Walk Off

Chapter 13

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Kyle

Looking at Celia’s body and knowing she’d gotten all these marks from carrying their child did something strange to him.

A part of him was full of rage and hostility that he’d been denied the opportunity to witness her growing and changing body. It made him angry that she’d been forced to choose breastfeeding over formula because of cost. It made him angry that she’d been sick at night with no one by her side to hold back her hair and tell her it would all be okay.

That part of him wanted to scream and shout and rage at her that it was all her fault.

There was a bigger part of him that just didn”t care. He wanted to know every detail of her pregnancy so he could feel like he’d been there. He wanted to hear the story of Jasmine”s birth and her early years. He wanted to tell her she’d never want for anything ever again because he’d be there.

He didn’t know what part of his brain and heart he should listen to.

She was breaking him down piece by piece and it scared him. Being part of Jasmine’s life was one thing, but being with Celia was something else entirely. Only, he wasn’t sure he cared.

When he was with her, he felt good for the first time in so long. Baseball had been the only thing that ever made him feel good.

Until Celia.

Hearing that she’d never been with anyone else, nearly brought him to his knees. They’d been each other’s firsts and as silly as it was, he turned into a caveman knowing it had only ever been him.

He sort of wished he’d done the same.

Sex was a coping mechanism after he’d tried everything else to get her off his mind. But, none of it had been what they”d had. Even his one girlfriend hadn’t made him feel deep into his soul like he did when he was with Celia.

He wasn’t sure if he believed in soulmates, but it sure as hell was starting to look like Celia was his. He didn’t know how to process that.

“I want to know everything,” he said to Celia when he lifted his head from where he’d been worshiping all the marks on her skin from carrying Jasmine. “Her life, your life, when she crawled and walked and smiled. All of it.”

She smiled down at him, her fingers lifting to push a lock of hair from his face. “Come to dinner tomorrow and Jasmine and I will tell you everything you want to know. I might even have some videos.”

“Yes,” he said, elated that she was willing to share it all with him.

“Until then, I think maybe you should go.”

That had him sitting up. “Why?”

“Kyle, Jasmine can’t see you here like this with me. It’ll only confuse her more.” She pulled the covers back up until her breasts were covered. “I don’t know how to do this. Parent her and be with you. If we started something and it ended, what would that do to her?” Her voice broke and he sensed she was about to cry. “She deserves to have the best life possible, and if that means I have to let you go so that you can be in her life,” she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and closed her eyes, “then that’s what I’ll do.”

He wanted to argue, to tell her it wouldn’t happen and ask her, for once, to fight for them, but he couldn’t. She was right. They had to think about Jasmine. He didn’t speak as he moved around the room getting dressed. There wasn’t anything else to say. When he had all his things, he paused at the end of the bed.

“Send me a list of everything you pay for that’s for Jasmine. I’ll cover it all from this day forward.”

“No, that’s not what I want.” She was shaking her head and he could see the pleading in her eyes.

“I need to do it. I need to feel like I’m doing something, like I have some sort of control over what’s happening. Please,” he added, hoping she understood. This was important to him. He didn’t want to buy his way into Jasmine’s life, but he needed to feel like he was a part of it.

She nodded. “I’ll give it to you at dinner.”

His head whipped up, his eyes connecting with hers. “You still want me to come?”

“Yes. Absolutely. I want you to spend time with Jasmine, and she and I will tell you all the stories we can about her childhood.”

A part of him was relieved that she was still willing to see him and fill him in on all the things he missed. He shouldn’t be shocked, though. That was Celia, who she was at her core. A good person. The person who’d lied to him for eight years wasn’t who she was. That person was born out of fear and uncertainty.

This was the woman he’d fallen in love with all those years ago.

The woman he was pretty sure he still loved.

Leaving her apartment was on par with leaving the day she’d broken up with him. It felt like the end, like this was it. He could only hope that it wasn’t.

