When We Burn (The Blackwells of Montana #1)

Chapter 2

Chapter Two

DANI

H oly moly, my heart’s pounding, and my hands feel shaky. Not just because I willingly jumped into that godforsaken pool.

But because Bridger wants to chat.

Bridger , the man I’ve had a crush on since I was a kid, but who firmly told me when I was fifteen that nothing could ever happen between us. Because I was a kid, and he was an adult, and we were just friends.

I can respect that, but it totally broke my poor little teenage heart at the time.

The hardest part about moving back home, moving into the house right across the street from him, was that I’d have to see him and his adorable daughter all the time and keep my hormones in check.

I don’t want to flirt with him and make it all uncomfortable again. I’ve known Bridger forever, and our families are tight. He’s always going to be a part of my life, and I just have to deal with it .

I can deal with it.

Maybe I’ll download a dating app or something to distract myself from my hot neighbor.

Bridger leads me into the house, which is perfectly quiet. Everyone is outside, so we’re all alone when he turns back to me and shoves his hands into his pockets.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I’m going to be fine.”

His eyes narrow. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I’m okay,” I confirm softly. Jeez, he makes me nervous. I really just want to go home. “Listen, if it’s weird for you that Birdie’s in my class, since we know each other and stuff, I can have her transferred to another class.”

He scowls, and I’m so nervous that I just keep talking.

“That might be for the best, right? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything. Yeah, I’ll do that. Okay, I have a date, so I’d better go.”

“Who the fuck?—”

But I’m already out the door and saying goodbye to my hosts. I want to run away, but I also don’t want to be rude, and I absolutely do not want to make a scene.

When my goodbyes are said, I climb into my car and drive away. I see Bridger gathering Birdie and also saying his goodbyes, and I want to get home and inside before he does so I don’t have to see him.

God, I don’t want to see him. I’ve worked hard for years with a therapist to build up my self-confidence and to feel like I can speak up for myself. To overcome all the horrific shit my father put me through, not to mention the bullies in school.

The bully that Bridger ended up marrying and having a kid with.

Yeah, that’s a mind mess all on its own.

After pulling into my driveway, I hurry inside and close and lock my door. Less than ten minutes later, I hear Bridger get home, but I stay in. I don’t want to see him. My feelings are too raw where he’s concerned, and he hasn’t given me any indication that he feels any differently about me than he did when I was fifteen.

I totally lied about having a date. I just said the first thing that came to mind to get me out of there, which is stupid, and my therapist would tell me that I just need to be honest and say, I feel uncomfortable, and I want to leave.

But did I? No. I lied. To Bridger.

My friend.

Maybe it’s time for another therapy session.

Summer is hanging on to Montana by her fingernails this year, making it extra warm during the day, and I love the balmy evenings. I make sure to keep my driveway swept because on hot days like this, I like to lie down on the warm concrete and look at the stars, when the neighborhood is quiet, and the only sounds are the crickets and my own thoughts.

It’s my favorite time of day to meditate and do my affirmations.

So, while I wait for the rest of the world to go to bed, I clean my cozy house and get ready for school next week. I’m a night owl by nature, so when it’s finally late, I slip outside—barefoot in my shorts and a tank, because I want to feel as much of that warm concrete as I can—and lie down in the middle of it.

There’s no moon tonight, so the sky is dark and full of sparkling stars, and I begin my affirmations.

I am enough.

I am proud of myself.

I am a great teacher.

My family loves me.

I am in charge of my life.

I can do new things.

I am healing.

I keep going through my list, whispering them to the stars as I breathe and relax into the warmth beneath me.

And then I hear them—footsteps—but I don’t jerk up or run away. I heard his door a second ago, and even though my heart is knocking in my chest, I’ve managed to stay calm.

“Dani? Jesus, are you okay? Did you fall?”

“I’m fine.” I keep my voice quiet. “I do this almost every night.”

Suddenly, his face is above me, frowning down at me and blocking my view.

“You’re in my way,” I say, proud of myself for sounding so unperturbed. I wish I didn’t react to Bridger’s presence like I do. My whole body’s suddenly tingling. Can he see how my nipples have hardened through the tank top?

“What are you doing? ”

I take a long, deep breath. “I’m enjoying this warm concrete, staring at the stars, and meditating, if you must know. It’s nice.”

“You’re—”

“Try it.” I gesture with my hand to the spot beside me. I don’t know why exactly I did that because now he’s going to stay here, with me, and I’ll just be awkward, but my mouth ran away from me. “Lie down and look up.”

He pauses, but then he actually does what I say. He lies down next to me, maybe a foot away.

“It is warm.”

“Mm-hmm. Is Birdie sleeping?”

“Yeah, and I have her monitor on my phone. She’s fine.”

