Unexpecting (Unexpecting #1)

12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

“For the optimal pregnancy, the mother-to-be needs a supportive and caring relationship with the father. Even though the father may not appear outwardly affected by the vast changes in the woman as she journeys through the nine months, he will undoubtedly be as interested and anxious as the mother and may demonstrate his concerns in unusual ways.”

A Young Woman’s Guide to the Joy of Impending Motherhood

Dr. Francine Pascal Reid (1941)

I woke up Sunday to the sublime smell of frying bacon wafting down the stairs. There’s no better way to wake up. I stretched in bed, already thinking about David. Thinking about how maybe next Sunday I might not be waking up alone. That would be even better than waking up to the smell of bacon. It didn’t take me long to get upstairs, and I was grinning as I hit the kitchen.

″Good morning!” I bellowed.

″I didn’t know it was that good,” Coop muttered from his usual spot at the vast gas stove.

“It’s a beautiful morning,” I told him. Actually, from the window in the kitchen, I could see dark rain clouds crowding the sky. Apparently, I didn’t have a good look before I came upstairs, but that wasn’t stopping me this morning.

″What’s got you in such a good mood?” Coop asked with an uncharacteristic scowl .

Before I could answer, sudden footsteps announced J.B.’s imminent arrival.

″I smell bacon!” he cried as he practically bounded into the kitchen.

“Emma wanted Egg McMuffins,” Cooper explained with disgust as he assembled a bacon and egg sandwich for me. “The bacon didn’t work out, so she was heading out to McDonald’s when I caught her.” Cooper has an unexplained horror of fast food. In his opinion, if it takes less than five minutes to assemble, it’s not safe to put it in your stomach. I, of course, don’t share that opinion. When Emma handed me my plate, she gave me the barest of winks. Maybe I was starting to get that there was method behind her madness of trying to cook.

″You’re chipper this morning, too.” Emma turned to J.B. and then back to me with a suspicious smile. “Both of you in good moods, hmm.” She handed him a plate, and he immediately took a huge bite out of his sandwich.

″Sorry to disappoint,” I told Emma, who was looking expectantly at me, “but I spent a lovely night all by my lonesome. I spent an even lovelier day with an old friend yesterday, however.”

″Who’s that?” Coop asked. I was about to go into details when Cooper held up his hand. It sounded like there were footsteps upstairs.

″Is someone here?” he asked J.B.

″Well,” he said reluctantly. Instantly there was a collective ah from Emma and Coop.

″You left a girl alone upstairs and came downstairs to feed your face?” I demanded with disgust. I sounded a little sharper than necessary only because of the sharp pang I felt in my heart. Not that it’s any of my business who J.B. sleeps with. He can have sex with whomever he likes. What’s it to me, especially when I may well be doing the same thing with David after the movie tonight. It’s none of my business.

To give him credit, J.B. had the grace to appear repentant. I don’t know why I’ve never noticed how cute J.B. is when he is embarrassed. I guess he’s cute all the time, but especially when he’s embarrassed.

″Well, uh, she said she wanted a shower, and girls take a long time. And I’m hungry. I could smell the bacon!” he said defensively. I noticed J.B. could barely meet my eyes, focusing intently on his breakfast. He’d already inhaled half his sandwich, and Cooper began to make him another one.

The footsteps were coming down the stairs now. Coop, Emma, and I turned expectantly toward the kitchen door. The stairs head into the hall, which separates the living room and kitchen and lead to the front door. Whoever she was would have to walk right past us.

″J. B?” a female voice called.

With a last, longing glance at his half-empty plate, J.B. headed for the hallway. I reached over and speared a piece of bacon that fell from the English muffin. If I leaned over the table enough, I could see what was going on at the door.

″What’s she look like?” Emma hissed, trying to see around me.

″Blonde. Curly hair. Tall,” I reported. “And she’s wearing a pink shirt, so she’s not a waitress.”

″He stopped dating the waitresses years ago,” Coop told us. “After Talia.”

