20. Garrett
20
Garrett
“ D oing okay?” I ask Emma for the hundredth time.
“I’m fine,” she insists once again.
Everything points to the contrary. She’s white as a ghost, her breathing is shallow, and her whole body is shaking as we make our way through the cave.
Somewhere in the distance, our guide hollers, “Alright guys, we’re approaching some narrow crevices, so we’re going to be doing some scrambling. Make sure you take your time and find your footing. Don’t rush through it.”
I suppress the urge to ask Emma if she’s okay again. She’d probably slap me.
I’ll just ask her in a few minutes.
The group bottlenecks, bringing us to a halt. Emma bites her cheek nervously and cranes her neck to see what awaits us. We shuffle forward a few inches at a time until the person ahead of us disappears into the narrow slot between the rocks.
My chest collides with Emma’s back as she comes to an abrupt stop. She doesn’t even bother to give me a dirty look. She just freezes and stares straight ahead.
“Emma,” I say softly. “You okay?”
“Stop asking me that,” she says with her eyes still fixed ahead.
“Okay, but are you ?”
“Of course not,” Emma says in an angry whisper. “No one should be okay with this. It’s unnatural. Humans aren’t meant to crawl around in dark caves like goddamn axolotls!”
Okay, well that’s sort of true, I guess. I don’t know whether to laugh or be very concerned. Emma uses humor to cope when something is bothering her. I learned that about her pretty quickly. This feels different though. More frantic and unhinged than her normal coping mechanism.
“I wouldn’t really expect you to know much about axolotls,” I say, trying to keep things light.
“Of course I know about them. They’re adorable.” She says this as if I am the dumbest person alive. This time, I can’t help but laugh a little to myself.
The second guide approaches from behind, lowering the beam on his headlamp as he comes up to talk to us. “Everything alright, folks?”
“We’re fine,” Emma and I say at the same time. For once, Emma out-grumps me.
The guide looks startled by her sharp tone but brushes it off. “Need some help with this first bit of scrambling?” he asks.
“Um, sure,” Emma grumbles unenthusiastically, “thanks.”
He leads Emma over to the narrow crevice and shows her where to put her foot. I could have done that. When she steps up, the guide takes her hand to steady her. Could have done that, too. Emma twists sideways as she disappears into the shadows.
“Would you like a hand too, sir?” the guide asks.
Absolutely not.
“I got it,” I tell him as I hoist myself up and follow Emma into the darkness.
It takes approximately two seconds before I collide with her back again. She sucks in a surprised gasp then goes right back to what I can only assume is Lamaze breathing. It’s weird, but not as weird as the way she practically curls into me. When I try to give her some room and take half a step back, which is all the tight space will allow, she subtly chases me. With her shoulder pressed against my chest, I can feel her shaking.
“Emma,” I say close to her ear. She hums a feeble reply. “Is it possible that you’re claustrophobic?”
“Yes, that is very possible,” she says in a wobbly voice.
“Did you know this before you agreed to go caving?”
“Mmhmm.”
Fucking great. Why didn’t she say something? We could have done a hike instead. In fact, we could have skipped this part of the trip altogether. Unlike the other companies we’re scouting, I’m already ninety-nine percent sure about this tour operator. A quick conference call would have assuaged any lingering doubts. There was no reason for her to torture herself like this.
Emma eventually adds, “I thought maybe I’d gotten over it.”
“Ah,” I nod. “But I’m guessing you haven’t spent a lot of time in caves recently?”
“Nope.”
“And it’s safe to say that you still hate them?”
“That depends. Is there a word stronger than hate?”
The scent of her strawberry shampoo lingers just under my nose. The warmth of her body close to mine nearly distracts me from the problem at hand. We’ve got two miles to go, and at this rate, that could take weeks.
“The only way out is through, Emma,” I say softly. “The quicker we get through it, the quicker we get out.”
She nods but doesn’t move an inch.
