Chapter 5

CHAPTER

FIVE

Brogan

My eyes snap open as I take stock of my current situation. I’m in my room, in my bed, with Maddox wrapped around me.

Maddox Lanigan is in my bed.

I give myself a few seconds to let the reason why sink in. I let yesterday’s conversation float through my mind. I agreed to give him six months. Selfishly, I said yes, because for me, I want to know what it’s like to be his, even just for a little while. I know my heart will be crushed when he leaves, but that’s okay. What is it they say? It’s better to have loved and lived than to never have loved at all? Or something close to that. I’m not in love with Maddox, but I do care about him, and the attraction is there. Which is why I need to get out of this bed.

Slowly, I lift his arm, but he grumbles and holds me tighter. I count to ten in my head, and try again.

“Too early,” he mumbles.

“I have to pee.” It’s not a lie. It’s also not the only reason I need out of this bed. I know myself well enough to understand that I crave time with him. Watching him from afar all these months, pretending to be aloof to his charms, I won’t be able to do that if he’s touching me.

“Come back to me,” he mumbles.

“Uh-huh.” I’d agree to just about anything if he lets me up. I feel his lips press against my shoulder before he relinquishes his hold on me, and I scramble out from underneath the covers and into the bathroom, making sure to twist the lock. I take care of business, wash my hands, and brush my teeth, all at a snail’s pace. It’s my hope that Maddox has fallen back asleep and I can slip out of the room without him noticing.

Finally, when I realize I’ve been in here far too long, I flip off the light, twist the lock, and open the door. I tiptoe over the threshold, trying not to make a sound. I’m two steps from the bedroom door when I hear his voice.

“You were supposed to come back to me.”

I stop and inhale a deep breath before turning to face him. I swallow hard as I take him in. He’s sitting up in bed with his back against the headboard and his abs on display. His eyes are sleepy, and there’s a red mark on his cheek from how he was lying.

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

He pats the bed next to him. “I’m awake. Come back to bed. It’s early.”

“I’m used to getting up early. Not much time for sleeping in with four-year-old twins running around.”

“Well, they’re not here today. Come back to bed, Brogan.”

I waver, unsure what to do. I want more than anything to slide in next to him and snuggle into his chest, but I shouldn’t. “Go back to sleep,” I tell him. “I’m going to make some coffee.”

Maddox tosses the covers off him and climbs out of bed. My eyes fall to his boxer briefs and the very notable erection. I quickly look away. He stops next to me and presses his lips to my forehead.

“I woke up with my wife in my arms. It’s not something I can control. Not that I want to.” Another quick peck in the same spot on my forehead, and he steps back and toward the bathroom. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” He strides into the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door. I hear him start to pee, and heat coats my cheeks.

I rush out of the room and down the hall to the kitchen. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. I don’t have experience with men. None. Nothing but some over-the-clothes groping during my senior year of college. After that night at the frat party, I steered clear, and then it was all about helping my sister and my dad. Since then, I’ve been helping raise the girls. I told myself I didn’t have time, but it was more than that. My therapist helped me realize that.

I’m scared.

I have very few memories of the night that changed our lives, and I hate that. I hate being out of control, and men, well, they intimidate me. Not in the sense that I’m afraid of all men, but intimacy. Hell yes. I’m a twenty-three-year-old virgin, and as far as I can remember, I’ve never seen—outside of porn—a penis that I can remember.

So, yeah, seeing my husband, who I married while drunk in Vegas, hard after waking up next to me caused my cheeks to blush. I’m in over my head here. I never should have said yes to him.

I try to calm my heated libido. I put all of my attention on the coffeepot, which is why I didn’t hear Maddox come into the kitchen. In fact, it’s not until I feel his hands on my hips and his lips brushing against my neck, with his mumbled, “Morning, baby,” that I even know he’s here with me.

“Morning,” I reply, because ignoring him doesn’t feel right. “What time is your client?” I ask, remembering he has one this afternoon sometime.

“Not until two. It’s a new client, and the note says, uncertain . This could be a long appointment or a short one.” He chuckles.

“Does that happen often?”

“Not a lot, but you’d be surprised by the people who come in for an appointment with no idea what they want on their body for the rest of their lives.”

“That’s a big decision.” I nod. “You don’t seem to have that same issue.” I let my eyes trail over his body. Did I mention he’s still only in his boxer briefs? When I reach his face, he’s smirking, and I quickly avert my gaze to the coffeepot as I watch it brew.

“Wasn’t an issue for me. Do you have any tattoos?”

“No. Briar and I said we were going to get them growing up, but once we were old enough and didn’t need our dad’s permission, life threw us for a tailspin, and we never did.”

