Chapter Eleven
chapter eleven
PAIGE
Two Months Later
“Let’s go.” Ana pulls the covers off me and glares daggers my way.
“Did you break into my house?” I groan, swiping at the edge of the covers so I can pull it back over me.
“You gave me a key,” she says dryly.
“In case of an emergency,” I mutter.
“And you refusing to get out of bed is an emergency.” She sighs and sits on the edge of my mattress. “You do this every weekend, and I miss my best friend. You work your ass off during the required hours, and then you hide away in your house every night and weekend.”
“I’m tired,” I choke out.
“No, you’re heartbroken,” she argues.
“It was only a fling. Not long enough to be heartbroken over.”
“The heart doesn’t know time. It knows feelings, and you caught feelings for this guy. But you made your choice to walk away. You threw away the card with his information, and now, it’s time to move on.”
“I’d rather sleep,” I grumble. “I’m tired, and I don’t feel good.”
“Do you think you’ve caught something?” she asks in concern.
Yeah, I’ve caught something all right. And if my calculations are correct, in November, my sickness will end when I push a baby out of me.
I’ve been throwing up almost every day for the past few weeks. I’m not an idiot. I know what this means. But I’m choosing to remain in denial. Because if I am pregnant, what the hell am I going to do?
“I’m fine,” I say, not wanting to voice my concerns yet. That will make it real.
“Okay, then get up. Today is our book club and barbecue.”
Damn it, I forgot about that.
Every month, we read a new romance novel and get together to talk about it, along with Kira, and Kira’s husband, Ryder. After we’ve discussed it, we go online—Ana has an online group, where they all read it as well—and talk about it with the group.
After I’m showered and dressed, I follow Ana back to her place in my car so I can drive home later. When we walk in, Kira, Ryder, and Ana’s husband, Julian, are sitting on the couch, chatting, while the kids are running around and playing.
“Hi, Auntie Paige!” Kingston, Ana and Julian’s almost two-year-old son, calls out from where he’s setting up his train tracks. The boy is obsessed with trains.
“Hey, King.”
Julian comes over and gives me a quick kiss on my cheek, and then Ana, Kira, Ryder, and I head into the library so we can start our book club discussion.
Waiting for us is a table filled with food. My stomach growls since I haven’t eaten today, but I make it a point to take it slow, hoping it will all stay down.
“I knew she was pregnant,” Kira says, snapping me from my thoughts.
“What?” I breathe. How the hell could she know I’m ? —
“I knew Sadie was pregnant,” Kira clarifies, referring to the female main character in the book we read. “The second she threw up, it was obvious.”
“Yeah,” Ana agrees. “The first couple of months, I couldn’t keep anything down.”
“Ugh, and my breasts were sore,” Kira adds.
“And I was an emotional mess,” Ana says with a fake shiver. “I swear, I cried over everything.”
Throwing up—check.
Sore breasts—double check.
Emotional—fuck!
“I think I’m pregnant,” I blurt out, tears filling my eyes.
“What?” Ana gasps at the same time Kira says, “How?”
“Wait…” Ana’s eyes go wide. “The guy in Lo ndon? Nate?”
“Who’s Nate?” Ryder finally jumps in.
“You met a guy in London?” Julian steps into the room with Emilia, their eleven-month-old daughter, on his hip.
“Yeah,” I admit. Kira and Ana already know about him, but the guys don’t. “After I caught John cheating, I went to the hotel where the wedding was being held…”
I explain how I met Nate and we hit it off. When I get to the part about how I threw away his card, Julian and Ryder both curse under their breath. Every time I tell this story, it never gets easier.
“I thought I was saving myself from more heartbreak,” I whisper, tears stinging my eyes. “But now, if I’m pregnant…” My hand protectively goes to my stomach even though there’s nothing there yet. “He or she will never know their father.”
The tears slide down my cheeks, and Ana and Kira are both on me instantly, pulling me into a hug.
“Maybe you’re not even pregnant,” Ana says, trying to be positive. “When was your last period?”
“In February, before I left for London for the wedding.”
“That was two months ago,” Ryder points out. “Have you had any symptoms?”
“Only all the ones Ana and Kira mentioned,” I mumble, knowing I’m screwed. “I always wanted a family, but not like this.” I shrug, feeling helpless.
“Don’t go thinking the worst,” Kira says. “If you are pregnant, we can try to find him. ”
“Really? How?” I ask. “I have a couple of selfies we took, joking around, and the name Nate. Hell, Nate could be short for Nathan or Nathaniel. I know he’s a businessman of some sort, but I don’t even know the field he works in. Oh, and he’s long-distance.”
“If you’re pregnant, we could do a reverse image search,” Julian points out.
“But first, we need to know if you are pregnant,” Ana says. “And lucky for you, I have plenty of tests left over from when Julian and I were trying for Emilia.”
After checking on the kids, who are playing in the playroom with their nanny, Diana, we go to Ana’s bathroom so she can grab a test.
When she hands it to me, my stomach knots.
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“We’re right here,” Ana says. “Oh! How about we all take one?”
“I’m down,” Kira says. “We’ve got you, Paige.”
The three of us take turns peeing on a stick, leaving them on the counter next to each other. We’re waiting for the timer to go off when Julian comes in with Emilia, who’s whining to be fed.
