Chapter 10
––––––––
Kyle
He was nervous. More nervous than he’d been the first time he’d played in the majors. And, that was saying something, since he’d thrown up three times before that game.
Standing in front of a crowd of fifty thousand people making play after play was nothing compared to meeting his seven-year-old daughter for the first time.
Celia had texted him her address and a time. That was it. Nothing else.
It was probably for the best. When they spoke, that led to them shouting, and shouting led to him wanting to bend her over the closest available surface to fuck her hard.
Yeah, it was smart that she didn’t try to initiate any more conversation. As it was, he wasn’t sure how he was going to be in the same room with her while he met Jasmine. He was trying to stay angry, to be mad at her, but it just wasn’t happening. Her vulnerability when they’d talked about her fear that he would take Jasmine from her was front and center in his mind. He would never do that. Children needed their parents. Especially if they were good parents. And despite Celia keeping his kid from him, he had no doubt she was a good parent.
Pushing his nerves away, he knocked on the door of the apartment. He was ready to deal with anything that came his way. Only he was surprised when Ruby answered and not Celia.
“Uh, hi,” he said.
“Hi, Kyle,” she said happily with a genuine smile on her face. “Come on in. Jasmine is excited to meet you. I swear she’s been bouncing off the walls and peppering me with questions since I picked her up from school.”
“I’m excited to meet her too.” Where was Celia? Why wasn’t she there to meet him?
“Hey, Jazz!” Ruby shouted. “He’s here.” She turned back to face him. “I’m not sure what you want her to call you or what she feels comfortable calling you. Celia said I should leave it up to you two to decide on your own.”
Before he could ask where Celia was, an energetic girl bounced into the room. “You’re my dad.”
She said it so matter-of-factly that he couldn’t help but smile. “I am.” He knelt down to be face-to-face with her. She was smiling, and in her eyes, he saw the same inquisitiveness that he’d seen a million times in Celia’s. Staring at her, he saw that the pictures didn’t lie and she did indeed have the same nose as he had. The same one that had been passed down from his deadbeat dad to him. “You can call me Kyle, if you want.”
“Kyle,” she tried it out. “I like it.” Her small delicate voice calmed his racing heart. “And you can call me Jasmine. Although sometimes Mom or Aunt Ruby call me Jazz. You can call me that too.”
He couldn’t contain his smile. “Let’s start with Jasmine.”
“If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen getting some work done,” Ruby said, and then she backed out of the small living area over to the kitchen.
“What should we do, Jasmine?” He had no clue what to do with a kid, but he could figure it out.
“I have a whole bunch of Legos in my room. Do you want to help me build something?”
Legos, he could definitely help with that. “I would love to do that.” He stood. “Lead the way.” He followed her to her room as she bounced the same way she’d come in. In her room, he saw the floor covered with Legos. They were everywhere, and from the looks of it, she had a whole town.
He was impressed. “Did you do all this?”
“Mom helped some.”
He was starting to think that maybe he was out of his league when it came to playing with Legos. He thought she’d meant to build a few things but he’d never imagined this. “I’m not sure how much help I’m going to be. You might have to teach me.”
She laughed. “That’s okay. I had to teach Mom too. Only Shane is good at it.”
Shane, as in Shane Bradley, helped his daughter build Legos. The man was a billionaire. He had a hard time picturing him sitting on the floor in his three-piece suit building Legos. “Does he come over a lot?” He sat down as she started working on a house next to him.
“Only if him and Allana babysit me. He’s much better than Dallas. Dallas just likes to destroy things.”
They worked in silence for a few minutes until she asked. “Mom says she’s the reason you weren’t around my whole life. She seems sad about it. Are you sad about it?” She continued to work, never taking her eyes off the blocks.
What a question. “I am sad. I wish I had been around when you were a baby so I could have seen you grow up.”
“Are you mad at Mommy?” This time she did look at him, a little sadness in her eyes. She was concerned about her mom, that much was evident.