“Well, when you’re ready, I hear your husband is pretty damn good at what he does.” He smirks.

I can’t help but laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.” The coffeepot splutters, letting me know it’s done, and I get busy making our coffees. I’ve spent enough time with Maddox to know he likes his black, whereas I take two sugars and two creams in mine. I slide Maddox his cup as I take a quick pull of mine, only it comes off more like a slurp. Apparently, embarrassing myself in front of my new husband is the only thing I’m capable of doing these days.

“Thank you.” He smiles and doesn’t seem to mind I’m slurping my coffee like an addict jonesing for her next fix. “I’m going to shower and then run to my place to grab some more clothes and my laptop, and whatever else I can find that I think I might need. I’ll pack the rest later and get the guys to help me move it all. I’ll probably just put my furniture in storage.”

“That seems like a lot of hassle for six months.”

“You agreed to six months, but, Brogan, we’re endgame, baby. You can come over to my place and see if there is anything of mine furniture wise you want to use here,” he says, as if selling his furniture or putting it into storage is no big issue. “We can figure out what to do with it later. Now, I just want to be here with you. I’m giving you and this marriage everything I have, Brogan.”

I swallow a burning gulp of coffee, letting his words sink in. “We agreed to this. For the time being, this is your home,” I say. Do I think it’s a waste of time for him to put everything in storage for six months? Sure, but he’s a grown man and can decide for himself. Who am I to tell him what to do? I tried to tell him I was a mess, and he still insists we can do this whole being drunk-married thing and find our happily ever after. “Bring whatever you need or want to make this place feel like home.”

“You, Brogan. You make this place my home.”

“I don’t know what to say to that.”

“Say what you feel. I want this to work between us. Communication is an important part of every marriage and every relationship. It’s just me, Brogan. You can tell me anything. You can say anything. I’m still going to be here.”

“This is a lot, Maddox. We went from acquaintances, friends of friends if you will, to being married, and you’re talking like we’re forever.”

“We were friends. More than acquaintances. And I want this to be forever. I know you’re not where I am right now, and that’s okay. I’ve wanted you for a long damn time.”

“That’s what you’ve said.”

He shrugs. “It’s my truth. I can feel it here.” He places his hand over his chest, and my heart races as if it has a direct connection to his. “We can go the distance, and maybe you’re right, maybe we can’t,” he’s quick to add. “But I want to find out. I want to give this thing between us everything I’ve got. I want to know at the end of this, if there has to be an end, that I gave you one-hundred-percent of me. If you make me walk away, I want to know it’s without regrets.”

“When I tell you that I’m a mess, Maddox, I mean it. There is so much about me, my past, my fears, my inexperience.” I let that confession hang between us. “I hate to see you get your hopes up and then be disappointed.”

“Never.” He stands and walks to the sink, rinsing out his cup before coming to stand next to me. He pulls me into his arms and rests his chin on my head. “I could never be disappointed in you, Brogan. Give it all to me—your past, your fears, and your inexperience. Add in the inability to trust too. I want it all, baby. I’ll prove to you that you are not broken. You are not damaged, and you’re not a mess. What you are is my wife, my beautiful wife.”

“I want to believe that,” I say, my voice cracking with emotion. It’s been one hell of a rollercoaster the last couple of days.

“Do you want to come with me to my place?”

I don’t know what I was expecting him to say, but changing the subject isn’t it. I guess I assumed he’d keep trying to convince me that we’re not fucking this up.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“You’re my wife now, Brogan. You’ve got shotgun no matter where I am. I don’t care where I’m going or who I’m with. It will always be a better time if you’re with me.”

“Is there a book you read or something?” I ask him.

“What?” he asks, releasing his hold on me.

“What to say to make her melt? Swoon-worthy one-liners? Capture her heart: Say the right things ? Come on, you can tell me. In fact, you should offer copies at the shop. That author deserves praise for his or her work.”

He’s grinning, which in turn makes me smile. Trust me, you can’t have Maddox Lanigan turning that wide smile and those baby blues on you and not smile back at him. I’ve tried, and it’s pretty much impossible.

He smacks my ass, making me yelp, and his smile grows. “New rule in the Lanigan house,” he says, his smile lighting up his big blue eyes, while my belly flips as he refers to the home we’re sharing as the Lanigan house. “We no longer talk about this not working. We both give it everything we’ve got. No, ‘in six months’ talk. It’s us. That’s it.”

I think about what he’s proposing, and I nod. I don’t want to be a negative Nelly all the time, and he deserves me to give him this, even though I already know how it’s going to go. “Okay.”

