We're One: Two wrongs always make a right

Chapter Twenty-Four

Sia

I miss Zach. I hate that I miss him. It’s only been three days, but I miss the man. He’s been trying to see me, been sending me messages, and he knows something’s wrong, but I haven’t been able to face him yet. I will soon. I need to let him know what’s going on, but I’m not ready. Missing him is all on me because I could drive to his house right now and he’d be thrilled. Soon. I’ll deal with this soon.

For a couple of hours today, I got some peace. I always feel accomplished when I’m focusing on my career. The meeting took me out of my head, pulled me from my personal problems and reminded me of how good I am at what I do. The new client was impressed with my vision for the boutique hotel. I’m excited to get started. Now if the peanut inside me would quit making me sick at all hours of the day, I’d be able to get a lot more work done. The baby seems to think my life revolves around her. I have a feeling it’s a girl because only little girls can cause this much drama so early on. I smile at this thought.

Using the stairs in my apartment building, I climb up them a bit slower than I used to. I’m not showing yet, but the nausea is enough to make me cautious. I really hope this is only a first trimester sickness. If I’m one of those unfortunate pregnant women who are sick all of the way through, I’ll get very grumpy.

I’ve always dreamed of having a big family. It was great growing up an only child because I was spoiled by my parents, but I have to admit I was lonely at times. When I started school, I made friends and that helped, but watching siblings together has always made me envious. But if this pregnancy is miserable for nine months straight, this might be it for me.

I reach my floor and step into the hallway; my steps falter as my smile fades. The anxiety I’ve carried these past few days comes back times ten as I see Zach sitting beside my door, his eyes staring me down. I slowly move forward, my heart skipping multiple beats as I draw in a panicked breath.

I’m not ready for this conversation. I haven’t figured out what I’m going to say. I should’ve known better than to think he’ll work on my timetable. I’m lucky he’s given me three days. I push down my anxiety and give him the biggest, fakest smile I can come up with on the spot. I need to get him out of here. I only want a few more days, then we can talk.

“Hi, Zach. What are you doing here, sitting in the hallway?” I ask, my voice impressively light.

He rises to his feet, giving me an immediate disadvantage. The man is huge and towers over me, not in an intimidating way, but something about his stature demands respect. My hands tremble as I pull out my keys to unlock the door. I could knock as Nikki’s inside, but I need to do something other than reach for the man I’ve missed so much.

He gives me a determined and somewhat sad look. “You’re avoiding me, Sia, and I don’t understand why.” He gets straight to the point. No pleasantries given.

I finally manage to get my key into the lock and focus on keeping my voice steady. I don’t look at him as I unlock the door. “I’m not avoiding you, Zach, I’ve been really busy.”

“I thought you told me you were sick and needed rest,” he counters.

I can’t exactly tell him I’m only sick when the baby decides to announce her presence. “Well, I was sick, but I’m feeling better, and I’ve had a lot of work to catch up on since I’ve been at your place almost nonstop for two months. I do have other clients and there’s a lot to do. It will take at least a week to get my head above water. Why don’t you come back later, then we can talk.” I hope my voice sounds cheery, but it might be coming out a bit manic. Either way, my entire goal is to get into my apartment and shut the door with him on the other side of it.

I step inside and start pushing the door shut. It doesn’t happen. He immediately steps forward after me, and I can’t stop him, but I can’t handle his touch right now, so I move back as he fills my doorway.

“You’re not shutting me out, Sia. We need to talk. If I did something to upset you, you need to let me know so we can fix it. We’re good together. We’ve been making plans. I honestly can’t figure out what’s gone wrong.”

Nikki’s leaning against the kitchen counter as I face Zach. I give her a pleading look and she grins. “I’m glad you found Zach. He’s been sitting in the hallway for about two hours. I’m sure his bum is sore,” she says, not apologetic at all.

A pang of guilt creeps up that he’s been waiting for so long. That floor can’t be comfortable. “You didn’t need to wait in the hallway for me, Zach.”

He looks at Nikki for a moment then shakes his head. “Nikki wouldn’t let me inside so I had no other choice. I didn’t want to miss you.”

“You didn’t need to wait at all. You could’ve left me a message and met with me later.” I take a seat on the couch. It puts me at a disadvantage, but I’m getting a little dizzy. Come on, kiddo, don’t make Mama sick now.

