7. Isla
7
ISLA
C ody suckles contentedly on my breast as I cradle him in my arms, rocking gently in the feeding chair in the corner of the playroom.
I run a hand over his downy head, and my heart fills with wonder at this tiny miracle. I’ve felt this way ever since he was born, intense feelings of love combined with exhaustion and fear.
“We’re going to be okay.”
For the first time, I believe the words I whisper to him. I have a job, a place to stay, and a way forward. I won’t be able to live at the clubhouse forever, but if I can prove myself in the job and extend the hours, I should be able to get a place on my own in a few months.
Luke says I need to push Ian for child support, but I’m not ready to have that conversation yet. One of the guys here is a lawyer, and Luke has already put him in touch in case things get tricky with Ian and we have to go through the courts .
My instinct is to not take anything from Ian. But I won’t be able to afford childcare if I don’t. I can’t rely on the women of the club forever.
The air in the room shifts, and before I even hear the soft turn of his wheels, I know Luke is here. As usual he ducks his head, averting his eyes while I feed even though I’ve told him a hundred times it doesn’t bother me. I’m feeding my baby, and it’s nothing to be ashamed about.
“Danni’s going to take Cody for a few hours when you’re finished.”
I frown at his words. I usually spend the afternoon with my son. The women here do enough, and I can’t expect them to have him all the time. “Do they need me to work?”
“No. I’m taking you out.”
A thrill goes through me at his words. I can’t remember the last time I went anywhere without Cody. But he’s become such a part of me I don’t know if I can. “I can’t leave him.”
“Yes you can. For two hours, that’s all.” There’s a determined expression on Luke’s face, making me wonder what he’s got planned. I still can’t believe it was him that organized the women into a schedule and spoke to Barrels about the job. He’s done so much for me and I’ll never be able to repay him, although I can think of a few ways I’d like to.
I still can’t get the image out of my mind of Luke’s muscles straining as he works out. He’s sex on wheels, and he doesn’t even know it .
I glance down at my baby, my world. He’s been my sole focus since he was born six weeks ago. I guess it can’t hurt to leave him for a few hours. He’s gotten used to Danni, and once he’s fed, he’ll be ready for a sleep.
“I’ll get Cody down first.”
Luke nods. “I’ll meet you out front.”
“Where are we going?” I don’t have any clothes apart from the few things I came with. They’ve been fine for lounging around the clubhouse, but I have no idea what Luke has planned.
He grins. “It’s a surprise. Wear your jeans and a sweater. I’ve got a jacket for you.”
Twenty minutes later, I follow Luke out the back of the clubhouse and across the parking lot to the bike shop.
This is where Luke works. I’ve visited him before when I take Cody out for walks. Usually he’s on the adapted rolling platform that means he can keep low to the ground and work on the bikes that come into the garage.
Today he’s waiting next to his adapted bike. It’s a beautiful-looking contraption. The bike is a Harley with thick wheels and low handlebars. Luke’s attached a side carriage with a fold down ramp.
“Welcome to my chariot.” He grins when he sees my expression.
“We’re going on the bike?”
“Yup. I’m taking you out for a ride.” He holds up his Wild Riders MC jacket. “Put this on.” I take the leather jacket off him and slide it on over my sweater. It smells like leather and bike grease and a rich scent that’s all Luke.
“I’ll get on first.” He rolls up the ramp, and with quick movements pulls himself out of the chair and onto the motorbike.
He leans over and folds his chair up, securing it in place with safety ties.
Along the side of the bike and the side attachment are painted red and orange flames. I can see why Luke got the road name Chariot. He looks like a Roman god sitting tall and proud.
“Come on up.” He gestures for me to get on, and a thrill snakes down my spine and there’s a tug on my core.
I can’t believe I get to ride next to this man, the proud warrior.
I climb onto the side extension, and Luke pulls a lever to raise the ramp behind me. There’s a folded down seat and I go to pull it open, but Luke puts a hand on my arm to stop me.
“You’re riding on the back.” He indicates the seat of the bike directly behind him.
My pulse kicks up a notch as I slide onto the bike behind Luke. There’s no way to not touch him as I wiggle into place. My hips snap into place behind him, and my chest pushes up against his back.
There’s a lot of me, and he might not have considered how cozy this was going to be when he suggested I ride pillion.
“Put your arms around me, Isla. ”
Or maybe he did. I’ve seen the way Luke looks at me and the kindness he’s shown. When I first arrived I was too caught up in my own situation to notice, but over the last week, I’ve noticed Luke very much.