We lie in silence for a few minutes, taking in the night noises and looking at the stars.

“How was your date?” he asks at last. He doesn’t sound happy with his question at all, and I wish he’d forgotten I’d said anything.

“I didn’t have a date.” I feel my cheeks heat, but I steady my breathing. “That was a lie.”

“Why did you lie?”

I swallow hard. “Because I wanted out of there, and that was the first thing that popped into my head. I’m a horrible liar. You should have seen through me.”

“I used to be able to see through you,” he says quietly. “But I don’t really know you all that well anymore.”

“True.” I lick my lips. “I have a question. You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to, but I have to ask.” Good grief, Dani, why are you asking this now?

“Shoot.”

I still can’t look at him. If I look at him, I’ll get tongue-tied and awkward again, so I just keep staring up at the stars. He doesn’t owe me an explanation, but this has stuck with me for the last five years. How could he have liked her? Wanted her? I may never get this chance again, so I decide to be brave and ask.

“Why Angela?”

I feel his head whip to the side to stare at me, but I keep my eyes up.

“That’s the question?”

“Yeah. That’s the question. Why her?”

He’s quiet for a minute. “Look at me.”

“Nope. And if you’re not going to answer, just say it’s none of my business.”

He curses under his breath.

Angela was in my class, which means we’re the same age. She was horrible, and she stayed in Bitterroot Valley after high school to work in her dad’s store. From what I heard, when I was a senior in college, Bridger hooked up with her, she got pregnant, and they got married.

And I wanted to die.

“Jesus, Dani.”

“Never mind. I told you that you didn’t have to answer.”

He pulls his hand down his face. “It was a one-night stand. I’d been at the bar one night after a particularly brutal fire where one of my guys was badly injured, and I needed a drink. Angela was at the same bar, I got drunk, and we hooked up. She got pregnant, and when she found me, I did the right thing and married her.”

In shock, I look at him now and see his jaw tense. Well, that was a fast explanation. At least, it sounds like he didn’t love her.

“Turned out, after Birdie was born, she didn’t want to be a mom, so she fucked around with some tourist from New York and followed him out of here, leaving us behind.”

“Oh, my God.” I look back up at the sky and feel like shit for asking. “I’m sort of sorry, Bridger.”

That makes him chuckle, and it’s a sound I love because he doesn’t do it often. “You’re sort of sorry?”

“Yeah. I mean, no one deserves to be left like that, and cheaters are just jerks, but I didn’t like her, so I’m not all the way sorry.”

“You didn’t like her?”

“No. Not at all. Aside from… him , she was my biggest tormentor.”

He sits up now and frowns down at me. “ What ?”

“Look, you don’t come from the horrible home life I came from without having bullies in school because kids suck. My dad didn’t buy us new clothes. We weren’t poor, but he didn’t spend his money on us girls. And I was always super shy and meek. A book nerd. I’m still a book nerd, actually, but you know what I mean. I didn’t talk back to anyone because I was taught that you never talked back.”

I have to swallow hard as memories flood through me, and Bridger’s hand is suddenly in mine, squeezing my fingers, grounding me, and giving me the courage to continue.

“Anyway, she was such a mean girl. Like, just a grade-A witch. She always told me I was too fat. No one likes a fat girl , she’d say. She called me Miss Piggy.”

“The fuck? You’re absolutely not fat, Dani.” Perhaps it’s petty, but I do like his angry response to Angela’s teasing.

“I’m curvy now, and back then, I was definitely a bigger girl, thanks to awkward teenage hormones. My body was figuring itself out, and after a lot of years of therapy, I understand that. My body’s gotten me through a lot, so I cut it some slack.”

“You’re fucking beautiful.” He’s gritting his teeth, glaring over at me, and I have to swallow hard before I continue.

“Um, thanks? Anyway, I went away to college to get away from her as much as to get away from my dad.”

“I had no idea.”

“It doesn’t matter. I just didn’t know why you chose her, and I’ve always wondered, but now I know.”

I swallow hard and look away, but suddenly, his fingers are on my chin, making me look at him.

His brown eyes narrow.

“One time”—I just can’t stop talking when he makes me nervous—“she was looking over my shoulder, and I didn’t know it. I was reading a text from you. I don’t remember what you said, but I must have had a dopey grin on my face or something, and she saw it, and she?— ”

I bite my lip, not wanting to say more.

“She what?”

I shake my head, but his grip on my chin firms.

“She fucking what, Dani?”

“She laughed at me,” I whisper and let my eyes close. “Said that I was pathetic, that Bridger Blackwell would never like someone as stupid as me, and you were just being nice to me. And we’d already had the conversation where you said I was way too young for you, and we were just friends, and I knew that. I was a kid. But boy, did she drive it home that someone as hot as you would never ?—”

I shake my head and clear my throat.

