Where the Heart Is

Chapter 52

CHAPTER

52

When Jack hadn’t returned by six that evening, Adelaide started to worry.

She’d tried painting when she got back from Mila’s, but all she’d managed to do was create a few slashes of crimson, black, and grey that matched her mood perfectly. She’d tidied the bungalow, scrubbing it from top to bottom, and had stocked up on groceries, cooking a Thai prawn curry they could share for dinner tonight while she tried to make Jack see sense.

But she couldn’t do that if the man in question wasn’t around and by late afternoon, she wondered if she was doing the right thing in giving them a second chance.

Jack had closed off again. Retreated to the point of disappearing, which is exactly what he did for most of their marriage. Had he really changed as much as she’d thought?

Only a fool would make the same mistake twice. If she moved back and he ran away like this every time they had a disagreement, where would that leave her?

She couldn’t go through the coldness of their marriage again. She wanted a fresh start with the man she’d grown to love again over the last few weeks, not a stroll down memory lane that would end in disaster.

‘Stubborn mule,’ she muttered, referring to Jack, not herself, as she paced the living room, peering out the window every now and then in the hope his car would pull into the drive.

Her gaze fell on the locked door in the corner of the studio, the one he’d freaked out over when she’d asked what was behind it when she first arrived, and it struck her that she hadn’t asked him since despite her curiosity. Maybe if he ever returned, she could ask him again.

Her annoyance built as she continued to pace. This wasn’t her style, waiting for a man so she could knock some sense into him. She’d left passive Adelaide behind a long time ago. These days, she made things happen. Which meant she needed to find Jack and have the talk to end all talks.

The talk that would reveal whether she stayed or left.

Now she had her car, she could drive into town and try to find him, but after fourteen years, she wouldn’t have a clue where to start. When they were married, he’d always retreat to his favourite spot near the dam on the farm, where an old shed stored his fishing equipment.

She wondered … could he be there?

It was a long shot, but waiting here wasn’t helping, so she grabbed her keys and headed out the door before she could second-guess the wisdom of chasing after a man who might not want her.

Dusk descended as she walked the last hundred metres to the dam. A kerosene lantern shone like a beacon from the shed and as she got closer, she spied a small campfire, with a figure sitting in front of it.

Jack.

She should’ve been angry at him for stomping out this morning rather than sticking around and talking through their issues. She should’ve been annoyed he’d reverted to type. She should’ve wanted to yell at him for being so damn immature and overreacting over a stupid phone call.

But she felt none of those things as she neared him. In fact, she felt nothing but love, a warm glow that spread through her chest and made her want to fling herself into his arms when he glanced up and caught sight of her.

‘Ads,’ he said, and stood; it was all he had to say before she ran to him and they embraced.

They hugged for a long time, words superfluous, as she realised she’d never felt so at home as she did in this man’s arms.

When they eventually disengaged, Jack said, ‘You remembered my hiding spot?’

‘I remember a lot of things,’ she said, with a smile. ‘And I’d like to make new memories with you so I can remember those in another fourteen years.’

‘You’ll be eighty-seven then, and I’ll be eighty-eight.’ He grimaced. ‘And I’ll be just as grumpy, if not worse.’

‘I can handle it.’ She took hold of his hand. ‘Now that we’ve both calmed down, shall we make plans for the future?’

Rather than joy transforming his features as she hoped, Jack couldn’t quite meet her eyes. ‘I’d like nothing better, Ads, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.’

Fear clutched her chest. ‘Is that what you’ve been doing out here all day?’

He nodded. ‘I always did my best thinking here. I needed the time out sometimes, to make sense of it all.’

‘Sounds like you don’t want a future with me after all?’ Her voice wavered. ‘You can’t forgive me for walking away?’

He shook his head. ‘No, that’s not it. I can forgive you. I want to, as much as I want to give us another chance. But …’ He trailed off, misery clouding his eyes. ‘There’s something I have to tell you.’

‘Whatever it is, I’m right here, Jack Hayes, and I’m not going anywhere.’

He took hold of her other hand and squeezed both. ‘When my parents died and I inherited the farm, I didn’t have time to grieve. I felt this weight of responsibility to prove myself, even though they weren’t around anymore.’

He grimaced. ‘I’d never wanted to stay on the farm, and I made that clear to my folks, repeatedly. I was such a disappointment to them, so when I had to step up, I wanted to make up for it, even if they weren’t around to see it. Then I met you and I wanted to be wherever you were, so I resented being tethered here. But then this miracle happened, and you gave up everything for me, and while I was ecstatic, I couldn’t help but feel even more guilt, that I’d deprived you of a life of luxury you were used to and I might not live up to your expectations.’

He hung onto her hands so tight she braced for what was to come.

‘I know I should’ve been happy. I’d married the love of my life, we had a new baby, and I was making a go of the farm. But all I felt every day when I woke was a sense of dread. A sense I wasn’t good enough. A sense I’d inevitably fail and I’d lose you.’

His shoulders slumped. ‘I was sad all the time and I didn’t want to put that on you, so I retreated. I spent more time away from the homestead and I hid out here regularly. I saw the way you looked at me, like I disappointed you, and that made it worse because I loathed myself for putting you through it when you could’ve had a better life, one that you deserved. It got to the point I couldn’t touch you because I was that much of a failure … and it just snowballed from there.’

Tears welled in her eyes at what he’d gone through, what they’d both gone through, back then.