And when I slide my arms around his waist, I notice the little sigh of pleasure that matches my own. It feels good to touch him, to breathe in his scent of leather and bike grease. I bump up against his hard back, and for the first time in a long time, it feels like there’s something solid holding me up.
Luke starts the engine, and we cruise out of the parking lot. Bit Rate comes out of the club headquarters grinning like a fool and waves us off.
We take it slowly, heading further up the mountain on the windy roads. The snow from Christmas has cleared, but the air is cold, and I snuggle against Luke for warmth.
As we ride further away from the clubhouse and from my baby, I begin to remember that other part of me. That part that isn’t just a mother feeding and caring for her newborn. The part of me that’s a woman clinging onto the back of a hot guy on a motorbike.
We ride for about twenty minutes before Luke turns down a dirt road. We take it slowly until the road opens out onto a small parking lot and a picnic area.
It’s empty today, but I bet come summer it’s full of tourists. The view is stunning. It looks over the valley and a sea of green treetops. Some of them still have a dusting of white snow .
There’s a grassy area with picnic tables, and a path winds its way to a stack of large boulders.
Luke parks the bike, and I reluctantly slide off. A cold shiver goes through me at the loss of his body heat.
Luke wheels himself off the bike and opens the saddle bag and pulls out a blanket. He puts it on his knee and we take the path to the boulders. The ground is uneven, but I know better than to ask Luke if he needs help.
We stop at the boulders and Luke angles his chair right up close. He fists his hands and puts them on the boulder, then hauls himself up.
I can see why he spends so much time at the gym. His upper body strength is incredible. I scramble up next to him and shiver as the cool air hits me.
“Here. Come in close.” He wraps the blanket around both our shoulders, and for a while we sit in silence looking out at the valley. Just two people enjoying the view.
Luke twitches, and his face screws up in a wince.
“What is it? Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He reaches under the blanket and presses on the end of his stump. “I get phantom pain sometimes. It’s been over two years, and my brain still thinks I have legs.”
I can’t imagine what that’s like, trying to scratch an itch that’s not really there.
“How did it happen?”
We’ve talked a lot in the past few weeks, but Luke’s never mentioned what happened. He doesn’t answer for a long time, and I worry I’ve crossed a line .
“You don’t need to answer.”
“It’s fine.” He looks down at his lap and tugs on the corner of the blanket. “I was a bike mechanic in the army. That made my mother less anxious, the fact that I wasn’t on the frontline.”
He chuckles, but it’s a hollow laugh. “I was in a convoy moving between bases, and we hit an IED. Next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed in Germany. I don’t remember anything about the explosion or how I got out. Everyone kept telling me I was one of the lucky ones.”
He shrugs. “For a long time I didn’t feel lucky. I was in a dark place until Raiden dragged me out of it. He served with my father, and my old man asked him to meet me. Raiden offered me a place here with the MC. A job, a new start.”
Luke turns to look at me, and his eyes blaze with fierce loyalty. “He saved my life.”
“You’re loyal.” It’s a nice quality. “I wish all men were as loyal as you.”
I’m thinking about Ian and how it’s only when I left that he cared about me.
“Do you miss him? Your ex?” Luke asks as if reading my mind.
I think about Ian, and all I feel is a sense of freedom. “No. I should have left a long time ago. I don’t know why I didn’t. I was scared of what he would do and embarrassed.”
I look down at my hands and pull at a loose bit of nail. “I don’t know how I got into that kind of relationship. I’m a smart woman; how did it happen to me?”
Luke takes my hand. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Isla.”
His hands are cold, and I run my fingers over them. There’s grease under his fingernails and the skin on his knuckles is scraped raw over hard calluses. It’s a reminder of his grit and determination. I’ve seen him getting himself around by hauling himself up on his fists. What kind of man is tough enough to break the skin on his knuckles, let them heal, and break them again and again and again?
“I don’t even think about Ian,” I confess. “It’s a relief not to have him in my life. I don’t want to think about him now.” My heart’s hammering in my chest, and I glance up at Luke to find him staring at me.
His gaze flicks to my lips. “I want you to be selfish for a little while, Isla, I want you only to think about yourself.”
Then his lips are on mine, firm yet gentle and with a tenderness that brings tears to my eyes. This is how I need to be kissed; this is how I need to be loved.
“Let me take care of you,” Luke whispers against my lips, and my body sparks to life as I surrender to him.