.’
The screen flashes to life, but I don’t see my dad’s face. I see just the bouncing lines of the audio levels staring back at me. A brief moment of static, and then—
“Sarah?”
I nearly burst into tears right then and there. That’s his voice all right. I didn’t realize how much I missed him, and that one single word dredges up every precious memory we have together. I know we don’t have long to talk, though. The intimidating countdown clock in the corner of the screen reminds me of that.
“Dad.” My voice comes out as little more than a whimper.
“Sarah, it's me. We don’t have long, but I need you to know some things. Are you listening?”
“Yes,” I breathe.
“The...The dragon has flown the nest.”
To an outsider, it sounds like we’re simply discussing my favorite book series, Hidden Kingdom, but we agreed on this beforehand. It’s a code.
That means he’s not at home anymore. They’ve taken him somewhere. And that can’t be a good sign.
“Did Tanis ever find that treasure map?”
Where?
“His compass stopped working. The X didn’t mark the spot, after all.”
I don’t know.
“And what of the rangers?”
In other words, me. What will happen to me? What am I supposed to do?
“It looks like Tanis is headed back to the enclave. In the next two chapters, I bet he’ll meet up with them again. Maybe even sooner.”
Two chapters . Oh gods, that means two days. They’re coming here in two days.
“That sounds like quite the exciting book,” I intone diligently, belying the panic coiled in my gut. “I look forward to the ending. I’ll catch up on those chapters so we can continue our book club discussion. Thank you.”
There’s a lull in the discussion, having communicated the necessary message, and the timer ticks down the few minutes left.
There are so many things I want to tell him. So much weighs heavy on my heart and mind. I want to tell him about Ulfar. I want to tell him about Aesirheim. And most of all I want to tell him that I’ve changed my mind, that I want to stay here and have Ulfar’s child and live out the rest of our days together.
But I know that can’t happen. If the Syndicate could track my father down even this many years later, they could do the same to me. The cycle stops here.
“Dad?” I ask at last, voice wavering.
“Yes, my daughter?” His voice is softer now, and I can hear the tinge of exhaustion in his voice. I don’t know where they’re keeping him or if he’s in any danger, but I have to trust that the Syndicate will keep their word.
As long as I keep mine.
“I love you.” It’s what I settle on at last, but it’s far from enough. “I’ll see you soon.”
That’s the only saving grace I remind myself of as the seconds tick down. I might be leaving behind a planet and a man I’ve come to love, but I’m doing this for the sake of my family and my homeland.
Just like my dad did for me so many years ago.
“I’ll be waiting,” he says. “You are stronger than you think, Sarah. They may have our bodies, but they will never own our spirits. Remember that, my child.”
And with that, the connection cuts out, the lights dim once more, and the network resets just in time for Ulfar to open the door. I wrap my hands around my chest, bringing in my knees and trying to be as small as possible. I want to disappear. I want to go back, to make better choices, to change things. But how can I?
I am just one woman against a merciless galaxy. In the stories, the good guys always come out on top, no matter the odds.
But in real life? I’m faced with the cold indifference of fate. All I have to do now is stand tall and walk forward into the flames.
“Sarah!” He calls out in alarm, dropping his bag and rushing to my side. “What’s wrong? What happened at the doctor’s? Are you hurt?”
Not physically.
I sniff and wipe my eyes with my sleeve. I pack every emotion, every fear and feeling into a neat little box and lock it away, for both our sakes. “No, I’m not hurt.” I look up at him through tear-blurred vision and smile through the pain. “The book you gave me, I can’t find it, and I feel really bad because it was a gift.”
He furrows his brow. “Did you look in the bedroom? Where we unpacked?”
“Yeah.” Now for the hard part. “Do you think I could have left it at the campsite by mistake?” My face reddens at the memory. “We were a bit distracted by other things at the time.”
Ulfar frowns. “Could be, but let’s check everywhere around the house first. If we can’t find it, I’ll go and get it for you tomorrow. Deal?”
My heart thuds out a painful melody in my ears. A train hurtling down the tracks toward a certain disaster, and it’s too late to pull the brakes. “Deal.”
One last night with the man I’ve grown to love. One last night on this beautiful alien world. That’s all I can let myself have. But for tonight? With the last moments of my freedom, I’m going to make sure it’s a night to remember.