What About Now (Everlasting Ink #4)

Chapter 4

CHAPTER

FOUR

Maddox

The winter wind slaps me across the face as I reach inside the back seat of my truck for our bags. It doesn’t matter because I’m going back into the warm house to sleep in a warm bed beside my wife.

My wife.

When I boarded the plane to Vegas, I was hopeful that I’d get to spend some time with her. I was going to volunteer to take the twins, and I knew she would help me, but Roman and Emerson beat me to it. It made sense considering they had Lilly, and those three, even with the age difference, are thick as thieves.

My plan failed, but it turned out better than I could have hoped for. The four of us taking in Vegas, and when Maggie started to feel ill, and Lachlan offered to go back to the hotel with her, I knew there was some higher power cheering me on. What I didn’t know is that we’d wake up married, but I have no regrets.

Well, maybe one. I would have liked to remember the moment that I stared into her eyes and promised to love, honor, and cherish her for all time. I know it was a Vegas wedding, but surely, the sentiment was the same.

I know I would have said the words and meant them. I didn’t tell Brogan that I loved her, because I didn’t want to scare her away. There is also a part of me that’s not really sure that’s what I’m feeling. I’ve never been in love before. However, I know that I think about her all the time. I always try to sit next to her, beg for a spot on her blanket like I did back on the Fourth of July. I crave being next to her, and she is, in fact, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Is that love? I think so. My wife has agreed to give us six months for both of us to find out. After slamming the truck door, I jog back to the house and the warmth of its four walls. Brogan is still sitting on the couch, but stands and rushes toward me when I step inside and shut the door.

“I got it, babe,” I tell her when she reaches for her bag. “I’ll just put these in the bedroom.” I pause. “Is that okay with you? If I sleep next to you?” I want to not give her the option, but I know her past and how her choices were taken from her, and I never want to be that man. No matter how much I crave falling asleep next to her.

She nods and steps back, allowing me to walk past her. I know where her bedroom is. I helped Forrest move Briar and the girls in with him, so I make my way down the hallway to the last door on the right, and step inside.

I’m immediately assaulted by the smell of honeysuckle. I know it’s her body lotion because I flat out asked her a few months ago. The smell wraps around me like a warm embrace. I don’t think it’s really hit me that this is where I’ll be sleeping for the next six months. With her wrapped in my arms, surrounded by honeysuckle in the dead of winter.

How is this my life?

How did I manage to marry the girl of my dreams and convince her to give us a shot?

I know how lucky I am, and I plan to show her every single day what being mine feels like. It’s funny because the reality is that I’m hers too. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. “Being mine,” that’s just words. She’s the one who holds the power in this marriage, and if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t want it any other way. This is Brogan’s world, and I’m just living in it.

Now, to convince her that the two of us, as Mr. and Mrs. living in her world, is where we were both meant to be.

Once I’ve placed our bags at the foot of the bed, I head back out to the living room. I don’t see Brogan, so I move to the kitchen to find her pouring a glass of milk.

“Want one?” she asks.

“Sure.” I move to the island and take a seat as she pushes a second tall glass of milk my way.

“When do you go back to work?” We all took some time off for the wedding and since it’s also New Year’s, I’m not sure what her schedule looks like.

“I took an extra day. I figured I’d be tired from all the travel, so I don’t go back until the third. What about you?”

“I have one client tomorrow afternoon, as far as I know.” I pull out my phone, log into the app for our scheduling system, and look at my schedule. “That’s it. I’m going to go ahead and block out the rest of my day so I can move some of my stuff.”

“Can you do that? Just block out your day?”

“Yeah, we all maintain our own schedules. Looks like all four of the guys are on the books tomorrow. They won’t miss me.”

“The five of you have really built something special.”

Pride swells in my chest at her acknowledgment of what my four best friends and I have built. “Thank you. It’s surreal to see the business grow like it has. Who would have thought we’d be this successful with our art? Because tattooing was not something they talked about on career day.” I chuckle.

