Wanted (The Un #2)

9. Alena

NINE

ALENA

A weeping stone wall stands before me, stretching up as far as I can see.

I stare hard at it, frowning. Where did it come from? Has it always been here?

It’s been cracked somehow. The streams of endless murky tears that flow down its surface disappearing into several jagged crevices.

How can I possibly fix this?

Reaching out, the tips of my fingers touch one of the crevices, but the moment I feel a bite of pain I jerk my hand back.

This… this is a disaster. If I don’t somehow fix these cracks—

“Is this where you lived?” Raphael asks, his voice strangled as if the words are choking him.

Spinning away from the wall in surprise, I see a shadow walking into my old cell. The shadow has the form and shape of a man but is made completely of darkness. A darkness so thick I can’t see through it.

The shadow doesn’t frighten me, though. I can sense it’s Raphael somehow.

The shadow walks right up to my bed and bends down, touching my brown blanket. The bed is just as I left it, with half the blanket hanging off the edge and the white sheets stained red.

Fingers made of darkness rub my blanket and this cold, unwanted… sadness flows over me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, his intrusion feeling like a violation.

He doesn’t belong here. This is my space. My… prison. Where I suffer the agony of existing.

How did he get in? It shouldn’t be possible.

This is a dream, isn’t it?

Straightening, the shadow shimmers, momentarily becoming transparent. “You let me in.”

I shake my head in denial. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t… but how else did he get here?

He must have tricked me into giving him the key.

The shadow begins to stalk slowly toward me, leaving a trail of black mist in its wake. “How long did they keep you here?”

Instead of answering him, I say, “You need to leave.”

The shadow stops and shimmers again. “I’m not leaving you here alone.”

I laugh bitterly at that. “I’m always alone.”

I prefer it, actually. It’s better than being hurt or disappointed.

The shadow moves toward me again, the darkness melting away. Wispy tendrils of black swirling off his body, Raphael materializes in the flesh.

And he’s somehow even more handsome than I remember. So handsome and perfect, it nearly takes my breath away.

Stopping in front of me, he reaches down as if to touch my cheek.

“From now on, you will never be alone,” he vows with tempting blood-red lips.

I jerk my face away at the last second and step to the side.

My heart pounds with fear, anger, and strangely excitement .

But I don’t want him here. This is my place, and he has no right barging in.

He has no right to see the inside of me.

“We’re all alone in the end,” I counter and glare at him.

His eyes glitter, full of dark promise. “For us, there is no end.”

The promise resonates inside my chest as if it’s being echoed by an invisible gong, but I find no comfort in it.

Only terror.

There has to be an end. For this to go on for an eternity would not only be unbearable, but extremely cruel.

Surely, he wouldn’t force that on me?

His head suddenly turns as if he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. “What is that wall?”

“Don’t…” I warn, knowing his intention before he acts on it.

Ignoring me, he reaches out and touches the stone. “Why is it wet?”

Just as I grab his arm to pull him away, he gives the wall a hard punch. Cracking it even more.

A lightning bolt of pain courses through me, stealing all the air from my lungs and the thoughts in my head.

Dropping to my knees, I double over, trapped in a prison of pure agony.

“Fuck!” Raphael snarls viciously.

Waves of all the torment and anguish I’ve locked away over the past decade rip and tear through me. Threatening to destroy what little of my sanity is left.

All the threads of my existence that make me who I am fray, ready to snap…

Then the pain is suddenly gone, pouring out of me like a raging flood released from a dam.

My eyes fly open, and I see Raphael on his knees in front of me. One pale hand clenched in a fist at his side, the other holds my arm in a death grip.

Head thrown back, face twisted in misery, the veins in his neck bulge and his body spasms as if he’s being electrocuted.

Knowing I’m somehow causing his suffering, I try to yank my arm out of his hold, but his fingers only tighten in determination.

Unable to stop what’s happening to him, I watch helplessly as he jerks and spasms for what feels like an eternity.

Tears pour down my cheeks as I watch and hope his pain stops.

But tears have never been enough to stop any of the horrors I’ve endured.

“Is this…” Raphael groans when the trembling finally begins to slow to involuntary twitches.

Slowly peeling his eyes open, he looks at me with bloody tears trickling down his pale cheeks. “Is this what you have walled up inside?”

Ripping my arm out of his weakened grip, I clutch it close to my chest.

Gaze dropping to my arm, he frowns. “Did I hurt you?”

Did he hurt me ? Is this man serious?

All that supernatural grace he naturally moves with is gone as he sits up straighter and reaches for me.

Head buzzing, ears ringing as if I’m in shock, I don’t try to stop him when he grabs me by the shoulders and pulls me closer.