“Need some help up there, folks?” the guide asks when he realizes we’ve stopped again.
“It’s fine. I’ve got it,” I snap back at him.
“Garrett,” she says quietly, “you know how much I hate to ask you this…but do you think you could stay close?”
A chord thrums in my chest, reverberating through me with equal parts affection and hesitation. How did I ever think that I could get through this trip without getting too close to Emma? Maybe I didn’t. Maybe deep down I knew that this was bound to happen. Maybe I wanted it to happen.
Okay, that’s a given.
From the moment I laid eyes on Emma, I wanted her. I’ve spent the last year reminding myself of all the reasons that can’t happen. Mainly because this woman despises me.
Then we kissed, and it only made things worse. I’d like to think I’m a pretty good kisser, but Emma’s seething hatred for me the next day has me second-guessing my abilities. One thing is clear though: it only made her dislike me more.
But now she’s putting her trust in me to get her through this, and I won’t let her down. Even if it kills me to stand this close to her. To breathe her in. To know that this is it. It’s all I’ll ever get from her. One kiss in a dark hotel room, and a reluctant plea for help in a dark cave.
“Yeah, I’m right here,” I tell her. My fingers lightly graze the middle of her back. When she doesn’t flinch, I plant my hand there and guide her forward. “Just a little bit farther and it’ll open up again.”
I don’t know this for a fact, but that’s how it usually goes with caves – some crawling and scrambling then a big, open room. Fingers crossed that this cave is no exception.
She takes a few hesitant steps forward, angling herself between the narrow walls. She takes hold of my hand without any argument. Her fingers shake violently around mine as I help her up onto the next part of the trail.
I stay close to her, trying my best to always let her know where I am with a quick touch or a few words. Eventually, we reach the end of the narrow path where it spills out into a wider room. Emma scrambles excitedly toward the glow of the other headlamps, no longer seeking the comfort of my presence.
The guide is already halfway through a speech about the nesting habits of bats when Emma and I join the group. Once that’s over, the two guides talk quietly amongst themselves, glancing over at Emma more than once. While the rest of the group wanders around exploring the cavern, the guides make their way over to us.
“Hi there, folks,” the main guide says as he approaches. “Heard you might be having some trouble. Bit of claustrophobia?”
Emma shrinks a little beside me and nods.
“That happens from time to time. People don’t realize how tight the caverns are until they get down here. Do you think you can make it through the rest of the tour?” the guide asks.
“Is there another option?” Emma asks with a glimmer of hope in her voice.
“’Fraid not, but Marcus can stick close to you and help you through the rest of it,” he says, motioning to the other guide.
Emma nibbles at the inside of her cheek nervously before she speaks. “That’s okay, I have…” her eyes flick up to mine then quickly away, “…him.”
“Alright, well Marcus will be right behind you if you two need any help,” the guide says, giving us a solitary nod before walking off to lead the rest of the group.
When Emma sees our guide drop to his knees and shimmy into a tiny hole at the bottom of the rocks, an involuntary sob catches between her lips.
Something deep in my chest tightens. All that matters is getting her through this. My hand instinctively moves to the small of her back, drawing her closer to me. She curls against me, shaking her head and muttering ‘I can’t, I can’t, I can’t’ into my shirt, which is growing wet with tears.
“You can do this, Emma,” I say, moving my hand up and down her back in soothing strokes.
“I can’t,” she repeats.
“Did you know you could surf before this trip? Or hike the Grand Canyon?”
She doesn’t respond.
“Or seduce your asshole boss in an elevator?”
This earns a reaction. Emma’s head snaps up. Her eyes are wide as she stammers out a reply. “I didn’t – that’s not…are you seriously bringing that up right now?”
“No, I’m just trying to distract you. Talk to me about something else. Tell me everything you know about axolotls.”
The distraction works. She stops crying and almost laughs at the absurdity of it.