He spent the rest of the night tossing and turning thinking of his time with Celia. The sex was off the charts fantastic. It had always been good, but they’d been young, still unsure about what they liked and didn’t like. Not any longer. She was uninhibited and open to things he’d done to her. She moaned beautifully at his touch, and it made him that much harder.

The fact that she’d stayed untouched this whole time blew his mind. That had to mean something. A woman as vibrant and sexy as Celia didn’t go without sex unless there was a reason. Could the reason be she’d been waiting for him to come back into her life?

If that was the case, wouldn’t she be more open to being with him? He understood completely what she’d said about Jasmine and not confusing her, but if she liked him and he obviously liked her, why couldn’t they try again?

Wait, maybe it wasn’t so obvious what he was asking for. Did she think he only wanted sex? Of course, she did. He’d shown up at her home at ten o’clock at night for sex. What else was she supposed to think? He had to show her that it wasn’t just all about sex. He had to prove to her that he wanted to be in not only Jasmine’s life but in hers too.

Only, he had no idea how to do that.

How did one go about making the mother of your child fall in love with you again?

He just might need some help.

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The next day, he hitup the gym again with Heath and Noah, and was surprised to also find Dallas and Edwin in the training room.

Dallas strolled up next to him. “I heard you had a good first meeting with Jazz.”

Hearing that made him giddy like a child. He wanted to ask what she’d said about him and if it was good. Since that would make him sound like a crazy person, he opted for, “I thought so. I’m seeing her again tonight.”

“So I heard,” Dallas said. “In fact, if you check your messages, you might see that dinner is now at our house.” Dallas raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “Celia called Ruby all panicked this morning about not wanting to be alone with you. Something you need to tell me?”

Kyle’s heart practically stopped beating. She was afraid to be alone with him? Wait, maybe that was good. His heart sped up. If she was afraid, maybe it was because she was having a hard time keeping her hands off him.

That was a good thing.

He knew exactly how she felt.

He scratched the back of his neck, not sure how much he should open up to Dallas, someone he knew, but not well enough to divulge his darkest fears. In the end, he decided to go with the truth. Maybe Dallas was just the person he needed to help him figure out what to do. “We seem to have a problem keeping our hands to ourselves.”

Dallas didn’t make a move, only stared at him for several seconds. “I guess that’s only a bad thing if you”re using her. Are you? Using her?”

His straightforward question had Kyle answering quickly. “No. Not at all.”

“Then what are you doing?”

Zara’s words from the day before rang through his head. Push down the door. “I think I’m trying to win her back.”

A huge smile lit up Dallas’ face and he punched Kyle in the arm. “I fucking knew it.”

“Any tips or tricks on how to accomplish it?” Other than Ruby and her friends, Dallas was probably the next closest person to Celia.

“Be there. She’s not used to that. It was the same with Ruby. Their mom really did a number on them, and it’s been just the two of them for so long.”

Kyle knew what that felt like. Being alone. Feeling alone. Not having anyone to stand by him. “I can do that. She’s wary to start anything because she’s afraid of what it could mean to Jasmine. She has every right to feel that way, but I want to be in their lives. Both of their lives.”

“Have you thought this through? They live here in Valley Falls and you live in Arizona. How would that work?”

Shit, he hadn”t even gotten that far in his thinking. Valley Falls didn’t have a pro baseball team so moving wasn’t really an option for him. Of course, he could live there in the off-season, but that wasn’t really ideal to be away from them for seven or eight months at a time.

“Jesus, Dallas,” Edwin said, coming up behind him. “Don’t make the guy rethink being with Celia.”

“He’s not wrong,” Kyle said. “I hadn’t even thought of that, but now that I am, I have no clue how it would work.”

“When you love someone, you find a way,” Edwin said. “Hannah moved here, but if she hadn”t wanted to switch firms, or had wanted to go somewhere else, we would have figured it out. Her life and career are just as important as mine.”

His career was still in full swing and he was at the top of his game. He had many more playing years left as long as he stayed healthy. But, was playing baseball more important than Celia and Jasmine and the life they could have together? He was starting to understand why Celia had done what she’d done.

