We're One: Two wrongs always make a right

Chapter Twenty-Two

Sia

I finally step into my tiny apartment for the first time in nearly a week. It seems even smaller now that I’ve stretched out at Zach’s place so much for the past month. But the one thing that’s missing at his home is Nikki. I miss her. I want the best of both worlds. I want to be with a man I love and still be with my best friend. Why not ask for everything? I might just get it.

The delicious smell of Mexican food has my stomach rumbling when I see Nikki at the counter. Her eyes light up as she turns. “You’re finally here!” She rushes over to me and gives me a big hug. It feels like we’ve been apart for a year instead of five days.

“Traffic was terrible,” I tell her. “What are you cooking?”

“Tacos of course. But don’t think you’re getting out of trouble. You’re always gone now, and I miss you.” She crosses her arms and gives me her best pouty face. It’s quite adorable.

“I know. I’m a crappy friend right now,” I tell her. “If it helps, I’ve missed you like mad.”

“That does help. It also helps that I’d ditch you as well if I could sleep next to a man as hot as Zach.” She finally grins at me, and I know all is forgiven for being gone so much.

“I need a full-blown girls’ night. I feel a bit sick so no wine for me, but tacos and lots of talking is exactly what the doctor ordered.” I lean against the back of the couch while she moves back to the counter to continue cutting up tomatoes.

“Yes, girls’ night for sure,” she says. “It’s nice to have a man, but it’s essential to have a bestie.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” I grab a chip, then take a nice scoop of freshly made guacamole. Delicious. I don’t know what she does, but it’s always perfect. With her new cookbook coming out, she won’t be able to keep her secret recipe secret anymore. I love it. I might just attempt to make a few recipes. That’s a big emphasis on might.

“Since I’ve launched my new stories for the cooking vlog, it’s really taken off. I have over a hundred thousand people subscribed now. People are making all sorts of comments about the silly things that happen in the kitchen. They like seeing the reality of cooking. The other shows make it seem like mistakes are never made. That’s so not true. We make mistakes all the time, and sometimes it leads to incredible changes in recipes. It’s changed everything on how I’m doing the vlog, and it’s growing daily. By the time the cookbook comes out, I should have a bunch of people wanting a copy.”

“Don’t you worry, though, if you’re showing them all of the recipes, they won’t need to buy the cookbook?”

She shakes her head. “Nope. Lots of people want to have non-digital copies. I like to watch videos but when I use a recipe I need a piece of paper in front of me. Cookbooks will never go out of style.”

“That’s a good point. It’s fun seeing your vlog grow each week. I’m so incredibly proud of you.”

“That goes for you too. I love how much attention you’re getting lately. You have clients applying left and right. You don’t have to sell yourself anymore, they have to convince you to take the job. We’re gonna get out of this place soon.”

“I’m torn on that. I still want out of this city, but now that I’m dating dating Zach, I’m confused,” I admit.

“Well, it’s worked for Sasha. They spend some time here, but a lot of time in Seaville too. I think you could have the same, and you know I’m willing to go anywhere. We just can’t live far apart. I don’t like long distance best friendship.”

“I agree. We’ve vowed to never live across the country from each other. Men can come and go, but friendship is forever.” This has been our motto from the time we were little.

“How are things with Zach? You’re smiling a lot these days.”

“He wants me to move in with him. He’s said it enough times that I believe he’s serious.”

“Wow, that’s a big step. What are you thinking?” I see slight worry in her eyes, but no matter what I decide she’ll support me.

“Well, he did say you could move in too. You could either live in the ridiculously huge main house, or take one of the guest houses I’ll soon be remodeling, so you could have privacy.”

Nikki’s eyes brighten. “Yes please! Sign me up. I’m so over this shoebox apartment.” She then pauses. “If you aren’t sure, though, Sia, don’t do it. As much as I’d love to get out of here, I never want to see you unhappy.”

“You and I would be happy living together in a tent.”

She laughs. “I can’t live somewhere without running water and a toilet. I’ll live in a shack with you, but a tent might kill me.”

“It does scare me giving up our apartment. If it doesn’t work, what do I do if I’m living there?”

“We could always go home then. It’s not like you have to stay if it’s not working. We always have choices. Our families might not have tons of money, but if we needed to quickly gather up a couple of thousand dollars to get a U-Haul, we could manage it. Don’t let fear hold you back from having everything you want. Don’t let me hold you back either. I want to take our journeys together, but I understand that we’ll do things on our own too. Someday I might even find my own man I can tolerate for longer than one date.”

“You’re going to find the man of your dreams. But you can’t settle, because you’re the most perfect human on this planet.”

“We’re perfect together.” She starts putting a taco together for me. I trust her to get all the ingredients right. She truly is a fantastic cook. She adds things to a recipe that take them from good to orgasmic. We need to keep living together or Zach and I might starve.

“Zach told me about this game he and his brothers have been playing since his gramps died,” I tell her, which makes her pause.

“What game?” she asks. I then spend the next five minutes explaining it as best as I can. She’s looking at me with wonder and a bit of doubt.

