CHAPTER 2
In the morning, I was woken up by the door closing. Brandon must have just left. The events from last night came rushing back to me. I didn't want to be insecure or paranoid, but I'd seen the photo with my own eyes. Okay, so he’d had a girlfriend. Maybe still had. But, surely, now that he'd found his mate, that was over, right? Was she a she-wolf? A human? Where had he found her, when? For a brief moment, I tried telling myself it could just be a friend, but even I knew that you didn't look at friends like that. If I was being honest with myself, it fucking hurt. I felt like my stomach was eating itself from the inside out. I needed to calm down and be rational about this. We were mates. We’d just found each other.
There was nothing more important than the bond. There was no “love” or lust stronger than the bond. He was the only one I would ever truly want and love, and the same was true vice versa. A few deep breaths and a shower later, I was ready to go downstairs to breakfast. I snooped around the room some more, but his phone was gone and there was nothing else that could be construed as incriminating.
Breakfast was a friendly affair. Almost the entire pack was present, and our friends and family were hugging us, congratulating us, and even teasing us about pups. Neither Brandon nor I were really there, and he didn't look at me or touch me more than he absolutely had to. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to do something about it. All I could think was wrong wrong wrong . The food I ate felt like too thick mashed potatoes that were difficult to swallow down. My friend Tom and his mate April approached us and Tom started teasing me:
“So the wait is finally over! I'm so happy for you Sam,” he beamed at us, and April winked at me and mouthed “later”. I put on what I hope is a convincing smile and intertwine my fingers with Brandon's. His hand felt like a limp cold dead fish in mine. The sparks were there, but in this state of mind they felt more like the ones you’d get from touching a wet toaster. After breakfast I walked him to his car and rested my back on the passenger door. Brandon stood between my legs and ran his hands down my arms.
“Are you okay babe?” he asked softly. The endearment rubbed me the wrong way for some reason.
I looked up into his eyes and for a moment, I stopped caring about the woman. This was my mate, mine! I grabbed his hair and drew his lips down to mine. He eagerly responded and as I felt his warm wet tongue enter my mouth, I moaned. One of his hands tightened in my hair, while the other grabbed my ass and pulled me flush against his body. We were frantic in our kissing and as he lifted me up against the car, I wrapped my legs around his waist while he deliciously thrust into my core – I could feel it all through my leggings. I moaned, I panted, I could smell our arousal everywhere around us and when I broke the kiss only to nip at his neck, he stiffened and stopped his movements. With his eyes closed, he rested his forehead against mine while we were still standing core to core. He exhaled loudly and chuckled: “Wow. This was... wow.”
I licked my lips and rubbed my nose against his.
“I'll miss you,” I said.
“I'll text you, okay?” he said and as I nodded, he gave me a brief hug and got into his car.
I felt cold and empty, and deeply unsatisfied. Sadness didn’t even begin to engulf me until I got back to my parents’ house. Once there, I called my big sister and left a message.
“Hey dr. Laney, how's med school? Your little sister misses you. I met my mate yesterday. He...” I huffed out a breath. “It wasn't exactly how I always imagined it would go. I'm kind of worried. Call me when you have time, I could use your sage advice. Say hi to Lucas for me. Love you!”
???
On Monday, I knocked on the door of the Luna's office.
“Hello Luna Melanie, could I have a moment?”
“Hi Samantha, dear, please, come in. How may I help you?” the kind woman smiled at me.
“Well, you know that last week I found out that Brandon Lane was my mate, and then he had to go to Chicago for a month to finish up the last of his exams,” I said, and she nodded at me. Now came the tricky part: “Well, I was talking to Alaina about how I was missing him and she suggested that I make the trip to Chicago to surprise him.”
I smiled sweetly, just like I'd practiced at home.
“That is a wonderful idea, dear!” the Luna clapped her hands, enthusiastically cheering for young love. If only she knew.
“Could you give me the address in Chicago you have on file for him for pack correspondence? That way it can truly be a surprise,” and here I even hopped a little, the true image of a young excited enamored female. On the inside, I felt like a shriveled apple. Brandon only texted me three times since he left, all generic I hope you're having a good day texts. My wolf was pacing between depressed and murderous; she was driving me insane.
“Of course, honey, I'll just look it up here on the computer... whop, here it is. It hasn't changed for the last three years, so I'm guessing it's still current.”
She printed the address for me and we cheerfully said our goodbyes. I told my parents I'd be driving to visit Alaina this week – I didn’t want to involve them in my suspicions unless they turned out to be true. My father was the head enforcer for the pack, he would be breaking bones first and asking questions later. And my mother would never be able to forget that Brandon had another woman as his screensaver when he met me, let alone something more. My sister was right: confirm first, worry later. I was a she-wolf with a plan. I typed the address into my car’s GPS and I started driving towards my doom.