“Well…I sell them.”
Okay, that’s not what I expected. Maybe the claustrophobia is getting to her brain.
“You sell axolotls? Like on the black market?”
I mean, it’s probably not a direct HR violation, but I’d prefer that my employees didn’t participate in illicit animal trafficking in their spare time.
“Plush ones. Online,” she clarifies. “I have a little shop where I sell things that I make. Mostly clothing, but sometimes I make little stuffed animals out of the fabric remnants. The axolotls are actually one of my best sellers.”
Before I can react, it’s our turn to crawl into the next passage. Emma nervously lowers herself to her knees and gives me one last desperate glance before shimmying her way into the small opening. I follow close behind her. Luckily, the low passage quickly gives way to a larger chamber. It’s not nearly as big as the last chamber, but at least it’s tall enough for us to stand up. When I do, I find myself pressed up against a hyperventilating Emma.
“You’re okay. Just take a deep breath for me,” I tell her.
She inhales sharply. Her chest rises and brushes against mine in the narrow space.
“That’s the worst part, and it’s over now.” Hopefully this cave doesn’t make a liar out of me. Emma’s eyes connect with mine as she nods frantically and blows out a big breath.
Damn, I want to kiss her again. I want to distract her. Make her forget the depths of this cave, along with the depths of her hatred for me. The way she looks up at me is disorienting. The trust in her eyes, the pressure of her body against mine.
“You guys are doing great!” the guide says as he pops out behind us. Emma takes a startled leap up against me. A ghost of a laugh tugs at her lips when she realizes that it’s just the guide.
She pulls away to make her way through the next section of narrow walls when Marcus interjects again. “Actually, you should go first,” he says to me. “There’s a big drop at the end. You might need to help her down.”
I nod. Emma and I carefully shuffle around each other so I can take the lead. Once we’re smooshed between the narrow rock walls, it doesn’t take long before her breathing grows fast and ragged again. I try to distract her. I ask her more questions. She tells me about her cat and her sewing projects and her love of axolotls. Apparently, her internet followers went nuts over the first one she made. The prototype still lives on her bed. Lucky little bastard.
Eventually, the narrow walls open up into another large room. But first, there’s a big drop, just like Marcus warned us there would be. I hop down first then turn around to help Emma, who doesn’t look particularly fond of the idea of leaping into my arms.
“Sit down on the ledge. You should be able to slide down,” I tell her. She shoots me a doubtful look. “Come on, I got you.”
Emma slowly sits down and pushes off from the ledge. I reach up to catch her, my hands wrapped firmly around her waist.
Well, this was a terrible idea. Seriously, one of my very worst.
Emma’s body slowly drags down mine so I can feel every inch of her across my skin until she’s tucked into my arms. And of course, my dick takes note of the situation, quickly springing to attention.
How did I ever think this trip was a good idea? My brother was right…Emma should be back in the office answering emails. Not pressed up against me most-fucking-certainly trying to pretend that she doesn’t feel my erection digging into her stomach.
“Sorry,” I mutter, holding her firmly in place while I take a full step backwards to put some space between us.
“Thanks,” Emma says at the same time. Quickly, she adds, “For your help, not for your…um, you know.” She waves her hand in the general direction of my crotch. A wince of embarrassment passes over her face as she stammers out an awkward apology.
“It’s fine,” I say. “Let’s just go join the group.”
Truthfully, I just need a minute to put some space between us and collect myself.
For the rest of the tour, Emma alternates between nearly bursting into tears and practically burrowing inside my chest. I rub small, soothing circles between her shoulders and whisper reassurances against her hair. We both become very familiar with each other’s bodies while pretending that the other doesn’t actually exist. I learn a lot about her cat and say the word axolotl more than most people do in their entire life.
When daylight finally comes into view, Emma practically sprints out of the cave. Outside, we stand a mile apart, as if all that space will somehow counteract the friction between us.