“That’s strange. Your name was in the box. Does that scare you?”

“To be honest, it does scare me a little. I don’t know what to think about it,” I admit.

“Well, that’s intense. I think you and Zach will work it out though. You’ve already been through so much more than many people go through. This is only one more bump in the road in your very long journey. We always say if something’s easy, it’s boring. Our lives are certainly never boring.”

“No, they aren’t. We’re going to open the envelope together. I sort of wish he’d do it on his own. It’s such a private matter and I don’t know if I can handle whatever this mystery letter says. I’m so happy right now, and I don’t want anything to pop my bubble of bliss.”

Nikki hands me my plate with a couple of tacos on it. They smell heavenly. I take my first bite and sigh with pleasure.

“I don’t know why we ever order takeout when you cook so much better.”

She eats her first taco and nods. “I don’t like to brag or anything, but these are pretty dang spectacular.”

She starts in on her second taco, and my stomach begins turning. It happens fast. I jump away from the counter and run down our small hall, and rush to the toilet where I empty my stomach. I barely make it in time. Nikki’s right here with me, running a washcloth under the cold water and handing it over.

“What is that?” she asks as I lean my cheek against the toilet seat and let out a moan. I’m feeling much better now that the throwing up is over.

“I told you I’ve been feeling off all week. It’s odd though, because I was fine a few minutes ago. That came out of nowhere.” When I’m sure I’m not going to throw up again, I slowly rise, move to the sink, and rinse my mouth out. I brush my teeth then follow Nikki back to the kitchen. I look at the tacos and feel bile rise again. What in the actual hell? I love tacos. I decide it’s better to be safe than sorry, so move to the couch, and sit down. Dinner’s done for me for now.

Nikki comes over and sits beside me, giving me a long look from head to toe. “Um, Sia, how long have you been feeling this way?”

“All week. But it’s not all of the time. It just hits me out of the blue.”

Her eyes widen. “I think you’re pregnant.”

A chill runs through me at her words. I immediately shake my head. “No, I’m not,” I say, my voice week. I say it again, stronger this time.

“When was your last period?” she asks. I start to answer, then freeze. When was my last period? I don’t think I had one this month. Did I last month? I can’t remember.

“I don’t know,” I say. “But I can’t be pregnant.”

“It doesn’t matter how many times you say it, darling, you won’t change it if you’re carrying a little pumpkin right now.”

“But we always use protection,” I tell her. Then I stop. “Well, we almost always use protection. I guess maybe, there might’ve been a time... or maybe twice we forgot a condom, but I wasn’t even close to ovulating at those times,” I say, desperate for her to tell me I’m not pregnant.

“We need to buy some tests. If you aren’t feeling well enough, I’ll run down to the drugstore and bring them back.”

“I don’t know if I want to do that.”

“You can’t live in denial. If you’re carrying a baby, you need to know. If you are preggo, it might be that your little girl or boy isn’t a fan of tacos.” That’s almost as horrifying a thought as being pregnant. I eat tacos at least twice a week.

“Quit talking like I’m pregnant. We’ll go to the store and find out I’m not. I just have the flu.” My voice is now pleading.

She nods, but I can see doubt in her eyes. She thinks it’s a forgone conclusion that a baby is growing in me. This can’t be happening. I’m happy right now, things are going great. If I’m pregnant, what if Zach thinks I did it to try to trap him? This is a nightmare.

We quickly grab our shoes and jackets and start the two-block walk to the corner drugstore. I’m mortified to be looking at pregnancy tests, let alone grabbing them, and taking them to the counter. I feel like there’s a giant scarlet letter A on my chest. This happens to women all over the world and doesn’t make me a hussy if I’m pregnant, but Zach and I have only been serious with each other for over a month. It’s too soon. This would lock us together for life, even if we aren’t a couple.

We leave the drug store. “I’m too old to be making mistakes like this,” I tell her.

“We all mess up, Sia. What’s meant to be will be. Let’s not panic no matter what the outcome is. We’ve come through hard times before, and we’ll come through them for the rest of our lives.”

We go quiet again as we walk back home. I’m moving slow, not because I’m feeling bad, but because as soon as we step inside I’ll have to take the tests and I don’t want to. I’d rather live in denial than confirm what I’m beginning to think is a foregone conclusion. No matter how slowly I walk, though, we do draw closer.

We get home with four tests, and luckily, or unluckily, depending on how I look at the situation, I have to pee. It’s not fun doing it in a cup, but I want to use all of the tests, so I do, then lay the tests on the sink and soak them. This is such a disgusting way to check. I don’t want to think about that or I’ll puke again. We set a timer and walk away from the sink.

“I’m scared,” I tell Nikki.

“It will be fine.”

“Tell me they’ll all be negative,” I demand.

She gives me a look that doesn’t assure me. The timer goes off and we both look at the sink from the other side of the room, neither of us stepping forward. She then moves to my side and wraps her arm in mine. We step forward, my heart thundering. I look down, quickly glancing at each test. Then I look again... this time more slowly... every single one of them is positive. My heart sinks.