I stopped at a mall outside of the city to freshen up and buy some snacks for my stakeout. I was still optimistic and trying to take the whole thing in stride, Alaina's pep talk still fresh in my mind: “You don't know each other well yet... he might need to break up with his girlfriend... the mate bond is stronger than anything else... even Lucas and I had some hiccups in the beginning”. It was 6pm by the time I arrived at the address the Luna gave me. It was a nice brownstone, too nice actually. I had to triple check the address but it was the one she’d printed out. I had no choice but to sit in my car and wait. I opened my huge bag of potato chips and started crunching while listening to one of my saved Spotify playlists. I was still oddly calm about the whole thing. I chose a spot across the street but a little ways further down, so I’d have a good view of the front door, but still have enough time to duck if I saw Brandon coming. Daddy would be proud. After he was finished whooping my ass for the whole thing. I almost started laughing to myself when I saw the door opening.
My heart leapt into my throat when I saw my handsome mate exit the building, wearing navy slacks and a gorgeous gray sweater, his curls mussed and a big smile on his face. Said heart started beating at an unbearable volume and I could feel it pulsing in my ears and throat when I saw the beautiful woman on his arm. Brandon looked down at her with a soft awe in his face as she continued animatedly telling him something that made both of them burst out laughing. This was not the same male who ate breakfast with me days ago. This was someone who touched his female every chance he got, from taking her hand to lead her down the stairs, to wrapping his hand around her waist and pressing a kiss to her… baby bump!
As I started feeling the potato chips make their way back up from my stomach, I was hit with the knowledge that I would never again willingly put a potato chip in my mouth for as long as I lived. As I heaved and vomited them back into the bag they came in, I felt dozens of tiny potato shards cutting my throat and nose on their way up, but the tears flowing down my face had nothing to do with that pain and everything to do with my heart being ripped to shreds. Hailey . Them. They miss him. That had to be it. I felt as if I'd taken something like peyote and the secrets of the universe had been revealed to me. My gut hadn’t been wrong, it kept warning me from the very beginning.
I finished returning the chips from my stomach to their bag and, as I was wiping my mouth, I saw them drive away. I then drank some water and exited my car as fast as I could. I dry heaved some more while kneeling on the sidewalk, but nothing came out. I was about to throw the vomit chips into the garbage can and make my way across the street, but at the last moment I decided to take them with me – even though we were in a big city and the smells were overwhelming, I didn’t want to risk Brandon catching my scent at his front door. I carried the vomit chips bag with me, keeping it open and swinging it around like those priests burning incense at ceremonies as I crossed the street. I looked at the doorbell and read the names “Wilson – Lane” on it. Hello, Hailey Wilson.
Once back in my car, I googled hotels and motels nearby, found one with decent reviews and okay prices, and got myself checked in for two nights. I needed to think. I needed to plan. I needed to decide. On what? I had no idea. Everyone I knew lived as a couple with their mate after finding them. No one in their right mind would choose someone else over their mate, that’s what everyone said. It just wasn’t done. Mates were for life, you couldn’t reject them and get someone new to love. Technically, it was possible to abandon your mate and live a miserable existence far away from them, but the act did nothing to lessen or extinguish the bond between you. Werewolves could literally die from a broken heart after their mate died, that’s how powerful the connection was.
So what was Brandon's plan? He had a pup on the way and a whole relationship apparently, but he was coming back to the pack next month for work. He mentioned signing a job contract with the pack, so it sounded official and definitive. Everyone at the pack knew we were mates, so he wouldn’t be able to avoid that issue once he came back. But here he was, staying in the same house as the pregnant human he was kissing. Oh God, is this why he hadn’t marked me? So I wouldn't feel him having sex with her? His wolf wouldn’t let him keep me unmarked forever. Did that mean he was leaving her? It hadn’t looked like it. The memories of his loving gaze and her baby bump caused my heart to constrict painfully once more.
This was such a mess. I decided to call my sister, take a nap, and go back to their house later to see if I could learn anything new. Maybe this whole thing would somehow resolve itself without me having to do anything. I felt like a mop that'd been used to clean a filthy public restroom, then wrung out and left in the bucket. I still needed to shower off the puke smell. But I also just wanted to close my eyes for a moment, and go to the only place that didn’t hurt.
I felt like a crazy stalker as I snuck behind Brandon's house at 11:30 pm. Humans living in the neighborhood would certainly think so. Wolves might understand me a bit better, I thought, but then remembered Brandon was one and he wouldn't. I'd doused my clothes in the fabric softener I’d found in the motel's laundry room in order to mask my scent in case any of their windows were open, and as I looked up I felt victorious, because one was. That’s when I heard it.
A female moan.
Kissing sounds.