“Alena, talk to me,” he pleads. “What was that?”

I press my lips together and resist the urge to shove him off. Afraid I’ll hurt him more.

I may despise him for everything he’s done, but I absolutely don’t want to hurt him.

He’s the last person I want to hurt.

“Alena…” he drawls out with a growl, refusing to let the matter go.

Figuring it’s the least I can do after what we he just went through for me, I answer, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s everything I don’t want to feel.”

“Everything you don’t want to feel?” he repeats in horror and disbelief.

Hating the look on his face and the bloody tears dripping down his cheeks, I snap defensively, “How else was I supposed to survive?”

His fingers squeeze around my shoulders, as if he’s both surprised and concerned by my answer. “How long have you been doing this?”

Glancing at my wall, I see the cracks growing even wider. Is the entire thing going to crumble down?

Shaking me gently, he forces me to focus back on him.

“I don’t know!” I answer in frustration, just as confused by this situation. “Ten years?”

He stills, doing that freaky thing where he becomes a statue. And I have no idea what he’s feeling or thinking.

Until I dare to ask, “Can you help me fix it?”

If he wants to force himself inside me and violate my dreams, he might as well make himself useful.

His eyes flash, becoming a bright, burning red. “No.”

“Why not?” I demand.

I may not know where the wall came from or what’s exactly behind it, but there’s one thing I’m sure of.

I need it to live.

He’s the one causing the cracks, I know it. He’s damaged the wall by pushing his way in.

Glaring so hard at my wall, I’m afraid he’s going to damage it even more, he growls, “Because you can’t go on living like this.”

“Did you not hear me?” I growl right back, my irritation skyrocketing. “The wall is the only thing keeping me breathing.”

Again, somehow, I know this as an undeniable fact.

“You no longer need it,” he tries to insist. “You have me now.”

At my limit, I shove his hands off me and snap, “You are not the answer to all my problems!”

Getting to my feet, I start to angrily stomp away from him.

But using that damn vampire speed of his, he’s on me before I can take more than a single step.

Grabbing me from behind, he jerks me into him and lowers his mouth to my ear. “Want to bet?

An involuntary shiver travels down my spine and the memory of kissing him flashes inside my mind, unbidden.

“Bet what?” I try to snap back, but it comes out sounding breathless.

“I can fix it all,” he purrs into my ear. “All the pain. All the misery you suffer...”

Twisting me around in his arms, he bends me back and leans over me. “I can make it all go away.”

Pressing his face closer to my face, his dark hair falls forward, framing his sharp cheeks.

He stares deep into my eyes.

Holding me.

Trapping me.

“I can fill the rest of your life with endless pleasures,” he says huskily, as if he knows a secret I don’t know yet.

I want to scoff and accuse him of being too full of himself for his own good.

But the way he’s staring at me, it’s clear he believes every word he says.

“How?” I choke out, a part of me wanting to believe him, too.

Even if it all seems ludicrous.

What would it be like to live every day without the constant misery? Is it even possible?

Is there something he knows that I haven’t considered?

His head dips even closer and he breathes against my lips, “Give yourself to me, fully.”

Pressure blooms behind my ribs, but it’s not painful. No, the pressure is warm and gentle, pulsing with the beat of my heart.

Gaze filling with tenderness, he gently tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.

The warmth in my chest begins to spread to the rest of my limbs, filling me with a pleasurable languidness.

And for one wonderful moment I can imagine never hurting again. I can imagine what it would be like to be his .

To be loved. To be safe. To be protected.

And most of all, cherished.

Everything I’ve never had.

But then he ruins the whole moment by saying, “Break down the wall you’ve built between us and you’ll never need it again.”

I don’t think, I just react.

Shoving hard at his chest, I shout in his face, “No!”

He doesn’t budge. He doesn’t blink or flinch.

Tightening his hold on my shoulders so I can’t escape, he says softly, gently, “You have to, my love, if you ever want to experience true happiness.”

I shake my head hard. “It will kill me.”

And I still haven’t given up on life yet.

I want a chance to live. Truly live with the freedom everyone else has. To make my own decisions. Make my own mistakes.

To control my own destiny.

To be human .

There are so many things I’ve never had the chance to do. So many things I’ve never had the chance to see.

I want to see the sun rising above the horizon for once, turning all the black into pinks, oranges, and reds. I want to run through the grass, barefoot.

The blades between my toes and the dirt grinding into my heels. The wind whipping at my face and tugging at my hair as I race between the trees.

I want to put every ugly memory behind me. To put as much distance between Boston and me as possible.

And I can’t do it if I’m dead.

