CHAPTER 2
FLETCHER
As I pet Buttercup, I can’t help but smile at the gentle, sweeter than pie horse. She’s been with us for so long and takes being the mother hen of the barn very seriously. If it weren’t for her, the foals would be running around here with no manners and worse dispositions. She keeps everyone in line and teaches new mares how to be the best moms they can be.
“You’re a sweet girl,” I coo at Buttercup who snorts and eyes me like I’ve spoken an obvious truth.
I chuckle because she’s not wrong. Still, I like to tell all my horses how good they are. There might be people out there who only look at horses as beasts, as workers, but I know they’re so much more. They have fierce spirits, ones you can break or bolster.
I’ve always preferred to lift up their individual personalities and allow them the room to shine and be who they are. It’s seemed to work out just fine for me. The horses on the ranch respect me, even if a few of them like to push my buttons and their boundaries from time to time.
With a final look around the barn, making sure all the horses are cared for and have extra hay, which is essential for winter in Montana, I nod in approval. The horses are happy.
Limitless Ranch is thriving and what I’ve helped to keep going and strengthen is a source of pride for me. How could it not be? I’ve put everything I am into this land, into these horses, and into keeping the legacy of Limitless alive.
It’s the only thing I’ve been doing for the last thirteen years. Longer really, but thirteen years ago I let the only woman I’ve ever loved go and put all of my effort into the ranch. It was a way to distract myself from the pain, from missing Eden with every part of me. It took a great deal of effort not to resent the hell out of Limitless back then because the responsibility of the ranch was a burden I had to bear from an early age, one which kept me from following Eden wherever her dreams took her.
There was no way for me to be with Eden and I knew her dreams were bigger than Wintervale. When I encouraged her to go to art school, I knew the distance between us would cause a strain on our relationship; I thought we were strong enough to endure it. What I didn’t realize was how the distance would feel insurmountable at times. I didn’t know she would outgrow me and our love.
Maybe she didn’t. Maybe those were just the insecurities of a 20-year-old guy who didn’t know any better. But the last time I went to visit her, I could see the writing on the wall and the way the love we shared was frayed beyond repair.
I had to set her free because I wanted her to soar. The fear of her feeling like I was holding her back and that turning into resentment felt like the hounds of hell nipping at my heels. As difficult as it was to break it off with Eden and walk away, it was the right thing to do.
At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself for the last 13 years. I can only hope she’s thriving. While I could find out how she’s been doing, I don’t feel the need to twist the knife in my chest in the other direction.
I head out of the barn and toward the main house, the same house I grew up in, because that’s where my brothers should be, and Noel is cooking tonight. Sure, I could head over to the house I built on the property for myself, but you don’t miss a meal when it’s Noel’s night to cook.
Noel spent the most time in the kitchen with mom before our parents handed the ranch over to me, bought their RV and took out to explore after putting so much of their lives into Limitless. He only became more interested in cooking when he returned after serving in the military. I think he was over not being able to control what he ate when he was deployed.
I’m not complaining about it, even if he can be a food snob, because he’s always trying new things and cooking delicious food. What’s there to complain about? If it could be his night to cook every day, I’d be more than happy about it.
When I step inside, I’m assaulted by something that smells fucking delicious. My mouth waters and I’m not even a little bit ashamed of it. Whatever Noel is making is garlicy with a hint of spice. It calls to me from the kitchen.
The house still looks exactly the same as it always has. It makes me feel nostalgic for a time that we’ll never get back. Our home was always filled with laughter and love growing up. It does feel a little emptier now with our parents not here, but there’s still a residual warmth left from them stopping by for Christmas.
They didn’t stay long though. They rolled out in the RV on the first day of the year, intent on beating the snow coming our way. It’s strange not to have them in the house, even though it’s been that way for years now.
I’ll always think of this place as their house which is why I decided to build my own on the property. As much as I love my brothers, and the ranch, I needed a place that’s just my own.
Huxley, the youngest Burns sibling, even younger than our sister Carson who is currently in Denver, is hovering near the stove. He should know better than to tempt Noel to smack him with the spoon he’s currently using to stir dinner. But, then again, Huxley likes to annoy the fuck out of everyone.
It’s part of his charm. At least it’s what he keeps trying to convince everyone of.
Stepping into the kitchen, I let Huxley know, “I’ve checked on the horses. They’re good for the night.”
“Thanks, Fletch,” he grins at me, “I was going to go out after dinner because it smelled so damn good in here and I couldn’t leave.”
“Like I wouldn’t feed you or something,” Noel grumbles and rolls his eyes.
“I would hope not,” Huxley jokes, not at all deterred by the way Noel is eyeing him. He pats his stomach and grins from ear to ear. “I’m a growing boy.”