‘When you left, you proved what I’d always thought. I wasn’t deserving of you, and I couldn’t inflict any more sadness on you. The least I could do was let you go. So that’s why I didn’t come after you, despite every bone in my body urging me to do it. And I got sadder. A lot sadder, to the point Mila started watching me like she was terrified I’d leave too. So I went to the doc and he confirmed what I pretty much suspected. I had depression and had been suffering for a long time. He put me on meds, and I started seeing a psychologist in Nhill. It took time but I eventually started feeling myself again, like it was worth going on rather than …’ Pain contorted his face. ‘Rather than contemplating ending my misery every damn day. Something I’d been thinking about, even before you left.’

He blew out a breath. ‘Over the years, I wondered if I should’ve confided in you, if telling you how bad I was feeling would’ve changed things for us. But I had to be thankful you’d escaped because I’d dragged you down for long enough.’

He lifted both her hands and pressed them to his chest. ‘Though I never stopped harbouring this foolish hope you might come back. That’s why I built the cottage. And the bungalow, which is a studio actually, where you could paint. I wanted to prove I’d listened to you all those years earlier, even if I didn’t show it.’

‘Oh, Jack.’ She let the tears fall and he swiped them away gently, his own trickling down his cheeks.

This stoic man had endured so much and thought she’d abandoned him because he’d never been good enough. If only he’d told her, but there was no point lamenting the past now. Their future was what counted.

When they stopped crying, Jack said, ‘I want to show you something back at the studio.’

A studio he’d made for her. A testament to his love, that he’d never forgotten her even if she thought he had. ‘Okay. I have my car back, so I’ll meet you at home?’

‘Home,’ he echoed, his voice filled with wonder. ‘Our home.’

‘For as long as you’ll have me,’ she said, slipping her hand into his. ‘Leave your car here and come with me. I don’t want to let you out of my sight.’

He chuckled. ‘I’m not going to do a runner.’ He paused and winked. ‘Like you.’

‘Too soon, Jack,’ she said, with a mock frown, before joining in his laughter.

Once they put out the fire and locked up the shed, they strolled to her car.

‘Thank you for opening up to me, Jack. It means a lot. I know you didn’t shut me out deliberately back then, but the emotional isolation is what drove me to leave. I stayed in Kaniva a few nights, hoping you’d come after me, and when you didn’t, I drove away.’

A deep frown grooved his brow, and he opened his mouth to respond, but she pressed her finger against his lips. ‘In a way, leaving was the best thing I could’ve done for myself. I followed my passion for art, I finally felt validated through my paintings. My whole life I’d felt like I’d been taken for granted, first by my folks who viewed me as another possession, and then by you when I thought you loved the farm more than me. So making a life for myself in Tally Bay … it’s been good.’

‘Are you sure you want to give that up?’

‘Honestly? I’m not sure of anything, but I love you, and I want to give this marriage another try.’

‘Then that’s good enough for me.’

He drew her into his arms and kissed her, a slow, sensual kiss that made her cling to him. While the physical sparks they created were wonderful, it was their newfound emotional connection that turned her on more than anything.

‘There is one thing,’ Adelaide said, cupping his cheek. ‘I’d love to show you Tally Bay. That place healed me. It feels like home.’

He nodded, his gaze never leaving hers. ‘For me, home is wherever you are. And seeing as I’m not tied to the farm anymore, what do you say we spend some of our year here, and some in Tally Bay? The best of both worlds?’

Joy unfurled in Adelaide’s heart at how much her man had changed, how far he was willing to go, for her. ‘I say yes, let’s do it.’

He kissed her again and she melted into him, scarcely believing they were lucky enough to have a second chance.

‘Now, what’s this surprise you’ve got for me at the studio?’

‘You’ll see.’ He made a zipping motion over his lips, and she tamped down her impatience.

Jack rested his hand on her thigh the entire drive home and she liked the feeling, like he never wanted to let her go. After she parked, they held hands as they walked into the studio and Jack headed straight for the locked door that had piqued her curiosity.

‘Finally,’ she said, as he unlocked it with a key from his chain. ‘I was beginning to get worried about what you might have stashed in there.’

‘Just this.’

He flung the door open and gestured her to come closer. When she did and saw what he’d kept in the tiny storage cupboard, her throat tightened with emotion.

‘Jack …’ she whispered, stepping forward to pick up the first frame, then the next, and the next, awed that he’d done this.

‘After you left and I found this stash of sketches, I thought they might be important to you, even though you’d never showed them to me. So I had them framed and stored in here, on the off-chance you’d come back and I could surprise you.’ With a sheepish grin, he flung his arms wide. ‘Surprise.’

‘I can’t believe you did this,’ she murmured, blown away by the proof he really had hoped she’d return one day. ‘I used to sketch at midnight sometimes, or in the mornings, as a way to centre myself before the start of yet another monotonous day. Turns out, I didn’t know what I had until I lost it, but by then it was too late. I’d stayed away too long, had completely broken things between us to the point of no return.’

She swallowed several times before continuing. ‘If it’s okay with you, I’d like to hang these in the cottage, because even though they’re far from my best work, I want to look at evidence of where we started and how far we’ve come.’

‘I’d like that,’ he said, pocketing the key. ‘Now, isn’t there a fun way we can seal our new relationship?’

‘I’m all yours,’ she said, grabbing his hands and dragging him to the nearby sofa bed.