Unlearning

CHAPTER 4

November 2011

Brandon, age 25

“He's finally asleep,” Hailey whispered as she came down the stairs and I smiled at her from the couch. After setting the baby monitor on the coffee table, she snuggled up to me and I wrapped my arm around her, tracing patterns on her shoulders with my fingertips.

“Are you okay, babe?” she asked softly, knowing that I was always extra tense on Fridays after reviewing the books at the pack-owned gym. What she didn’t know was that the gym manager happened to be my mate's father and that he hated my guts for very good reason. He never missed a chance to let me know just how much. He'd also broken my nose and ribs on several occasions. Thank God for werewolf healing, otherwise Hailey, being the brilliant lawyer that she was, would have sued him for all he has by now.

“I'm fine, love. How was Ben today?” I nuzzled into her neck and kissed the spot where her neck met her shoulder.

“Lilly at daycare says he might be teething since he was kind of cranky today, and he drooled a lot,” she shrugged. “It’s about time if you ask me, he's almost a year old and doesn't have a single tooth!” she laughed. “At this point it's limiting the range of solid foods I can offer him.”

I chuckled, “Well he'll have more teeth than necessary once he shifts,” and I felt her tense lightly before remembering to relax her body and try to laugh as well.

It hadn't been easy on her, this last year. It was a whirlwind. She gave birth to our son, Benjamin Harrison Lane, on November 25. Ten days after that, I came back to the pack, still unsure of what to do about the mess that was my life, only to find out that the decision had already been made for me. My mate was gone. I really needed to stop calling her that. She both was and wasn't my mate, it was a weird feeling. My wolf was surprisingly quiet on the subject, maybe because he was all about our pup from the moment he’d been conceived.

Anyways, Samantha was gone, and I was greeted by my angry Alpha and my disappointed father. They knew everything. I was oddly relieved: the matter was now outside of my hands, my cowardice and indecisiveness no longer a factor in determining the next step of my life. If I was being honest with myself, I was glad Samantha was gone. She was an additional complication I didn't need at this point. Her letter was a knife to the gut, though. She had every right to be angry, and all she said was true. Being called a weak coward by your mate still wasn't easy to read, and my wolf kept whimpering in the back of my mind.

What was I supposed to have done? When I’d found out who my mate was, at 18, it felt weird. She was a 14-year-old child, and she looked it. The feeling of wanting to be near her and inhale her scent just made me feel like a child molester so I got out of there as fast as I could. I figured I'd come back at some point, once she became legal at least. Then college opened my eyes to how humans my age lived – no one expected them to live up to their gamma blood, work for the pack, or get together with some juvenile as soon as possible and start playing house. They partied, hooked up, had fun, so I joined them, and I did so gladly.

Three years into my new life, I’d come to the library to work on a paper, and I saw the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen sitting at one of the tables, chewing on her pencil while reading a journal of some sort. She was sitting in front of a window, and the light behind her made her glow like some sort of ethereal creature. I was insanely attracted to her so I decided to try my luck. I walked up to her and said: “It's a good thing that we're at a library because I'm checking you out”, and she looked up at me, remained silent for a second, and then threw her head back and laughed until she had tears in her eyes.

“I needed that today, thanks,” she said, then looked me up and down and asked, “are you lost? The high school campus is further down the street?” My wolf's hackles were immediately raised, and I made it my mission to get this girl to on a date with me. She said yes to coffee, and, as she put it, kept saying yes . She said yes to living together, yes to marrying me, and finally yes to leaving her high level position in a Chicago law firm to move to my pack with me.

I fell hard for Hailey. She was unlike any other woman I'd ever met. She was older, more experienced, beautiful, sophisticated, hot, wealthy, witty, crazy smart, successful, driven, and for some reason, she was insanely in love with me. So I tried living up to her love for me. I became a better, more interesting version of myself. I improved in my studies, broadened my horizons, and eventually I felt I’d become worthy of Hailey. And when she’d told me she was pregnant, claiming an antibiotic-related birth control mishap, I was over the moon. So what if I would always have to hide a big part of myself from her? Hailey was worth it, and I was ready to sacrifice for her – even cut ties with my family if necessary. I barely saw them anyway. But then I was summoned to the pack because my graduation was fast approaching and I panicked. I knew I had signed a binding contract, so I went, hoping to find away out of it.

I was sat there in the pack hall, looking at the celebration in my honor and I felt... nothing. I had no loyalty left for the place I grew up in. I had a whole new life now, I was a new man. I regularly went to art exhibits and ethnic restaurants, and couldn't care less for the new meatloaf recipe the pack cooks were trying out in the kitchen today. Just then, I was drowned in the smell of sage flowers, reminiscent of summertime meadows and bees drunk on nectar buzzing around the beautiful purple flowers. Before I could make a conscious decision about what to do, my wolf propelled me forward and I grabbed the beautiful female's face and started kissing her like my life depended on it. I couldn't believe this was Samantha, she was all grown up and so gorgeous. She was vibrant and full of life, I for one brief moment I could really see myself loving her.

The thought of Hailey was like a cold shower. My pregnant fiancée Hailey. Hailey whom I loved. Hailey who was growing my pup. I couldn't cheat on Hailey, mate bond be damned. I evaded Sam's sexual advances successfully, but I couldn't bear sleeping without her. Just this once, I told myself, inhaling her sweet smell, hugging her warm body tight. I had the best sleep of my life that night. I managed to survive the awkwardness next morning, and then I was on my way back to my true love. Damn pack food had given me heartburn. Once home in Chicago, I drank a big glass of milk and spooned my pregnant fiancée, but the damn heartburn still kept me awake for hours that night.

Telling Hailey about shifters and my pack had been an ordeal in itself. She’d been angry, confused, scared. Understandably so. She hadn't signed up for any of it, and now her baby would be part of a world she didn't understand and knew nothing about. But she’d tried her best: she’d found a great job in the city she could easily commute to from the pack after her maternity leave and she’d spent a lot of time with my mom and the Luna, asking questions and learning as much as she could about our world.

One night she’d asked me about mates, and if I had been standing, my legs would have given out. She was wondering why everyone referred to their partners using that word. Being the coward that I was, I’d told her that since folks out here don't get married much, this word was their way of denoting a permanent relationship, like bikers did with the title of old ladies. She laughed heartily at my MC romance novel reference and with a naughty grin asked whether that meant that she should introduce herself as my mate, and the question made my stomach churn.

I’d wanted to tell her the truth then and there, but I couldn't bear to burden her further. I knew the truth would make her start having doubts about our relationship, and I just couldn't deal with that on top of everything else. So I’d just told her that it was a werewolf thing and that she shouldn't refer to us as mates. She’d seemed somewhat hurt by that but quickly schooled her face back to neutral. I’d kissed her and told her that she was my wife , that she was Mrs. Lane , which was much better than being my mate. She’d nodded and hugged me tightly in response. We both needed to believe that.

“Are you even listening to me, B.?”

“Sorry Hailey, I spaced out. What were you saying?”

“About Ben's birthday, it falls on Thanksgiving, should we do the party that day?”

“The pack normally has a community feast that day so maybe better let's do it on the weekend, can your folks and your brother make the drive up?”

“Yes, mom can't wait to hang out with Ben again. I am so excited to have them here,” she clapped her hands, grinning.

I stroked her hair, “I know you miss them, I'm sorry we had to move so far away from them.”

Hailey just leaned in to kiss me and whispered, “Anything for you, my wolf.”

She was perfect.