″Who’s Talia?” Emma and I asked in unison. I sat back down. This might be more interesting, especially since all I could see was her back and one of J.B.’s hands on her shoulder, which gave me another pang I’d rather not dwell on.

″You live with the guy, and you don’t know anything about him?” Cooper asked me with a raised eyebrow.

″Well, it’s hard to keep track. And I don’t really live with him.”

″So who’s this Talia?” Emma asked.

″She was one of the waitresses at the club, maybe about five or six years ago. J.B. liked her a lot.”

Another pang in the heart region. Now, why is that? That was before my time!

″Anyway, he was getting serious with her—”

″What, two dates?” I scoffed.

Cooper looked at me. “There have been a couple of girls he’s been serious about, you know. I remember one—what was her name? She was quiet but really sweet.”

″Is that what his ex-wife was like?” I wondered. “The one who sends him a card on their divorce-versary?”

Cooper sighed. “Is she still doing that?”

″I read the one from a couple of weeks ago.”

″She really doesn’t want him to get over her.”

″That’s what I thought!” I crowed. “Is J.B. —does he…?” I floundered. Did I really want to know if he still had feelings for his ex-wife? What business of mine was it if he did?

″If he does still have feelings for her, he won’t admit it,” Coop said. “But it makes sense. They’ve been split up for twelve years or so, and he’s had maybe three serious relationships. Serious being more than six months, and all with girls just like his wife—needy, clingy, and insecure.”

″I don’t understand women like that. Most of the time they’d be better off without a man in their life,” I said.

″Like you.” Emma smiled at me. “What about this Talia?” I was glad she asked because I really wanted to know and I felt guilty about her comment. I hadn’t told her about David yet. How could I judge past loves of J.B. when I can’t even go a month without a man of my own? Not that David could be considered my man, only my ex-man, but after yesterday, who knows?

″She was all messed up by her ex when J.B. started dating her,” Cooper was saying. “He took his time with her, helped get her self-confidence back. I’d never seen him so serious about a girl before. They were together for almost a year, I guess. They started talking about getting a place together, but then all of a sudden, the ex-boyfriend comes back into the picture and tells her he wants her back. He’s gone through all this therapy; says he’s a new man and all this crap. J.B. was convinced Talia would just blow him off, but then she goes back to him. She just said she owed it to him to give him another chance. Then she was gone, and J.B. refused to look at another girl twice. Well, he’d look, but that’s it. Nothing serious since.”

″She dumped him just like that?” Emma exclaimed loud enough for J.B. to hear in the hallway. I gave another peek—the door was open and he was standing there, still obviously saying good-bye to Ms. Blonde. “Idiot girl.”

″He was pretty messed up for a while,” Cooper told us slowly. “He really cared about her. He told me once that he felt betrayed by her. It was one thing for her to leave him, but he could never understand how she could go back to the boyfriend who messed her up. There were a lot of dependency issues; I think some emotional stuff, but J.B. got her to stand on her feet again, and then she goes and ruins everything by going back to the boyfriend.”

″So maybe he’s still hung up on her, not the ex-wife.” I didn’t know what upset me more. Not upset, because why should I be upset, but disappointed me? Concerned me? And why should I be letting J.B.’s love life even enter my thoughts? I had David to be concerned about now.

″What ex-wife?” J.B. asked from the hall. I didn’t know who jumped more, me or Emma. Both of us glanced guiltily at each other.

″Oh, Brit,” I fibbed as breezily as possible.

″Brit’s not even married yet. ”

“Yes, but Morgan keeps saying that it’s about time she started planning on how to be an ex-wife, now that she’s almost married so that she can start planning her second wedding.” I’m such a horrible liar that the Lord will surely strike me down someday.

I was also feeling kind of strange about the insight into J.B.’s past. It was like I was snooping inside his medicine cabinet and found he was taking some sort of secret medication.

J.B . just gave me one of those you’re nuts expressions, and turned his attention back to his plate. “Did you take my bacon?”

“It was getting cold,” I said in my defense.

