Chapter 12
12
ADDISON
W e stayed at the lookout for a few minutes. Walker was anxious to get his eyes on Dakota and Christopher. I didn't think either of them were interested in anything beyond friendship. But watching Walker worry about his little girl was entertaining.
I hoped he'd learn to relax about it, but I wasn't sure that was going to be easy. She was entering her dating years, and it would be a test for him.
We didn't catch up with them until we reached the bottom of the trail. We hadn't encountered many skiers, and the ride was quiet with nothing but the sound of our skis gliding over the snow.
"We're going to get some hot chocolate and hang out by the fire. Would you like to join us?" Dakota asked.
"You go ahead. We'll be along in a few minutes," I quickly offered before Walker could jump in.
They skied toward the lodge.
"Why did you say that? I wanted to go along," Walker grumbled .
"You're a little overbearing, don't you think? You have your eyes on them. Isn't that what you wanted?"
Walker growled low in his throat, and it did something to my insides. "What if I want to know what he's saying to her?"
"You have to give her a little space, or you're going to push her away."
He sighed. "Fine."
"Now, would you like to get hot chocolate and sit at a different bon fire than the one your daughter will be at? She wants friends, and you can't keep butting in. Or she won't be happy here."
"I never said she could have friends that were boys."
I shook my head. "You're impossible."
We removed our gear, then headed outside to grab hot chocolates from the truck vendor. I led the way to a bonfire that was away from Dakota and Christopher.
We sat on a log next to each other where we could see the back of their heads.
"I don't see why we couldn't be closer."
I nudged his arm with mine. "Can we just enjoy the time we have together?"
Walker refocused his attention on me. "You think they'll behave?"
"I don't think they have a choice," I said dryly.
"You had fun today? Visiting our old haunts?"
I sipped the hot chocolate. "I did."
"It was the perfect weekend. The festival, the market, skiing. Spending time with you and my daughter."
"It was."
"Do you think we could spend more time together?"
He didn't classify it as a date, so it was easy to agree. "Sure."
His brow raised. "I'll have to come up with another trip down memory lane."
"I'm looking forward to that. "
Dakota appeared in front of us. "Christopher has to get going, and I'm tired. Can we go home?"
Walker stood. "Absolutely. I'll drop you off first. Then I'll take Addison home."
"Did you enjoy your first time skiing?" I asked Dakota.
"It was nice. I'm not sure about going down a real hill yet, but Christopher told me how to do it."
"I was supposed to teach you how to ski," Walker said.
"You can teach me how to drive," Dakota offered, and I could tell Walker was satisfied by that.
"Deal."
In the parking lot, I waved to Noelle who was idling in her car by the curb, waiting for Christopher.
Then we got into Walker's truck. He dropped Dakota off, promising to be home in a few minutes, then took me home.
"Thanks for the ride," I said as he walked me to the door.
"Walking you to the front door feels very familiar."
"Except this isn't my childhood home, and we aren't teenagers anymore."
He grinned. "Details. Details."
"Those are important ones," I said as we paused in front of the door.
He tipped his head to the side. "Maybe we were always meant to break apart and come back together now. Have you thought about that?"
My emotions clogged my throat. "No."
He touched my face with a drag of knuckles on my cheek. "Maybe you should."
Then he was gone, jogging down the sidewalk to get back to his daughter. That's where his focus should be—on Dakota—not me.
I unlocked the door and when I pushed it open, Walker turned to wave. I couldn't stop the smile that spread over my face. It felt good to be with him when I forgot about the day he told me so matter-of-factly about his plans, the ones that didn't include bringing along a girlfriend.
I was so hurt. I couldn't see my way out of it for a long time. I felt like I'd been left behind, abandoned, and I never wanted to feel that way again.
O n Wednesday night, I stopped by my parents for dinner. Mom was a retired nurse, and Dad still did some consulting work. I tried to stop by at least once a week since my sister worked in Denver and didn't visit often.
"I heard you were seen with Walker Wilde at the farmers market on Sunday," Mom said as soon as I walked in the door.
"Wow. You don't waste any time." I hung up my jacket and hugged my father who was stirring a pot of sauce on the stove.
Dad winked at me. "You know your mother. She wants you girls to get married and have some grandbabies."
"And you don't?"
Dad chuckled. "I let her take the fall for that one."
"You're incorrigible."
Mom joined us in the kitchen. "Are you two seeing each other again?"
"You know I'd never go there." Except I already was, wasn't I? I was just fooling myself that I wouldn't fall back in love with him all over. "I'm his daughter's social worker."
"I thought your work was done. You only have to follow up occasionally."
I sighed. "That's right. He asked me to go to the market. He probably wants to make amends, assuage his guilt. It's not any bid for my affections."