Brogan smiles. “Right? There are so many trades that are never discussed. Working hard and chasing your dreams. The five of you are proof that if you do that, you can have success.”

“What about you? Did you always want to be a phlebotomist?” I feel like I should already know the answer to this question, but I’ve never asked. I’m going to make it a point to learn every tiny detail about my wife.

“Honestly, I wanted to be a nurse. After everything that happened, there wasn’t time or money for nursing school. It was a way for me to have a career that didn’t take years of schooling, and still be in the medical field.”

“There’s still time you know. You can go back to school and get your nursing degree.”

She smiles, but it’s not one of happiness. Her eyes show her sadness. “Who’s going to keep the lights on in this place if I do that?” she asks.

“Me.”

Her body stiffens as she studies me, holding my stare. “Nursing school is longer than six months, Maddox.”

“Good thing I don’t plan on leaving in six months,” I counter.

“I’m too old to go back now.”

“Brogan, babe, you’re twenty-three. That’s not too old. Hell, you could be fifty-three, and I’d still tell you to go for it if that’s what you wanted.”

“I’m a different person now. Too much time has passed. Too much has happened.”

“Think about it.” I can tell she’s not going to, but if this is something she truly wants, I’m going to make sure she gets it.

“What about you? How did the five of you come to open Everlasting Ink?” she asks, changing the subject, and I let her.

“Honestly, we’ve all been friends since we were kids, and all five of us loved art. When we graduated, we all went to get tattoos and it just sort of clicked. That’s what we wanted to do. Since then, we worked our asses off to build a name for our business, and thanks to Legend’s help, we’re opening a new state-of-the-art facility here in Ashby.”

“I’ve heard bits and pieces. Something about an inheritance?”

“Yeah, his grandma that he never met. There was a stipulation that he had to be married for a year to anyone of his choosing to get the money. He wasn’t going to go through with it until Monroe volunteered.”

“And they lived happily ever after,” she murmurs.

“Pretty much. We could all see it from day one. There was nothing fake about their marriage.”

“Not like ours,” she replies.

“Baby, there is nothing fake about our marriage either.”

“We don’t even remember it. Besides, all we have is a piece of paper that says we had a wedding. It’s just paperwork at this point.”

I shrug. “Then we’ll renew our vows. We’ll give ourselves a day we can remember.” The idea was already brewing in my mind. All she has to do is agree, and I’ll make it happen. Whatever she wants, it’s hers.

“I never drink that much. Never. Not after… that night.” She seems to close in on herself as her shoulders hunch together. “It was stupid of me to allow myself to get in that state. It was dangerous.”

“I was with you. I’d never let anything happen to you.”

“You were wasted too. You can’t remember that night either, so really, you can’t say that you would have protected me.”

My eyes stay locked on hers. “I can promise you, Brogan, that even wasted, I’d protect you.”

“You can’t know that. I’ve been there, Maddox. I’ve woken in a room I don’t recognize after a night of drinking. What’s worse is that I only had one drink that night. I was young and dumb, and didn’t even consider those frat guys would slip something into our drinks. My sister—” Her voice cracks. “She wasn’t as lucky as me. I’m the older sister. It was my job to protect her.”

“You’re twins.” I feel stupid saying that since obviously she knows, but she’s struggling with her past, fighting against guilt that’s not hers to fight. They’re both innocent in this. I don’t know how to make her see that, but I’m going to find a way.

“I’m two minutes older, Maddox. It was my job.”

I don’t know what to say to her. Nothing I say will reach her. Not tonight. She needs to see my actions speak for me. She needs to know that I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere, but I have to prove that to her. I’m surprised she’s opened up to me like she has, but I know why. She’s thinking if she’s honest about her past, it will push me away.

She’s wrong.

Hearing that night from her point of view only makes me want to hold on to her a little tighter. I want to wrap her in my arms and protect her from everything. I want to shower her with my love, support, and understanding until she doesn’t know where she ends and I begin.