″I was coming back.”

“It wasn’t fair to just leave it, like out in the cold, all alone. It needed to be eaten. It was asking to be eaten. And you took a long time saying goodbye to your friend,” I added innocently.

″Gimme your bacon then. It’s getting cold.” Instead of handing it over, I popped the last piece in my mouth.

″Sorry, all gone,” I said with my mouth full.

″You b—”

″I’ll make you both more bacon,” Coop said soothingly. “Geez, the two of you are as bad as children sometimes.”

″Okay, back to what you did yesterday.” Ever tactful, Emma changed the subject.

″Me or her?” J.B. asked with confusion.

″Casey. Who’s the old friend you spent the day with?” she asked me.

″David.” My face broke into a huge smile as I said his name. “I haven’t seen him since university.”

″Is this him? The guy?” Cooper demanded. “The one you’re always mooning about?”

″I don’t moon about anyone!”

″The one she dumped on his ass, and keeps on complaining about why she did it,” J.B. corrected.

″That’s him,” I told them with a smile, not even bothered by their teasing this morning. “I hung out with him yesterday, and we’re going to a movie tonight.”

″A movie tonight,” Emma echoed, sounding excited for me. “Sounds promising.”

″Maybe.”

″Tonight?” J.B. asked. “So no dinner?”

″Can I have a rain check? ”

″So how did this come about?” Cooper asked before J.B. could answer.

″He just walked into the store on Thursday,” I told him, happy to be back on the David topic.

″Really?” Emma asked.

″Really?” Coop echoed, but he made it sound like David innocently walking in would be the most unbelievable thing. “And that doesn’t concern you?”

″Why is that so hard to believe? He likes wine. He works with one of the regular customers, and they came in after work. Not that it’s any of your business.”

″Right. He didn’t just wander into the store? Just in the neighbourhood…“J.B. trailed off with a questioning smile.

I clicked to what he was saying and didn’t like it. “I work in a wine store, not a gay bar,” I snapped. “For your information, we have tons of heterosexuals who come in every day. In fact, I seem to recall that you’ve been in there once or twice. Do you hear me questioning your sexuality?”

J.B. shrugged. “Had to be asked.”

″No, I don’t think it did. David is not gay! I would know! For your information, you could say I made him the man he is!” I gave him my best glare.

″Okay, okay.” Cooper waved his arms between us. “J.B., don’t be an ass; Casey, stop jumping down his throat. We’re just trying to make sure everything’s cool with this guy.”

″Everything is cool. Everything is fine, great, terrific,” I growled.

″Fine, great, terrific,” Coop conceded. “Just want to make sure you’re not stalking him or anything.”

″Since when do I stalk anyone?” I exclaimed.

J.B. gave a cough; Cooper raised his eyebrows. “Well, last summer when George Clooney was in town shooting that movie…” Emma trailed off, giving me a little smile.

″That was George Clooney,” I told them, like that explained everything.

″Do you really think it’s a good idea to try and reinvent the past?” Coop asked me, this time all serious-like.

″There’s no way it would work,” J.B. scoffed .

″I’m not trying to reinvent anything!” I protested. “And why wouldn’t it work? I may be older and maybe a little wiser and more experienced, but I’m still me. I’m still the same Casey he was in love with.”

″It’s been twenty years. There’s no way you’re the same person. Everybody changes. Look at me,” J.B. offered.

″No, I think you still have the maturity, not to mention the mentality, of a fifteen-year-old, so what’s your point?”

″Hey, I’m trying to be nice here!” J.B. protested. “You don’t know anything about this guy anymore, do you? He could have spent the last ten years in prison for all you know. I’m just trying to watch your back.”

″Thank you,” I say grudgingly, only after I realize there is genuine concern in J.B.’s voice. “But I’m fine. And I doubt that David has ever seen the inside of a prison, so you shouldn’t worry about that.”

″How many times did you Google him?” J.B. asked with his usual smirk, the concern in his voice vanishing into smugness. I ignored the question. “It’s like me trying to hook up with my ex-wife—it’s a stupid idea.”

