Chapter 16
CHAPTER
SIXTEEN
Maddox
I hold the small white box in my hand as I unlock the door and push it open. I motion for Brogan to go in ahead of me, before stepping in behind her and closing the door. The box, despite its light weight, feels heavy in my hand.
I don’t know what it could be, but the thought that we’re not really married crosses my mind, and I feel sick at the thought. We move into the living room and sit on the couch.
“I wonder what it is?” Brogan asks. I can tell from her tone of voice she’s worried too.
She might not have been able to say the words earlier, but that’s okay. I feel her love with every touch, every smile, and every moment of every day. I know she’s been through hell and back, and I can wait for her to come to terms with what I already know.
My wife loves me.
“Only one way to find out,” I tell her. I offer her the small box, but she shakes her head.
“You do it.”
I nod and move to the kitchen to get a knife to cut open the box. It’s small, and an odd shape. It doesn’t look like it holds paperwork. Maybe we left something at the chapel, and they’re sending it to us? I don’t remember Brogan mentioning anything that was missing from the trip.
“Here we go.” I hold up the knife as I take my seat next to her on the couch. Carefully, I cut at the tape and set the knife on the table in front of us. “Ready?”
“I don’t know, but we can’t avoid whatever is in there.”
Slowly, I open the box and pull out a thumb drive. There’s a note card, so I read that aloud. “Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Lanigan. Enclosed is your fully edited video of your special day. Thank you for choosing The Little White Wedding Chapel.” I drop the note back into the box and stare at the small device in my hands.
“That’s a video. Of our wedding,” Brogan adds, as if she’s trying to process what I just read to her.
“That’s what it says.” I glance over to see her smiling.
“Can we watch it?” If I’m not mistaken, there is a hint of a smile pulling at her lips.
I swallow hard and nod. I want to watch it, I really do, but something tells me that I was way more into our wedding than what she was. I don’t think I forced her or anything, but if she’s not smiling and happy, if she looks resigned, I don’t know that I’ll be able to handle that.
I love her so fucking much.
Standing, I move to the TV and place the thumb drive into the USB slot in the back. Grabbing the remote from the table, I take a seat back on the couch and pat my chest. “I’m gonna need you over here for this.” She doesn’t argue. She just moves closer and snuggles up to my chest.
My arm wraps around her. I press my lips to the top of her head and hit Play. The logo for the chapel appears, and then the camera is on me. I’m standing at the altar.
“Mr. Lanigan, wave to your bride,” the female voice that’s recording says.
I wave, with a dopey smile on my face. My eyes are glassy, showing the amount of alcohol we’d consumed that night. “Hey, wifey,” I say, my grin growing wider.
“Do you want to say anything for the film?” the lady asks me.
“I can’t wait to spend forever with you.” I blow the camera a kiss and stand a little taller.
“That was the groom. Let’s go check on our bride.” She walks down what looks like a hallway and knocks on a door. Brogan must have told her to come in, or someone did, because a few seconds later, she’s pushing open the door to step inside.
“Wave to the camera, future Mrs. Lanigan,” she tells Brogan.
Brogan waves to the camera. Her eyes are glassy like mine, but her smile is radiant. “Hey, husband.” She grins at the camera. “I can’t believe you’re going to be mine. This is the best day of my life.”
“Aww,” the woman running the camera says.
The video cuts off and turns back on to recording me standing at the altar. I shift from one foot to the next, but I freeze, and my eyes lock on what I assume is Brogan. They’re not showing her on the video, but it has to be my wife who’s captured my attention. Eventually, she comes into the frame, and I take her hands in mine.
The video cuts off again. This time it’s a new angle, and it points to the doors in the back of the chapel. When they open and Brogan walks through them, she’s glowing. She looks happy, and I can tell the moment we lock eyes. Her smile changes. It’s a little softer, but the look in her eyes says she’s exactly where she wants to be.
She wanted to marry me.
The camera remains on us as the officiant reads us our vows. When it’s time for the rings, I pull them out of my pocket, handing one to Brogan, before repeating after the officiant and sliding the ring on her finger. I watch closely for any sign that either one of us don’t want this. My hands are steady, and so are hers.
