26. The Cursed Time
“ I ’ve never actually traveled this far into the past. I prayed for more time, but it was never under my control. I didn’t send myself back here in a time machine. I don’t know how it happened or how I somehow created a magical doe in the middle of nowhere. I’m just glad to be here.” Wooju’s gaze moves between the bare ceiling and Yunho, the man he’d longed for and known for years, who is now lying next to him on the bed as he continues to tell his side of the story.
“It’s strange, though,” he murmurs. “I kept coming back to the night you died. October 14, 2022.”
“It sounds like I’m cursed,” Yunho concludes, propping his arms behind his head. “At least I still have a few years left?”
“If someone’s cursed here, it’s me,” Wooju remarks.
A brief hush falls over them.
“Do you regret it?” Yunho blurts out eventually. “I mean, you’re essentially battling against Fate and Noh Jaehee every time you try to save me. Have you ever regretted it? Eighty-seven or eighty-eight times is a lot, Wooju. Have you ever grown tired and thought to yourself, ‘Ah... This is hopeless. He’ll just keep dying and dying. I’m wasting my time on him. I should stop now before it’s too late.’ ”
Wooju shakes his head. “It wasn’t hopeless. I got to see your face again,” he replies, spotting the flush swirling on Yunho’s cheeks. “Why would I regret something I wished for?”
After two years of being apart, they finally reunited, and it seems like neither of them has changed at all. Wooju still says the most peculiar things, and Yunho still blushes at almost everything the raven-haired boy utters.
Yunho clears his throat and lies flat on his back, arms spread wide at his sides. “Okay, but you know what? I don’t really care if I died so many times already because I don’t even remember any of it. But you—you get hurt every time,” he shoots back. “Aren’t you tired or at least a little bit scared about what could happen next?”
“I’m fine, Yunho.”
“I can see that.” Yunho sighs and peers down at Wooju’s bandaged foot. He’d wrapped it earlier despite Wooju’s defiance.
“I swear I’m fine,” Wooju insists.
“Was Jaehee the one who hurt you before, too?” Yunho grimaces. When Wooju doesn’t give him an answer, he assumes the worst and adds, “Since when?”
“It’s not a big deal,” Wooju replies, a defensive edge in his tone. “It only happens sometimes. He just has a hard time controlling his temper in some situations.”
Yunho sits upright on the bed, rolling his eyes as he makes a fist. His voice roars across the room. “What do you mean, ‘it’s not a big deal’? Is that your favorite line? That’s still physical abuse, and we both know he won’t stop in any possible future. No wonder you always wore a jacket in high school and refused the topless scenes for work?—”
“I’ll take care of it,” Wooju interrupts, his voice firm and desperate. “Just... just promise me you’ll stay safe. You’ll stay away from him.” He turns away as if to hide the flicker of uncertainty etched on his face, then curls himself into a fetal position. “I handled him last time, too,” he tries to sound convincing, his mouth dry as he squeezes the blanket beneath him. “It’ll be okay. I know what I have to do now.”
“Really?” Yunho’s tone brightens with hope. “What did you do before? Did you tell the cops about him?”
“I’ll . . . tell you the rest next time.”
“Huh? Why next time?” Yunho snaps. “I mean, why not just tell me the whole story now?”
Wooju had been through this before. He’d told every version of Yunho the truth, and they did everything they could to change their tragic fate, but their efforts were in vain. “I won’t let you die again,” Wooju promises, casting a sidelong glance at Yunho. “Can’t you just believe in me and let this go?”
“I do believe in you, but...” Yunho’s fingers hover over Wooju’s petite and vulnerable form before he retreats. “Never mind. It’s not like this is the first time you’re keeping things from me.”
Wooju chews on his lip as he grapples with the decision to withhold details from Yunho.
“But I’ll wait.” Yunho slumps back against the cushions. “Because it’s you, I’ll wait.”
For a while, silence descends upon the room, but it’s a familiar and comforting feeling. For Wooju, at least. It’s like drifting in a vast space with the stars ablaze, with the person who means the world to him and no one else.
Neither of them speaks, but after a minute or so, Wooju finally unfolds himself and opens his mouth again.
“Aren’t you sad that we missed out on a lot of things?”
Yunho lifts an eyebrow. “Missed out on what?”
“Our youth.” The phrase itself compels Wooju to dwell on the past, reminding him of his greatest regret.
“Being young and eighteen,” Wooju goes on, “making mistakes and learning from them, going to prom with the person you like, making fun memories, making friends, and... falling in love.”
And pretending it wasn’t so.
“We were so busy studying and working to become stars that we forgot to enjoy our youth. We let fame change us.” Wooju closes his eyes for a moment, allowing the what-ifs to take shape in his mind. “What if going to college instead of becoming an actor gives you a better life? Would you take that chance?”
“That depends,” Yunho says, his tone wistful yet gentle. “Am I going to college to study acting?”
“Is that really all you want?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“So we can still reach for the stars together.”
“What if I don’t want to go back to acting?”
“Then I’ll just give you a star.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ll make movies that will make you happy, Wooju.”
It is Wooju’s turn to blush.
“Before that...” Yunho breaks the silence a few moments later. “What if we travel somewhere far away and do the things we’ve always regretted not doing?”
Wooju huffs out a small, wet laugh. “That sounds fun.”
“I’ll start looking online then.”
Wooju scrubs his eyes before facing Yunho again. “Thank you,” he whispers, his voice barely audible.
Yunho meets Wooju’s gaze. “For what?”
“For being here, alive and well.” Wooju does not hesitate this time. He sets his palm over Yunho’s hand and smiles softly as his best friend stills at his touch. “Thank you for coming back to me, Yunho.”
Yunho’s warmth feels like a dream, and Wooju wishes he would never wake up from it.