Chapter 13
13
WALKER
I hadn't contacted Addison all week. Part of me wanted her to come to me. I'd made my move, and I'd told her that I wanted a second chance. Wasn't it her turn to make the next move?
On Saturday, Dakota slept in and then wandered downstairs late morning in her pajamas. I poured the pancake batter into the pan. "What do you want to do today?"
She scanned our living room that now held the new painting over the fireplace. It fit perfectly there, and every time I looked at it, it prompted me to add more decorations to make the place ours. We were making the cabin our home. I'd saved the horse painting as a Christmas gift for Dakota.
"Can we get a Christmas tree?"
There was a perfect space for it in front of the window. "Sure. Why not?"
"Can we invite Addison along?" Dakota asked tentatively.
"I thought you'd want to pick out a tree together?" I figured it would be a family thing we'd do together.
Her nose wrinkled. "It seems like something Addison should be there for. "
"I wonder if she needs a tree?" I tried to remember if she had decorations in her living room, but I couldn't recall the details. All I saw was her.
"Now you're thinking. Besides you haven't seen her since last weekend."
I dialed her number, holding the phone to my ear but not leaving the room. I liked that Dakota was involved in this.
When Addison answered, "Hello," I said. "Hey. Dakota wants to get a tree today. You want to go with us?"
"Hmm. I don't have a tree yet. But I usually just get one from the lot in town."
I shot Dakota a conspiratorial grin. "That's not going to work."
"Why not?"
"Everyone needs to experience cutting down a tree for the first time."
Dakota nodded, a smile crossing her face.
"Have you cut down a tree before?" Addison asked.
"We did that when I lived with the Wildes, and I want Dakota to have that experience." When Addison remained quiet, I added, "She asked if you wanted to come with us."
Addison laughed. "Well, in that case, I can't say no."
I lowered my voice and turned slightly away from Dakota's curious eyes. "But you can say no to me?"
"Why is this so hard?" Addison asked, and I knew she was referencing an internal struggle over spending any time with me.
"It doesn't have to be. I'll text you when we're on our way. We have to eat still."
"Lunch?"
"Breakfast. Someone is a late riser on the weekend." I was teasing because it was one of the few things that Dakota did that was teenager-like.
"Hey," Dakota pouted .
"I don't mind." My heart was overflowing with love for Dakota, and I was happy to meet her where she was. Her personality had already been formed in her earlier years. I could guide her and teach her new things, but I didn't want to change who she was at her core.
"See you soon," Addison promised before she hung up.
When I set the phone down, my heart was beating harder.
"I told you she'd say yes," Dakota said with a smirk.
"She was more willing when she knew that you wanted her to be there," I said dryly.
"I'm an excuse for her. Addison can tell herself it's about me, but she really wants to see you."
Tension crept up my spine. "I hope you're right."
"Mom always said to trust myself, and that's what my intuition is telling me."
I wanted Dakota to be right more than anything. But I'd laid out my intentions to Addison last weekend and showed her how good we could be together again, and then it had been radio silence.
Was I always going to be the one pushing this? Would she ever see what could have been? Or maybe she'd always seen it, and that's why she was so reluctant to let me in again. I hurt her. I just hoped we could move past it. Otherwise, we wouldn't have a present, much less a future.
We ate breakfast, me teasing Dakota for the amount of syrup she poured over her pancakes and her telling me I ate too healthy since I put whey protein into my pancakes.
Things felt more comfortable between us, but I hadn't broached the conversation with her about birth control and what her mother had discussed with her. But it wasn't the time or the place. We needed to hurry if we were going to pick up Addison.
I cleaned up breakfast, and she ran upstairs to shower and change .
"Dakota!" I barked up the stairs when she wasn't coming down. A few days ago, I would have waited patiently for her, but it felt right to be more natural around her, and I hated being late.
"Coming! Sorry." She jogged down the stairs in her new puffy jacket and trendy snow boots she'd bought last weekend.
I shot off a text to Addison that we were on our way, then opened the door for Dakota.
Dakota stepped outside and lifted her face to the sky. "It's snowing!"
"You don't get snow in Virginia?"