“There was no chance I was leaving. I’ve left you messages and you’ve barely replied. I deserve to know why you’re avoiding me. What did I do wrong?”

A part of me wants to ask him what I did wrong nine years ago, because he left me, and then I never heard from him again. But I don’t bring it up because he’s sincerely apologized for it, and I believe him. I know he wouldn’t do that again. Whether I want to admit to it or not, we’re in a relationship, a good relationship. I can understand his confusion and frustration. I just don’t know how to have the important conversation we need to have.

Nikki can most likely read the panic on my face. She grabs something from the counter and moves over to me. “Zach left this for you when he first got here,” she tells me as she hands me a large bag with a bouquet of flowers sticking up from the top.

I’m feeling way overwhelmed at the moment. “You don’t need to buy me gifts, Zach. It’s very sweet though.” I pull out the flowers, and they smell amazing. I don’t look at what else is in the bag right now. I cry far too easily, and I’m barely keeping my emotions intact without seeing gifts from the man I love.

“I’ll put these in a vase,” Nikki offers, and I hand over the flowers while she moves to the sink. She pulls out one of the vases from when Zach sent me bouquet after bouquet a while ago.

“Sia, I want to get you gifts. I want to spend my life with you,” he says. He begins pacing our tiny apartment in short, agitated steps. There isn’t much room for him to stretch his legs, which I’m sure is only adding to his frustration. My heart pings at his words of spending our lives together. I wish I could fully believe that can happen. I wish I had more confidence in us as a couple. I’ve been fighting it for so long; I don’t know how to get out of my own way.

I might not be ready for this conversation, but it’s time. I can’t avoid it any longer. I look at Nikki and she nods at me, knowing what needs to be done. She slips from the kitchen and goes into her tiny bedroom, quietly shutting the door. She would normally leave the apartment for me to be alone for this, but she knows I’m going to need her. I have no idea how Zach’s going to react to this life-changing news.

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Zach,” I begin. “I have something to talk to you about, and I don’t have any clue on how to begin.”

He gives me a worried look as he moves to the couch and sits down next to me, reaching out and taking my hand. “There’s nothing you can’t talk to me about, Sia. We’re together and I want it to be in good times and bad.”

I hesitate for a moment longer as I try to piece the words together. I can give a nice long speech, or I can simply spit it out. I decide to rip off the bandage. I look up, refusing to allow myself not to look in his eyes. I feel the sting of tears, so I blurt out the words.

“I’m pregnant.”

He has no reaction for about three seconds, which might not seem long, but can be an eternity when words like I’m pregnant are used. Then his eyes grow wide and he stares at me in silence for another solid minute. If I thought three seconds was long, a minute is an eternity. I wait. It’s better than spewing a bunch of sentences out that most likely won’t come out coherently.

“You’re sure?” he finally asks. At least he didn’t ask if the baby is his. I’m still tense. I don’t know if I can handle him asking that question.

“I took four tests that all came out positive. I have a doctor’s appointment in two days to confirm and find out how far along,” I tell him. “But I’m sure. It’s early and I have no idea what’s going to happen. I could even miscarry. I just know I’ve been sick off and on, and I’m scared. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you, which is why I’ve been avoiding you. I’ve never been in this kind of position before.”

He leans back against the couch to process what I’m saying. I’ve had days to try and wrap my mind around everything, and I still haven’t. I think about Nikki’s words to give him time. It’s okay for him to be in shock. I’m still in shock. It’s hard to comprehend we’re going to be parents when we don’t even know if we’ll be together.

He looks me in the eyes with a determined glint in his gaze. “We’ll get married right away.”

He doesn’t ask me, doesn’t even consider if this might be something I want, he just voices these five words as a command, as if there’s no other choice other than marriage. My worry fades as irritation grows. I narrow my eyes at him.

“I’m not getting married because we forgot to use a condom,” I firmly tell him.

He looks at me with pure determination. “We’re going to raise this child together.” His arms cross against his chest. I can see why he’s so successful with his career. I’m sure it’s hard for people to turn Zach down when he wants something. The power in his voice alone is enough to make me want to capitulate. It’s not happening though.

More anger flares up in me. “I’ll repeat again, I’m not getting married because of a baby.” I glare right back at him as we have a staring contest. If I was watching this from the outside I might find it amusing. Since it involves me, I find no humor at all in the situation.