That process is repeated, where she slides my ring onto my finger, and then the famous words pronouncing us husband and wife are declared, and I get to kiss my bride. I watch as my lips move, but I can’t make out what I’m saying. Whatever it is, it makes my wife smile.
My eyes are riveted to the screen as I watch myself slide my hand behind her neck and guide her lips to mine. Brogan rises on her toes as I wrap my other arm around her waist and pull her close.
Even on our wedding day, I couldn’t get her close enough.
When we come up for air, we’re both smiling. I lace her fingers through mine, and we turn to face the videographer. We raise our entwined hands and smile for the camera as we walk down the hall and out of the chapel doors.
The video ends with the logo of the chapel, just as it began. Brogan and I are both quiet, just staring at the screen, and the logo of The Little White Wedding Chapel, the place that changed our lives.
“We looked happy,” Brogan says. Her voice is small, but she’s cuddled up next to me, so I hear her just fine.
“We did look happy.”
She moves to sit up but stays close. Her eyes find mine. “What about now?”
“Am I happy now?” I ask her, and she nods. “I’m not good with words,” I tell her, and she scoffs.
“Trust me, you’re better than you think you are.”
I grab her hand in mine, because I need to be touching her. “I’ve never felt this kind of happiness. I’ve never been excited to go to bed because I know I get to hold you. I’m just as excited to wake up with you in my arms. I get your first smiles of the day. I don’t remember that.” I point toward the screen. “However, I do know that when I woke up in Vegas next to you, wearing this ring, I knew. I knew you were meant to be mine. I felt it in my gut. The entire flight home, all I could think about was how I could convince you to give this a shot. You took a chance on me, and I’m pretty sure I was already halfway in love with you from that alone.”
Her smile is soft as she replies, “This kind of happy is new to me too. My entire life, I’ve felt something missing. I know it was my mom and then my dad. The girls were born at the same time we lost him, and I didn’t have time to worry about the missing pieces.”
“You didn’t have time to find your happy. You were too busy being strong for everyone else.”
“Yeah,” she agrees, as she moves to climb onto my lap. Once she’s straddling me, my hands rest on her thighs as she places a palm on either side of my face. “I wasn’t looking for my happy, Maddox. I didn’t think I deserved it, and to be honest, there’s still a large part of me that still thinks that way. However, today, you didn’t even flinch at the appointment with Susan. I was so sure that you were going to walk away from me. That my drama would be too much, but you didn’t. Instead, you told me you loved me.”
“I do love you, Brogan. Everything I am is yours.” I stare into her big green eyes, willing her to believe me. “Your past is not drama; it’s your past. It’s what helped make you who you are. I know that it takes time for you to truly give your trust and your love, and I’m completely fine with that. I’m here to accept both when you’re ready to give them. In the meantime, I want you to know that nothing in your past, your present, or your future will change how I feel about you.”
Tears shimmer in her eyes, but the smile that’s lighting up her face tells me that this time, they’re tears of happiness. Leaning in, she kisses me. I let her set the pace, and she chooses to take her time.
When we finally break apart, there is something shining in her eyes, something that tells me whatever she’s about to say is going to rock my world on its axis.
“Maddox Lanigan, I dreamt of you. For months, I would watch you and wish that things could be different. I would dream about what it would be like to be with you. Nothing I ever fantasized about comes close to the real thing. You make me feel strong. You make me feel safe, and there is nothing I love more than having your arms wrapped tightly around me. I look forward to your hugs and your gruff good mornings. I crave your goodnights because I don’t get them until I’m wrapped up in your arms.” She pauses, but I don’t speak, afraid to break her train of thought. “I watched my sister and Forrest, and I always wondered what that would be like. To have a man look at you like you’re his lifeline.”
My heart is pounding in my chest. This is different. I feel different, and by the look in her eyes, she feels this connection. I can see it just as much as I can sense it flowing between us like a live wire.
“Now I know.” She smiles, and I don’t even think I’m breathing as I wait for her to say more. “I know what it’s like to have a good, hardworking, honest man look at you like you hung the moon. I know what it’s like to feel safe, loved, and cherished above everything else in his world. You put me at the top of yours. You’ve allowed me to work through my pain and stood next to me throughout my journey. I have a long way to go, but I’d be lying to us both if I didn’t admit that I’m in love with you.”