“Good.” He bends and tosses me over his shoulder, and I shriek with laughter. “Let’s get ready, and I can take my wife to breakfast before we move me in.”

“I can walk.”

“I know you can, Mrs. Lanigan, but I like my hands on you.” He carries me to my room. Make that “our” room, and tosses me gently on the bed.

I’m laughing.

He’s smiling down at me.

Something a lot like hope flares in my chest. Maybe, just maybe, we can do this.

“You can bring whatever you want,” I tell Maddox a few hours later. We’re at his place, and so far, all I’ve seen him pack are clothes and toiletries.

“I’m a simple man, baby. I don’t need much.”

“It’s supposed to be your home too, Maddox,” I remind him.

“This house is small. I’m a minimalist at best. I’ll box up my PlayStation and some photos.” He nods to a frame that has him standing between an older couple.

“Are those your parents?” It has to be. The three of them are smiling widely, and a pang of sadness hits me. I miss my parents so much.

“It is. Hank and Cassie Lanigan, and their pride and joy, of course,” he teases, pointing to his chest.

“So modest,” I tease back.

He stalks toward me and wraps an arm around my waist, lifting me in the air. My body is molded to his as he holds my gaze. “I’m your favorite too. Admit it,” he says, leaning in close.

Is he going to kiss me?

I lick my lips, and his eyes move to watch the action. “Say it, baby. Say I’m your favorite.”

“I mean, top ten,” I goad him.

“Brogan,” he growls.

“Maddox.” I pitch my voice to sound all deep and sexy like his, but I fail miserably, and we both fall into a fit of laughter.

He leans in and kisses the corner of my mouth, and I suck in a quick breath at the action. “One day, baby. One day you’ll admit it’s me. I’m your favorite. None of this top ten bullshit. Just your husband sitting next to you, holding that number one spot.”

“We’ll see,” I taunt.

He shakes his head and slowly lowers me back to the floor. My body slides down his, and I feel his erection, but I pretend like I don’t. I turn away, trying to hide, I’m sure, my tomato face, but my husband, he’s tenacious and won’t hear of letting me hide in my bubble. His arm that is still around my waist holds me to him while the other lifts my chin so that our eyes connect.

“That’s all you, Brogan.”

“Um, that’s all you,” I say, feeling even more heat rise to my cheeks.

He grins. Damn, that grin and those straight white teeth are a lethal combination. “Let me rephrase. That’s all because of you. Only you.” He kisses the tip of my nose before releasing his hold on me.

“Damn swoon book,” I grumble, loud enough that he can hear me. He tosses his head back in laughter, and I love the sound. Maddox is a laid-back guy. He’s easy to like and fun to be around.

The next six months won’t be lonely, but I have a feeling the after will be worse than when Briar and the girls moved out. Only time will tell.

Once we have his truck packed up, it’s close to time that he needs to be at the shop. “Take my car,” I offer. “I’ll drive your truck to the house and get everything unloaded.”

“I don’t want you lugging in all of this.”

“Well, what do you suggest? You have to be at the shop in forty minutes.”

He ponders this for a few minutes. “How about I just pull my truck into the garage? That way it’s not out in the weather, and you take me to work, and I can get one of the guys to drop me off after work, and then I’ll be home.”

“I can pick you up too,” I offer. It feels like the right thing to do.

“Nah, I don’t want you out on the roads after dark. It’s supposed to snow. I’m sure one of the guys will drop me off.”

“Okay. Well, you better get moving. We’ll hit a drive-thru and get you some food to scarf down before you have to start. I don’t need you passing out while trying to mark someone’s skin permanently.”

“Babe, you do realize it’s only the person getting ink that gets lightheaded, right?” he asks, humor lacing his tone.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go, Lanigan.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He rushes to pull his truck into his detached garage while I make my way through the house, turning off the lights, and locking the door. I meet him at my car, and he opens the door for me. It’s on the tip of my tongue to remind him that he doesn’t need to do that, but it’ll be wasted words. Instead, I smile and say, “Thank you,” as I slide behind the wheel.

Thirty minutes later, I pull up outside the shop to drop him off. He’s got his food in his hands when he leans over and kisses my cheek. “Let me know you make it home. Thank you for the ride.”

“Wives give their husbands a ride to work sometimes, right?” I shrug like it’s no big deal, but the smile on Maddox’s face tells me that it is. “What’s with the cheesy smile?”

“You called me your husband.” He winks and climbs out of the car. I don’t pull away until I see that he’s inside. The entire drive home, I’m lost in thought. Today was good. I enjoy spending time with him. I’m also excited for him to come home to me.

I’m in so much trouble.

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