Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
CAROLINA
W hen I woke up, I found myself rereading my text exchange with Oliver. It was bittersweet. I told him what a nice time I'd had and that it was good to be home, because in a way it was. I needed to deal with my family and heal from my childhood issues before I could move on with someone else.
Oliver and Joey deserved to be with someone who was healed and whole. But I wasn't even sure Oliver wanted me. He hadn't said anything. There was nothing in our text exchange to indicate he wanted more than our few nights and days together.
The unknown was driving me crazy when I should have been focused on my family. It was weird being at the house with Ginny's room cleared out. I was somewhat used to her keys being absent from the hook by the door, her car not being in the driveway. But now, there was no sign of her. She'd taken everything that was hers, which included a couple of side tables in the living room and lamps.
It felt sad and lonely to be here without her. But what did I expect? That my sister would be my roommate forever, and we'd grow old together ?
I forced myself to get up, shower, and get dressed. Then I made myself coffee, and a snack before heading to the restaurant to meet my dad.
He was married now to one of his former students, not the one that he left my mom for but another one. I'd never met her officially, only seen her with him walking in town or at the grocery store. I always walked in the other direction when I saw them, and Dad knew not to approach me. So I wasn't expecting him to show up with his wife.
But I suppose I would have been okay with it. It was past time to move on and get over the way things went down. I realized I had some resentment toward my dad for what he left me to deal with.
When I walked into the small breakfast restaurant in town, Dad was already seated at a booth. He stood when I approached.
My heart was beating hard. "It's good to see you."
He waited for me to sit before he did the same.
"Can I get you anything to drink?" the waitress asked, taking the pressure off of me for a second.
"Coffee, please."
"Same," Dad said with his hands clasped on the table in front of him.
"Be right back with your drinks," the waitress said before stepping away to take the order at the table next to us.
"I wanted to thank you for reaching out."
I let out a breath. This was just as hard for him as it was for me. "I'm sorry I let so much time pass without talking to you."
"Ginny reached out sooner."
"I know. She told me." I'd rationalized it by thinking she was younger when it happened and didn't bear the brunt of the ramifications.
"I realize things were different for you two."
"I don't think you understand how it was for us. We hoped you were coming back, and when you didn't—" I shook my head, my eyes burning with unshed tears.
He dropped his head slightly. "I was clear with your mom on that. Especially when I realized she wanted to get back together."
"It was hard for her to accept that you weren't coming back."
"I'm sorry." When Dad lifted his gaze, I could see the regret shining through.
I let out a sigh. "I can hold onto this grudge, or I can let it go. It was starting to affect my relationship with everyone: Ginny, Mom, friends, potential boyfriends."
Dad winced. "I'm sorry for that. I acted selfishly back then, thinking that your mother and I weren't happy and that you could see that. It would be better if we weren't in the same house."
"Afterward, I had to pick up the pieces. Mom couldn't deal with the situation, and Ginny was still young. Too young to understand why you weren't there and why things weren't the same as they had been."
Dad reached out to touch my hand. "I'm sorry for all of it."
"Thank you for saying that." I just wanted to get it off my chest.
The waitress appeared again, and Dad pulled back.
I ordered a veggie omelet, and he ordered a stack of pancakes.
When she was gone, Dad said, "I want you to be happy, and I'd love to have a relationship with you and your sister, but I understand if it's not possible or it takes time."
"It was time to reach out and clear the air. Can we just see where it goes from here?" I wasn't ready to make any promises.
Dad nodded. "I'd like that. "
"And if you're still with Juneau, can I meet her?" I asked as I added creamer to my coffee.
Dad nodded. "She would love that."
"I've held onto this grudge for too long." I felt the ever-present tightness in my chest easing.
"You were just a kid when I left. You did the best you could."
"I'm afraid I've turned myself off to finding love. I can't trust anyone to stay."
Dad winced. "It's good you recognize that. But I hate that I was the reason for it."
"You did something that hurt me, but how I react to it is on me. I'm an adult now, and I'd like to be different."
Dad's brow furrowed. "Have you met someone? Is that what brought this on?"
I nodded. "Yes, actually. But I don't know that we can move forward."
"Because of your trust issues?"
"I haven't told him how I feel." I couldn't believe I was talking to my father, of all people, about relationships.
Dad tipped his head. "Don't you think he deserves to know?"
"It wasn't the right time. He has a little boy. I didn't know when we started seeing each other. It wasn't supposed to be anything serious. I saw him whenever I was in town."
"He lives in?—"
"Colorado. But this last time, we got snowed in together, and I met his son. I think he was protecting him, and I didn't mind that he hadn't told me about Joey. But I loved getting to know them as a family. It made me want more out of life." More than a fling I saw a few times a year. I just wasn't sure if he felt the same way.
"How did you leave it?"
"We told each other to have a good Christmas. We didn't really talk about it. "
Dad cringed. "That's not good."
"Right? And I don't know what to do about it now. He has family coming into town. He'll be busy. And I'm here."
"It's up to you, but I'd want to tell the person how I felt. I guess you have to figure out the best time to do that."
"Before Christmas? After?" Was there a right answer.
"Only you'll know the answer to that."