I suck in a sharp breath as my heart expands ten times its size, feeling as though it might burst from my chest. “Say it again.” I pull her close to me so there’s barely an inch of space between us.
“Maddox Lanigan, I love you.”
“Fuck yes, you do.” I crash my lips to hers. I put everything I am into this kiss. I need her to know that she’s everything. My everything.
Her hands grapple between us as she reaches for the hem of my shirt and tugs. “I need this off.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I smile at her and raise my arms to grab my shirt at the back of my neck and pull it off.
Keeping my hands at my sides, I sit still while hers roam over my chest. I let her explore to her heart's content. It’s not until she’s reaching for the waistband of my jeans do I speak up.
“Tell me what you want, Brogan.” This feels different. She’s more open and going for what she wants. I need to make sure I understand before things get out of hand. We’ve had a major breakthrough and the last thing I want is to scare her, push her too far and set us back with how far we’ve come.
“I want you.”
“You already have me, baby.”
“No, I mean, I want you.” She pops the button on my jeans.
“Take all the time you need. You don’t have to do this because you think I want it, or because you’re afraid I’ll walk away.”
“You’ve given me time, Maddox. I’m not afraid you’ll walk away. Okay, that’s a lie. There is still a part of me that worries, but there is a bigger part of me that knows I’m in control. I get to choose something my sister didn’t have the luxury to do.” She tilts her head to the side, and her tongue peeks out and swipes along her bottom lip. “I choose you, Maddox. For once in my life, I’m turning off the anxiety part of my brain, and I’m following my gut.”
“What is your gut telling you?”
“My gut is telling me that I want you to be my first. I want you to make love to me. I want my husband to make love to me.”
“I want that, too, baby. However, I feel like I should warn you.”
“Warn me?”
I nod. “I’ve never felt this kind of connection with someone, and I know that if we do this. If we cross that line, I’m never letting you go. I won’t be able to do it, Brogan. Already, the thought of us not being together tears me apart from the inside out, but if you were to give me this, and decide you’re done, I know for certain I’ll never recover.”
She’s quiet, and I can tell she’s processing my words, reading between the lines of what I didn’t say. Fuck it, I’m putting it out there. I want zero room for miscommunication. “If we do this, there is no more timeline. No more six months waiting period. I’ve been dreading every single new day and living for it at the same time. I cherish every day with you, but I dread the time passing so quickly. If we leap over this boundary that has been set between us, I need you to tell me we’re forever. No timeline, no ‘we’re seeing where it goes.’ You’re my wife, ‘til death do us part’.” I take a deep breath and ask her one more time, “What about now? What’s your gut telling you now?”
“My gut is telling me that I want you to be my first. I want you to make love to me. I want my husband to make love to me. This is forever.” She smiles at me, knowing she just repeated her earlier confession word for word.
“I love you, Mrs. Lanigan,” I tell her. My heart beats wildly. She’s mine. She’s finally fucking mine.
“I love you, too, Mr. Lanigan.”
“We need to move.” I lift her into my arms. She shrieks with laughter as I carry her down the hall to our room. “I need a bed for all the things I want to do to you.” When I set her on the bed, she’s chewing on her bottom lip. “Hey.” I gently tug on that bottom lip with my thumb, getting her to release it. “If at any time you change your mind, you tell me, and we stop.”
“Do we need like a word or something?”
“Stop. That’s the word. Unless there is a ‘don’t’ in front of it, we stop. It’s that simple.”
“I know you’ll take care of me.”
It’s not just her words but the honesty I see in her eyes. She believes what she’s saying, and that has me wanting to beat on my chest like a caveman. She’s mine, all of her, and fuck, I can’t wait to show her this next step of how good we are going to be together.
“Always,” I assure her. “I’ll always take care of you. I’m going to need you to do something for me as well.”
“What’s that?”
“Strip.” Her eyes light up, and that has me feeling ten feet tall and bulletproof. It could also be that I’m about to make love to my wife for the first time.