Unlearning

CHAPTER 16

November 2017

James, age 36

“I've barely kissed you today,” I gently tugged on one of Samantha's braids and tried to sound like I wasn’t whining. Unsuccessfully. “And now I have to go. I still don't understand why you can't come with us.”

She looked up at me, her eyes filled with a mixture of love and exasperation.

“Honey, you know why. I need to finish a few things before I take time off for my heat, and you and Carter need to attend the budget meetings. You'll be back before you know it,” she explained patiently, and then, in a lower voice added, “and then you can kiss me all you want.”

“Promise?” It sounded needy even to my own ears.

“Yes, baby, I promise,” she gave me a gentle peck, ignoring Carter making kissy sounds in the background. I couldn’t believe how immature my Beta was. I thought of him as my Beta now. Ever since Samantha marked me, I'd felt a shift in how I viewed myself and my pack – I truly felt like I was their Alpha now, I cared about their well-being on a whole new level, and it was reflected in both my approach and their happiness. During the car ride to Crescent City, my thoughts, as always, gravitated towards Samantha, my mate.

When the whole fiasco at the Cutleaf pack happened, my first emotion, after confusion as to why that wolf was jumping me, had been panic. I’d seen Alaina dragging Samantha away and my blood ran cold. In the back of my mind I'd always feared that her mate would come back, but I’d imagined it differently – he’d come knocking on the pack house door, and Samantha would tell him she doesn't want to see him or some fantasy like that. This, however, was all blood and teeth. I could have ended him easily, but a part of me was afraid that she'd resent me, that maybe she would want him now that he was fighting for her, despite Samantha telling me time and again that that would never be the case. My fear was a cold dark sludge freezing my insides. I had waited my whole life to love her, although I had no right to. She wasn't mine to love, and yet, for once in my life, I wanted to be selfish.

When my female showed up with what looked like white sponges stuffed up her nose, annoyed at the jerk, all of the worry bled out of me and my heart started beating its familiar tune again: we love her we love her . Alaina would later inform me that the sponges were human menstruation tampons that the pack ER doctors used to stop nosebleeds from sparring injuries. Huh. That had been some quick thinking on Lainey's part.

That night in her childhood bedroom, I’d made love to Samantha as gently and as quietly as I could, wanting to lose myself completely in her while at the same time desperate to saturate her in my smell, to imprint myself on her body and soul, to leave a mark in the only way I could.

“I want you to mark me,” I told her between hickeys. “As soon as possible.”

My she-wolf immediately flipped me over as a new kind of fire ignited in her eyes. My dick started to harden again from that look alone. She licked up the column of my neck, then grazed it with her descended canines, and I whimpered helplessly under her. I felt her hot wet muscles slowly swallow my length, and I held my breath; the only sound in the room were her quiet pants and the incredibly erotic wet friction we were creating.

“Look at me,” she murmured darkly, her eyes wild. I was in awe of her aura in that moment, this female possessed me fully and she knew it, I was at her mercy.

“I love you James,” she whispered in my ear before sinking her teeth into my neck. First, I felt a rush of heat enter my bloodstream, followed by incredible euphoria that made its way down my limbs and up my spine. I felt tingles everywhere. My wolf was glowing with a warm golden halo, and he experienced a sense of ecstatic bliss like never before; he was suddenly tethered, grounded, owned. I could feel a stream of love, gentleness, affection, respect, and desire rush into my mind, and I knew those were some of Samantha's feelings, just as I knew she would now be able to experience all of mine. I didn't care that the bond would be lopsided, I loved this female more than I'd ever imagined loving anyone, bond or no bond. She was my best friend, a kindred spirit, a true partner and mate on this walk of life, and I would give my life if it meant protecting what I had with her.

The months that followed were a true honeymoon for us – we made love constantly, in every corner of the Parks: in tents, in ranger cabins, behind bushes, against trees, on the beach, in my office, in her office, in the cabin that we now shared. One look at her was enough to set my blood on fire, which she’d always feel through the bond and without words, we'd just start tearing at each other's clothes. Carter mocked me endlessly for completely changing my wardrobe in order to better show off my mark, but I didn't care. It had been a deep dark secret of mine, this desire to be a mated male, to be marked, to have a family; it was something I’d tried to bury and forget because it was a futile dream, and yet her she was, my Samantha. I would shout our love from the rooftops if I could, and I actually had shouted it on our hikes several times, to her great embarrassment.

Samantha was glowing these days, sated and happy, loved and cared for, secure in her place in my heart and our pack. She could feel everyone's love and respect for her as their Luna, and her wolf seemed born for the role – she was fierce, loyal, strong and kind. Carter must have seen my dreamy look, because he said: “It's only two days, Alpha.”