Her eyes well with tears, and that’s more than I can handle. I can’t take it. Standing, I go to her side of the kitchen island. I move in behind her and wrap my arms around her, burying my face in her neck. Her back is pressed to my front, and I feel her inhale a heavy breath before slowly exhaling.

“What are you doing?” she whispers.

“Holding you. You looked like you needed a hug, and that’s my job, Brogan. As your husband, I’m here for you. I needed you to know that.” She doesn’t try to move, but she does relax into my arms.

I don’t know how long we stand here, but eventually, I release her and step back. She grabs her milk, downs it, and steps around me to rinse her cup before placing it in the sink.

“You ready for bed?”

“We’re really doing this?”

“We are.”

“Yeah.” She releases a shaky breath. “I’m ready for bed.”

I hold my hand out to her, and she stares at it for a few seconds before she places hers in mine. Together, we move around the house, locking the front door and shutting off all the lights before I guide her down the hall to our room.

Our room.

“What side of the bed do you want?” she asks.

“I’ll take the one closest to the door.” She doesn’t ask me why, and I don’t tell her. She simply moves to grab clothes to change into and disappears into the bathroom. I take the opportunity to strip down to my boxer briefs and climb under the covers.

When Brogan opens the door, the light from the bathroom spills into the dark bedroom, and she stops, staring right at me. “Everything okay?”

“Yep.” She turns off the light and makes her way to the opposite side of the bed in the dark room.

The bed dips when she climbs under the covers, and I smile when I see her lying on the edge. That’s not going to work for me. Turning to my side, I whisper her name. “Brogan.” I wait for her reply. I can hear her breathing, but eventually, she answers.

“Yeah?”

“Why are you not in my arms?” My question lingers between us.

“I don’t know how to do this, Maddox. I’ve never… slept in the same bed with a man. Not any time that I can remember.”

The truth of her words hit me like a kick to the gut. Our wedding night is bringing up terrible memories for her, and I hate that. I hate that I can’t take that night all those years ago away from her.

“I’m not just any man, Brogan. I’m your husband. I’m your friend.” I’m hoping that reminding her will ease some of her fears. “I’d never hurt you. Never.”

“What do I do?” Her voice is soft, and she sounds broken, and it’s killing me.

“You slide over here and let me wrap my arms around you. Then you use my chest as your pillow and you sleep soundly, knowing that I’m here. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re not alone, Brogan. Not now, not ever again.” It’s a vow that I intend to keep.

“Won’t I be in your way?”

“Never. In fact, I don’t think I can sleep knowing you’re right beside me, and I’m not holding you. You can trust me. I just want to hold you.” I wait for her reply that doesn’t come. Instead, she lifts the blanket and slides closer, and I move to meet her in the middle of the bed. I open my arms wide and she settles next to me. My arms wrap around her, holding her close. Just when I’m about to let go, I feel the first drops of her tears against my bare chest. I don’t know what to do. I hate her tears, but something tells me that they’ve been a long time coming. Forrest had a massive wall to scale with Briar. I’ll climb to the very top to help Brogan knock down every single fear she might have.

I want to tell her not to cry, that I’ll tackle all of her demons, but I don’t. Instead, I place my lips on top of her head and hold her tighter.

“I’ve got you,” I whisper. “I’m here.” I rub her back gently while keeping one arm locked around her, and eventually, her tears stop, and her breathing evens out. I stare up at the ceiling with my heart cracked wide open.

I’m going to help her.

Regardless of whether she falls in love with me, I’m going to help her. I want to be her light in the darkness, and I want to be the solid foundation she can lean on. She’s been fighting in silence. I’m sure, thinking her sister had it worse than she did. And instead of taking the time to heal, she’s pushed her pain to the back and focused on helping Briar raise the girls.

This pain in my chest, the ache that seeing her in pain causes me, can only be one thing. I wasn’t certain, but in just a few hours' time, I see clearly.

“I’m falling hard for you,” I whisper to the dark room and my slumbering wife.