"Here and there. And when it does snow it doesn't stick around like this." She waved a hand at the layer of frozen snow that covered the ground.
"You like it?"
"I love it." Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright. Then she turned in a circle, her hands swinging around her. When she came to a stop, she said softly, "Sometimes I feel guilty for enjoying all of this when Mom can't."
I knew these feelings would come out from time to time, and I was pleased she'd shared them with me. "Your mother would want you to be happy."
Her shoulders lowered. "That's what Addison says."
I opened the truck door for her.
"You always open doors for me. But you don't have to."
"I have good manners. This is how men should treat women. Any boy who takes you out should open doors and walk you to your door." It was important that I show her how a girl or a woman should be treated by a man.
When I fired up the engine, she said, "I'm really glad that we were able to meet. I can't imagine going my whole life not knowing you."
Tears stung my eyes. "You don't have to feel guilty about wanting to know your father. It wasn't your fault that your mother didn't tell you about me."
"I know."
"I'm happy you're in my life too."
"Even though you had to quit your job?" Dakota asked softly.
I glanced over at her. "I'd do it all over again. I love getting this time with you. I'm able to work with my family, and it frees my schedule up to spend time with you. In the military, my life was not my own."
Dakota was quiet for a few seconds, and then said, "Sometimes I think I'm going to wake up and this will all be a dream."
"I can assure you this is real. I'd hate to wake up and forget that I had a daughter." My voice was thick with emotion. "Anytime you want to talk about this, or anything else, I'm always available for you."
"Thanks, Dad."
My heart squeezed a little tighter every time she called me Dad. "We have to believe that everything happens for a reason. I got you, a new life with my family, and maybe even another chance with Addison."
Dakota grinned and shifted to face me. "You've got this, Dad. I believe in you."
I shook my head. "I'm supposed to be the one saying that to you."
"I can be there for you too." She waved a hand between us. "This is a two-way relationship."
I grinned at her characterization. "You're mature for your age, you know that?"
Dakota sobered. "Mom always said that too. I think it's because I was an only child, and Mom was doing it on her own."
My stomach twisted. I hated that they'd had to survive on their own. I would have been there for them, but I wasn't allowed. I'd never know the circumstances of that situation, and I didn't want to waste time being mad at my daughter's mother. It would accomplish nothing, and I didn't want Dakota to sense that I was upset with her mother. This wasn't about me.
We parked at Addison's house. "I'll get her. You can wait here if you want."
Dakota climbed into the second row of seats and put her headphones over her ears.
I wanted a few moments alone with Addison. I knocked on her door, nerves flitting through my stomach.
Addison opened the door wearing jeans, boots, and a thick sweater. "Let me grab my jacket."
I rocked back on my heels. "Thanks for coming with us."
"I've never cut down a tree before. I'm excited about this."
I grinned. That's something about Addison that I'd always adored. Everything was new and exciting. She had such a positive outlook. She wasn't jaded or negative. It was a catchy energy that I needed after my parents had died. "Dakota's waiting in the truck."
"Are you sure you don't mind me coming along? You don't want father-daughter time?"
"I'd love that too, but Dakota specifically requested that you join us," I said lightly as she tugged on her jacket and closed her door.
In the cab of the truck, Dakota pulled her headphones down long enough to say hello to Addison and request holiday music on the radio. Then she covered her ears again, presumably giving us a few minutes to talk.
I lowered my voice and threw a thumb over my shoulder in Dakota's direction. "Was the holiday music for her or for us?"
"I think it was for us. Is she trying to set a mood or something?" Addison asked.
I sighed. "She might be."
Addison groaned. "She shouldn't be involved in whatever this is."
"I enjoy talking to her about us, and she seems to be having fun. Can we go along with it? Make her think it's working?" I looked over at her and winked.
Addison laughed. "Why do I have a feeling this is as much for you as it is her?"
"I'm not afraid to do whatever it takes to convince you to give me another chance."
"About that," Addison began, and the nerves kicked into high gear again. "I want to give us a shot."
"Yeah?" I looked over at her, not quite trusting her words.
"I'm still nervous about getting hurt, but I like being around you. I always have."