“Well, it’s good to know,” she tells me, always my anchor in a storm.

“What will I do? I can’t have Zach staying with me only because I’m pregnant. If I tell him, I’ll always wonder if he’s with me for the baby, or because he loves me.”

“You know he cares about you, Sia. I don’t think you have to worry about that.” She hugs me as a few tears fall.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” I cry.

She pulls me close to her. “It’s okay, Sia, it will all be okay. You can take a few days before you tell him, get it figured out.”

“I won’t be able to see him, Nik. He’ll read it on my face; he’ll know something’s wrong.”

“Then tell him you’re really sick and need to stay home for a few days. You are sick off and on right now so it isn’t exactly a lie. I’ll guard the door.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’d be a mess, trying to figure this out alone.” I can’t get the tears to stop now that they’ve started.

She chuckles. “Along with nausea, you’re going to go through a heck of a lot of mood swings. But you have me so I’ll bring lots of donuts home to stuff in your mouth when you get bitchy.” She grins at me. I glare back.

“That’s just mean.”

“You’re most likely going to think everything I say is either great or mean for the next seven or eight months. Do you have an idea of when the pregnancy began?”

“Well, we’ve only been having sex for less than two months so that narrows the window down.” I look at her with panic. “What if he thinks the baby isn’t his?”

She shakes her head. “If he was that foolish I’d kick his ass all the way down the streets of Seattle. If he even asked you that, he isn’t a real man and wouldn’t deserve you or this beautiful baby,” she vehemently says.

I cry some more. “How will I handle a baby? I know nothing about kids. I’ve never been that person who wants to hold babies. That was far more you and Sasha,” I say, again panicking. “What if I don’t like my own child?”

She again chuckles. “Oh, honey, you’ll love your baby. I’ve known many people who couldn’t stand kids, but when they had their own, they were instantly in love.”

“I don’t know. The little rug rats are messy and always seem to have snotty noses,” I whine.

“You also have a huge support system who will be with you every step of the way. I’ll be here, your mother will be thrilled, and if we go back to Seaville, the entire town will be begging to help. You’re going to be fine, Sia. This was obviously meant to be. Babies might be tough, but don’t ever forget they’re a blessing.” She then leans back and gives me an evil grin. “Plus, it will be fun for me watching you get fat.”

I pull back and glare at her again. “That’s also mean . . . and it’s not my hormones speaking.” I cross my arms, letting her know I’m serious. She is taking away my anxiety though by either making me laugh or glare.

She laughs, utterly at ease, confident we’ll get through this. “Like you won’t be saying the same to me when I get knocked up.”

I want to argue, but she’s right. “Oh my gosh, we need to order oil now. I heard that if you rub some type of oil on your stomach, you won’t get stretch marks. I don’t want stretch marks.”

“Let’s allow this to settle in and then we’ll do a bunch of research on what we need to do.”

“That might be wise. I shouldn’t panic buy. I can’t afford it.”

“Sia, we’ll really make this work. I promise it will be fine. I also have a feeling Zach won’t be too upset about it. It might come as a shock at first, so give him a day or two. Look how you’re feeling right now. Allow him to have some messy emotions too.” A few more tears fall.

“What if he asks me to... to get rid of it?” I’m horrified at the thought as I protectively cover my belly.

“Then I’ll kick his ass all over the place again,” she says with confidence.

“I think you could do it.”

“Sasha’s going to be his sister-in-law soon, and she’ll help me. We all love you, Sia, and that means we love this little bean growing inside of you. You’re going to be fine.”

“I might need to keep hearing this.”

“That’s why you have me here to say it again and again. I’m going to be the world’s best auntie. I can’t wait to make all sorts of baby recipes. We might not even need to tell Zach, I’ll just do an entire vlog on making baby food, and he can figure it out on his own. Or you could wait until he notices how fat you’re getting.”

“Ugh, you’re a pain.” I laugh, but it does stop the tears.

“That’s what besties are for.”

“I seriously couldn’t live without you. Thank you.”

“We’re family, Sia. We’ll always be family, and we’ll always have each other’s backs.”

“I don’t know how women go through this alone. It’s making me think we need to volunteer at women’s shelters. As scary as this is, I do have support, which is essential right now.”

She hugs me. “You’re right. No one should ever be terrified because they’re alone. We’ll have to see what we can do,” she assures me. A few more tears fall. Yep, I’m going to be one of the unlucky pregnant women whose hormones are all over the place. This might be an adventurous few months ahead.

When we have a pause for a moment, we put on a movie. Then we don’t really watch it because we spend the rest of the night talking. I’m scared, no doubt about it, but the more we talk about the baby, about the future, and about what comes next in our lives, the more I settle down. No matter what happens, it really will be okay. Nikki’s right, I’m surrounded by people who love me. I want Zach to be at my side, but if for some reason he isn’t, I’ll be okay. Now, I just have to figure out how I’m going to tell him about this life-changing situation we’re in. I’m taking Nik’s advice, and waiting a few days. I’ll put him off until then.