“Anyway, it was a long time ago.”

And I feel so stupid. So ashamed. So foolish.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you all this.”

“You should have told me this years ago . ”

I shake my head mournfully. I can still hear my father’s words. Even after so much work with my psychologist, some of his words still creep in. “You’re worthless. You’re nothing. No one gives a shit about you.”

“I had no self-esteem, Bridger. I had no confidence in myself, and I believed her. Of course , you wouldn’t like me back. I was just…me . ”

“I did like you.” His voice is still quiet, and my eyes fly to his. Tense. He seems so tense, and it’s scary how handsome he looks, even when he’s broody . “Why do you think that, even though I knew you were too young for me, and if I started something with you I could get into a lot of trouble, I still talked to you?”

He was interested. In me ?

“Oh, that’s really sad.” It’s the only thing I can think to say, because it’s the absolute truth. “But then I left. And you met her, and she got pregnant.”

“Yeah, she did, and I knew right away that she was absolutely not the woman I’d want to spend my life with, but she was pregnant, and we did the right thing. Almost immediately after Birdie was born, she started staying out all night, shut me down completely, and hardly paid Birdie any attention. I’ve pretty much been a single father since day one.”

“That really sucks.”

He pulls in a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, Dani. For all of it.” His voice is so quiet, and his words are a balm to my heart that I didn’t know I needed.

I rest my palms on the concrete, grounding myself, and stare up at the stars. “Me, too. I’m glad she’s gone from your life, and I won’t apologize for that. She was horrible, and she would have been a really crappy mom, and Birdie deserves so much more than that.”

“I know.” He turns onto his side, facing me, and links his other hand with mine, lacing our fingers, and now my heart speeds up all over again. “She gave up her rights, and we haven’t heard from her since the day she left. That doesn’t mean she hasn’t come to town; we just don’t hear from her.”

I give his fingers a squeeze. “Birdie’s amazing, you know.”

“I know.” I’m still not facing him, and I don’t look his way because now I’m out of my element, and I don’t know what to do. “Look at me.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

He chuckles and squeezes my hand. “Because why?”

I press my lips together. Finally, I turn my head and meet his gaze.

“I feel like a piece of shit.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Bridger. Do you still want me to have Birdie’s class changed?”

“I never wanted you to do that.”

I nod as relief rushes through me. “Good. I like her. She’ll be fun in class.”

“Dani, about today.” He frowns, and his fingertips brush over my cheek, and it sends a shiver down my whole body, waking up the nipples that had just calmed down. “You jumped into the water.”

I swallow hard as the terror from those few seconds settles around me again. “Don’t remind me.”

“Thank you for that.”

“You already thanked me.”

“Yeah, but I know how fucking hard that was for you, and I don’t want you to have nightmares from it, sweetheart.”

I lick my lips and swallow again, because he just called me sweetheart, but then plaster on a brave smile.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Don’t fake the smile with me. I know better. ”

“What do you want me to say? That I’m afraid to go to sleep tonight? That having my head under the water, even for those few seconds, took ten years off my life? All of that is true. But, I survived it. I’m right here, lying under the stars with you, and I didn’t die today. And, most importantly, nothing happened to Birdie, that little daredevil.”

He grins, just like I’d hoped, and then he sighs, and I can’t help but smile back at him.

“Dani?”

“Yeah?”

His eyes dart down to my lips, and I instinctively lick them again.

“I want to kiss you.”

“You do?”

His brown orbs come back up to my own, and he nods as he sobers once more. “Yeah, I fucking do. So, if that’s a problem for you, I need you to say so.”

I lift my eyebrows, but I don’t say anything at all because the idea of Bridger’s lips on mine is absolutely not a problem for me.

But before he can press his lips to mine, his phone rings, and he winces.

“I’m sorry, this is work.”

“Then you’d better answer it.”

He sits up again, fishes his phone out of his pocket, and answers. “Blackwell. Shit, okay. I need to contact one of my family members to stay with Birdie.” He looks down at his watch, and I can see the internal war taking place .

“Bridger, go. I’ll watch her,” I whisper. He looks at me, and there’s indecision in his eyes.

“One moment,” he says. Man, does he sound sexy when he’s in fireman mode. My ovaries are doing the hula. “You sure, sweetheart? I can call one of my brothers or?—”

“Happy to.”

He turns back to the call and says, “ETA is twenty minutes.”

He hangs up and then shoves his hands through his hair. I push myself to my feet and then brush my hands together. “Go ahead and go. I’ll head over to your place and watch her. She’ll just sleep anyway.”

“You don’t have to?—”

“We can stand in the driveway and argue about it, or you can go to work. It’s fine. I know my way around a kid, and Birdie knows me.”