Oh, how he wished he had the answer to that. “I don’t know. If I had known about you, nothing would have stopped me from being in your life. I want you to know that.”
She nodded, but went back to work. “Mom told me that. She said you are the best person and that I wasn’t allowed to be mad at you for not being here.”
His heart was breaking at her words. No matter what he thought of Celia, it was obvious she’d done her best to raise Jasmine as smart and kind. That was more than his parents had ever done. They worked on Legos together for another hour while they talked about all kinds of things. She told him about school, and her best friends Kayla and Cammy. He told her about baseball and some of the funny things the guys on the team did.
The best part of the day was when she hugged him and said she couldn’t wait to see him again. He walked out of her room in a daze. One hug from a pint-sized beauty and he was mush. He was never going to be the same again.
“She”s good at that,” Ruby said, bringing him out of his daze.
“At what?”
“Wrapping everyone around her little finger. Dallas can’t say no to her at all.”
“She seems so grown up, so advanced. Granted, I have no reference for what a seven-year-old is supposed to be like.”
“She’s had to grow up quickly. It was just the three of us for so long. Celia, Jasmine, and me. We lived in a two-bedroom apartment in South Carolina and we took turns watching her. I worked my job during the day and Celia took online classes. At night, she worked and took any classes she couldn”t do online. When we moved here, things got a lot better. Although, other than babysitting, Celia refuses to let Dallas and me help.”
The image Ruby painted had him sick to his stomach. Had they wanted for things? Was there enough money? Did they go hungry? If only he’d been there. He could have helped. He would give every last penny to make sure they never wanted or needed for anything ever again.
“Where is Celia?” he asked. “Why wasn’t she here?”
“She didn’t tell you?” Ruby looked confused.
He shook his head. “All she texted was the time and her address.”
Ruby sighed. “She thought it was better if she wasn”t around when you met with Jasmine. She didn’t want to make things any harder on you than they already were.”
An hour ago, he might have agreed with that. Not any longer. He wanted to see her. Craved seeing her, in fact. It physically hurt knowing he was in her home and she wasn’t there. He wanted to talk to her about Jasmine and find out all the little things he’d missed while she’d been growing up. He wanted to know about her birth and how long it had taken, and if she’d been in pain, and who’d been with her. He wanted to know how Jasmine slept as a baby, and when she crawled, and walked, and what her first words were.
He wanted to know it all.
He needed Celia for that, and also to stop his heart from trying to get out of his chest.
There was a loud crash from Jasmine’s room that had both of them running to her door.
What they found was Jasmine laughing under a pile of Legos.
“Jasmine Elinor Mullen, what in the world are you doing?” Ruby asked.
“Dinosaurs invaded the town.” She was giggling nonstop as she waved a plastic T-rex in the air.
At the same time, all the breath had left his body.
Her middle name was Elinor. That was his aunt’s name. The one person who’d loved him. She’d named their daughter after his aunt.
He was going to throw up.
She might not have told him about Jasmine. She might have kept the pregnancy and the baby from him, but she’d named her after the one person he cared deeply about and who cared about him. The hate that he felt for her disappeared, just a little. If his hate was a glass of water, it would only be half full after all the things he’d learned today.
Was he an idiot for letting even a little of his hate go? Should he hold onto it forever?
He had no clue. The only thing he knew was that he wanted to see her again. Saying goodbye to Ruby, he walked out of the apartment and to his rental car. Inside the warmth of the car, he pulled out his phone and texted Celia.
Kyle:
Can we talk?
Celia:
Did everything go okay with Jasmine?
Kyle:
It went great. She”s amazing.
Celia:
What do we need to talk about?
Kyle:
A lot. Can you meet me somewhere?
Celia:
That’s a bad idea. You hate me. I think we should keep this all about Jasmine.
Fuck this texting. He hit Call on her name to call her. If she wouldn’t meet him, he at least needed to talk to her. To hear her voice.