Our food arrived, and we dug in. I felt closer to my dad than I had my entire life. I wasn't a daddy's girl even before he left. He worked a lot, but he was a presence we counted on, and when he left, it destroyed us. But now I could see that was just a shock. That life moved on, and I would be fine.
"What are your plans for tonight?"
Dad chewed his pancake and sipped his coffee. "We're going to spend it with Juneau's family. They live in town too."
"That sounds nice." I was glad my dad had new traditions.
He buttered his toast. “What about you?"
"I'm not sure yet. Ginny and Mom both have boyfriends now."
Dad raised a brow. "Good for Sally."
I smiled. "I thought so too. I want her to be happy. I might see if I can volunteer somewhere tonight." I wanted to make a difference, and if my family didn't need me, then I wanted to do something.
"You have such a big heart."
"Thanks, Dad." It was nice hearing him say that.
"How's the business going? Ginny always talks about it."
"It's great. I think I can hire a few employees this year so I don't have to do all the work. I can organize things from wherever I live and then have someone else be physically present for the conference itself." That was going to take a lot of trust. Trust I didn't have only a few months ago. I'd carefully vet the person and then go with them a few times before I let them take over completely. It had to be a good fit, but I was confident I'd find the right person. One who'd support me .
"That's amazing."
It felt good to share my life with him. "This was nice. We should do it again sometime."
"Maybe I can see you and Ginny together," Dad suggested quietly.
I beamed. "I don't see why not."
Ginny had begged me over the years to go with her to see Dad. That he wasn't the bad person I thought he was, and I finally saw that. He had made a decision, and the way we’d handled it made everything worse.
I reached across to hold his hand. "Thanks for meeting with me. I'm so glad we did this."
"Me too," Dad said gruffly.
He'd been in pain this whole time too. It was time for both of us to let go and be happy. "Thanks for listening to me ramble on about my love life, or lack thereof."
"Hey, if he doesn't see how amazing you are, then he doesn't deserve you."
It felt good to hear my father say that, to believe that it was true. "I have to tell him how I feel first."
"That's my girl."
I hadn't heard him say that in a long time. I was sorry for so many things. But I could live my life with regret or move on and do better from here on out. I was consciously choosing the second option.
We finished eating, and I let Dad get the check. We had a lot of missed visits to make up for, and I wanted him to feel like he was my dad again. If that meant getting my meals when we met up, then so be it.
Outside the restaurant, I bundled up in my jacket.
Dad blew out a breath, his eyes suspiciously shiny. "This is the best Christmas I've had in forever."
I hugged him tight, enjoying the feeling of being close to him again. "To many more."
"Merry Christmas, Carolina. "
"Merry Christmas, Dad." With a smile, we went our separate ways, and I felt lighter than I had in a long time.
I couldn't wait to share the news with Oliver. When I signed into my phone, I saw a message from him.
Oliver: How did it go with your dad?
Carolina: Great! I wished I'd done it sooner.
But would I have been ready to hear what he had to say? Probably not.
My phone rang as I got into my freezing car. I turned it on before hitting Accept.
"I’m so happy for you." Oliver's voice filled my car.
"Thank you. I'm proud of myself for letting the past go. We're going to do it again, and I told him to bring his wife, Juneau, next time."
"Amazing. This is the best news."
I watched people rush by on the sidewalk, holding bags. "Thank you, Oliver. I don't know if I would have done it if I hadn't met you."
"I don't think I had anything to do with it. It was all you."
"I realized that my past was holding me back, and I don't want that anymore. Ginny and my mom are moving forward, and I want to as well."
"I'm proud of you."
"Daddy! Are you coming?" I heard Joey's muffled voice.
It sounded like Oliver covered the speaker on his phone. "We're going to the airport to pick up my parents."
I sighed. "I'll let you go. Have a great time with your family."
“Merry Christmas Eve, Caro."
"You too," I said as he hung up, and the tears filled my eyes. It was hard to let him go, but for now, it was the right thing to do. I needed to prove to myself that I could make it through this holiday on my own.
My sister and mom made other plans with their significant others tonight, so I called one of the local churches to see if I could volunteer serving a meal to the needy. It wasn't the Christmas Eve I was used to, but I enjoyed serving people and making conversation about the holidays. Despite their circumstances, most people seemed upbeat and excited about the holiday.
It gave me hope. I didn't have to do the same thing every Christmas with my family; I could make new traditions.
When Ginny texted to ask how I was doing, I sent her a picture of me serving food. Then I was busy for a couple of hours on my feet. I didn't get a break until dinner was served and the food gone. I volunteered to stay longer to clean the dishes.
By the time I was done, my feet and back ached, but it was worth it. I drove home and fell into bed exhausted. I wasn't sure what this next year had in store for me. But I had a sense that I'd like to do more volunteering, maybe even donate some of my business income to a worthy charity in the future. I had a renewed sense of purpose, and I didn't feel as lonely.
I'd gotten through the first major day of the holiday and felt better for it. Right before I fell asleep, I remembered that Oliver was probably spending time with his huge family and enjoying every minute of it.
More than anything, I wanted him to be happy. His life was full. I just had to make more connections in my life. Tomorrow, I'd think about where I wanted to live and what I wanted to do with my free time.