“I know.”

“You'll survive.”

“I know.”

“Why are you sulking then?”

“I don't know.”

The bastard just laughed. I took my phone out to text Samantha. We'd been on the road for an hour, so it wasn't too soon, right?

I don't know how I'm going to sleep without you tonight.

Ping.

I put one of my shirts in your bag so that might help.

I loved this female.

Just a shirt? Why not some of your underwear? (thank you baby)

Ping.

You naughty wolf. Who knows, maybe there's a pair of underwear in there as well.

And, I was hard as a steel pipe.

You vixen. I can't wait to bury my face in it, then.

Ping.

Make sure to video call me when you do.

Fuck.

Are you going to touch that pretty pussy for me, Samantha?

Ping.

I am touching it right now.

“Fuck, boss, you're suffocating me, please open the window!” Carter started dramatically coughing and gagging as the scent of my arousal filled the car. “It's only been an hour, what the fuck is wrong with you two?!”

I sheepishly rolled down the window and started thinking about all kinds of unappealing things, willing my erection down.

Baby, Carter is going to kill me. I will text you when we get there. I love you the most.

Ping.

LOL, poor Carter. I love you too, James.

???

“There is something I would like to talk to you about,” I said and Samantha lifted her head from my lap to look at me. We were next to a creek, and I was leaning back on my elbows with my eyes closed, listening to the birds and the water.

“Your heat is coming up. I want to spend it with you.”

She didn’t respond. I was scared to look at her. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this.

“I would wear condoms. I just don't want you to be in pain, I want to make it better.”

Samantha sat up. My throat tightened.

“I've actually been wanting to talk to you about that, but I've been too scared,” she shot me a little shy smile, so unlike her usual ones. “I would love for you to keep me company during my heat, but I would prefer it if we ditched the condoms,” she said while looking at the creek, as if she had been scared of my reaction too. I grabbed her face with both of my hands, scanning it for any sign of teasing.

“Samantha, are you being serious right now? You're not messing with me?” I managed to croak out and she just nodded, with tears in her eyes. We kissed, frantically at first, but the kisses gradually became softer and softer as time went by, until I was placing soft little feather-light pecks all over her jaw, nose, temple, eyelids, lips.

“Absolutely yes baby, I would love to. I will prepare everything, it will be so great, don't you worry about a thing,” we hugged each other tight and I thought my heart was about to explode.

I'd stocked the cabin with enough food for three weeks, although we’d use it for only one. We were two adult wolves who’d be out of their minds thanks to Samantha's pheromones, so I figured it was better to be safe than sorry. I'd bought all of her favorite food, drinks, and snacks, and I'd planned out the meals and already prepped some things in the fridge and freezer to make it easier to have nutritious things on hand in the moment. This was our future we were talking about. My excitement was mixed with apprehension, I didn’t even allow myself to consider what the outcome of a successful heat would be. I couldn't let my mind get that far, I’d rather brace myself for inevitable disappointment. It was always better not to get your hopes up, life had taught me that. I brought over the last of my stuff: some of my sleep shirts that I knew Samantha loved to wear, our bedding, massage oils and toiletries. I'd triple checked all the locks, doors, and windows. I was standing on the threshold of something big. I was so ready to do this, all of it, the future.

???

“You like that, don't you,” I whispered into her pussy while my head was between her legs. Samantha was moaning and writhing, not in the mood for teasing anymore. We were on day two at the cabin, and her heat was now ramping up towards its peak. Being close to her these days was the single most intoxicating experience of my life. I was a mindless drone completely under the control of her scent and mood. I was gripped by invisible chains, unable to leave her side for even a moment. I sank into her welcoming slippery hot center and we were both lost in the sensation. I had nothing to compare it to, nothing had ever come close to this moment.

You’re incredible

You’re perfect

You feel so damn good

Let me take care of you baby

You're the best good girl

You look so beautiful right now, lost in pleasure, such a sexy mess

Fuck, I love it when I can feel you squeeze your pussy around me, Samantha, oh God

I just want to rut into you until we both collapse

Later we just lay there, catching our breath, with her body draped over mine, still unable to be apart for a single moment. I summoned all my energy to run to the bathroom and get a washcloth for some aftercare since I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. The sight that greeted me took my damn breath away.

“You look so perfect with my cum coming out of you. Makes me want to fuck it back into you again,” I breathed, feeling the now familiar pull of her heat again.

“James,” she moaned. “Do it, please, just, I can't,” she was squeezing her thighs and squirming impatiently. “I'm going insane James, I need you inside me right now.”

I obliged. And I kept happily obliging her for the next four days of mind-blowing bliss.