Whirlwind

26. Finley

Chapter twenty-six

Finley

“Are you at home?” Jake asks through the phone.

“Yeah, sitting on my couch—at least for now. I’ve been tracking a thunderstorm south of here that I may head out to chase.”

“Alone?”

“Yes, but this one won’t develop into a tornado. I want to go get some pictures for my website.”

“Ryker isn’t going with you?”

The sound of his name makes my chest sting, but I swallow down the emotion. I told Jake everything that happened, leaving out the details he didn’t need to hear. He surprised me by being more understanding than I thought he would be, and he’s been a good ear since I got back from Oklahoma—not that I’ve said much about everything since I first dumped it all on him. I haven’t wanted to.

“Of course not. I told you things are…” I trail off before deciding on the right word. “…weird.”

“You haven’t tried to talk to him yet?”

“Not about us. We’ve only talked about data.”

Jake goes quiet, the kind of quiet where I know he wants to say something but thinks it will make me mad.

“What do you want to say?”

“Nothing.”

I sigh out my annoyance. “Say it, Jake. ”

“It’s nothing really. I just thought you’d have talked to him by now. You’re not usually one to back down from a challenge.”

“Meaning?”

“I know I gave you shit about it before, but I understand things better now that you’ve told me everything. You really like this guy, and you’ve built a relationship with him over the last year that’s real. You wouldn’t have been intimate with him if you didn’t want to be with him.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that the Finley I know would go after him—like you’ve always done with everything you’ve wanted in life.”

I brush my fingers over the healed cut on my cheek. “What happened to you telling me to be careful?”

I can hear his smirk through the phone. “You screwed the pooch on that one.”

I press my head into my hand. “You aren’t going to tell me to go after someone my own age?”

“I wasn’t lying before. I feel different now that I know everything. You want him, Fin.”

I fidget in my seat, my stomach turning over at Jake’s words. It was almost easier when he didn’t want me to go after Ryker. Now, I’m even more confused, and I feel as if I could jump out of my own skin.

“Just because I want him doesn’t mean it’s right,” I say.

“But it doesn’t make it wrong, either. You said he wants to be with you, that he’d quit his job for you. Maybe you should consider it—”

The desire to jump out of my skin becomes too much, so I cut my cousin off. “I gotta go.”

“Finley—”

“I need to get on the road to catch this storm. I’ll call you later.”

He sighs audibly. “Fine, but I’ll leave you with this. If I had someone who was willing to fight for me the way Ryker is willing to for you, I wouldn’t pass that up—I’d dive in headfirst.”

“Jake,” I say sadly, my heart breaking for him and all his past hurts and rejections. He’s such a good man, one who deserves a partner who sees and loves all of him. I also feel his words deep in my gut—because he wouldn’t be saying them if he didn’t mean them.

“Don’t,” he says quietly. “Don’t say anything—I don’t want sympathy.”

“I know you don’t.”

“But, Fin, please know that no matter what you choose to do with Ryker, I know it will be the right thing, and I support you.”

My eyes well up with tears, and I clear my throat so I can speak. “Thank you. I love you, Jake.”

“I know. Now, go chase that storm of yours.”

I smile to myself, not sure if he means the real storm or Ryker, but I will go with the real storm for now. “I’ll shoot you a check-in text when I’m home.”

“You’d better.”

We say our goodbyes, and I hang up, letting my phone fall beside me on the sage-green couch. I’ve been holed up in my small studio apartment for days, only venturing out for groceries and to pick up a rental car while I wait for my insurance to send a check for my totaled one.

I’d like to think I’m not leaving because I’ve been busy editing photos from the chase and going over data, but mostly, I’m spiraling. I haven’t even looked at the pictures I took yet, too nervous to see Ryker’s face in them. It’s why I’ve only emailed him over the last two weeks, not agreeing to meet him in person. I know if I see his face, my resolve to take some time will crumble—even if it already is. The wall I built is falling down bit by bit.

I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling a headache coming on. I don’t really need to go chase that thunderstorm, and to be honest, I haven’t wanted to chase since I got back from Oklahoma. It will only make me think of Ryker, of how our last chase felt before I blew everything to shit.

That’s what makes my sulking stupid, causing me to be more annoyed with myself. If I didn’t freak out and push Ryker away, we’d probably be in his truck on our way to chase the storm I’ve been watching. Together .