"That's a shame. Doesn't he know how great you are?" Dad asked .
I rolled my eyes. "Dad, he broke up with me. I wasn't the right fit for him."
Mom waved a hand. "You were kids back then. But now, you're adults. You're more settled. He has a teenager?—"
"So you're saying a relationship is possible?" I asked cautiously.
Mom nodded. "Is that why you're spending time together?"
"I don't know, honestly. He wants to talk about what happened, but I don't see the point."
"Closure. Healing. You haven't really dated anyone seriously," Mom said.
"In college, I dated Ian. Remember?"
Mom grimaced. "He didn't have much of a personality."
I laughed. "He was boring."
"He was the opposite of Walker. He preferred video games to exercise, books to outdoor activities," Dad said. "I never liked him."
"Gee, Dad. Tell me how you really feel."
"We liked Walker. He was a gentleman, even in high school. He always walked you to the door and held doors open for you."
"That's not enough for a relationship." And he was not a gentleman when we were alone, unless you counted giving me an orgasm first.
"Keep an open mind. That's all we're saying," Mom said as she set the table.
I moved to help her, not feeling entirely comfortable discussing this with my parents. They meant well, but I had to work through this on my own.
"We want you to be happy," Mom said softly.
"I am happy." I was content with my life in Telluride. I had a fulfilling job. I made my house a home, and I was close to my family. What else did I need? Sure, I wanted kids eventually, but I could always foster or even adopt. There were so many possibilities .
We sat down to eat. "Is Crystal coming for Christmas?"
"I think so," Mom said. "But you never know with your sister."
Crystal was flightier than I was. I was more responsible. Or at least it felt that way. I hadn't felt reckless since I dated Walker. When he'd broken up with me, the pain had been so acute; I vowed to be more cautious going forward. The thrill of risk wasn't worth the inevitable pain.
"It will be nice to have her home for a bit." We were close, and she'd be a good person to talk to about Walker. She'd been there for me when he broke up with me. My parents hadn't quite understood how devastated I'd been. How serious we were. I had illusions of forever, but I was merely a way for a teen to pass his time.
I was going to be cautious going forward with Walker. I couldn't forget the pain of him leaving the first time.
I helped my parents clean up, then watched some TV with them before I headed home. Maybe my life was a bit dull. I hung out with my friends whenever possible, but as we got older, everyone was busy with significant others. My life wasn't as full as Walker's.
I missed him and Dakota when I wasn't with them. Seeing them together made me long for something else for myself. I wanted more than going home to an empty house.
I n order to prove to myself that I was capable of having a social life outside of Walker, I coordinated an outing with my childhood friends, Noelle and Tori, and my coworker, Amber.
Noelle rarely had free time to hang out with us. She owned a few businesses; mainly she was a hustler, and she took care of her younger siblings .
We'd chosen a wine bar in town for the evening.
I hadn't seen Walker or Dakota this week. I'd made a conscious decision to give them some space. They were in a good place and needed this time to themselves.
When I arrived at the wine bar, Amber and Tori were already seated at a high-top table. We hugged. Then I sat across from them.
The waitress took our drink order and left us with the wine menu.
"Is Noelle still coming?" Amber asked, familiar with Noelle's busy schedule.
I checked my phone. "She hasn't cancelled yet."
Amber shook her head. "That girl has too much on her plate."
"Good luck telling her that." Noelle was encased in a hard shell, making it impossible to even gently suggest that she was doing too much. She repelled people's opinions with her energy. She didn't want anyone looking too closely at what she was doing.
She needed money to take care of her family, and that was what she did.
"Isn't her brother getting older now?" Amber asked.
"Christoper's a teenager and working at the Wilde Ski Resort, giving lessons, selling skis in the store, and assisting with the winter festival. But that means Noelle is the one who has to drive him back and forth," Tori added.
Amber grimaced. "Yikes. That's tough."
"And her sister is only twelve. It will be a while before those two are independent," Tori said.
"Her mother can't take care of them on her own?"
"From what I gathered, she has debilitating back pain, and she can't work anymore. Noelle steps in as much as possible."
The door opened, and Noelle scanned the room before spotting us and rushing over. "Sorry I'm late. Winnie wasn't feeling great. She had a fever, so I ran to the store and got more medicine, then ran her a bath. She's sleeping for now." Noelle glanced at the time on her phone. "But I'll probably duck out early to check on her."
"You're a good big sister," I said to her, because I wasn't sure what else to say. Who takes care of you when you're sick? When do you get a moment to yourself? Suddenly, I felt guilty for demanding even more of her time.
"The best," Tori said with a smile.
"Your family is lucky to have you," Amber said.
