Under the Texas Sky

CHAPTER 17

TRENT

17 years old

I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him.

No matter how many times I repeat the words inside my head, I still can’t understand how we got here. Two boys. In love. Well, at least I hope he loves me. But even if he only loves me half as much as I love him, I would be okay.

It’s been a struggle to keep up with schoolwork with all the hours I've been picking up at the grocery store, but I do it for him. We need all the money we can get, and I don’t want him getting a job, because he actually cares about doing well in school. Kian has big dreams, bigger than this small town, and that makes me love him more.

We only have to live in my car for a little while longer until I can find somewhere that will rent to me underage, but I have enough money saved up for a deposit.

That’s what’s keeping me going, wanting the best for Kian. A place where he can lay his head at night and not worry about how we’re going to shower, or how we’re going to heat up the canned food I get from work.

I splurged today, and I know he’ll be upset. But I would be an idiot if I didn’t get him anything for today. Not only is it going to be the first time I profess my love for him, but it’s also our four month anniversary.

The bundle of flowers in my hand are heavy–the best ones I could afford from the grocery store. And I got a box of the chocolates that I know he loves, no matter how many times he says he doesn’t.

I set everything on the passenger seat of my car, where he always sits, and carefully drive to pick him up from school. He had to stay late today for a group project for English class. One that I definitely need to meet up with my team members for also, but I haven’t had the time.

I park outside the front entrance, keeping the engine idling, because as soon as he texted me he was done, I was on my way here.

He comes out through the wide double glass doors, a bright smile on his face while he laughs at something the person beside him says. His laugh is contagious, and even without hearing it, I still let out a low chuckle. The happiness that radiates from him, even with all the shit he’s been through, is astounding. No one is as strong as Kian, and I will keep that sentiment close to my heart until the day I die.

He breaks apart from the group with a wave, his curly hair bouncing across his forehead. He’s wearing a pair of my jeans that are too big around the waist and too long on him, but he makes them look stylish, especially with the tight short sleeved shirt he has on.

Kian’s smile widens even further as we make eye contact through the passenger window, and I feel a flutter in my lower stomach and in my chest.

This is it.

The perfect moment where the boy gets the boy and they live happily ever after.

Kian opens the passenger door of my car and sees the gifts on his seat. I wait for his reaction, chomping at the bit to see his excitement.

But I don’t get it.

Instead, he glares at the gifts, like they personally offended him in some way.

“What is this?” he bites out.

I shrink in my seat, embarrassment overtaking me and causing my face to flame red. Kian is not mean–he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. I’ve never seen him act like this over anything.

“I bought them for you. It’s–” I don’t know what to say, because clearly our anniversary is a bigger deal to me than it is him. I thought he would like it, me spoiling him for once. I never get the chance to, and now that it’s here, I’m getting the opposite reaction that I was hoping for.

“Are you dumb? Seriously, Trent, why would you do this? We don’t have the money.”

My temper flares. “It’s not we, it's I . I don’t have the money. Since I’m the one working while you gallivant around at school all day, because I actually want you to be able to do something with your life.”

His face is red now, too, and he scrunches his nose like he’s trying not to cry, but dammit . He hurt me.

I know I’m dumb. I’ve had everyone I’ve ever known tell me that. My mom, my stepdad, teachers, adults. They all think I’m an idiot, and that I’m either going to end up as an addict or in jail. Whichever of the two comes first.

But I never thought Kian thought of me the same way.

“Just forget it.” I grab the two offending objects and chuck them in the back with the rest of our miscellaneous belongings. I’ll throw them away later when I stop to get gas.

He stares at me, biting his lip, looking like he’s contemplating whether he’s going to get in the car. I’ll wait for him to make up his mind. I'm not going to leave him stranded, no matter how upset we are with each other.

Finally Kian gets in, pulling his backpack off and keeping it in his lap. I don’t reach for his hand like I usually would. We ride in uncomfortable silence, neither of us willing to engage with the other one first. We’re both stubborn like that.

The gas station isn’t busy, thank fuck, so I quickly pull in and take my wallet out of the center console, grabbing a twenty. I get out of the car, not slamming the door even though I want to. Because I’m not going to mistreat my car when it’s the only reliable thing we have.

I open the back door, snatching the flowers and the chocolates, and toss them in the trash can on my way inside. I’ll worry about the rest of the trash later, but I don’t want to think about how horribly wrong this day has gone.