Chapter 9
CHAPTER
NINE
Brogan
Maddox has my hand in his firm yet gentle grip as we make our way to the front door of his parents’ house. It’s been a week today since I agreed to dinner, and as we take the last step, I’m wondering what in the hell I was thinking. Oh wait, my sexy husband was asking me to meet his family, and I couldn’t tell him no. I promised to give this a shot, and I have been, but meeting the parents, that’s new for me. Another first that will belong to Maddox.
“Breathe, baby.” Maddox bends to whisper in my ear. “They’re going to love you. I promise you, everything is going to be okay.”
“I’ve never had to do this, Maddox. And you’re their son who goes on a trip and comes back with a wife they’ve never met.”
“Trust me, beautiful. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, we’ll leave. Just tap your cheek with your index finger, and I’ll make an excuse for us to go.”
“I can’t do that. This is your family. I’ll be okay.” I square my shoulders and hope like hell my words are true.
“Brogan Lanigan, you are my wife. You are my family and my priority. If you’re not comfortable, then we leave. You don’t know them yet, but believe me when I tell you if it were my mom who was uncomfortable, my dad would be getting her the hell out of there.” He kisses my temple. “You’ll see.”
With one hand still gripping mine, he pushes open the front door. “We’re here!” he calls out.
“Finally!” a female voice calls back. I hear feet moving down the hall, and a woman appears with a tall man who looks like an older version of Maddox standing behind her, wearing a kind smile. “Oh, she’s beautiful.” She bypasses Maddox and comes for me, wrapping me in a hug.
A swarm of emotions hit me with her embrace. Sadness that I missed these types of hugs with my mother. Longing as I wish she were here, and relief that his mother is so accepting of me, a stranger her son married, and she’s welcoming me into their lives.
I grip Maddox’s hand, and he chuckles. “Mom, take it easy, yeah?”
“Maddox Lanigan, you’ve made me wait almost thirty-four years for a daughter. I will not take it easy.” She gives him a glare that would bring a lesser man to his knees before turning back to me, and a smile transforms her face. “I’m Cassie. You can call me Cassie or Mom, whichever you prefer, and this is Hank.”
“Let me have my turn, sweetheart,” Hank says, chuckling. Cassie harrumphs but steps aside and allows Hank room to bend down and wrap me in a hug. “Welcome to the family. Hank or Dad is fine.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” I tell them. My voice cracks from the overwhelming emotions coursing through me.
“Mom, Dad, this is my wife, Brogan. Wife, these are my parents, Cassie and Hank Lanigan.”
“Come in, come in.” Cassie moves to stand next to me and loops her arm through mine. “My son has been greedy, so it’s my turn. I hope you like lasagna,” she says, leading me down the hall.
“Mom, she’s mine!” Maddox calls back, and I can hear the humor in his voice.
“Maddox, I taught you how to share.”
“Not my wife.”
“Let her have this, son.” I hear his dad say.
“If she makes Brogan uncomfortable, we’re out of here,” Maddox replies.
Although I’m embarrassed to have all the attention on me, I’m also grateful for the man I married and his willingness to put me first. My dad was the first and last man to ever do that, and I allowed myself to forget how that felt until this moment.
“Oh, he’s smitten. Good job,” Cassie whispers in my ear, laughing as we enter the kitchen. “Tell me everything,” Cassie says, pointing to a barstool at the counter. “My son tells me nothing.”
I feel strong hands grip my shoulders, and the heat of him against my back. “She’s not yours,” Maddox says, teasing his mother. Their banter, and the kind smiles of both of his parents, help put me at ease.
“Oh, my dear boy, you’re delusional. I don’t care what you say. You’re sharing her with me.” Cassie turns her eyes back to me. “I’ve lived with all this testosterone for far too long. I needed another woman in this house. These two”—she points to Maddox and Hank—“finally have some competition.” She leans over the counter and holds her hand up for a high-five, and I chuckle as I slap my hand against hers. “You boys are in for it,” she says, a glimmer of humor dancing in her eyes.
“Bring it, baby,” Hank says. He moves behind her, places his hands on her hips, and kisses her cheek.
“Told you,” Maddox says, his lips next to my ear.
I glance at him over my shoulder. “They’re great.” I mean that with everything that I am. My heart is smiling at the obvious love this family shares for one another. It makes me miss my dad, but it also makes me grateful for the man standing next to me. For what he’s brought into my life. I swallow back the lump in my throat and focus on the here and now.
He leans forward and kisses the tip of my nose. “So are you.”
