Unlearning

CHAPTER 15

July 2017

Hailey, age 37

I had to do this. I'd put a lot of thought and planning into this idea and now I had to follow through, even though my gut seemed to be changing its mind. I stole a glance at my devastatingly handsome husband, and felt the familiar resentment churning inside me. That is why I had to do this. The last year and a half had been awful; ever since I’d learned about the mythical concept of mates I just wasn’t able to view my marriage the way I once did. Its days suddenly felt numbered, Brandon's love for me on shaky legs. He tried, God knows he tried to reassure me, but there was some evil little voice in my head whispering “you trapped him Hailey, and how you get 'em is how you lose 'em.”

The portion of my twenties I’d spent with Brandon was the most glorious period of my life. He’d been the perfect boyfriend: loving, devoted, amazing in bed – wherever we went women would shamelessly stare at him, and yet he only had eyes for me. We’d traveled, had fun, lived together, and I was absolutely ready for the next step, so I’d nudged it along a bit. We’d already been engaged, it's not like I’d done something terrible. But to think now that that had been why he stayed? That Samantha leaving could have been the only reason he stayed? Hot jealousy kept gnawing on my insides and I desired nothing more than to get my hands on this damn mate of his and... I don't know exactly what, since she would undoubtedly best me in any physical altercation.

I hated this. I hated being the outsider, the human. I mostly chose not to dwell on it, because I also didn't want to dwell on the fact that my husband and children were something other , something different from myself, so within our four walls I kept it as human as possible. With the kids growing, it was becoming less and less possible and my discomfort kept growing, and along with it, another area of insecurity. The little voice kept whispering: “well Samantha is a werewolf, she is just like them, she wouldn't stand out,” and I could feel myself spiraling further and further into my own insecurities, further away from my husband and even my children. Doing things with the pack or even Brandon's parents became a source of unease – I wondered who among them was her friend or relative? Did Brandon's parents resent human me for taking him away from his fated one? Were they cheering for her return?

It did not help that our life had changed radically after moving here and having two kids. Brandon's job was extremely mind numbing, and he was clearly miserable. I’d even looked into the contract he had signed as a teenager to see if there was a way out of it – unfortunately it was ironclad, and he had no choice but to give another twelve years of work to the pack so he’d pay back three years for every year they’d supported him. I commuted an hour to my job and an hour back every day, and by the time both of us ate dinner and got the kids to bed, there were no more plays to see, exhibits to attend, or restaurants to try. We'd become as boring as some of the older pack couples. On the weekends, we never did anything just for us - there would always be some damn pack thing to go to or we’d go to his parents', whereas I'd use the time off in the summer to go stay with my parents. I already felt guilty enough for depriving them of their grandchildren during the year. They could never fully understand why we had to move away, and I could never tell them, not without one of them having a heart attack or having me committed.

This was not how I’d envisioned our future together. Not even ten years into our marriage, and we were further from each other than ever. I knew part of it was my fault, since I kept holding on to my resentment, I kept feeding my insecurities, trying to catch Brandon in a lie and building this woman up into who knows what in my head. I knew I had to do something about it. It wasn’t a bad plan, that's what I kept telling myself. I'd had time enough time over the last 18 months to think and to plan. Like every year, I’d notified our pediatrician that we'd be leaving for Chicago, giving him the exact dates like I did every other year; only this year I'd done it over text.

After Brandon had told me that he could smell my lies, I'd been extra careful around all wolves. So I gave Lucas the dates, but I'd told him we'd be back on the 20 th , even though we were planning to come back on the 15 th . I'd arranged for the kids to stay an extra week with my parents, so it was just me and Brandon driving to the pack, just in time for another barbecue. I knew that she visited every year during our absence, so I hoped we would happen upon her. Maybe I would finally see her instead of imagining her, and I would finally see my husband's reaction and reassure myself that it is me he wants, that he is not with me only because she left. As far as I knew, he hadn't seen her since she left, but at this point I was questioning every word out of Brandon's mouth. I hated feeling this way, that was why my plan was necessary, I needed to get my marriage back on track, I needed to fight for my love.

“Do you need to pee, babe?” Brandon pulled me out of my plotting and I gave him a confused look. “You keep bouncing your leg.”

“Oh,” I didn't try to hide my anxiety, but I chose to give a reasonable explanation for it. “I'm just thinking about the kids, it's the first time they've stayed anywhere without me.”