Cooper turned down the burner and stepped away from the stove, which told me he had a lot on his mind because he can normally hold up his end of any conversation while continuing to cook. “Look, Casey, if you’re planning on something with this guy, I really think you’re opening yourself up for a big world of hurt,” he began, already full into lecture mode. “So many things have changed since you were twenty. It’s not going to be the same between you. I can’t see how you would think it would possibly work out.”

″I’m not planning anything. Yesterday was really good. Maybe—”

″Yesterday was one day,” he interrupted. “He was probably surprised to see you, and yes, probably pretty happy. And he probably spent all of last night thinking about you and how great it was back then, but what if he remembered how he felt when you gave him the boot and wants to get back at you?”

″David would never do that!”

″It’s been twenty years, Casey; you don’t know the guy anymore!” J.B. interjected.

″Twelve,” I muttered. “Only twelve.”

If I were listening to my head, I would have realized the two of them were making sense, but for once my heart seemed in command.

″I need to try,” I told them truthfully. “It might be my only shot.”

″At what, getting pregnant?” J.B. scoffed. “You really should— ”

″At being happy,” I said quietly, with my face turned down at my half-eaten plate of breakfast.

″Casey, this isn’t your only chance,” Emma told me softly.

″No?” I asked her. “It feels like it might be.”

The kitchen was quiet, and I finished my breakfast without glancing up. Yes, these were three of my closest friends and we discuss a lot and they probably know too much about me for their own good, but I’ve never gotten into in-depth emotional insecurity stuff. Usually, I just store that stuff in my do-not-think-about file and leave it there. But yes, now that it’s out there, I believe that David might be my last chance at getting everything that I want.

I want to have a baby. I want to have a baby so bad it hurts. I want a baby to cuddle and care for and give all the love I have in my heart, all the love I’m wasting on my friends. Okay, maybe not wasting, but I seem to be living these days vicariously through them. I’m involved in a wedding through Brit. I’m involved with kids through Libby. I’m involved with Cooper and Emma’s life as they move in together. Yet I have nothing—no marriage prospects, no children of my own, no one to share my life with. Nothing. Do you blame me for thinking David might be the answer?

I went back and thought what might have been had I not broken up with David. I would have gone to Europe with Brit—David had been fine with the idea—but when I came back, we would have found an apartment together. And then we would have gotten engaged and started planning our wedding. And two years after getting married, I would have had our first baby, at twenty-seven. Two years later, I would have had our second baby, then a year and a half later, a third, so by the time I was thirty-two, my family with David would have been finished and we would have enjoyed raising them together. I’d have an eight-year-old daughter (or son) by now if that’s what had happened. If I hadn’t been so stupid.

But maybe it’s not too late. Maybe I’ve got another chance at the life I’ve always wanted.

When I finally looked up, J.B. was staring at me with an expression in his eyes I couldn’t read. It was sort of a mixture of affection and pity—and something else I’d never seen before. “What?” I muttered.

″I never thought you were the type to need a man to make you happy,” he asked seriously.

″I’m not,” I told him, stung by his observation.

J.B. shrugged. “If you ask me, I think you’re wasting yourself on this guy. You can’t fix something that happened that long ago. This guy should have moved on by now, and if he hasn’t, then there’s a big problem and you should steer clear of him. That’s what I think.”

I wondered for a moment if he was talking about me and David or himself and his ex-wife. Or maybe messed-up Talia?

″I never thought I would agree with J.B.’s advice on dating, but Case, I have to agree with him on this. Don’t do it. Don’t get messed up with him again. Cancel the movie—I’ll take you to see it next week if you really want to go,” Cooper urged.

″Go out for dinner with me tonight,” J.B. offered. “You don’t have to do my laundry.”

I smiled at both of them. “Thanks. I’ll be okay, I promise—and if not, you can both say ‘I told you so’ until I’m sick of hearing it. I’m going tonight, if only because this one has never felt finished, so let me see what happens.”