Raphael’s hold becomes even tighter.

“All those things you want… Everything you desire…” he croons into my ear.

The world around me smears as if someone dragged their thumb across it then glows painfully bright.

I squeeze my eyes shut as everything turns a blinding white and sway on my feet. His embrace the only thing keeping me upright.

“I will give them to you,” Raphael vows, his voice echoing both inside my chest and somewhere in the distance.

A soft breeze brushes against my cheek and the smell of grass and trees and earth teases at my senses. Growing stronger with each passing second.

When the bright glow behind my eyelids dims, I twist in his arms and slowly open my eyes to see what’s happened.

At first, all I see is green. A sea of tall, green grass stretching out in front of me as far as my eyes can see.

The grass comes up to my waist and is sprinkled with fuzzy purple and white blossoms. It’s been so long since I’ve been so close to such a thing, my hands immediately ache with the need to reach out and touch it. To see if it’s real. To feel it squeezed between my fingertips.

But Raphael’s hold on me doesn’t loosen, keeping me pressed close to him.

To the sides, casting faint shadows that don’t quite reach us, are trees. The tallest trees I’ve ever seen. They rustle softly as if they’re purposely showing off their leaves and branches in a mesmerizing dance as they gently sway together in the soft breeze.

It’s all so… vibrant and hypnotic and full of life , I ignore everything else until Raphael turns me back around and nudges my chin up.

Showing me a sky filled with pinks, oranges, and reds.

He answers before I can get the question of how he knew I wanted this past my lips. “I’m inside you.”

The fuzzy warmth I was momentarily experiencing chills to icy dread at this revelation. “So you can read my thoughts?”

He hesitates a split second before admitting, “Yes.”

Anticipating my reaction, his arms squeeze me even tighter, crushing me against him. “You let me in, Alena. You gave me permission.”

“When?!” I demand in a gasp.

His lips find my ear, purposely brushing against the sensitive flesh and sending a shiver down my spine. “When you begged for more pleasure.”

I jerk my head to the side, away from his lips, but he follows.

His breath caresses me as he exhales, “Everything you think, I hear. Everything you feel, I feel.”

Oh god…

How? Why ?

Leaning back, he says, “Because you’re the other half of my soul.”

I start to shake my head in denial. That’s impossible. People don’t share souls…

But his eyes flash red, and the sky darkens, filling with clouds.

“I assure you, it’s very possible,” he says with a growl.

Fear slithers through me. If even half of what he says is true, if he is indeed inside my head and can read my thoughts, how can I possibly escape him?

How can I be free?

The sky darkens more and thunder cracks in the distance.

My body wants to jolt in surprise, but his hold on me is too tight.

“You can’t escape me, Alena,” he rasps as the air around us crackles and pops with the smell of ozone. “We are bound for eternity.”

“I want you out of my head now,” I demand as a raindrop falls on my forehead.

Lightning streaks across the horizon. Then a loud boom of thunder rattles the very ground beneath our feet.

“No,” he snarls, his expression sharpening with determination. “Never.”

If he simply said no, I’d probably be able to keep my composure.

But him adding that never pushes me over the edge.

“Get out of me!” I scream in his face as a torrent of rain suddenly falls from the clouds above us.

The rain plasters his black hair against the sharp cut of his cheeks and the growing darkness makes the red glow of his eyes shine even brighter.

When he speaks, his voice is so rough, so guttural, he sounds like a demon straight out of Hell. “You are mine, Alena .”

His lips pull away from his fangs, taking the whole demonic look one step further, and he declares, “Now that I’ve found you, now that I’m where I’ve always belonged, I’m never letting you go!”

And there’s something behind that awful blazing glow in his eyes that stirs a memory I buried long ago.

With the rain pouring down on us, the ground beneath my feet is turning into a slippery mess.

As my toes begin to sink into the mud, the spot near my heart throbs and I remember the sensation of wearing heavy boots that kept getting stuck as I was trying to walk…

The moon above me was red and I held an axe in my hands.

An axe I brought down in fury upon a pile of bodies and severed limbs…

“What the fuck?” Raphael says in surprise, shattering the memory and bringing me back to present. “When did you see that?”

I almost answer him. I open my mouth to say it was during my Judging before I realize he’s once again reading my thoughts without permission.

Outrage flooding through me, I shove my hands against his chest, trying to get him to release me.

Not budging, he narrows his eyes to slits and presses, “When did you see that? Tell me.”

My chest fills with a strange, uncomfortable pressure, like I just swallowed too much air.

I try to slam the wall down out of reflex, to block out the sensation, but it does nothing.