I was hoping it was more than like, but it was too soon to name other emotions, and I was okay with that. For now.
"Thank you for giving me another chance. I won't let you down."
Addison sighed heavily. "Let's not make promises we can't keep. We'll see how this goes, and if one of us wants out, we agree to be upfront about it."
I wanted to argue with her and say that wouldn't happen, but I understood she didn't trust me. Not yet. "I can do that."
"Good."
It was the opening I'd been waiting for. She wasn't just pretending to go along with this as my friend. She was going to give us another chance. I just hoped I didn't screw it up this time.
I drove to a nearby Christmas tree farm, following the line of cars to the gate where I got a saw and a map. "Which field should we go to?"
Addison took the offered map and studied it. "There's a couple of fields near the pond that are open."
I parked on the side of the road next to the field she pointed to. "Are you ready to find a Christmas tree?"
I was pleased to see that Dakota took her headphones off and left them on the seat. We got out and walked through the rows of trees looking for the perfect one. Dakota and Addison were excited to find one, never having done this before, and I was content to follow behind them. We'd need two trees: one for our cabin and one for Addison.
When they decided on the perfect trees, we took turns taking photos in front of them, and then I cut each one down with their help.
I dragged the trees to the truck and threw them into the bed. Then we drove them to the machine that bonded the trees in netting for the ride home.
We needed to move the truck to the lot by the barn to pay for our trees. I held the tickets for both, having no intention of letting Addison pay for hers.
Thankfully, the girls meandered around the shop, so I was able to slip away and pay for both without an issue. When I found them again, they were standing near tables of small potted trees. "This is something my office is helping with. Giving the trees to kids in foster care who might not have one."
"Would you like to help us decorate the pots and put together the bags that go with it?" a volunteer asked.
"Can we?" Dakota asked, and I couldn't say no to her. "Of course. We don't have any plans today."
Dakota wanted to paint a pot, so Addison and I worked on packing the bags that would go with each tree.
"Your office will distribute these?" I asked Addison.
"That's right. It's a program we do every year."
"I wonder if there's some way the ski resort could be involved. I think we'd like to do something since social service helped Dakota in her situation.”
"I think that would be lovely. We have several businesses that donate money or offer scholarships to foster kids."
"We already have a scholarship program, and I’m sure we can add one for foster kids too. That shouldn't be a problem, but I think we'd like to do something more hands on. Would we be able to offer ski lessons and equipment, or is that too much?"
"That would be very generous. You don't have to do something that involved, but if you want to, the kids will love it."
"I want to do something to give back."
"We can work together on organizing it. Most businesses are more interested in their name being on a donor list then being hands on. I know it's because you have a personal connection, but it's nice to work with a business that wants to be involved."
"I've been gone for a while, but I know my cousins are interested in community outreach. They don't just want their name on something because they donated money."
"Kylie does a lot to raise money for various groups."
"Yeah, that's taken off in a way that no one expected. She doesn't work for the resort as much as she used to."
We worked for a while packing the bags with art supplies to paint the ornaments we'd also placed in the bags.
Addison lifted the ornament. "These are great. Kids will love them."
"I don't remember as much about my childhood when I lived with my parents."
Addison gave me a sympathetic look. "That's not uncommon when you've been through something traumatic."
"Who knows who I would have been, or what I would have done if my parents hadn't died in that crash? But I told Dakota everything happens for a reason."
"Sounds like you should follow your own advice."
I bumped her shoulder with mine. "I wouldn't have met you."
"That is a happy result. What else?" Addison prompted.
It was nice to think of the positive things that came out of their death and not everything I'd lost. "I enjoyed living with my cousins, even if I didn't always show it."
"They are pretty great. "
"The military straightened me out and gave me purpose. I'm more disciplined for the experience."
"And you got Dakota," Addison said softly.
"I hadn't thought of it like that." If I'd stayed with Addison, I might have a child with her, but who knows what our future would have been like? We might have broken up later for a different reason. "I wouldn't want to wish Dakota away. She's the best thing that ever happened to me."
"She's so lucky to have you," Addison said, and I let those words seep into my soul.