It’s hard for me to believe this moment is real. I want to pinch myself to make sure this isn’t a dream. I feel too comfortable, too safe for it not to be, but when I covertly pinch the side of my thigh, and it smarts, I know this is real. This is my new life, if I have the courage to take it. If I find it in myself to dig deep and leave the past behind, and live for the future. Could the walls that hold so many pictures of the lives of the Maddox’s family one day include me? Could this be my new family?
My heart tells me yes, and I want so badly to believe it.
“Maddox, stop hogging her. Brogan, tell me about you,” Cassie says.
“Well, I’m a twin.”
“A twin. Hank, did you hear that? Maybe we’ll have twin grandbabies,” she says, smiling widely.
I can’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm. I feel my body relax. Maddox’s hands move back to my shoulders, and his touch is the comfort I need, or maybe it’s just him. Shaking out of my thoughts, I reply, “My twin sister, Briar, has twin four-year-old daughters.”
“Oh, that’s right. She married our Forrest.”
“She did.” I smile.
“He’s smitten, from what I hear,” Cassie replies.
“He definitely is. Those three ladies have him wrapped around their fingers,” Maddox tells her.
“They really do.” I smile, thinking about how happy Forrest has made my sister and my nieces.
“Wouldn’t that be great? Three sets of twins in the family?” Cassie asks Hank.
“Sure would,” he replies, smiling at her as if his entire universe revolves around her.
“You have other twins in the family? Maddox hadn’t mentioned that.”
“You and Briar, and your nieces, that’s two. If you and Maddox have twins, that would be three.”
“Y-You’re counting us?” I ask in disbelief.
“Of course we are. You’re family. And Forrest has been one of our extra sons since the boys were little. We’d include his wife and daughters regardless, but they’re also your sister and nieces, so that’s just an added bonus.”
I swallow hard. I don’t know what to say to that. My heart feels heavy, not because of her words or simple acceptance, but because I’m missing my parents. My mom, I don’t remember her, but my dad used to talk about her all the time. My dad would have loved Forrest and Maddox both, and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that he would also include them, all of them, as members of our family.
“Thank you,” I whisper. I feel Maddox’s arms come around me in a tight hug.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. I know I’m a lot, just ask Hank,” Cassie says softly. “I just want you to know this is your family now, all of you.”
I nod and clear my throat.
“You want to go?” Maddox asks. His voice is soft, just for me.
I shake my head. “Dinner smells delicious,” I say, trying to move past my sadness of missing my parents.
“Thank you. It’s ready. Everyone make a plate, and we’ll eat in the dining room.”
It’s a flurry of activity while we make our plates, gather drinks, and head to the dining room. Dinner is delicious, and the company is perfect. I was so nervous to be here tonight, but just like their son, Cassie and Hank Lanigan make me feel as if I’ve always been a part of their world.
I stare at the pictures on the walls, and I want more than anything to be included in this family’s history. Maybe, just maybe, babies of my own, and I wouldn’t be mad if it was the third set of twins as Cassie said. It’s all too much, too overwhelming, and it scares the hell out of me, the more I want for it to be my future.
“We need to have a girls’ day,” Cassie says as we put on our coats to head home.
“I’d really love that.”
“Your sister should come too.” I can see it in her eyes what she’s not saying. Over dinner, I shared that both of my parents have passed, and Cassie wants to be there for us. That’s just the person she is, and I’m grateful for her easy acceptance.
There’s a small part of me that worries that getting closer to them could cause more heartache if this thing between Maddox and me doesn’t work out. I know I’m not supposed to think that way, but it’s hard not to worry. That’s just who I am. Life has taught me that nothing ever stays the same.
“I’m sure she would be thrilled to go,” I tell her honestly. “Thank you for dinner.”
“Any time. You two be safe.” Cassie pulls me into a hug, then does the same with Maddox before stepping back and letting Hank have his turn.
Maddox laces his fingers with mine and we leave their home the same way we entered. Tethered together. Maddox opens my door for me and waits for me to settle before closing the door behind me. When he slides into his seat behind the wheel, he reaches over and takes my hand in his, bringing it to his lips.
“How was it?”
“Perfect. They’re incredible, Maddox.”
“They loved you. I think my mom is ready to trade me in for you.” He laughs.
“Never.” I giggle. I feel… lighter somehow. I needed tonight and didn’t even realize it. Somehow, I think my husband did. He seems to always know what I need. He knew his parents would welcome me. It was my fear that was eating at me, but it was unwarranted. His parents are amazing.