I take the old laptop I’m using till I can get a new one—another thing ruined in the tornado—and check the radar I was watching before Jake called. I don’t necessarily need to leave now; it’s still early in the afternoon, and the thunderstorms will be popping off until late evening. My hand hovers over the touchpad, and both Jake’s and Joey’s words worm their way into the forefront of my mind.

What they both said was true. If I don’t go after Ryker, I’ll never know what our life could be like together. And Ryker, despite the hurt he caused me over his initial fear, is willing to fight for me, willing to let go of his job for me. That’s no small thing. But what I’ve been struggling with is that fact that it takes two to tango. Why am I putting everything on him? Why does he have to quit his job?

I drag my eyes away from the radar and track the cursor over a tab that goes to my school email. I click on it then maximize the email that’s been sitting in my drafts, one addressed to my school’s registrar’s office. If Ryker knew I’ve been considering this, he’d shut it down. Which is why I’ve kept it to myself.

If I pause for at least a semester—maybe even a year—we can see where things go between us. I’ll finish school at a later date, but at least this gives us more time to figure things out before we make more rash decisions. With this option, Ryker doesn’t have to quit his job, the paper moves forward without any hiccups, and we can be together.

I’ll still feel more comfortable if we don’t flaunt our relationship around town, but at least I won’t be his student. I know it’s not unflawed, but anything we choose to do isn’t perfect. At least this way, we’re together without the biggest complication.

Yes, I like this plan.

I read the email again, satisfied with how it sounds, then take a deep breath to hit send—

Ping!

My hand pauses over the touchpad, and I look at my phone to see a text from Joey. I pick it up and open up the message. I’m met with a photo that’s taken from a distance, but I can clearly see where it’s from and who’s in it. It’s from the bar we went to, and Ryker is holding me on the dance floor. He’s gazing at me as if I’ve hung the moon, our bodies pressed together and our eyes locked.

I trace my finger over his square jaw, chills racing up my spine as if I can feel the coarse yet soft texture of his beard.

Another text comes in, and I suck in a shuddering breath.

JOEY

Are you going to chase the storm, Finney?

I stare at the picture again, but instead of dancing in the middle of an Oklahoma bar, my imagination conjures up what life with Ryker would be like if all my fears weren’t in the equation.

There’d be a lot of storm chasing, of that I’m sure. Joey has already prematurely named a TT group chat with him and I in it, something Hawk, Ezra, and Ryker didn’t have any qualms about. I also knew from Joey’s rambling voice texts that I was valued by the team of men and that they were all rooting for T-Daddy and T-Mama to get together. Which, ew—I’m not being called that. But it was sweet nonetheless and made me feel welcome in a way that warmed my insides.

There’d be a lot of late nights pouring over data and figuring out what comes next after the successful launch of the rocket. We’d be in a car together a lot, spend tons of late nights in shitty motels and eating crappy food.

My eyes stare at the picture again, and my skin tingles as if I can feel Ryker’s hands on me right now, the heat of his body pressing into mine, how he kissed me outside that bar and everything that followed after.

Fuck it, I’m going to do it. Ryker and I can figure out all the little and big problems later. I want it all with him. I was just too afraid to let myself admit it.

ME

Yeah, I think I am.

Before I see Joey’s response, I put down my phone and bring my cursor back over the send button on my email.

“This is it, Finley.” I gently press on the touchpad, but before I can click down completely, a knock at my door startles me.

“What the hell?” I say out loud, holding my hand over my racing heart. I close my laptop and place it down on the coffee table before getting off the couch. I have no idea who it could be. I’m not expecting any deliveries, and Jake would tell me before he drove here from Texas.

My gut twists as I get closer to the door because I think I know who it is. There’s only one person it can be. A quick glance through the peephole confirms my suspicions, and my pulse skips from seeing Ryker standing on the other side. I pull back and press my hands over my flushed cheeks before looking down at myself.

I’m not wearing a bra, but my oversized T-shirt is black, which at least means it’s not see-through. I’m wearing cotton shorts that are way too short, though.

Ryker knocks again, and once more, I’m left with my new motto: Fuck it .

He’s here, and I don’t want him to walk away. With a deep breath, I swing open the door and stare into his pale green eyes.