“If you grow any more, you won’t be able to do your job,” Noel deadpans.
Huxley just smirks, not taking the bait at all. It’s better that he doesn’t. Huxley is probably the fittest of us all because while I’m more than willing to step in and help with the labor on the ranch, the majority of my time is spent dealing with the business side of things and building the breeding program.
Huxley is out in the barn every day with the horses. He keeps in shape by hauling hay bales and fixing any and everything required around the farm. He would have been out there in the barn to take care of the horses, but I wanted to check in on them and make sure everyone was doing okay.
Honestly, I can’t go more than a few days without seeing Buttercup. She’s the sweetest horse and, once upon a time, I considered her to be Eden’s horse. When I’m with Buttercup, I know I’m not alone in missing our girl.
Huxley wiggles his eyebrows and leers in our brother’s direction. “You know I’m the best-looking Burns brother. I get you want to tear me down to build yourself up, but it’s not an attractive quality, Noel,” he admonishes without any real heat behind it.
I snort out a laugh and shake my head because our youngest brother is ridiculous. He’s the comic relief around here, which we desperately need on occasion. Living and running Limitless can feel thankless and impossible as fuck sometimes. Having Huxley around to remind us not to take everything so seriously does us good.
At least, when we don’t want to chase him down and beat the hell out of him. He might be the clown amongst us, without a single malicious bone in his body, but he doesn’t always know when to stop. When he was a teenager, he started a prank war where our dad was caught in the crossfire ending with him shaving his head. I suppose he didn’t have to shave his head, but the pink hair he was sporting, which was meant for me, wasn’t a look Dad wanted to have for longer than it took him to grab the clippers.
Mom had told Huxley to stop before the pink dye incident. Clearly, he didn’t listen. I don’t think I had ever seen dad so pissed off. That’s when Huxley was first given the responsibility of taking care of the horses completely. It’s not like he was unsupervised, but the physical work and the weight of being responsible for the horses ended up being the best thing for him.
Not only did I help him get rid of energy even the sports he played couldn’t touch, but he also found a purpose on the ranch. Up until then he was just the baby of the family. Sure, he had chores, but it’s different when the weight of responsibility is put on your shoulders.
Huxley was always good with the horses. While he loved riding them, being in charge of their wellbeing made him step up in a way which he still takes seriously today.
“Best looking my ass,” Noel grunts and starts to plate up dinner.
Huxley’s voice is an annoying singsong, “You know it’s true. All the ladies think so.”
I can only shake my head because he’s not wrong. Out of the three of us, Huxley has been the most…generous when it comes to his affection. The truth of the matter is he’s a little bit of a manwhore.
The one thing he doesn’t do is string women along. He’s never been interested in a relationship, nothing beyond a night or two of fun, and he’s upfront about it. I’ve never been able to figure out why he’s so opposed to settling down, but that’s just the way he is.
When my chest starts to ache, I rub the spot right over where my heart beats. It’s a feeling I get whenever I think about settling down. There has only been one woman in my life who made me think about the future. But she’s gone and I don’t think she’s ever coming back.
None of the women I’ve dated in the last 13 years made the longing ache fade. It probably wasn’t fair to them to even try. The truth is that I gave my heart away at 14, when I saw Eden as more than my best friend and neighbor for the first time.
I was so fucking sunk that day. It was the summer before we started high school. Even knowing everyone in our class, both of us having grown up in Wintervale our entire lives, it felt like a big change was right around the corner. It made me twitchy as fuck and I didn’t like it.
I’ve never done well with feeling unsettled. Back then, Eden was the only person who could reach me when I was spiraling. She pulled me back. She grounded me.
Now I’m just better at hiding when I’m internally spinning out. Because I don’t have Eden to stop me from going over the edge into the abyss.
That summer, I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was the way she had begun filling out the one-piece bathing suit she was wearing at the small lake on Limitless’ land where we spent so many spring and summer days. Maybe it was the way the sun was shining down on her and illuminating the natural highlights in her caramel brown hair. Maybe it was the way I knew I was safe with her because we had grown up together and didn’t have secrets from each other, even the embarrassing ones.
I won’t lie and say I didn’t find any girls cute or attractive, but that was more in passing. It wasn’t like the feeling that slammed into me that summer day all those years ago. My mouth went dry as I looked at Eden and my dick stirred in a way I was still trying to come to terms with. She was so damn beautiful, and I desperately wanted to touch her soft skin.
“Eden,” I choked out and when she turned toward me, her hair slicked back and wet from the lake, the smile that tipped her lips up was pure fucking sunshine. I don’t know what she saw on my face, but she cocked her head to the side like she was studying me. “Come here,” I demanded.