We wait while Ana breastfeeds her daughter, and then the three of us and Emilia pile into the bathroom. But before any of us can get a look at the results, Emilia kicks her foot out, wanting to be let down, and the three pregnancy tests go flying off the counter and onto the floor.
“Emilia,” Ana scolds her daughter with zero heat in her voice. “Give me a second so I can give her back to Diana.”
She leaves the room, and Kira and I stare down at the tests still on the floor. One is facing up and reads NOT PREGNANT. Another one reads PREGNANT, and my heart sinks.
Kira flips the last one over since it fell screen down, and it reads PREGNANT.
“Oh shit,” I whisper at the same time she snorts out a laugh.
“So?” Ryder asks, leaning against the doorframe. “How did it go?”
“Well, two of us are pregnant,” Kira says with a smirk.
“Two?” Ryder lifts a brow. “Who all took a pregnancy test?”
“We all took one to support Paige,” Ana says, walking back into the room with Julian since this is apparently a group activity.
“I was just telling Ryder that two of them are positive,” Kira says, “but because Emilia knocked them off the counter, we don’t know who’s pregnant.”
“It’d better not be you,” Julian says with a chuckle to his wife.
“It’s definitely not me,” Ana says with an eye roll. “You had a vasectomy.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant.” There’s laughter in Julian’s tone, but Ana glares.
“Are you trying to say I’d cheat on you? ”
“No!” Julian pulls her into his arms. “I’m trying to say maybe my sperm is so strong that it made it through and still managed to knock you up.”
Ryder laughs, and Julian says, “What are you laughing at? One of those positive tests could be Kira’s.”
“I sure as fuck hope so,” Ryder says with love shining in his eyes at his wife, which reminds me that if one of the positive tests is mine, I don’t have a loving husband to do this with.
I’m on my own, and unless I find Nate by some miracle, I’ll be raising this baby alone.
“I have more tests,” Ana announces. “And this time, we’ll write our names on them.”
She grabs a Sharpie, and after we write our names on our tests, we take turns going pee again—which isn’t easy since we all just went.
Six minutes later, Ana’s test reads NOT PREGNANT, Kira’s reads PREGNANT, and mine, of course, reads PREGNANT.
Kira screeches in excitement while Ryder hugs her, telling her how excited he is. And Ana walks over to me, still staring at my positive test.
“What are you going to do?” she asks softly, rubbing her hand up and down my arm.
“I don’t know.” The words cause a dam to break deep inside me, and as Ana pulls me into her arms, I cry harder than I’ve ever cried.
I want this baby. I already love him or her. But I don’t want to do it on my own. I’ve always wanted a family, but in my head, it included a doting husband who loves me. Not me as a single mom, raising a baby alone.
“I know, right now, it sucks,” Kira says, reining in her excitement to be a friend. “But I did it on my own, and, yes, it was hard, but I promise you, your baby will not be loved any less. Not only will they have you, but they’ll have all of us as well. And”—her hand goes to her belly—“we’ll be pregnant together. Based on the dates, we’re only a month apart.”
“Thank you.” I give Kira and then Ana a hug. “I really appreciate you both. And I’m so happy for you, Kira.”
“Send me the pictures you have,” Julian says. “Let’s see if we can find this guy.”
He grabs his laptop, and I email him the two pictures I have—one from the top of the Tower Bridge and the other in Bath, each of us holding a scone to our mouths. I deleted them when I got home, but then in a moment of weakness, I restored them. Now, I’m thankful I did because if I don’t find him, I have nothing of him but these two pictures to show our son or daughter one day so they know who their father is even if they can never meet him.
Julian spends the next hour trying to get a match. Several pop up of similar-looking guys, but each one he shows me isn’t Nate.
Since the book club discussion was interrupted and the mood has been ruined, we agree to have it another day. We all munch on the food while the kids play, and after we eat, I tell everyone I’m going to head home.
“Are you sure?” Ana asks. “You could stay here. We have a guest room.”
“I really appreciate that,” I tell her, grateful to have such wonderful friends. “But I think I need some time alone to think about everything.”
“I’ll keep looking,” Julian says. “There are thousands of pictures on there.”
“Thank you. I’m going to look as well,” I say even though the chances of finding him are slim.
When I get home, I call the hotel and ask to speak to a manager. I explain my situation and ask if they could see if a Nate stayed there.
The woman is nice, but she’s no help because even if she could search by the first name, due to privacy laws, she can’t give out anyone’s information.
After I’ve changed into my pajamas, I get comfortable on the couch and pull the site up that Julian told me about. I upload one of the photos, and while I scroll through picture after picture of men who aren’t Nate, I cry. And when I feel like I’m all cried out and still haven’t found Nate, I close my laptop and take a deep breath.
This might not be how I wanted to raise a baby, but this is the reality of my situation. And it could be worse. I own a beautiful house, I have a great career, and I am more than capable of taking care of this baby. And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure he or she is loved enough for me and Nate.
At the thought of Nate smiling, laughing, and begging me to give him a chance, I start to cry again.
This is my fault. I’m growing Nate’s baby in my belly, and because I refused to exchange information, he’ll never know.
That leads me to crying again.
Tomorrow , I tell myself. Tomorrow, I’m going to stop crying and deal with my reality.
But tonight, I’m going to cry.