Most likely because the wall is already in place and slowly crumbling…

Another streak of lightning slices across the sky, momentarily illuminating his face, before he demands, “Tell me, Alena.”

I press my lips together, refusing to give in to the compulsion.

But the memory still flashes in my mind, my own brain revolting against me.

Flashes of Sister Agatha, the Prophet, and the dagger run through my thoughts before I can stop them.

Raphael’s grip on me tightens the second I remember the Prophet declaring me tainted .

“Fucking Hell,” he rasps like I just kicked him in the nuts. “You were only a child…”

I’d scoff at his reaction but the pressure inside my chest swells, causing my anxiety to spike.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear there was something growing inside me. Some invisible force that wants to be free.

Even if it has to go through my ribs.

“Show me more,” Raphael orders, his eyes burning brighter and brighter by the second.

I shake my head, fighting the memories and pressure back.

He’s asking too much.

I’d rather die than relive it all again.

Growing angry at my resistance, his eyes glow so bright all I can see is red. “ Show me what they did to you.”

The rain falling from the sky suddenly stops and the air around us becomes dry and arid.

“Show me the face of every one that has harmed you.”

The power behind every word he speaks thunders in the marrow of my bones, urging me to give in to him.

On the verge of losing the war against the pressure, I gasp, “Why?”

Why is he so hellbent on this? Why can’t he let it go? Haven’t I been forced to give enough?

His voice lowers to a deadly purr that causes all the little hairs on my body to stand on end. “So I can bring you their heads.”

My breath catches in my lungs. Why would he do that?

Dipping his face close to mine, he stares hard into my eyes. “Because I love you.”

I release my breath in a scoff. “You don’t know me.”

His fiery gaze dims and searches my face. “I know you are mine.”

I shake my head in denial. I’m not his, and there’s no possible way he can love me.

Love doesn’t come that easily. He may love the idea of me, but if he truly knew me, he wouldn’t be so quick to speak that word.

My own parents couldn’t even bring themselves to love me. How can—

Raphael growls low in his throat, cutting off my train of thought. “Anyone who does not love you is a fucking fool.”

Not only do I scoff again at that, I roll my eyes.

Face tightening with anger, his voice dips even lower. “If you were inside me, you’d know what I speak is true.”

The spot over my heart throbs hard and out of reflex I rub it with my hand, trying to get it to stop.

Am I about to have a freaking heart attack over all of this?!

Does he realize he’s about to kill me with all of his craziness?

Gaze sharpening and snapping to the movement of my hand like a predator that’s been lying in wait, Raphael makes a strange noise deep inside his throat.

A noise that’s a mixture of a growl and a moan.

Then, without warning, he releases my shoulders and shoves my hand out of the way.

Before I can even think to stop him, his claws are tearing my shirt open.

“What are you doing?!” I shout in fear and outrage when what he did finally catches up to my brain.

Looking down, afraid he sliced me open, I see the valley between my breasts exposed.

But that’s not what fills me with me with fear.

It’s the red shape of the infinity symbol on my skin.

The Mark of the Beast.

Somehow, I forgot about it. Forgot that it means I’ll never truly be free.

Even if I escape, I’ll always be hunted.

“See,” he chokes out, “the proof is in your flesh.”

All my dreams, all my plans for the future on the precipice of turning into ash, I say in angry desperation, “It doesn’t mean I’m yours !”

Raphael’s eyes snap back up and flare so bright I’m blinded by the glare.

“Doesn’t mean you’re mine ?” he hisses menacingly.

Unable to see, I sense him pressing closer and instinctively take a step back.

“Do you want to belong to someone else?” he asks, the question more like a threat.

I shake my head back and forth and take another step back. “No, of course not.”

“Like Caden, perhaps?” he snarls.

Knowing I’ve pushed him too far thanks to the stupid hard throbbing over my heart, I finally give into all the panic I’ve been holding back.

“I don’t want to belong to anyone!” I scream as I turn sharply on my heels and take off running.

It doesn’t cross my mind that running in the mud should be a struggle.

Or that I have no hope of outrunning him.

Letting my fight-or-flight take control, I pump my legs and move my feet as fast as I can as he roars behind me.

Until I slam into something hard and unmovable.

Still blinded and my head spinning from the impact, I think I somehow managed to run into my wall.

Unprepared for the impact, my knees give out and I start to fall.

But cold fingers latch onto me and pull me back up, keeping me from landing on my butt.

I scream, afraid that Raphael has already caught me.

The voice that speaks as the icy fingers tighten around me, though, is not Raphael’s.

It’s the one voice I never wanted to hear again.

His tone conjuring up images of bones rattling against each other, the Prophet says, “I do believe she said no.”