“I love that.” He’s got this dopey smile on his face, and it makes me want to know every single thing about him. It makes me want to kiss him, but I stay in my seat, on my side of the truck.
“What?” I ask.
“The sound of your laugh.” Another kiss to the back of my hand, and he places our joined hands on his thigh as he backs out of the driveway.
“I’m sorry about your mom. Your dad too,” he adds.
“Thank you. I don’t remember my mom, but my dad talked about her all the time. He made sure she was a part of our lives.” I don’t have any memories of my mother that are my own. My dad made sure he talked about her often, so even though I don’t remember her, I feel like I know her. I feel her loss, and my love for her—this person who helped create me and my sister that I don’t remember—is so strong that I still miss her, miss them both every single day.
“He sounds like a great man.”
“He was.” I turn and stare out the window. “He would have loved you and Forrest both.” He gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “He would have given you both a hard time, but he would have loved you.” I pause and decide to just say what I’m thinking. I make a mental note to tell Susan. She’s going to be so proud. “You’re a lot like him. Kind, caring, gentle—all the things that made him a great man.” My voice cracks because I miss him. I miss him so fucking much. I’m feeling it more since Briar and the girls moved out. The last month with Maddox has filled the lonely nights, but the sadness of our father not meeting the men in our lives is soul-crushing at times.
I can’t help but wonder for the first time what my dad would think about the situation I’ve found myself in. I don’t have to think long. His first question would have been if he treats me well. The answer of course is a resounding yes, and the second, would have been if I’m happy. A month ago, I might not have been able to answer that one, but tonight, I can confidently say yes, and that scares the hell out of me for what’s yet to come.
Maddox pulls the truck over to the side of the road. We’re halfway home, but there are nothing but houses on this road, and as far as I know, it’s none of the guys’. “What are we doing?” I ask him.
He puts the truck in Park and opens his door. My eyes follow him as he stalks around the front of the truck, the headlights lighting his way. He pulls open my door and stares at me for a few seconds.
“It’s cold as hell out here, so I’m going to need you to lift up and make room.” He taps my thigh, but I’m still trying to process what he wants.
“What?” I choke out. “What are you doing?” I question him.
“I need to hold you, Brogan. I just need to, so lift that perfect ass up and make room for me. It’s cold out here, and I don’t want you to freeze because I’m needy.”
With my heart in my throat, I do as he asks, unbuckle my seat belt, and stand as best as I can. He slides in, pulling me onto his lap, before closing the door. He wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my neck. “I wish I could have met him. Both of them. I could show him what you mean to me. I’d like to think that he could see it, but I’d tell him that his daughter changed my life and that his daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. You, Brogan, my dear wife, are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” His voice is raspy with emotion, and his words, they wrap themselves around my heart.
I can’t explain it, but this moment feels right. I know I’m exactly where I’m meant to be—cradled in the comfort of his arms. I bite down on my bottom lip to keep from crying. All I can do is relax into him and place my hands over his where they are banded around my waist. There is so much I want to say. That if my dad were here, he’d tell me to turn my busy brain off and follow my heart. I want to tell him that every day he captures another piece of me that I was never going to allow someone else to take, but this man, with his strong determination and his kind heart, is collecting pieces one day at a time.
I don’t know how long we sit here on the side of the road, in front of a random house, but I know that once again, my husband knew what I needed. I needed to feel his arms around me. I needed his hot breath against my skin. I just needed him, and to my surprise, it’s not as scary as it was a month ago.
“I need to get you home.” He places his lips against my neck. It’s a tender press of his lips and sends shivers down my spine. “Are you cold, baby?”
“No.” I’m quick to answer, and my husband is a smart man. He kisses me again in the same spot, knowing the effect he has on me. I lift up, and he opens the door and slides out. Reaching in, he pulls my seat belt across me and fastens it before closing the door and jogging back to his side of the truck.
The rest of the ride home is quiet, but not uncomfortable. It’s quite the opposite. I feel seen. I feel safe and cared for. All things I’ve only received from my sister and nieces since losing our dad.
Maddox gave me that. He’s given me that every single day since we woke up in that hotel together in Vegas with rings on our fingers.
“Are we watching some TV or are we going to bed?” Maddox questions as we walk into the house.
“Can we watch TV in bed?” I ask.
“We can. Do you need anything from the kitchen?” he inquires as he takes my coat and hangs it next to his on the hook.
“I don’t think so,” I say, kicking off my shoes to leave them to drip dry on the rug by the door. Maddox does the same.
“Great.” He bends and lifts me over his shoulder, and I shriek with laughter.