Bridger blows out a breath. “Thank you. Go grab whatever you need, and I’ll meet you over there.”

“Deal.”

I rush inside and gather my pillow and a throw blanket, and then decide that’s really all I need and hurry across the street. The door opens before I have the chance to knock.

“She’s out cold,” he says. He’s already changed into his uniform, and it makes me salivate.

Good God, Bridger’s hot in uniform.

“Dani?”

“Huh? Sorry. Don’t worry about us. You’ll be home before she even wakes up. ”

“I should be,” he replies grimly. Just when I think he’s going to leave, he pulls me to him and hugs me tightly, and my whole body is on high alert. Bridger gives the best hugs. I hope he can’t feel my nipples harden through my shirt. Again. “This was really shitty timing.”

I grin against his chest and shrug a shoulder as I pull back. “Oh, are you under the assumption that I’d put out on the first stargazing night?” I smirk. “No way, Chief.”

He blanches at that and cups my chin in his hand. “Did you just call me Chief ?”

“Yeah. I did.”

“No.” He shakes his head.

“No? I can’t call you chief?”

“Fuck no, Dani. My guys call me that. Not you.”

I laugh and then shrug again. I shrug a lot when I’m nervous. “Okay, fine. So, what’s going on here, anyway?”

“I don’t know.” His face is sober as he brushes the backs of his knuckles down my face, and holy moly, my nipples take notice, puckering up again, and Bridger’s eyes drop down. “But it’s not nothing.”

“That’s…not helpful.”

He grins, then pulls away.

“No nightmares tonight.” It’s not a request, it’s an order, so I nod once.

“No, sir.”

His eyes narrow on me. “You’ve gotten sassy, Dani.”

“I’m working on it. That’s the goal.”

With a grin, he presses his lips to my forehead. “Good night.”

He turns to leave, and I feel chilly without him pressed against me. He wanted to kiss me. Just the thought still has chills running down my spine. How did we get here so fast?

“Good night, Bridger.”

The door closes behind him, and I glance around his house. It’s bigger than mine, and it’s definitely been maintained better. His kitchen is open to the living room, separated by an island. The sectional couch looks cozy, and I’ll be perfectly comfortable sleeping there until Bridger gets home.

But, suddenly, I hear a cry coming from down a hallway, so I jog down and open the door and find Birdie sitting up in bed, crying.

“Birdie, it’s Dani. I’m here with you, baby girl.”

“Where’s Daddy?”

“I’m sorry, he had to go to work, but I said that I’d come hang out with you while you sleep. Did you have a bad dream?”

She hiccups and knuckles the tears in her eyes as she nods her sweet little head.

“I’m sorry, love. Don’t worry, everything’s okay. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

She sighs and then holds her arms out to me, and I sit on the side of her bed and fold her to me, breathing her in. She smells like bubble gum—probably her baby shampoo—and sweetness, and I love having her in my arms.

“It’s okay, sweetie. Do you need to use the bathroom before you go back to sleep?”

“Yeah.” Her voice is so small, and she scurries out of the bed and pads to the bathroom in the hallway. A few seconds later, she rushes back and jumps into her twin-sized bed, pulls her blankets up to her chin, and sighs.

“Better?”

“Better.”

I brush her hair back from her face and smile down at her. She really is the cutest, sweetest little thing. And she looks just like her daddy.

“Will you stay with me? In here?”

“Of course, I will.” I lean over and press my lips to her forehead, and it’s not long before the little girl is sleeping soundly again.

I creep out to the living room to fetch my pillow and blanket, and when I return to Birdie’s room, I lie down on the floor.

It’s where I’m most comfortable most of the time anyway.

I curl up on my side and pull the blanket over me, but realize that in my tank and shorts, I’m too chilly, even with the blanket. I should have changed my clothes before I came over here, but I was in too much of a hurry, and I didn’t feel cold at the time.

Now, I do.

I stand and quietly return to the living room and spy a hoodie hanging by the front door. Bridger’s hoodie. Without overthinking it, I snatch it off the wall and push my arms inside, wrapping it around me, and I can’t help but tug it up to my nose so I can breathe him in.

He smells so good. Like citrus and a little woodsy and that unmistakable man ness that makes me go all gooey .

I can already tell that I won’t want to give this up tomorrow morning, but I shrug and pad back into Birdie’s room and lie on my makeshift bed, snuggled up in Bridger’s hoodie. It’s wild to me how different the dynamic between Bridger and me is after one day. After just two conversations, he went from restrained to wanting to kiss me.

He’s still broody and a little quiet. But he’s always been that way.

This feels fast.

It also feels so dang good.

I sigh, snuggling down, and let my eyes close.