He would have given it all up if she’d asked, and then where would that have left them? Would they have stayed together? Would he have resented her? There was no telling, and now, he might be put in the same position.

He might have to give up a life with them to keep his career.

Fuck.

“Are you assholes going to work out or chat all day?” Noah said from the treadmill he was running on.

Dallas flipped him off. “Fuck off, Ashe. You’re lucky we let your ass in here. This gym is for winners only and if I’m not mistaken, you lost in the playoffs last year.”

“By that logic, Heath shouldn”t be in her either,” Noah said, sparring back.

“Hey now, don’t bring me into your bullshit dick-swinging contest,” Heath said.

“I do not want to talk about dick size with my brother-in-law,” Edwin said. “I’ll never be able to sit at a family dinner again.”

“As if last night, I didn’t have to listen to you and my sister having sex for like three hours through the apparently very thin walls of your house. Don’t you make enough money to get better soundproofing?”

“Three hours?” Dallas asked. “Holy shit, man, what were you doing to her?”

“Nope,” Heath said, slipping in his earbuds. “I do not need to hear this.”

“If you’re looking for pointers on how to please your women, I’m your guy,” Edwin said. “Hannah is always satisfied.”

“I think I’m good,” Dallas said. “But Dulanay here might need some hints.”

Keeping Celia satisfied wasn’t the problem. “I’ve got that part under control.” He wasn’t one to kiss and tell.

“I could use some hints,” Noah said from the treadmill.

“I was unaware you could even get a woman to sleep with you,” Dallas teased.

“Fuck you, Ramos,” Noah said in fake anger. “I get plenty of women.”

“Yet, you need tips on how to please them?” Edwin asked.

Noah pushed a button on his treadmill and it came to a stop. “There’s this woman and she won’t even talk to me.” He frowned. “I mean something happened years ago, and now if we’re anywhere near each other, she ignores me.”

“When you say something happened, do you mean you slept with her?” Kyle asked.

Noah shook his head. “No, it wasn’t anything like that.” He stepped down off the treadmill and grabbed a towel from the rack next to him. “I saved her from a fire in college.”

The room went silent.

“Umm, what the hell?” Edwin was the first to speak.

“I came home one night to her in the apartment I shared with a friend and almost immediately, the fire alarm went off. I had to force her to leave and ended up carrying her out of the building. The whole thing burned to the ground right in front of our eyes.”

“Holy shit,” Kyle said. “That had to be traumatic.”

“It was, but it gets worse.”

“I’m not sure how much worse it can get,” Dallas said.

“She was naked.”

The room went silent once again.

“How? Why?” Edwin stuttered out.

“She was there to see my roommate, and from the looks of it when I walked in, she was trying to surprise him by being naked. My guess is Aiden never told her he shared the apartment so she assumed he’d be the only one coming through the door. It was a pretty normal occurrence to find naked women in our place when we were roommates.”

“Wait, you say this woman won’t talk to you,” Kyle asked. “Do you want her to?”

“Sort of,” he said with a shrug. “We run in similar circles and it would be nice to be on better terms.”

Dallas slapped Kyle on the back. “Just go ahead and say it. We’re all friends here. You like this chick.”

Edwin rolled his eyes. “Haven’t we talked about calling women chicks? You know if Zara heard you say that, she’d punch you in the dick.”

Was it Kyle’s imagination or did Noah tense up at the mention of Zara? Interesting. Was Zara the woman he’d saved from the fire? The one who was ignoring him? It would make sense since he said she wouldn’t take him as a client.

Maybe he could ask Celia as some sort of icebreaker to talk about anything besides their past.

He’d keep it in his back pocket, just in case.

Once into his workout with guys he was starting to consider friends all around him, he was able to put Celia and Jasmine out of his mind for a while. He needed to clear his head for a few hours and hopefully when he was finished, he’d have a better understanding of what he wanted to do.