“What are you doing?” I smack his ass.
“That won’t entice me to put you down, wife. You should know by now that I love it when your hands are on me.”
“Maddox!” I cackle with laughter.
He carries me into the bedroom, dropping me on the mattress with a bounce, before turning on the bedside lamp. “There she is,” he says quietly. He bends over, bracing his body with one hand on the bed while the other cradles my cheek. “I love that smile.” He leans in and kisses me.
One more kiss and he’s standing back to his full height. “You want the bathroom first?” he asks.
I’m breathless, just as I am after every touch of his lips to mine. Something tells me that I’ll never get used to the affection this man gives so freely. “No. You go ahead.”
He winks and grabs clothes to change into before disappearing into the bathroom. I sit up on the bed and plug in my phone to charge. When he opens the bathroom door, he tosses a shirt at me.
“What’s this?”
“My shirt.”
“And why are you tossing it at my head?” I ask, pulling the shirt to my chest. I can smell him, and it takes extreme effort not to bring it to my face to sniff it, but I know he’s watching me.
“I thought you might want to sleep in it.” He shrugs.
My heart gallops in my chest. I always sleep in pajamas that keep my top and bottom half covered, at least I have since Maddox moved in. I want more with him. I want to know what it’s like to have his hands roam over my body, and if I’m being honest, there’s a giddiness inside me thinking about sleeping in his shirt.
I feel like a teenager, and I hear Susan’s voice in my head telling me to allow myself to feel what I feel, and experience the parts of life that I missed out on. So, I stand and offer my husband a smile.
“Thank you.” I don’t stick around to see the look on his face, but I can imagine he’s smiling just as I am as I slip into the bathroom and close the door behind me. I lift the shirt to my face and sniff. His masculine woodsy scent invades my senses and my entire body lights up.
I quickly change and go through my nightly routine, and before I can second-guess myself, I flip off the light and open the door. Maddox is in bed, his back resting against pillows that are stacked up against the headboard.
“Fuck.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. I take slow, steady steps toward the bed, and he lifts the covers, inviting me in.
“Come on over here, Brogan.”
I grin, but do as he asks, and settle into his side, resting my head against his bare chest. “What are we watching?”
He huffs out a laugh. “Do you really think I can focus on anything but you right now?”
I lift my head to peer up at him. “Do you want me to go change?”
“No.” He wraps his arms a little tighter around me. Keeping me close. “No, I don’t want you to change.”
“So, no movie. I guess we could talk.”
“Talk,” he chokes out. “Yeah, we can do that.”
I start to move away and his arms tighten again. “I’m going to turn out the light.” He reluctantly lets me go as I slide across the mattress to turn off the lamp and move back to the middle of the bed. He’s now lying on his side, so I do the same facing him. We have nothing but the moonlight filtering into the room, but I can still make out his features.
“Do you want kids?” he asks.
“Starting with the heavy hitters, huh?” I tease.
“Blame my mom.”
I chuckle softly, before taking a deep breath and answering him honestly. “I never thought I’d find a man I could trust enough to be vulnerable with to get to that point. However, I love kids, and I’d love to be a mom. Watching Briar with the girls—yes. One day. What about you?”
“With my wife, yeah, I want to be a dad.”
“You don’t have to be married these days,” I say, a little defensively.
“Hey.” His hand reaches up and smooths my hair back out of my eyes. “You misunderstood me. I said with my wife. You are my wife, Brogan.”
“Oh.” I did take his answer wrong, and I’m floored by his reply.
“How many?” he asks, saving me from floundering in his response.
“A couple, at least.”
“The chance of twins is high. Would you want that?”
“Yeah.” I smile. “I loved growing up with my best friend. River and Rayne remind me so much of Briar and me when we were growing up. What about you?”
“At least two. It was lonely being an only child. Well, kind of. I had the guys, and we all spent a lot of time together.”
“At least two,” I repeat.
“At least two. With my wife.” He moves closer, and our bodies are now aligned. He rests his hand on my bare hip, and I suck in a breath. “You set the pace, Brogan. You decide what happens between us.”
My insecurities start to rear their ugly head, but somehow, he knows and soothes me.
“Stop that. All I see is you. You’re the only woman I’ve seen for far too long. You’re perfect.” He slides his hand up my bare back in a feather-soft touch.
I shiver at the contact. “I like it when you touch me,” I whisper, not sure he can hear me over the rapid beat of my heart.