She didn’t hesitate and with every step she took closer to me, my heart pounded against the inside of my chest harder. If I would have been able to think about anything other than how damn good she looked, I would have wondered if I was having a heart attack at 14. I wasn’t. I was just being taken over by something I never expected—I was discovering the other half of my soul. Right in front of me.
And far too early.
That was the first time I kissed Eden. For a split second I was afraid she was going to deck me, but I shouldn’t have been worried. Her eyes sparkled and she bit her lip, making her look even more adorable than she already looked. Then she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me .
I gave my heart to Eden that day, knowing I’d never want it back. Knowing it was always supposed to be hers.
Then six years later I had to shred my own heart apart, because the distance between us was going to destroy everything we loved about each other and the sweet memories of how we fell in love. Eden would have kept trying, she would have kept working at our relationship while giving up the experiences she should have been having at school. She would have resented me and us.
I couldn’t let it happen. So, I set her free. Even though it killed me. Even though I still haven’t recovered.
There’s no doubt in my mind—I never will.
While I could fake it, I’m not very good at it. I’ve tried and failed, spectacularly. I’d rather just keep my head down and work my ass off for Limitless.
It’s the ranch which ensured I’d never be able to follow Eden wherever her path took her. I can’t find it in me to resent it though, even if I probably should. Wintervale and Limitless is where I belong. Eden was always meant for more.
“Fletch,” Noel’s voice pulls me from my memories. I’ve been lost in them more and more recently and I don’t know why.
It feels like something is right on the horizon, but still out of sight. It makes no damn sense.
I shake my head and let out a huff as I sit at the table where my brothers are waiting for me. I look down at my plate and even though my mouth was watering moments ago and it smells delicious, dinner isn’t nearly as appealing with the ghosts of Eden enveloping me.
“You good?” Huxley is eyeing me like I’m a ticking time bomb.
I’m not sure how far off he is, honestly. Maybe not far at all.
“Of course,” I grunt and start to eat.
When my brothers don’t join in right away, I look up between them, hoping they’re going to let this drop. They share a long, weighted look, but then start to dig into the food. I almost sigh in relief when they don’t try and grill me.
I’m sure they know exactly what has gotten me in a funk, one not even Buttercup could help me out of.
When we’re almost done eating, the silence around us has become more relaxed as the ghost of the only woman I have ever loved burns away like fog in the morning. My shoulders relax and I start to enjoy the food Noel has cooked.
“This is really good,” I mumble and look at my brother out of the corner of my eye. “Thanks for cooking.”
Noel shrugs one shoulder, but I can see the smile he’s trying to hide. He became a lot more serious and closed off after joining the military. It’s something I don’t know how to help him with, which makes me feel useless as fuck. I think the horses have helped, probably more than he’s willing to admit.
What I don’t like is how he seems to be struggling to find his place at Limitless. He needs a purpose, a reason to get up every morning, and it can’t just be cooking for us when it’s his night.
Noel clears his throat and my stomach clenches as my mind races with all the worst-case scenarios. “I wanted to talk to you about something, Fletch,” his voice is level, but I can hear a hint of nervousness underneath.
“You’re not leaving Limitless,” my voice is hard, needing to cut off any of the bullshit he’s getting ready to spew.
Noel blinks at me a few times before he starts to speak, his words slow and measured, “I’m not going anywhere.” I nod once, not wanting to acknowledge how relieved his words make me feel.He takes a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “You know I haven’t been the same since I came back,” he snorts and shakes his head, “before then really.”
“You know we’re here for you if you want to talk about it,” Huxley’s voice is soft and serious, something I’m not used to hearing from our youngest brother.
“The horses have helped,” Noel keeps talking like our brother didn’t offer him a lifeline, even though the small smile he shoots at Huxley is an acknowledgement and thanks in one. “I’ve been doing some research on equine therapy, and I’d like to bring someone in who can help us start a program here.”
I sit back in my chair and stare at my younger brother. We were close growing up and often banded together to protect Carson and Huxley since they were the youngest. I hate the shadows I see in Noel’s eyes. I hate that I wasn’t there at his side when he needed me the most.
“If you think it would be good for the ranch, I know the horses would probably thrive with that kind of task. We have some good souls on the ranch right now. If they can help people, I’m in,” I tell my brother while looking into his eyes to show him how sincere I am.
One side of his mouth tips up in a half smile and he nods. Something warms in my chest at the thought of Noel finding his purpose at Limitless. I should probably be asking questions about whether it’ll be profitable for the ranch, but I don’t give a shit about that. Our breeding program makes us a lot of money and we can afford to take a risk like this.
This is why I’ve never allowed myself to resent Limitless when it would have been so easy to do so. I chose this life; I might as well embrace it.