The rustling of clothes being discarded.
A thud on the floor.
Panting.
Licking and slurping.
My heart started thundering and my fingers felt cold and clammy. My stomach was cramping painfully and I worried I was going to need a toilet soon. Maybe I should just leave , I thought briefly. The truth was not worth this pain. Suddenly, I wasn’t the person this was happening to. I was just someone debating a hypothetical situation about an insignificant issue, like which brand of butter to buy today. I should just go back to our pack , I thought, and pretend this never happened. Brandon could make his own decisions, I should just deal with those once he does .
Then I heard her say, oh Brandon, yes, like that! I need you inside me, now, baby , followed by some more slurping and the clinking of a belt buckle. Your mate’s belt buckle , my disassociated brain helpfully added.
A hiss.
A deep, male groan followed by a oh baby you feel so good, fuck, Hailey .
Moaning.
Tears were now streaming down my face in what felt like torrents. My vision was completely blurry but it didn’t matter since my shifter hearing did all the work. Wet slapping sounds, grunts, kisses. Listening to those sounds felt like if someone had taken a somewhat dull scalpel and was trying to slice my skin off really slowly. I forgot why I was there. I was no longer intellectually aware of why this hurt so much. All I felt was burning pain, I was pain.
Hailey baby, clench me harder, yes, ugh
Brandon I'm cumming, Brandon ohhh
Fuck, I love you , he grunted through what I imagine must have been his climax, and in that moment my heart knew that I no longer had a mate. And surprisingly, it also knew that none of it was my fault. It didn’t make me feel any better, but I still hugged that fact tight as I made my way back to the motel.
???
After a restless night full of horrifying nightmares and some more vomiting, over breakfast I decided to look up Hailey on social media, and, of course, regretted that decision immediately. Brandon didn’t seem to have a profile, but her and all of her friends were super active. I was able to reconstruct their entire relationship going back 4 years. Hailey loved writing cheesy and long captions, which I was oddly grateful for, since it enabled me to drive the knife deeper into my own gut. I'd always loved reading romance novels with strong gut punches but now life seemed to have written me my own. Yay! Every word was like a whip to my back, and yet I kept going back for more. What was wrong with me?
“My love, today is the first anniversary of that day when you saw me at the library and decided to come up to me with a pick up line that will stay between us ;) I said yes to coffee that day and I just kept saying yes to you. I've never regretted a single one of them. Being with you feels like coming home, I love you so much Brandon.”
“Hiking in Starved Rock State Park for my baby's birthday! And a special picnic for the birthday boy with the most special dessert ;) I love you baby, many happy returns.”
“Brandon surprised me with a trip to Puerto Rico for my birthday! Two beach bunnies escaping the cold. I have the best boyfriend in the world 3”
“Anniversary dinner at Brandon's favorite Italian place. Next year we should go to Italy for real lol, I love you B.”
“Moving day! Now my shirts will live with your shirts forever 3”
“Three years of love, devotion, living together, traveling, highs and lows. There is no one else I would rather do this life with. You are my soul mate Brandon, my heart is forever yours. I said YES!!!! Mrs. Lane 3”
That one actually made me push my breakfast away. They'd already ruined potato chips for me, I'd be damned if I let them ruin eggs as well. What had gotten to me wasn't the diamond on her finger, as impressive as it was. It was Hailey calling them soul mates , without actually knowing what she was talking about. Did Brandon agree with her? Did he truly feel she was his other half? How could he, knowing what we knew as wolves? The more I stalked her Instagram, the more it seemed that I was the who didn't know what she was talking about.
I soon got to the posts showing the sonogram, the gender reveal, and the maternity shoot they did. I saw my mate lovingly holding his pregnant fiancée, and suddenly I felt ashamed at how I had thrown myself at him that night in pack house. I felt like a homewrecker for approaching my own mate, how insane was that? Even while bitterly looking at their photos I felt like I was intruding on a family space that had no spot available for me. There they were, a ready-made family with a mommy, a daddy, and a pup. There was no coming back from this. What the fuck was Brandon thinking? There was no scenario in which he and I could play house and be mated, no matter what our wolves thought and no matter what our families and pack thought.
How could I, even for a moment, believe that Brandon was mine after everything I’d learned? He was just some male who smelled good. A male with a pup and a human fiancée and a favorite Italian restaurant. A man who took his girlfriend to Puerto Rico, but gave his mate his cold, limp hand to hold for appearances’ sake. If he wanted to, he would , my mind whispered a line I’d often heard the human girls from my high school repeating to each other with one eyebrow raised. My heart and soul and wolf seemed to have accepted our defeat and given up hope. It was for the best. I just wanted to see her one more time. My wolf wanted to see who took what was supposed to be hers, and since she wouldn’t get anything else in this life, I would at least let her have that.