“Your skin is so soft.” His hand continues to stroke gently up and down my spine. He ventures to my belly, and slowly, his hand creeps up. “Is this okay?”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Y-Yes.”
“Touch me,” he murmurs. “There isn’t a single thing you could do to me that I won’t like.”
“I don’t know how.” I close my eyes, my confession hanging between us.
“There is no right or wrong answer here, Brogan. I’m yours to explore.”
I want that. I want that so much. My hand trembles as I place it on his bare chest and tentatively move over his abs. “Hard, yet smooth,” I blurt.
He hums and moves his hand higher. His thumb traces over my nipple, and I can’t stop the moan that falls from my lips. That doesn’t stop him as he explores my body with a soft, gentle touch.
I do the same, reaching the waistband of his boxer briefs, and my hand stills. “Sorry,” I mutter.
“Don’t. Everything I am is yours, Brogan Lanigan.”
“I’ve never….” My voice trails off.
“Good. It makes me really fucking happy that I’m the only man you’re going to touch like this.”
“The only?” I ask.
“You heard me, baby. I know that makes me an asshole because I’ve… been here before, but I need you to know no moments before this one matter. They’re all forgotten. There is no one but you.”
His words make me feel brave. So, with a trembling hand, I slide my hand beneath the waistband of his underwear and I feel him—hard and like silk—as I palm his stiff length.
“Shit,” he hisses.
“Am I hurting you?” I release him.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” he grounds out. “You’re not hurting me. It feels so damn good to have your hands on me.”
“I was just touching you,” I say, not sure how good that could actually feel.
He moves his fingers back under my shirt and palms my breast, and I moan. “See,” he says smugly.
“Yeah,” I agree. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Tonight, we explore. We get to know one another by touch, but that’s it. Our hands can roam, but that’s where it ends. Are you okay with that?”
“I’m okay with that.” I’m more than okay with that. He always knows what I need. His unwavering understanding and guidance are a turn-on, but I’ll never tell him that. Knowing I can say no, or admit that I’m inexperienced or scared gives me the confidence I need to keep going. To let my hands explore him.
Slowly, I slide my hand back beneath his waistband, and grip his cock. “Tell me what to do,” I murmur.
“Touch me. That’s all tonight is about. Touching and exploring.”
I’m nervous, but I do as he says. I stroke his hard length, getting a feel for the weight of him in the palm of my hand. It’s much… softer than I thought it would be.
He huffs out a laugh. “Good to know.”
“I said that out loud, didn’t I?” I ask, mortified.
“You did, but that’s okay, because your skin feels like silk.” He palms my breast, his thumb tracing over my hard nipple, and pleasure rolls through me. So much so that I can’t hide it when my body shudders.
He stays there for a while, and I continue to gently stroke him. I have no idea what I’m doing, but he doesn’t seem to mind, and I like touching him, so I don’t stop. Maddox slides his hand up the back of my shirt and traces my spine.
Removing my hand from his boxer briefs, I let it trail over his abs, and to his face. The scruff of today’s beard tickles the palm of my hand, but I like it. My hand moves to the back of his neck, and over his short hair, before mimicking his movements and tracing along his spine.
We take our time touching and learning each other’s bodies. When he slides his big hands beneath the waistband of my panties and cups my ass, I bite my cheek to keep from moaning. However, when he moves his hand to the front and traces his index finger through my folds, I can’t stop it.
“That’s… nice,” I confess. My face flames, because that’s the least sexy thing I could say, but I’m nervous and so turned on right now I can’t seem to think straight.
“When you’re ready,” he tells me, “I can show you how nice. This is just the beginning.”
“You’ll teach me?” I ask as he runs his finger through my folds a second time.
“We’ll learn together,” he mutters.
“Maddox, you don’t have to pretend. I know this isn’t… new for you.”
“You’re wrong.” He removes his hand and brings it to his lips, and with the glow of the moonlight I watch as he sucks his finger into his mouth. He closes his eyes and moans, and I have to rub my thighs together to ward off the desire that simple act causes inside me. “You are the first woman I’ve cared about this much, Brogan. Everything with you is new and exciting. So, yes, baby, we will learn together.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so instead, I keep touching him. Everywhere my hands can reach, I touch. His do the same. I lose all track of time. As we explore each other’s bodies, but just by touch. It’s sensual and erotic, and I’ve never been this turned on in my life, but he holds strong on his decision that nothing else is happening tonight.
When I can barely keep my eyes open, he kisses me softly. “Goodnight, sweet Brogan.”
“Night,” I mumble, and fall asleep in his arms, which is quickly becoming my favorite place to be.