“No other man is raising my child, Sia. We’re getting married,” he snaps, his voice rising. We’re both getting more and more heated by the second. This isn’t at all helpful. It feels good, though. I’ve been stressed and sad. Anger feels better.

“No one said anything about someone else raising this child. I won’t rush into marriage because of a baby. That’s how divorce happens, and I’m never getting a divorce.”

“I won’t get a divorce either, so that settles that.” He stands and begins pacing again and then grows even more frustrated because there’s truly no space for him to do this. “I hate this apartment,” he thunders.

“Well, I’m sorry not all of us can afford eight-thousand-square-foot homes,” I snap back. He ignores this comment. It is sort of petty, but I don’t care as I’m more than ready to fight at the moment. I take a calming breath, but it doesn’t help.

“We can’t just pretend everything’s okay and wait to see what happens. We’re having a baby, Sia. It will arrive sooner than either of us can imagine. It changes our timelines and our entire lives.”

“I’m sorry to be inconveniencing you,” I snap.

“I didn’t say it was an inconvenience, I’m saying we need to move fast, not sit around and bicker,” he thunders.

“I know it will go fast, but we have about seven months. We don’t have to make decisions on anything today, and marriage isn’t the solution. We’ll figure it out without being heated or rushed.”

“We’re talking about a child here, Sia, not a puppy. We aren’t deciding on the color of curtains. This will affect us for the rest of our lives. I will be here to support you and our child. I won’t miss out on this. I want to be at your side for the entire journey. You should want this too,” he says, a little of the heat in his voice dissipating, as he almost pleads with me.

“I want you to be in the baby’s life, Zach. I won’t take that away from you. I also want to make sure we’re doing this for the right reasons. I won’t be an obligation.”

“You could never be an obligation. I care about you, Sia,” he tells me. I want to tell him that’s not love. I care about people too, but that doesn’t mean I want to spend the rest of my life with them. My anger drains. We’re only going in circles right now. He needs time to process everything. It’s been days for me, and I still need more time.

“I care about you too, Zach. This is all happening too fast. We both need to process it. Please give me that,” I beg him. I want to tell him I love him, but this isn’t the time. I certainly don’t want him to tell me he loves me right now. I won’t believe him.

Zach runs a hand through his hair as he walks to the window and looks out. His shoulders sag as if he’s been defeated. He then turns. “I’ll give you time. You can’t keep pushing me away, though. We’re in this together. I want to be at the doctor appointment.”

I’m about to refuse him, but he’s as much a part of this as I am. Sure, I’m the one carrying the child, but she’s half his, and even if we can’t work things out between us, I won’t keep his child from him, not when I know how much family means to him.

“I won’t push you away,” I promise. “Space will be good for both of us though. My doctor appointment is in two days at one. You can pick me up here at noon.”

He doesn’t look thrilled, but he gives me a nod. He then walks over to me and leans down. I fight tears as he kisses me on the cheek, stands, and then walks to the door.

“I want to talk more tomorrow, not wait two days.” He doesn’t give me a chance to argue as he exits the apartment. I immediately fall apart, collapsing onto the couch as big fat tears exit my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

Nikki rushes from the bedroom and sits down beside me. She pulls me into her arms as I shake. I’m in love with Zach and I’ll never know if he loves me after this. I have no doubt he’ll love his child, but I want to be loved too.

“It’s okay,” Nikki says. “It’s all going to be okay.” She rubs my back as I cry for the next fifteen minutes. I start to calm down and lean back.

“I know it will be, it just hurts right now,” I say. She hands me some toilet paper. She’s come prepared. I blow my nose and lean back, grateful the tears have finally ended. I never know when they’ll come flying out again. It could literally be in ten seconds.

After a couple of more minutes, Nikki looks at the couch, then back to me. “I know this is a heartbreaking moment and all, but seriously, this couch has got to go. I still have the creeps every time I sit on it.”

Her words take a moment to process, and then I burst out laughing. It feels good. I shake my head at her as I let out a final sniffle. “What would I do without you?”

She smiles at me. “You’ll never have to find out.”

“Well, we should keep the couch forever just so you can be horrified.”

A shudder travels through her body as she looks at the couch in horror. “I think you might do that. You’ll probably put me on it on my dying day.”

“We’ll be on it together.”

We then put on a silly comedy and sit back. Zach thinks we need to figure this all out now, but we have time. We have plenty of time. We’ll work it out. However, I might not love what the final decision will be.