Unlikely You (Sapph in the City #5)

Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Bren

What the fuck was I supposed to do? I finally escaped the bathroom and I knew Delaney didn’t buy my contacts explanation, but she didn’t push, and I was allowed to leave on unsteady legs.

How the hell was this possible? Of all the people in the world, I’d found Honey Holloway in the comments of a random fanfic and we’d become friends and she ended up with the table next to mine at the marketplace? The odds of that were too tiny to bother counting.

It was absolutely fucking wild.

I somehow drove back to my apartment and made it up the stairs and onto my couch where I ended up staring at the turned-off TV for a while, my thoughts spinning and tumbling all over each other.

Both Honey and Melliferal were sending me messages now. I couldn’t seem to grasp the fact that they were the same person. I’d pictured Melliferal over the years but had never really imagined her exact features.

Now I knew. I knew the shape of her cheeks and that she had dimples and that her hair wasn’t just gold, but it was tarnished brass and wheat and the soft brown of a baby animal. I knew her exact height and how I wouldn’t have to lean too far at all to kiss her.

I knew the shape and depth of her laugh. I knew about her parents and her siblings and her bee obsession.

This was why I hadn’t wanted to know anything about Melliferal. This was what I’d been hoping to avoid.

Now here I was. Completely obsessed with two women who were actually the same woman.

Robotically, I stumbled into the shower and managed to wash myself before sliding into my pajamas and getting into bed. I’d left my phone on the kitchen counter. I couldn’t deal with it right now. I was too busy flipping out about tonight’s revelation.

How in the hell was I supposed to look at her tomorrow? What was I supposed to do?

Those questions kept me up most of the night.

In the morning, I had to get up and get my ass to the marketplace, but it was the last thing I wanted to be doing. There was no choice, though. Of course there were times when other vendors couldn’t show up for one reason or another, but if you did it too much, you had the risk of losing your space.

I had to go. There was no one else to cover for me.

No matter how much I mentally fortified myself before I walked in, I was not prepared to see Honey standing in a shaft of sunlight and smiling at her youngest sister.

Fucking fuck. Was the universe trying to torture me? What had I done to deserve this? Was it because I was kind of rude and couldn’t stand most people? Was it something from my childhood?

Things got worse when I turned to start setting up my table and Honey noticed me.

“Bren, good morning.” She was practically trembling with the need to barrage me with questions, but she was doing her best to hold back. Her hands were clasped behind her back, but she was leaning toward me, her eyes bright and worried.

“Good morning,” I said, amazed that my voice sounded normal.

“How are your, um, eyes?”

“What?” I asked, confused.

She pointed to her eye. “You had a contact issue last night? That’s why you were in the bathroom?” Right. That lie. Being near her made it impossible to form a coherent thought.

This was Melliferal . The woman I’d told so many secrets and wishes and revealed so many corners of my soul to. I might not have told her my name, but I’d told her a hell of a lot of other shit that was more important.

And now this woman knew my name and about my most shameful moments.

I couldn’t tell her. She couldn’t know.

“It’s fine. I just…had to fix it,” I said.

She peered at me as if looking for the lies and waited for me to admit that I’d been lying.

I wasn’t going to do that.

“Good. That’s…good. I’ll, um, let you get back to work.” She wilted, her smile drooping along with her shoulders and it made me want to grab her and hold her close and tell her that it wasn’t her fault. I didn’t want to be the one who made her look like that. Who made her feel anything less than happy and safe and adored.

Fuck! This fucking situation was so fucking impossible!

I opened my mouth to tell her the truth and slammed it shut again, making my teeth snap painfully against each other.

She couldn’t know.

I could never tell her.

The rest of the day Honey avoided me, and so did Melliferal. Now that I knew they were the same person it was blindingly obvious. They had the same tone and go-to words and sense of humor. I’d been falling for Melliferal and Honey at the same time without knowing they were the same person. It was a complete punch to the gut. Every time I happened to see her in my peripheral, it was like being stabbed.

I ran through every scenario in my head of what I could do. My two options: tell her or don’t tell her both sucked. I hated them. I wanted a better option, but there wasn’t one. This was an all or nothing situation.

If I told her, she’d be thrilled. She’d be so happy. She’d want to bring our Bibliofile and Melliferal relationship into the real world and the idea of being that intimate with her in person made me want to throw up.

If only I could go back in time and keep my online relationship with Melliferal on a different level. If only I could have kept her at a distance and not slowly unfolded myself to her in each new message over the past year.

Honey knew too much. Far too much. I wanted to get all of that back, but since I couldn’t, the only option was to not tell her. To cut off Melliferal. To chill things with Honey as well. It didn’t seem right to try to be Honey’s friend while ghosting her online persona. Plus, continuing the friendship opened me up to her finding out and then being really angry with me. That couldn’t happen either.

I had to cut them both off. Immediately.

I could do this.