He nodded, understanding.

“They'll have fun with your parents.”

“I know. And I know the time will pass quickly, I’m just feeling anxious right now.”

Brandon gently took my hand and put it on his thigh, keeping it there with his. For a moment it felt like there was nothing wrong between us, and I wanted to give in to the feeling with all my heart, but I was a woman with a plan.

“Should we stop at the barbecue first? Say hi to everyone, and eat some lunch?” I proposed innocently, or at least I hoped that was what it sounded like. Being this paranoid around your husband was insane. He shot me a look and why wouldn't he, it was so unlike me to propose going to a pack function.

“Sure. I could eat.”

We parked in front of the imposing pack house and, as we were getting out of the car, I saw my husband freeze for a moment before shifting into his wolf and running off to the backyard. Confused and a little scared, I ran after him, only to find him jumping a tall dark-haired man. He was tearing at the man with his claws and fangs, while the gathered pack members just stood there and watch, still sipping their drinks. The other man then shifted into a dark gray wolf who was much larger than Brandon's yellow ocher one. He seemed to be toying with Brandon, effortlessly evading his attacks and then swatting him with his paw as if he were an annoying fly.

I was kneeling in the grass, ripping out clumps of it with my hands as I took in the scene before me. My throat was sore for some reason. Had I been screaming? Was this what people called an out-of-body experience? I could see everything, including myself, but I was paralyzed by surprise, fear, and shock. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw people dragging someone away but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the fight. Would Brandon die today? What had I done? The large wolf clamped his jaw on Brandon's neck and shook him as if he were a rag doll. I looked down because I couldn’t bear it any longer and noticed that my fingernails were black with dirt. Brandon the wolf whimpered, then obediently lay down on the ground and showed the larger wolf his neck. The larger wolf just huffed.

This was when Alpha Tom approached them and said: “My office, now. Everyone involved,” and he looked at several people pointedly, including me.

Dr. Lucas came over to me and helped me stand. He kept talking to me, asking whether I was okay but I was still half-frozen. It was only when he forced me to down a glass of lemonade full of sugar that I began coming back to my body.

“Hailey, what are you guys doing here?” he asked, genuinely concerned. I looked away guiltily, instantly alerting him that this was somehow my fault, but I just didn’t have an iota of energy left for deception. He lead me to the Alpha's office, where I saw Brandon sitting in a chair as the other man stood leaning on the wall, both of them wearing only basketball shorts. Brandon was bruised and bloody, looking defeated, and the other man just looked pissed. Brandon's parents and the enforcer's family were also there when Lucas and I arrived. The Alpha and Luna were standing behind the Alpha’s desk, their faces bright and welcoming as if this was a charming get-together of friends.

“Brandon, what happened out there?” I whisper-hissed as I sat down next to him, hoping that the others wouldn’t hear. The dark-haired man shot me a look. So much for hoping. Brandon was just staring at the carpet, not moving and not saying a thing, as he breathed heavily through his mouth. Then Dr. Lucas' wife Alaina came into the office accompanied by another woman, who had something in her nose – were those tampons? The dark-haired man gave her an amused look and slightly frowned, which made her laugh and, as she snaked her arm around his waist, she said to him: “What? I didn't want to have to smell him!”

She had a beautiful low-pitched voice. The man’s shoulders seemed to relax at her words. I noticed Brandon was gripping the armrests of his chair, his knuckles white. So this was her.

I took a good look at my husband's mate. She was tall and looked very strong, reminding me of those gazelles in nature documentaries whose legs are all muscle and you just know that they could easily outrun the lion, even when they seem to be calmly grazing. Her honey blond hair was up in two French braids, and her blue eyes scanned the room sharply, her stance was alert but her outfit casual - jeans and a white shirt, sneakers on her feet. No makeup, maybe some lip balm. Something about her felt familiar, but I couldn’t place her. She was pretty, I could admit that, but she was also extremely normal. Nothing like the femme fatale that I had dreamed up in my head, the tempting seductress threatening my marriage. Plus, she was gazing adoringly at the dark-haired man standing next to her, who was gorgeous and seemed equally smitten with her.

My loving husband, on the other hand, was hyperventilating in the seat next to me. He seemed to be having a hard time just being in the same room with her. I still didn’t understand it completely, the whole mate thing. Why was she not struggling, and what was with the tampons?

“As much as we all love a good fight at a pack barbecue,” Alpha Tom snickered, “I know for a fact that y'all have been avoiding each other for years. So what happened out there?”