After two rings, she picked up. “Hello.”
A little part of him relaxed at her voice. “Will you please just meet me somewhere?”
“I have to get back to Jasmine. I can’t leave her with Ruby forever.”
“I know that, I just—” Fuck he was doing this all wrong. “You gave her my aunt’s name.” The words were said softly, without any anger.
Silence drifted over the phone. “Of course I did. She was an amazing woman. There is no better name in the world.”
“You never even met her.” He shook his head in confusion.
“You told me all about her. About how she loved you and encouraged you and saved you. I knew her from the picture of her you painted.”
Her words were tearing him up. “Please, Celia. I need to see you. Meet me somewhere. I just need five minutes.” He needed way more than five minutes, but five minutes would be enough to get him through, until he could see her again.
“Whatever you need to say to me in those five minutes you can say now, over the phone.”
“No,” he said strongly. “I can’t.” In person, he could look at her and take her in. He could touch her and stroke her cheek and hold her hand in his. In person, he could press his lips to hers and feel her shiver under his touch.
In person, he could see everything she tried to hide from him. That even after all these years, even after everything that had happened, she still wanted him.
The kicker was that he still wanted her too.
“I’m right around the corner,” she finally said. “I’ve been here for about ten minutes waiting for you to leave.”
He turned his head in both directions to see if he could see her, but she was nowhere in sight. “Come sit in my car. Five minutes, I promise.” That was a promise he had no idea if he could keep. If he got her alone, there was no telling how long he’d keep her.
Possibly forever, if she let him.
He heard some shuffling and then what sounded like the slamming of a car door. “Are you in the black Mercedes?”
He swiveled his head again, this time seeing her come into view from around the corner. “Yes.” He unlocked the doors and waited as she got closer. When she opened the passenger side door, he ended their call and put away his phone.
She slid in, closing the door behind her, the scent of her filling his car.
It wasn’t a perfume or anything she put on. It was just her natural scent. Like a summer day at the beach. He’d been dreaming of that scent for the last eight years, and woke up each morning clinging to it, wishing she was next to him.
She turned to face him. “What do you need?” Her voice was clipped almost like she was annoyed.
“Why weren’t you there when I met Jasmine?”
“You and I both know it’s better that way. You need to spend time with your daughter, and I need to be out of your hair.”
He wanted to tell her that she wouldn”t be in the way, that she’d never be in the way, but that was a lie. If she had been there, he would have talked to her instead of Jasmine. It irked him that she was right. “You could have at least told me.”
“Now you know and it shouldn”t be a big deal anymore. Ruby or Dallas, or any number of my friends, will help out to make sure you can spend time with Jasmine. And when you leave for spring training, you can call and talk to her whenever you want.”
Her voice held a tone of indifference, almost like she didn’t care. But he knew better. She was holding back, trying to stay neutral, and it was pissing him off. “Why don’t you want to see me?” He sure as shit wanted to see her, even if he shouldn’t.
She reached for the door. “I need to go.”
“You gave her my aunt’s name, for god’s sake!” he blurted before she could leave the car.
She stilled, the silence deafening in the small car.
“Why would you do that?” He lowered his voice, trying to stay calm.
“She meant a lot to you,” she said, her voice low, barely audible.
“She did, but you still didn’t have to give her that name.”
Finally, she turned to look at him, emotion swirling in her eyes. “She deserved to have something of you in her name.” She shook her head. “I couldn’t give her your last name, but I could give her the name of the woman who raised you. A name that meant something.”
He wanted to reach for her, to take her in his arms and wash away all the pain of the last eight years with a hug. He stopped himself at the last second, unsure what that would solve. “Thank you,” he said instead, sincere in his words.
“Let me know when you want to see her again. I’ll make it happen.” With those last words, she opened the door and walked off.
Again.
It seemed he was doomed to have this woman always walk away from him.