1. Ellie
1
ELLIE
I’m sitting in the front row, listening to Dawson’s father talk about Dawson’s childhood. I keep my eyes averted to the podium because I get sick to my stomach every time I look at the closed casket. I’m seated next to Gray, Dawson’s best friend, and he’s been quiet through everything but hasn’t left my side. I’m not sure why he’s stayed with me; we’ve only met twice before, but I’m pretty sure he knows about the baby. I told Dawson two weeks ago, so the chances are good he’s told his best friend.
I sniff and try to find a dry piece on the Kleenex in my hand, but when I can’t, I wad it up and sniff again. Gray reaches into the front pocket of his suit jacket and brings out some Kleenex before handing it to me. I take it with my free hand and nod at him. Yeah, he definitely knows about the baby.
I look at Dawson’s mom and dad and have an uneasy feeling. Gray introduced me earlier, and neither of them had a clue who I am. It was obvious that they don’t know their deceased son had a girlfriend and was going to be a father. I know they have a right to know, but it’s not going to be today. No, I’m sure they have enough to deal with already.
Dawson’s father is talking about Dawson playing hockey and how he had the chance to go pro but chose the military instead. He’s going on about the trophies and how he was a natural athlete. I listen to him half-heartedly as I turn my head to look behind me. I was surprised when I saw the number of women that were here alone today. It was weird because none of Dawson’s family or extended family really talked to them, and I’m curious who they are.
When I glance at one woman, she looks back at me with a glare, and in surprise, I freeze up. Gray reaches for my hand and squeezes it. From that point on, I don’t let go. I’m not sure what is going on here, but I have a feeling Gray does, and he’s trying to protect me from it. I look at the man next to me. I don’t know a lot about him, but I know he was a good friend to Dawson. They actually grew up together and then eventually joined the Army together. When it was time to re-up, Dawson stayed in, but Gray left and joined some kind of biker club.
I think back to the first time I met him. Dawson and I had met up with him and bunch of others at the bar. Dawson had too much to drink that night, which was a common occurrence, I was starting to find out, but at least I didn’t have to get him home on my own this time. Gray helped me get him back to the base, and then he made sure I made it home okay.
I shake my head side to side to clear my thoughts just as Dawson’s father finishes talking. When the service is over and the casket is lowered into the ground, everyone stands up. There is a gun salute, and even though I knew it was coming, I jump at every shot fired.
Finally, I look at the open grave and watch as dirt is dropped inside. Pulling my eyes from it, I look as everyone starts to move and the family all join together. I pull my hand from Gray’s. I hate to, and a feeling of loneliness fills me, but I know that it’s the right thing to do. My voice is hushed. “I’m sorry you feel like you have to babysit me. He was your best friend. You should be with his family. I’ll be fine.”
Gray shrugs his shoulders. “They blame me... They think he joined because I did.”
I want to laugh at that. “But that’s ridiculous. Do they know their son at all?”
He shrugs and clasps his hands together in front of him. His jaw is pulled tight, and his eyes are tired. “It doesn’t matter. If it helps them to blame me, I’m fine with it.”
I shade my eyes with a hand. “Can I ask you a question, Gray?”
He pulls me to the side away from people, and when he stops, he’s looking at me worriedly. “Sure, what is it?”
I look around at the women still milling around. “Do you know who these women are?”
He doesn’t blink; he doesn’t even move. I can tell he’s debating on how to answer me, and before he opens his mouth, I tell him, “I need the truth, Gray.”
He’s going to tell me. I can see the way he’s looking at me, and it’s right then that I decide I need to find out for myself. I don’t need to burden Gray and make him feel guilty for saying something he feels like he shouldn’t. His best friend is gone, and I’m sure he feels a certain loyalty to him. I think I know who the women are, but I can’t leave here without knowing. “Forget it. I’m going to go and thank them for coming.”
I start to move away, but Gray grabs on to my hand. I figure he’s going to try and stop me, but he surprises me when he says, “I’ll go with you.”
I squeeze his hand, and we make our way over to the woman standing closest to us. We stop in front of her. “Thank you for coming.”
She nods, sniffs, and crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m going to miss him.”
The woman is very distraught, and I don’t want to make it worse. I nod, and even though it’s hard to do, I tell her, “I’m sure he’s going to miss you, too.”
I pull Gray away and stop in front of the next woman. She’s the one that was glaring at me during the service earlier. “Hi, we just wanted to stop and thank you for coming.”
The woman’s face hardens. “Of course, I’d be here. I’m his girlfriend. Who are you?”
I suck in a breath when she says it. I had figured this was the case, but now hearing it has my stomach sinking. Gray puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me tightly against him. I stutter out the words. “I’m friends with the family, and this is his best friend.”
Gray and I walk away, and he looks at me with worry. “Had enough?”
I shake my head and go to the next woman. And then to the next. Over and over, it’s the same story. It seems that I wasn’t Dawson’s only girlfriend. I was one of many.