It was Lucas who spoke first.

“It seems we were misinformed about the dates of the Lanes' absence,” he said and glared at me. Brandon's head jerked towards me.

“Hailey? What is he talking about?”

“I told him we would be back on the 20 th .”

“Why would you do that?” he choked out as if he were in pain.

“I wanted to see her,” I whispered.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Samantha yelled. At me! The room was dead silent. “Do you understand what happened here today? Do you understand what you could have done? Cause it seems you don't. Well let me enlighten you. Brandon here,” and she spat his name like she hated him, “smelled me and barged into the barbecue, saw James with his arm around me, smelled him on me, and tried to kill him . Why, you may wonder? Because his wolf got possessive and couldn't handle seeing me with someone else. And if he had, by some miracle, managed to do it? No one would bat an eye, because fighting for your mate is completely justified.”

I just sat there, petrified. My mind was in overdrive, trying to process everything she was telling me.

“This is not some little game where I am avoiding you because my heart is broken! By lying about those dates you put your fucking life in danger,” she seemed truly exasperated now. “I specifically left this pack to keep you and your pup alive. My wolf would have torn you both to shreds if I had stayed, has your husband not explained this to you?” I looked at Brandon and he shamefully looked away with his head hung low.

“Are... are you being serious right now?” I managed to stutter out and everyone looked at me like I was the one being insane, and not them. We were talking about murder! Why was everyone so calm? Samantha scoffed and then sat down, facing me.

“Hailey... you know we are werewolves, what did you think that meant? We have a literal animal inside us, and the animal lives by a different set of rules. That is why it is so important for your pup to grow up here. If he doesn't learn about himself and just shifts without any guidance once he is of age, he could end up going around mauling people for the smallest slights to his wolf. Here he will learn control and how to handle his wolf properly, but some things are almost impossible to control, like today's episode has proven,” she told me gently, in a tone much different than she had previously used, maybe because my eyes were filled with tears now.

“And why am I the one who is explaining these things to you? What the fuck has Brandon been doing?” She glared at him, and it was almost comical because she still had the tampons in her nose. “Have you not changed at all ?”

The man, James, sat down next to her, and when she grabbed hold of his hand, his thumb started caressing her gently. I felt a pang of jealousy in my heart, and I tried scooting closer to Brandon to relieve it in some way. And then my husband croaked out:

“Please... can you just... not touch her.”

My jaw dropped open. I couldn’t breathe. I was knocked over by a wave of shame so strong that it submerged me completely. My husband of six years, the man I spent a decade with, was begging another man not to touch his mate because he couldn’t handle it. His voice was pleading, completely broken. This was not something he could fight. Samantha, however, snarled at him.

“I listened to you have sex with Hailey and I even let you guys finish, Brandon, ” again she said his name mockingly, as if it were an insult. “You can handle five minutes of hand-holding. Stop being a baby.”

I looked between the two of them. When had she listened to us? I felt a surge of anger welling up inside me and it was so much better than that pathetic shame I felt a minute ago. I hated being left in the dark, I hated sitting here being the stupid human wife who hadn’t been told basic things and facts she needed to know. I hated Brandon so much right now. I hated his bitch mate as well, sitting there smugly, lecturing me like I was some idiot.

“What?!” I stood. “When were you listening to us? What is wrong with you?” I took a step towards her and both James and Brandon growled at me, protecting their precious Samantha. I couldn’t believe it and I remained frozen in place.

Samantha sighed, like she was tired of all of us already.

“Just stay in your house for the next two days, please. James and I will book the first ticket out of here. And for the love of God, don't pull anything like this again, just tell Lucas the truth from now on.”

I nodded, ashamed.

“I think it's better for all of us if we never see each other again,” she added.

Brandon was still staring at the carpet, breathing through his mouth, not saying a damn thing. If they had been exes, she'd definitely be winning the breakup. I'd never seen him look so pathetic and lost.

Then, Samantha and James left, followed by everyone else. Her father shot Brandon a smug look before leaving, almost as if to say “serves you right.” His parents said nothing, but they looked older than ever. We drove home in silence, and when we got there, we retired to separate parts of the house to lick our wounds. I wasn’t even offended that he hadn't said a word to me, I was too busy sifting over everything that had happened. I only knew one thing for certain – my marriage was dead, and a situation of my own making was what had delivered the final blow.