Noelle shrugged. "It's what anyone would do."
Most kids would have gone to college and never come back. Noelle had taken on her family as if they were her responsibility. I wasn't sure if anyone could make her see that she needed to take care of herself too. What about what she wanted and needed? She'd been denying herself since she graduated from high school.
I wanted to help Noelle, but I didn't even know where to start, especially when she didn't want anyone's assistance.
"You called us together. What's going on?" Amber asked, taking the focus off Noelle.
Just then the waitress stopped by with our drinks, and Noelle said, "Just water for me. Thanks."
When the waitress left, I asked, "Is my life boring?"
Noelle's eyes widened, and Amber asked, "What are you talking about?"
I ticked off the tasks on the tips of my fingers. "I work. I come home, eat dinner by myself. Then I read and watch TV. Admit it. I live a boring life without any purpose."
"Now wait just a minute. We do good work as social workers," Amber said.
Noelle's forehead wrinkled. "Isn't your purpose to help people?"
"I guess so, but my nights are empty. I don't see you guys as often as I want. "
"We can make more of an effort to get together," Amber offered, and Noelle's face pinched. "But that's not what you meant, is it?"
I sighed. "Lately, I feel like something is missing."
Noelle raised her brow. "Does this have something to do with a certain ex who recently moved back to town?"
I sighed. "Seeing him interact with his daughter has been eye-opening, which makes no sense because I'm around kids every day at work. He changed his whole life when he found out about Dakota, and he seems happy. Fulfilled in a way I'm not sure I've ever felt."
"Are you feeling this way because he's a dad, or is it more than that?" Tori asked.
"I'm not sure I ever fell out of love with Walker. As soon as he came home, all the feelings rushed back." It felt good to talk to someone about this.
"Does he feel the same way?" Amber asked.
"He's mentioned giving us a second chance, but I don't know. It didn't work out great the first time. I was so hurt when he left."
Noelle shrugged. "But you're not kids anymore. The timing is different."
"Wouldn't I be an idiot to ignore what happened last time? He's the one who walked away."
"Yeah, but he's not planning to do that now, is he? Not when he just moved here to be with his daughter," Tori said.
"There's always the possibility he could move to Virginia. It's Dakota's home, and he'd do anything to make her happy."
"If you're in a relationship, you make those decisions together," Tori pointed out.
"Like last time?" I asked her.
Tori winced. "I think it's different when you're eighteen. You can't pick up as easily and move in with someone."
"We broke up for a reason, and if it didn't work then, why would it a second time? I'm fairly sure the statistics on second-chance romances are slim."
Noelle shifted in her chair. "I don't know about that."
"Life was different back then," Tori said. "Things felt so big. Choices were monumental, but at the same time, everything was black-and-white. There was no compromise. But now we can take the time to make sure we're creating a life that we love. You can decide to move with them to Virginia."
Was there anything stopping me from moving? "I stayed here to be close to my parents."
"Couldn't your sister do that?"
I rolled my eyes. "Crystal would never even consider it. She's so wrapped up in her job in the city. She barely remembers to call home."
"That might be because you've always filled that role in your family," Noelle added.
"And what role is that?" I asked, curious as to how they saw me.
"The caretaker. The responsible one. That left Crystal free not to worry about your parents."
I considered that. "Huh. I never thought about it like that."
Tori nodded. "If you take a step back, she might step up."
"How do you feel about it?" Noelle asked.
"I've never stopped loving him, and it would be all too easy to fall back into a relationship."
"Is that what he wants?" Noelle asked.
"He's asked for a second chance, and we've been hanging out together. But I haven't officially said yes. He seems determined, as if he can overcome any of my objections."
Amber fanned herself with a napkin.
Tori leaned in close. "Let him. Enjoy yourself."
"I want to know what he's going to do to overcome your objections. Are these sexual favors?" Noelle asked.
Tori smacked her shoulder. "You go, girl. "
"It's as easy as that? Give in, and let him show me why he deserves a second chance?" I asked them, and they all nodded.
"The timing was wrong when you dated last time. But now you're both more settled, you're mature, and neither one of you would walk away without discussing it together," Tori said.
"Besides, Walker's family is here. I don't see him moving away. If he thought that was best for Dakota, wouldn't he have moved there to begin with?" Noelle asked.
I chewed my lip. "It's scary to remove that safety net and see where things go. It feels so reckless."
Tori's eyes sparkled with mischief. "I think that's the best kind of way to do it. Remove the barriers and be all in. How else will you know if he's the right man for you?"
The conversation moved to their past relationships, and who they would, or wouldn't, give a second chance to.
I already knew I'd given in by spending time with him. There was just the matter of letting him all the way in. Could I do it?